dating standards

[lovechild27]

Never said I wouldnt date guys who didnt go to college...I have dated many...some for a very long time.

My preference is college educated. Thats all.

Just like I usually like tall men, and my guy now is only 5'5. Did i shoot him down cuz i didnt like how tall he was? nope...hes a wonderful guy!

 

[lost5pints]

my 2 cents

well heres my input. Being in the military I see all sorts from all degrees of education and ambition and can tell you that im not impressed by both on the whole. I work in a very small community in the navy and thus work very closely with officers in my day to day job when im at sea. Unfortunatly most of the collage educated officers with the exception of pilots have a hard time thinking their way out of a wet paper bag. As far as ambition well in my experience it makes very bad bedfellows with any job that requires cooperation and teamwork. In an individual or competitive field i can see it as a benifit but for the most part the ambitios step on and degrade their fellows to make themselves look better. Also like pinkorchid stated they tend to put everything on the back burner to there ambitions or treat everything as a step/conquest twords there objectives. Ill take a good keen intelligent person with clear cut(realistic) goals.

 

[Wantonica]

Happiness Rules!

Never said I wouldnt date guys who didnt go to college...I have dated many...some for a very long time.

My preference is college educated. Thats all.

Just like I usually like tall men, and my guy now is only 5'5. Did i shoot him down cuz i didnt like how tall he was? nope...hes a wonderful guy!

Many? For a long time? At your age?

When I first presented this subject (college education is questionary as a dating standard) to the thread, my reason for that response was not brought on by you... however, you chose to post back and be intimidated, and also sharing of yourself, based on my input.

Since that moment, you have been highly defensive, even with the intelligent and very wise (they seem the same, but are not quite so) responses you have recieved. I have been nothing but pleasant to you, even with the bits of my sarcastic (IMHO) wisdom interjected... a few others are trying to help you as well. We care, or would not waste the time.

For the rest of you... I am pleased to be in the company of so many wonderful people. In this forum, I'm able to communicate my thoughts freely, and in addition can pretend that I really am that "genius of a little girl who has fallen by the wayside..."

WOW... that girl sold those five houses she owned... the ones paid for with emotions rather than tangibles (do you believe that?); she now has a business with a seven (!!) figure annual revenue. Pooh, and didn't even finish high school. Her soulmate? He got sick of school and started his business at the age of 15. He can figure complex mathematical equations in a second. That is necessary in the skilled trades. Did you ever wonder why plumbers make more an hour than you?

(No, my man is not a plumber, but a specialized contractor in another field.) In my self-taught field, I rub elbows with a number of excellent skilled tradesmen. Champagne breakfasts at the Country Club provide great leads as well. Only a few of the ones around my parent's age know that I was a drug dealer years ago.

I am impressed with so many of you. None of us would be here without artistic spirits and talents.

Lovely nights,
Lascivious Wanton

 

[lovechild27]

hmmm...I dont remember asking for help.

And people do tend to become defensive when they are feeling ganged up on.

You all seemed to be so put off by liking an educated man. Never did I imply I would not date someone who didnt have a secondary education.

I am 22....most people in their 20's date a lot. Maybe you didnt. I do.

I think your being a smite rude and obnoxious. Never did I put anyone elses opinions down...


As open minded as this place is supposed to be...it can become very unhospitable...and I am definately not the only one who thinks so.

 

[Wantonica]

hmmm...I dont remember asking for help.
As open minded as this place is supposed to be...it can become very unhospitable...and I am definately not the only one who thinks so.

As soon as you post, you are subject to opinions. It is great when you get help you didn't even ask for. I'm sorry you don't find us hospitable... I wish you happy days regardless.

Smiles,
Lascivious

 

[Guest]

So when a man says he doesn't want a woman with kids, it tells me he's looking to be the sole center of attention of a woman's life. Good luck, guys who do that, cause you will need it!

I disagree. It also has to do with money and emotional attachment. There are also other reasons i believe. I myself would date a woman with kids becuse i could not support everyone. I can't speak for every man,but saying that there reason is for the one stated above is very close minded. Unless you decided not to go into it rather deeply. Its funny how when people assume how quickly they get into trouble.

hmmm...I dont remember asking for help.

