Dawn: Voice of bearlee

[MaverickMan]

This lawyer joke has probably been around before but since Bear is the original subject of the joke I thought I would share it.

SOUTHERN GRANDMA!


Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question if they
aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town
prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly

woman to the stand.

He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams I've known you

since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big
disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate
people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big
shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to
anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed
across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense
attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he
was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking
problem.
He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law
practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he
cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your
wife. Yes, I know him."


The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both counselors to

approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you
bastards asks her if she knows me, I'll throw your sorry asses in jail
for contempt."

 

[bearlee]

This lawyer joke has probably been around before but since Bear is the original subject of the joke I thought I would share it.

SOUTHERN GRANDMA!


Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question if they
aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town
prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly

woman to the stand.

He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams I've known you

since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big
disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate
people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big
shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to
anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed
across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense
attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he
was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking
problem.
He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law
practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he
cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your
wife. Yes, I know him."


The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both counselors to

approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you
bastards asks her if she knows me, I'll throw your sorry asses in jail
for contempt."

You know, it probably has been around for a long time but I just saw it for the first time about a week ago-cute!

Here's some cool poems Flash sent me-there's one in bold type that reminds me...

Poem #1
I like your style
I like your class
but most of all I like your ass

Poem #2
Im a cool girl, in a cool town
it takes a real mother fucker to put me down

Poem #3
Kissing is a habit
Fucking is a game
Guys get all the pleasure
Girls get all the pain
The guy says I love you
You believe its true
But when your tummy starts to swell,
He says 'to hell with you'
10 minutes of pleasure
9 months in pain
3 days in hospital
A baby without a name
The baby is a bastard
The mother is a whore
This never wouldn't have happened
If the rubber wouldn't have torn

Poem #4
Guys are like roses,
Watch out for the pricks.

Poem #5
Smoke a smoke
Not a butt
Fuck a virgin
Not a slut.

Poem #6
Sex is bad
Sex is a sin
Sins are forgiven
So stick it in.

Poem #7
Holy mother, full of grace
Bless my boyfriend's gorgeous face
Bless his hair that tends to curl
Keep him safe from all the girls
Bless his arms that are so strong
Keep his hands where they belong
Bless his dick, the one I sucked
Bless the bed, in which we fucked
And if my Mom happened to walk in
Bless the shit I'd be in.

Poem #8
Sex is when a guys communication
Enters a girls information
To increase the population
For a younger generation
Do you get the information...
Or do you need a demonstration

Poem #9
Men are like public toilets
They are either engaged or full of shit!

Poem #10
If guys had they periods
They would compare the size of their tampons!
Poem #11
Mental anxiety,
Mental breakdowns,
Menstrual cramps,
Menopause...
Did you ever notice how all our problems begin with men!

Poem #12
Roses are red,
Violets are corny,
When I think of you
Ohh baby I get horny,
Eat me,
Beat me,
Bite me,
Blow me,
Suck me,
Fuck me,
Very slowly,
If you kiss me,
Dont be sassy,
Use your tongue and make it nasty!

Poem #13
Roses are red, violets are blue,
I'm in love but not with you,
When we broke up you thought I cried,
But all it was,
Was another guy,
You told your friends that I was a trick,
I told mine that you had a weak dick,
I said I loved you,
And you thought it was true,
But guess what baby,
You got played too!

Poem #14
Guys are like parking spots...
The good ones are always taken...
And the ones that are available,
Are either handicapped or too far away!


...of those all those guys that are insecure about penis size like Tom, laaag, Art, and SG to name just 4. I had weenie and DijiT but there names speaks for themselves. Dicks are fun

 

[bearlee]

For anyone interested!

