Dancing

[Sweetwood]

I would appreciate some feedback on this one:

Dancing

When the stranger walked up to her
and said: "Lady, you got the best legs
in this club tonight" her
head climaxed.

The pinnacle of a day,
when she discovered the sex
of her legs by the length of her skirt
and the show of lace on top of her
stockings.

Inhibition transformed to exhibition
when the skirt slid up under
her orchestrating hands
while her body undulated to
the rhythm of the blues.

And her rounded breasts
held by nothing but spaghetti straps
and 5% spandex in viscose;
rolled lazy across her torso
calling strangers to stare.

I just watched.

Every so often
my hand slid up that sleek stocking
to gauge her excitement
by moisture.
And when she noticed
others watching
she just smiled.

And my head climaxed

© MCD 2003

 

[WickedEve]

I'd be really tempted to change the title to Head Climaxed.
This is an F***ing good poem!
I've read it twice and I'm looking for any icky spots that just don't work... and I'm still looking... looking. Not yet. I'll look again, though.

 

[JUDO]

Head Climax is an unusual phrase originating in this poem, but not really the subject of it. Legs, exhibitionism, stockings, lingerie and being turned on by it all are more of what's there. Most of the poem describes what comes before completion.

How about a title that leads up to the head climax?

Something like the teasing of exploding nuerons, the gentle caresses of synapse, or the collapsing spiral of medullon memory?

"Neuron Plièr" perhaps? Plièr -- the French word used in ballet, meaning to fold. Which is what a plièr looks like.

Hmmm... being no ballerina, I may be wrong, but isn't there also a dance move that means to spiral?

My thoughts.


- Judo

 

[Mythos50]

"Every once in while"

Typo, meant 'awhile'? which makes it cliche so I guess not. Still this did make me stumble if you can believe that!

Are we doing Title suggestions?
"Taking My Head For A Spin"

 

[Sweetwood]

Eve and Judo:

The title is a working title at best. It describes the activity in the course of which all this happened. I like your suggestion Judo except "neuron" is a little technical for me. I will mull this over and listen to the echoes in my head.

Thanks for the heads up WE, I appreciate it. It is very edgy but edge is what I have at the moment.

Thanks for taking the time.

Sweetwood

 

[Sweetwood]

"Every once in while"

Typo, meant 'awhile'? which makes it cliche so I guess not. Still this did make me stumble if you can believe that!

Are we doing Title suggestions?
"Taking My Head For A Spin"

You are correct, a typo. But your comment spawned a thought for an edit. Look, above and tell me what you think.

Sweetwood

 

[Angeline]

Hmmm... being no ballerina, I may be wrong, but isn't there also a dance move that means to spiral?

Well there are two terms--a "pirouette," which is a turn that is ofen combined with a jump (jete) in a series, and then there is the "chaîné turns," which refers to a series of turns done when the legs are basically closed in first position. I'd be more inclined to go with a term suited to the blues, but I can't think of anything.

Sweetguy I saw this poem at anniebug's amazing site and thought it fantastic. Here are just a few editorial suggestions, shown in blue.

When the stranger walked up to her
and said: "Lady you got the best legs
in this club tonight," her
head climaxed.

The pinnacle of a day,
when she discovered the sex
of her legs by the length of her skirt
and the show of lace at the top of her
stockings.

Inhibition transformed to exhibition
when the skirt slid up under
her orchestrating hands
while her body undulated to
the rhythm of the blues.

And her rounded breasts
held by nothing but spaghetti straps
and 5% spandex in viscose;
rolled lazy across her torso,
calling strangers to stare.

I just watched.

Every so often
my hand slid up that sleek stocking
to gauge her excitement
by moisture.
And when she noticed
others watching,
she just smiled.

And my head climaxed

 

[Rybka]

When the stranger walked up to her
and said: "Lady you got the best legs
in this club tonight," her
head climaxed.

Should that be a comma or a period? Since the quote is a complete thought, and since the speaker is mentioned only before the quotation, I vote for the period.

Regards,                       Rybka

 

[Sweetwood]

Hmmm... being no ballerina, I may be wrong, but isn't there also a dance move that means to spiral?