Then why post lovechild. If you didn't want to get other input on this subject you should have stayed away. What i am saying is that there helping, being through personal experences are to further your own education. Now by you saying that they are "ganging up" on you defeats the purpose of this thread. Because if you where as "open minded" as you say you are. Then you would feel attacked, and you would have taken there opinions as opinions. I think partly you saw that is because you came off just saying that you are only interested in dating college lvl men. That people that do not have a college eduacation is below you. Thats what you gave off to the other people. Now of course there only response is going to be to tell you that there are other men out there who do not have that college experence that you are looking for. You "assume" that every guy in college has this ambition. Will father whould fail at those words. So right there you are wrong. He is just one person of many who would fit that bill. You say your an open minded person,but you your not showing very well. Ambition isn't everything, you can have ambition to be a drunk or a crack head. Ambition, desire, etc are very dangerous words, i suggest learning and being more careful on how you use them.
Lasty just because you are in college doesn't make you intelligent.

Again you assume way to much, but a lot of people do that.

HEHE debating can be so fun sometimes. Thank you for your time.

 

[lovechild27]

I do believe the whole topic of convo was...what you look for in a person...not...please help me change my ideal.


I open myself up yes...just like others do to my reply.

 

[Guest]

Yes i agree, and then the conversation will grow to other things. It happens with every thread. You just happen to be the center of it right now. I am sure with time people will move on from you to other things.

I myself am moving on because i my peace. Plz move on, because restating the same crap gets boring, and i am seeing a lot on this thread already. We got your point, but i don't think you got the other totally. Oh well so much for that old college education huh. It all that its cracked up to be, oh but what you should already know this seeing how your in college.




Yes that was a shot at you. My brother does that to me all the time and it pisses me off. I am sure it annoyed you just the same

 

[lovechild27]

oy vey

if everyone else had let my initial post go..it would of never gotten to this point

 

[Guest]

that defeats the purpose of posting, but good try

 

[SexyChele]

I disagree. It also has to do with money and emotional attachment. There are also other reasons i believe. I myself would date a woman with kids becuse i could not support everyone. I can't speak for every man,but saying that there reason is for the one stated above is very close minded. Unless you decided not to go into it rather deeply. Its funny how when people assume how quickly they get into trouble.

You basically said the same thing I did. As far as money goes, yes, a single mother does have less disposable income. But then, so does a man who is paying child support to an ex-wife or the mother of his children. (And yes, I've had a man who had young children and was paying child support tell me he would not date women with children)

Your comment about emotional attachment is the same as my statement regarding being the center of attention. When a woman has children, her emotional attachments are split between relationship with S/O or husband and her children. If she is dating, her emotional attachment is less towards the man she is merely dating as opposed to the children she has born. This is what some men do not care for. The loss of emtional attachment in a dating relationship because a woman has children. I.e. wanting to be the center of attention. (Being the center of attention in another person's life is not always a bad thing, btw. Just depends on how much a person wants that.)

When you are in your 20s, it is difficult to get the full picture of this. At 43, the men I date have children, some that are teens. I have to realize that there might be weekends they want to spend with their kids. There will be weddings and graduations and other events where my presence will be considered that of an "outsider" - not to mention the possibility of confronting an angry ex-wife! Then there are the emergencies that could arise and he needs to cancel a date because he has to take care of something. There is also the possibility that, no matter how hard one tries, the children just do not want their parent dating anyone. It takes a good deal of patience and understanding to date some one with children. You have to be flexible and know that, at times, you won't be #1 - or even #2!

The men that I've met (and, yes, there have been quite a few) have stated they will not consider a woman with children. They will quickly qualify it by stating they like kids in general. However, when you talk to them long enough, what they really don't want is to compete with kids for the attention (or emotional attachment) between a woman and her children.

Make sense?

 

[SexyChele]

I do believe the whole topic of convo was...what you look for in a person...not...please help me change my ideal.


I open myself up yes...just like others do to my reply.

I've been away for a few days, but when I read through the posts, I was sorry to see how this progressed. I've learned a while ago that when some one mentions college educated vs no college or no degree, that people can get edgy. Just happens.

But I see what you are saying, and I think I would state it this way: You are looking for a man with ambition and drive. A man who looks at life and says, "What opportunities are available for me to make my life better." Nothing at all wrong with this. None of us wants a slacker to deal with. And if, in your experience, you feel that men who have undergone a college education exhibit this, then that is your standard and your right. It doesn't sound to me like your college education is cast in stone if you were to meet a young man who was career oriented and doing well on his own.

I think most women want that in their lives.

 

[Chardonnay]

Why is everyone jumping on lovechild27 for supposedly not wanting to date someone without a college degree, but no one cares that sexychele doesn't want to date a balding man? It's just preferences. I'm sure she doesn't want an idiot with a college degree. I think a lot of people here are taking it too personally. She doesn't have to date every single man out there, she just has to pick one. Let her use whatever criteria she wants. The rest of us do, don't we? Whatever criteria that may be? She may be missing out. Who knows. Sexychele may be missing out on the bald man of her dreams. Or they both may be coming ever closer to zeroing in on the guy they do want.