Dawn's latest audio finally came out after it sat for almost 3 months while the site did whatever it did. I haven't listened to it on the site yet but the feedback I've received would indicate that at least the sound quality is pretty good. It's one of those trues stories and now she can finally do some more. Sorry Syb, like to keep things in order-it's an anal thing with me

COCK KISSES FROM DAWN 05

By the way Ran, just for you, be watching for my four illustrated Haikus-I'm sure they'll be out soon

 

[sybilrose]

Dawn's latest audio finally came out after it sat for almost 3 months while the site did whatever it did. I haven't listened to it on the site yet but the feedback I've received would indicate that at least the sound quality is pretty good. It's one of those trues stories and now she can finally do some more. Sorry Syb, like to keep things in order-it's an anal thing with me

COCK KISSES FROM DAWN 05

By the way Ran, just for you, be watching for my four illustrated Haikus-I'm sure they'll be out soon

Thats ok Bear if I had your Password I would have tried like hell to get your anus in order but I didnt so I guess its good that you did!

 

[ShavedGuy]

Sure, get Lee all worked up and then go to bed.

what do you mean worked up???? I thought that was Dawn's job

 

[ShavedGuy]

I don't know, did your veterinarian prescribe it!



While you're going through dictionaries, you should know robust means stout which means fat-so you have fat thighs-like anyone except laaag cares

Yeah he did, i have more faith in a veterinarian that i do in some doctors Plus this vet happens to be a drop dead gorgeous sexy woman


Well i couldnt think of anything else that went with HRT.....i was too lazy to google

 

[Weenieschnitzel]

Have Sir Thomas come up with one for you-I'm pretty busy-I have a hearing tomorrow.

u will survice, but who is Sir Thomas?

but who cares I have here some tons of paper about Contract Law: Wanna share??

 

[JPaul2]

u will survice, but who is Sir Thomas?

but who cares I have here some tons of paper about Contract Law: Wanna share??

I believe Sir Thomas is our Floridian. Tommy.

 

[Weenieschnitzel]

I believe Sir Thomas is our Floridian. Tommy.

omg!!!

u r teasing me?

 

[bodthemod]

I believe Sir Thomas is our Floridian. Tommy.

You know... now he is knighted, in theory, he could actually sit in our "House of Lords"

Not that they would lets him in though... think they have a thing about Swamp-Monsters coming in and trailing their slime all over the carpets

 

[TomOne]

You know... now he is knighted, in theory, he could actually sit in our "House of Lords"

Not that they would lets him in though... think they have a thing about Swamp-Monsters coming in and trailing their slime all over the carpets

I've consulted with ran on this issue and according to her, the Swamp-Monster you're talking about would appear to be a reference to my penis and it's notable girth and stature, which would then lead one to believe that the slime you're talking about is actually a mixture of sperm and semen. Furthermore, she kindly requested that I not bother with taking my penis to your silly House of Lords but instead just keep safe and in-tact in my own warm sunny tropical Florida House of A Stupendously Big and Amazingly Inviting Penis, as she so affectionately has named it!

 

[Galene]

I've consulted with ran on this issue and according to her, the Swamp-Monster you're talking about would appear to be a reference to my penis and it's notable girth and stature, which would then lead one to believe that the slime you're talking about is actually a mixture of sperm and semen. Furthermore, she kindly requested that I not bother with taking my penis to your silly House of Lords but instead just keep safe and in-tact in my own warm sunny tropical Florida House of A Stupendously Big and Amazingly Inviting Penis, as she so affectionately has named it!

you're such a bagpipe

 

[TomOne]

you're such a bagpipe

Which you like better ... the bags ... or the pipe?!?!?



btw - your likely to get bod all hot and bothered callin' me a damned bagpipe woman!

 

[sybilrose]

Which you like better ... the bags ... or the pipe?!?!?



btw - your likely to get bod all hot and bothered callin' me a damned bagpipe woman!

She can take the bags Ill take the pipe then we could switch. We better call housekeeping before The Bear gets back though

 

[bodthemod]

I've consulted with ran on this issue and according to her, the Swamp-Monster you're talking about would appear to be a reference to my penis and it's notable girth and stature, which would then lead one to believe that the slime you're talking about is actually a mixture of sperm and semen. Furthermore, she kindly requested that I not bother with taking my penis to your silly House of Lords but instead just keep safe and in-tact in my own warm sunny tropical Florida House of A Stupendously Big and Amazingly Inviting Penis, as she so affectionately has named it!