Well there are two terms--a "pirouette," which is a turn that is ofen combined with a jump (jete) in a series, and then there is the "chaîné turns," which refers to a series of turns done when the legs are basically closed in first position. I'd be more inclined to go with a term suited to the blues, but I can't think of anything.

Sweetguy I saw this poem at anniebug's amazing site and thought it fantastic. Here are just a few editorial suggestions, shown in blue.

When the stranger walked up to her
and said: "Lady you got the best legs
in this club tonight," her
head climaxed.

The pinnacle of a day,
when she discovered the sex
of her legs by the length of her skirt
and the show of lace at the top of her
stockings.

Inhibition transformed to exhibition
when the skirt slid up under
her orchestrating hands
while her body undulated to
the rhythm of the blues.

And her rounded breasts
held by nothing but spaghetti straps
and 5% spandex in viscose;
rolled lazy across her torso,
calling strangers to stare.

I just watched.

Every so often
my hand slid up that sleek stocking
to gauge her excitement
by moisture.
And when she noticed
others watching,
she just smiled.

And my head climaxed

annie who?

anniehow, I like your suggestions and will incorporate them into the final version.

I am glad you liked the site, it is a labor of love for both of us

sweetwood

 

[Mythos50]

Plièr -- the French word used in ballet, meaning to fold. Which is what a plièr looks like.

Hmmm... being no ballerina, I may be wrong, but isn't there also a dance move that means to spiral?

Being the gentleman that I am, although no chavelier, I foraged the neighborhood known as the Internet and found this:

Plié - bent, bending - of the knee or knees. This is an exercise to render the joints and muscles soft and pliable and the tendons flexible and elastic, and to develop a sense of balance.

Pirouette - A ballet term which applies to a turn.

Pivot - Turn by putting weight on the balls of one or both feet, keeping feet in place.

Chaînés - a series of rapid turns on the points or demi-pointes done in a straight line or in a circle.

Xtaabay & Rybka please note, even in ballet they speak of fish, as in the term: Poisson - fish - a position of the body in which the legs are crossed in the fifth position and held tightly together with the back arched.

More can be found at http://www.ballet-academy.com/ for the French terminology in ballet.

 

[Rybka]

Originally posted by Mythos50
Xtaabay & Rybka please note, even in ballet they speak of fish, as in the term: Poisson - fish - a position of the body in which the legs are crossed in the fifth position and held tightly together with the back arched.

Xtaabay and Darkmess please note. Fish are poison! And there is no "lugubrious" nor "lavalamp" movements in ballet. (Though I have been told that llavargi llumpus" means "to puke great chunks" in Urdu.)

Mythos50 please note. Xtaabay does not know how to hold her legs tightly together!

Regards,                       Rybka

 

[Angeline]

Should that be a comma or a period? Since the quote is a complete thought, and since the speaker is mentioned only before the quotation, I vote for the period.

Regards, Rybka

Dammit, the fish is right! But that leaves Sweet with a dilemna because then "her head climaxed" is a fragment--maybe this is why he left it out to begin with!

 

[The_Fool]

Wonderful topic. Great play on words. Left me thinking about the sequel. Conceptually, I would add a response from her to your "moisture check." Just to show a two-way interaction between the two of you. But that is just me.

 

[Sweetwood]

Should that be a comma or a period? Since the quote is a complete thought, and since the speaker is mentioned only before the quotation, I vote for the period.

Regards, Rybka

Dammit, the fish is right! But that leaves Sweet with a dilemna because then "her head climaxed" is a fragment--maybe this is why he left it out to begin with!

Don't you schlepp fish into my house Especially no dead fish.

But the fish is right! The correct answer to the problem in my view would be:

When the stranger walked up to her
and said, "Lady, you got the best legs
in this club tonight", her
head climaxed.

But really who gives a flying fish, when you have to run your hands up a sleek stocking to test moisture, or have head orgasms, hunh?

I always find that for the right head rush you need to change the batteries frequently. If buzz, then a proper buzz, I say.

buzzwood

 

[Angeline]

Bzzzzzzzzz

Excuse me. I was busy buzzin on that other thread. I just schlepped in to agree.