 

[Guest]

I see college education and a balding man two totally different things.

One has to do with an outside appearance and the other inside.
I think thats a bad comparison.I just don't think that for her that having a college education should be the main reason. I could be wrong and there could be more, but she has said that its very important to her.

Sexy- no thats not what i said. And the woman is not always split between the man and kids. I.E my mother. There will always be woman out there that need a man in there life in order to think strait. I know in todays indepenant women era that this may be hard to believe,but it is true.
Some guys also just do not want to spend the time and money on kids that are not there own. Its like buying something for a second hand store.
I will not date a woman with kids because i may get to close to the kids and if i and the mother broke -up it would just be ugly. thats another reason. I see your points but there not totally fact.
And i agree with most of it.

Chardonnay--um my reason is because she is getting all defensive because people do not agree with her opinion. Secondly her view is very close minded. Its like saying you like vanilla ice cream and nothing else, and you hate the other, but you won't try them. Yeah i know thats a run on sentence.
am I taking it personally......no.....Personally she could date a 90yr old bed wetter for all i care. Its her choice, but it doesn't mean i am just going to sit here and say my opinion. If she doesn't like my opinion well thats just to bad! She seemed to have the strongest voice on here at the moment and people where noticing it. Like i said if she didn't want people to comment. Then she should have skipped this thread. Very narrow minded.

 

[Guest]

Makes me go "hmmmmm...."


Lots of assumptions about women there, DeSade.

S.

lots of assumptions about me. I didnt say all women SHOULD fit my standards. From my experience, feminine women are classy.
I dont want someone who wears plaid, talks about hunting and has rough hands. As for being well educated, I like to be with people who can carry on conversations. She doesnt have to have a Masters or PhD, so long as she is not clueless.
The cat comment holds true. I have dated women who owned 2 cats and their place was messy beyond words. They are usually cautious of men and consider their cats as kids.
As for a womans physical appearance, I prefer long hair and the less make-up the better. I would like to see her wear dresses but not the slutty type. It helps if she has all her teeth and doesn't reek of BO.
I am not looking for Cindy Crawford but damn, if she acts like a man, that is a red flag.
I am sick of the feminization of American males. Guys have plastic surgery to look feminine and that is not right. Men are expected to bow down to new age ideas and change their biology. That shit will not happen to me.
Now, I dont care if a woman wants to date a 80 y.o. tycoon, I'll pass on her. Its about personality. If its not compatible with mine, why bother with her?

 

[dollface007]

I am sick of the feminization of American males. Guys have plastic surgery to look feminine and that is not right. Men are expected to bow down to new age ideas and change their biology. That shit will not happen to me.

What the hell are you talking about? Who asked you, or any man to do this? I'm totally confused

 

[Guest]

What the hell are you talking about? Who asked you, or any man to do this? I'm totally confused

its Hollywood's effect on the public. Women see male film stars and wish their b/f or husband looked like them.
But getting back to dating, I have been with younger and older women and there is only a slight difference in attitude. Younger women feel they are too good to date because they have looks and expendable $. Older women see young guys as just wanting sex and not a LTR.

 

[dollface007]

Gross generalizations are fun, aren't they, everyone?!! And I still have no idea what De Sade is talking about. Anyone care to help me out?
...Then again, i'm not sure it's worth it to waste anymore time over this post.

 

[Guest]

Gross generalizations are fun, aren't they, everyone?!! And I still have no idea what De Sade is talking about. Anyone care to help me out?
...Then again, i'm not sure it's worth it to waste anymore time over this post.

gross generalizations? I haven't made any but feel free to claim I did.

 

[Wantonica]

those who are not clueless will understand what I said.
Say goodbye. As for gross generalizations, I haven't made any but feel free to claim I did.

It was a gross generalization to assume that it is only the younger women who think they are too good to date due to their looks and expendable income. Or that older women think younger men only want sex... hey, we think older men only want sex too. Or that women want their husband or b/f to look like a male film star.

Seriously, I was confused about the plastic surgery and expecting men to bow down and change their biology to something more feminine. Is that true? Perhaps I am clueless after all.

 

[Guest]

Seriously, I was confused about the plastic surgery and expecting men to bow down and change their biology to something more feminine. Is that true? Perhaps I am clueless after all.

well, from what I see lately, yes. Men are getting collagen implants and electrolysis to be more feminine looking.
Now granted, I am not saying every guy who has plastic surgery to enhance their looks wants to be a woman but surgery is primarily desired by women.

 

[sheath]

gross generalizations? I haven't made any but feel free to claim I did.

Are you serious????

