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Dating a transexual

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binomial

Experienced
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Dec 14, 2007
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OK so I meet this girl the other day and we clicked. I mean really clicked, insanely good chemistry! We've got a date next week. As you might of guessed from the title she is a MtF transsexual, pre-op.

I'm kind of excited about that, ready to try something new. But I don't know much about the whole sub-culture. Need a crash course on transsexuals. Don't want to say something to offend her accidentally or come off looking like a prick somehow.
 
Treat her like any other girl. It's that simple.

Obviously there will be a difference when it comes to sex. Some don't like certain things, while others do. Talk to her.
 
binomial said:
OK so I meet this girl the other day and we clicked. I mean really clicked, insanely good chemistry! We've got a date next week. As you might of guessed from the title she is a MtF transsexual, pre-op.

I'm kind of excited about that, ready to try something new. But I don't know much about the whole sub-culture. Need a crash course on transsexuals. Don't want to say something to offend her accidentally or come off looking like a prick somehow.
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um well, their isn't so much a sub culture.... actually unless it's a populated area their normally isn't any culture. I guess a personal peeve, I wouldn't tell her you're excited to date her because she's a transwoman, I know that I get a lot of people asking me on dates because they have a trans fetish and for me that's a number one turn off is being treated like a sex object (seriously, someone telling me they've always wanted to date a "shemale" for me is equivalent to walking up to a girl and saying i always wanted to date someone with a vagina). Now asking her about her life is good, but I'd stay away from the trans questions for maybe the first three dates or so depending on her comfort and make those first 3 totally about her, like get to know her current life and so on. If she brings up being MTF then it's safe territory but if not, simply treat her like any other person. I guess what I'm saying is don't get too focused on it.
 
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Harlet_Minx said:
um well, their isn't so much a sub culture.... actually unless it's a populated area their normally isn't any culture. I guess a personal peeve, I wouldn't tell her you're excited to date her because she's a transwoman, I know that I get a lot of people asking me on dates because they have a trans fetish and for me that's a number one turn off is being treated like a sex object (seriously, someone telling me they've always wanted to date a "shemale" for me is equivalent to walking up to a girl and saying i always wanted to date someone with a vagina). Now asking her about her life is good, but I'd stay away from the trans questions for maybe the first three dates or so depending on her comfort and make those first 3 totally about her, like get to know her current life and so on. If she brings up being MTF then it's safe territory but if not, simply treat her like any other person. I guess what I'm saying is don't get to focused on it.
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Amen sister. You hit what I would say right on the noggin
 
Personally I would find it a bit unnerving to never bring up me being trans. Plenty of people say they're fine with me, but not all of them mean it. I need a chance to see how they really feel about me. Plus, it's a huge traumatic event in my life, and I need help getting through it.

I don't mind discussing it, but I'm far too quiet and shy to bring it up myself. Perhapse ask if she wishes to discuss it, then go from there.
 
Thanks for the advice girls. The big day is tomorrow so anyone else that wants to chime in feel free.

She asked me the other day if I'd ever looked at "tranny porn" and if I liked it. I told her I had in the past and did but made it clear that wasn't why I wanted to go out with her. She said that was a relief because she was afraid I was going to freak out at some point...

It's not about the sex for me. Not that I'm not hoping for some though. ;)

OK one quick question: I know shemale is extremely rude, but what about T-girl? I mean if we're talking about that subject I'm really not sure what terms to use. Wikipedia has some good pages but it's kind of like information overload.
 
T-girl is good, and so is simply 'trans'. Or avoid the words all together.

This should be obvious, but if you're going to a public place, be wary of anyone who might overhear you. I doubt she's like to be outed to random strangers.
 
temp256 said:
T-girl is good, and so is simply 'trans'. Or avoid the words all together.

This should be obvious, but if you're going to a public place, be wary of anyone who might overhear you. I doubt she's like to be outed to random strangers.
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How about treating them with dignity and respect because they are human beings ?
 
How about reading the entire thread first before commenting on something taken out of context?

When in a discussion, such labels are needed to avoid confusion. Like asking "How did you first realize you were trans?", or "Does anyone give you trouble for being trans?". Obviously they're not pronouns.
 
temp256 said:
How about reading the entire thread first before commenting on something taken out of context?