Dream on Sonny

you're such a bagpipe

Swampy is more like an old Wind-Bag !!!

Which you like better ... the bags ... or the pipe?!?!?



btw - your likely to get bod all hot and bothered callin' me a damned bagpipe woman!

Bagpipes have the exact opposite effect... they leave me cold and angry... from the vile assault on my ears

 

[Galene]

She can take the bags Ill take the pipe then we could switch. We better call housekeeping before The Bear gets back though

why, does Bear lust after the maid?

 

[sybilrose]

why, does Bear lust after the maid?

Ummm I will ask him that the next time I see him.
I am afraid he might have been sent to the funny farm
after watching American Idol
Has anyone seen him since then?

 

[Galene]

Ummm I will ask him that the next time I see him.
I am afraid he might have been sent to the funny farm
after watching American Idol
Has anyone seen him since then?

I think he's gone underground, terrified by my scary nipples

Where the heck is Dawn?? I miss her

 

[TomOne]

She can take the bags Ill take the pipe then we could switch. We better call housekeeping before The Bear gets back though

Guess I better be washin' the bags and the pipe if there going to be getting that much attention!



Or was that what you were calling housekeeping for?!?

Bagpipes have the exact opposite effect... they leave me cold and angry... from the vile assault on my ears

It appears to me that with your political leadership over there, you spend most of your time cold and angry anyway, so what's the diff?!?



'spose you could tolerate that screechy bagpipe sound if it was concurrent with a deepthroating from prudence?!?

Ummm I will ask him that the next time I see him.
I am afraid he might have been sent to the funny farm
after watching American Idol
Has anyone seen him since then?

I'm thinkin' he got a boner over that last guy that made it from Chicago that did all the barefoot jumpin' around ... and now he's off searching the windy city streets lookin' for his next conquest!

 

[bodthemod]

It appears to me that with your political leadership over there, you spend most of your time cold and angry anyway, so what's the diff?!?

"political leadership "... you reckon we have some form of political leadership ovr here right now... boyyyyyyyyyy are you sooooooo wrong !!!

'spose you could tolerate that screechy bagpipe sound if it was concurrent with a deepthroating from prudence?!?

Only if she was sitting on my face at the time... her thighs covering my ears !!!

Otherwise it might just distract me and I would have to get up and either punch the bastard playing it and stab holes in his bagpipe... or vice-versa !!!

 

[bearlee]

Ummm I will ask him that the next time I see him.
I am afraid he might have been sent to the funny farm
after watching American Idol
Has anyone seen him since then?

I'm in the Quarterhorse Capital of the world I think

I think he's gone underground, terrified by my scary nipples

Where the heck is Dawn?? I miss her

She's working again today from 7 to 7 and she gets frustrated trying to use the computer at home because it's so slow

Anybody see American Idol last night-I missed it

 

[bearlee]

why, does Bear lust after the maid?

I don't In fact, after 14 marriages, in an effort to salvage this one, I've signed up for courses-this in addition to work is a pain in the ass but worth, but look at this caseload:


Subject: Fw: CLASSES FOR MEN
Date: Tue, 10 Jan 2006

WINTER CLASSES FOR MEN AT
THE LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY Monday, Jan. 16, 2006

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.


Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide
Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and
Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor ---
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM

Class 6
Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places
And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum .
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing .
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
I'll probably skip this class every Tuesday for the next few months-the maid offered to role pay with me on those nights.

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and
Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14
The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

 

[TomOne]

......
Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

 

[bodthemod]

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

Is the obilgatory castration and penis removal also included in with the cost of the course ???

Not that this would concern Tommy !!!

 

[bearlee]

Is the obilgatory castration and penis removal also included in with the cost of the course ???

Not that this would concern Tommy !!!

Goes without saying on both counts!