Every thing you have said is a gross generalization. And in the above response to my posting, you seem to be all over the place. For instance, where in that particular post did I mention the 'feminization' of men? I said nothing at all about that, as I recall.

And...Assumptions about you?



Maybe I'm one of those clueless ones, because I'm lost.

S.

 

[deliciously_naughty]

Ok...I'm 24 years old, and have dated quite a bit between 18 and 24. I didn't really date before then.

Do I have standards? I would say that my "non-negotiables" are that they are fairly liberal in their politics, have ambitions for their life, like children, enjoy long conversations (I'm verbose and they need to be as well), and respect their families and friends.

Do I have preferences? of course...
I prefer geeks...when I've dated non-geeks I've found that we have little in common or much to talk about. The things I enjoy doing, like watching Babylon 5 and reading sci/fi fantasy, or going to ren faires are pasttimes generally enjoyed by those who self identify as computer geeks. We have more to talk about, similar experiences, and generally have similiar childhood and teen experiences (ie, the ostracized smart kid)

I prefer college educated men...again, this has more to do with having certain things in common. My best friend is a college drop out without plans to return and she's earning a lot of money. I recently hung out with an Electrician who at 27 owns his own buisness and house. So before anyone flames me for saying it, I'm acknowledging that I KNOW you can be an interesting and sucessful person without the benefits of an expensive education. HOWEVER...I'm finishing a master's degree and plan to get an PhD eventually. There are certain experiences, adjustments in life, and mindsets that come with the experience of being college educated. Because education has such a prominent place in my life (yes, I'm graduating...but I work in the field of education as well). I've found that I just have more in common with people who have gone to college.

I prefer to date men over 21 and under 30. Once I passed the age of 21, I found that dating someone who wasn't 21 yet (for example, when I turned 22 my boyfriend was 20) was a mistake. Even if they're an "adult"...there are uncomfortable moments when someone in the group isn't 21. I don't spend a ton of time in bars, but I never give a though to whether or not a club is 21+ or something like that when I'm out with friends. For example, my friend Kristy is dating a guy who's 20. When they visited me in NYC, several places I wanted to take them turned out to be 21+, something I'd never even paid attention to. And even if you're not a clubber or a drinker...the younger person often feels like they're "holding you back". Lastly, younger is a bit odd b/c of experiences...18 and 23 don't sound so far apart, but in experience they can be. Same goes for dating someone over 30...for the same reasons...I don't want to be the younger person. Someone between 21 and 30 I can find a decent amount in common with. When I've dated guys over 30, I'll make a comment about something I watched or a reference to somethign I grew up with and he usually can't relate. Shrug.

What experiences have taken me to this point?
On the bad side
1. The guy who told me that people shouldn't be attached to their pets (when I was worried about my 10 year old cat who'd been at the vet 3 times in 2 weeks)
2. The guy who told me that he didn't really like dating smart women (and meant it!)
3. The overall "nice" guy that I had ZERO chemistry with and a boring date
4. The guys who smoked pot and had problems with my not wanting to
5. My hockey watching ex who spent valentines day at a game instead of with me

On the good side
1. My longest and deepest relationship with a sys admin who sold swords on the side at ren faires and who I was deeply in love with.
2. My ex roomate who started out as a lover and became a close friend (also a geek)
3. All the guys I've been able to express emotion to and had them listen to me and respond with sincere questions (mostly geeks)
4. The crazy wild sex I've had (again, computer geeks)

How can that not influence my choices?

 

[Guest]

Are you serious????

Every thing you have said is a gross generalization. And in the above response to my posting, you seem to be all over the place. For instance, where in that particular post did I mention the 'feminization' of men? I said nothing at all about that, as I recall.

I never said you did. I dont make generalizations. Read my posts carefully from now on.

deliciouslynaughty, I understand where you're coming from.
"3. The overall "nice" guy that I had ZERO chemistry with and a boring date" LOL, I've always said bad boys are better dates.
As for me, I get along w/ the girl next door who is smart but also doesn't mind goofing around. She has to be sensual also.
Mix Bettie Page with Sandra Bullock and voila, my ideal woman.

 

[deliciously_naughty]

I never said you did. I dont make generalizations. Read my posts carefully from now on.

deliciouslynaughty, I understand where you're coming from.
"3. The overall "nice" guy that I had ZERO chemistry with and a boring date" LOL, I've always said bad boys are better dates.

It was depressing...I do like nice guys...I don't want the bad boy. That's what made it depressing...he's nice and I wanted to like him...but he wasn't into any of the things I'm into and we fell into the "so what movies do you like" Long pause "So...the weather has sucked a lot lately"