When in a discussion, such labels are needed to avoid confusion. Like asking "How did you first realize you were trans?", or "Does anyone give you trouble for being trans?". Obviously they're not pronouns.
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temp256: hey girl take it easy. SamuelX is a man who I respect, and he wouldn´t hurt a cat. So don´t worry, he is on your side of the fence :)
 
This may be a day late and dollar short, but if there is a pink elephant in the room, ignoring it will only make is stand out all the more. What I mean by that is don't avoid talking about stuff just for the sake of not talking about it. If it comes up naturally, it comes up. if not, it doesnt.
 
Interesting

This thread happens to remind me on an interesting dilemma I faced a few years ago. I was at a private party at a large hotel and while using the powder room I met a TS. We struck up a conversation even though, at first, I was a little un-nerved by this person being in the ladies' room. She was very pretty but for certain reasons I knew right away she was a T-girl. Later at the party, I noticed she kept coming over to chat with me or to act as though we were long, lost friends. I got the feeling she was using me as bait to meet guys. Every guy kept asking me who she was and what her story was. I realized they didn't know she was a T-girl and I made a conscious choice not to clue them in. I heard months later that one of the guys was dating her and having a great time. So, by keeping my big mouth shut and treating her like I would anyone else, everyone won.
 
theedebster said:
This thread happens to remind me on an interesting dilemma I faced a few years ago. I was at a private party at a large hotel and while using the powder room I met a TS. We struck up a conversation even though, at first, I was a little un-nerved by this person being in the ladies' room. She was very pretty but for certain reasons I knew right away she was a T-girl. Later at the party, I noticed she kept coming over to chat with me or to act as though we were long, lost friends. I got the feeling she was using me as bait to meet guys. Every guy kept asking me who she was and what her story was. I realized they didn't know she was a T-girl and I made a conscious choice not to clue them in. I heard months later that one of the guys was dating her and having a great time. So, by keeping my big mouth shut and treating her like I would anyone else, everyone won.
Click to expand...
WOW...
 
While we are at it, Ronaldo. The self centred dickhead soccer/footie player. Who is now famous for getting it , in some way. He said "I am all heterosexual" or something similar. But the thing is, when you are dating a MtF transsexual, then you are still a heterosexual man. But his fragile ego didn´t understand that. So in my book he is a big pantsy / sissy.

And dating a MtF transsexual, doesn´t mean that you are gay at all. You have just embraced the wider spectrum of heterosexuality.
 
another site

I was on another site just looking and a very pretty girl caught my eye it had her logon name beside it had TS....heck i didn't know what TS was ...so I started chating, emailing ,and flirting...she like that I treated her with respect...I told her I would only go as far as she was comfortable flirting...we have been talking 2 months ..she is more beautiful today than she was 2 months ago...I love her much and respect her more...I fantasy about her and she does about me...we Im daily or email..I read and reply to her emails first...never thing of her as a guy...she is just gorgeous....she will have her womanhood soon....get to know the person not the appearance
 
Nice to read this thread. Gives me great hope for humanity.

Love seeing the T in the GLBT getting some respect. We've been in the back of the bus forever.

Here's something i wrote like 8 years ago on my old web site (now down) called "Advice for the Loveless." I wrote it because i got so tired of all the funky things guys would say to me when i was out in clubs.

http://www.steffiemor.com/sexy2.html

Looking at the page now, i can't help but think what an idiot i was back then... Advising guys to treat me like respect, and then flaunting myself in bra and panties all across the page. Talk about young and dumb. All of which came from inexperience.

What i've learned since then is - if you dress and behave like a slut, people will treat you like one. And there is nothing sexy and fun about it. You end up getting raped.

If you present yourself with dignity and ask for a little respect, you're a lot more likely to receive it.

Still, i present the link above for its laugh value.

Steffie
 
Excellent hon. Thanx for asking.

Guessing i have been through some changes over the last several years.

Took hormones for 8 years... then around 2005, for a long list of reasons, decided to get off them. Cut my hair, and went back to living as a man for a while.

After much thought ultimately came to the conclusion that i 'yam what i 'yam, which is a little bit of both.

Am staying off the 'mones... work as a boy now... but i grew my hair back out and spend my weekends and free time socializing as a girl. And actually feel i have found a nice balance.

So all is well.

Attached is a pix taken in the last month...
 
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