Damn him to hell

[Shyjohn]

Since I first discovered the Lit bulletin boards, I have been impressed by the way experienced posters are so willing to give advice to anyone who asks for it. I think what has impressed me most is the moral stance they usually adopt, demonstrating a strong sense of right and wrong. So I would value any opinions on this, my first thread.
A few days ago someone broke into my house. Damage was minimal, everything that was stolen can be replaced. Everything, that is, except the safe, warm feeling my family had of knowing that we were secure in our own home. Our private area has been violated. A total stranger has been through our personal posessions and suddenly we don't like it here any more after many contented years.
The chance of him being caught are next to zero but I feel a deep personal need for revenge. I am totally opposed to violence but I think I could actually kill him if the opportunity arose. Turning the other cheek is not in my nature. I want the bastard to suffer for the upset he has caused me and my family.
My question is, 'Am I over-reacting?' Should I curse him so he dies of cancer, screaming in pain with steam jetting from every orifice? Or should I be charitable and say "What the hell? He probably needed the money for a fix?"
I strongly believe that eventually everyone gets what's coming to them but I also believe that if you hate someone enough and direct that hate at them then their lives could become seriously unpleasant.
So do I just accept what happened as my rent for living in this society or do I go for the satisfaction of imagining that I am causing him extreme distress? I think the latter could work for me.
All opinions are valued. Unless you are my burglar in which case , EAT SHIT AND DIE YOU BASTARD. (That message may be revised after consideration of any postings in this thread)

 

[medjay]

Rest assured that this guy will eventually reap what he has sown. The thing that you absolutely don't want to do is let anger and negativity eat you up inside. This guy is probably long gone so any enery you expend hating him and wishing disease on his body is only going to upset you more. Don't let anger become a part of you because it will just make you sick and you will be allowing this same person to inflict even more damage on you.

I got robbed and immediately thought about how I would like to get my hands on the guy and beat the living shit out of him but I allowed the feeling to pass because all it did was keep me in a sour mood. I replaced my stuff and gave thanks that I was still alive. Now, I don't even think about it.

 

[Eumenides]

What you are feeling is definitely natural. Someone invaded your safety zone, and now that blanket has a big hole in it.

Feeling this way is, however, a completely different story than acting on it. These feelings will take time to fade away, and most likely there will always be residuals from it.

However, remember that you reap what you sow. If you sow hatred, you will reap it.

In time, this little asshole will get what's coming to him. You may never know it, but it will come to him. We all pay for our crimes in one way or another.

If you are to act on these feelings, they how will you be an example to your family? If you act, he has won.

Be angry. Vent about it. Scream about it.

But don't act.

 

[peachykeen]

you have every right to feel violated. no one can tell you what the 'right' way to react to this is.

One thing I realized as a result of 9/11 is that everyone reacts to trauma differently. I was in London that day (I live in NW5) but I am from Jersey City. My house there is less than a mile from ground zero across the river. I lost friends and neighbors. I was pretty much in shock that day but as time went by, I went through so many emotions minute to minute. My husband and I had a huge fight over nothing because we were both grieving so badly. He was screaming "Fuck them! Fuck them all! Kill every last person in that fucking country (Afghanistan) and make it a big fucking parking lot!" And you have to understand, my husband is the most gentle loving man I have ever known and I have never, ever seen/heard him like that ever, before or since. It tore me up and I left for work without saying goodbye, I was so upset. On the way to work I had a complete breakdown because the thought occured to me, what if this were the day he never came home? and I left him without telling him I love him? But he had to get that out of his system - it's not that he literally wants every man woman and child dead (far from it) but he had no other words to express his rage, grief, fear, etc etc.

Anyway the point is, I think the way you feel is valid. It's THE WAY YOU FEEL, it's not right or wrong.

 

[Tap-Out]

You have every right to be angry, and believe me I felt like I could have killed the person who broke into my place (this was a few years ago, and the person who did it, still hasen't been caught). I woulden't let this feeling go on for all that long, because there isn't much you can do about it. But they say that 90% of breakins are done by someone you know. Also they were probably in your house in the last 2-3 weeks. But there is a chance that it is completly random.

 

[Shyjohn]

Don't let anger become a part of you because it will just make you sick and you will be allowing this same person to inflict even more damage on you.

Thanks Medjay. I know You're right and I know I am letting it prey on my mind but I just feel so impotent and think I should be doing something positive. There is a measure of satisfaction in thinking that he might be suffering and that I am causing it

 

[Nora]

Nah, go with it. Let the rage burn itself out. I lived in this one apt for about 5 years and we got burgled twice. Both times I felt exactly what you're going through. My imagined punishments were a smidge harsher, however.

I kinda wish I believed as you do. That enough negative energy sent towards someone would effect them. Of course, if I believed that I'd probably believe that it would come back and bite me in the ass, so....

Just keep it to fantasy vengence and you're fine.

 

[SamEyeAm]

The longer that you hold onto the hate, the longer it will take you to heal.

John, just remember that we (all of us) reap what we sow.

And that the best revenge is in living well.

 

[Weird Harold]

The chance of him being caught are next to zero but I feel a deep personal need for revenge. I am totally opposed to violence but I think I could actually kill him if the opportunity arose. Turning the other cheek is not in my nature. I want the bastard to suffer for the upset he has caused me and my family.
My question is, 'Am I over-reacting?' Should I curse him so he dies of cancer, screaming in pain with steam jetting from every orifice? Or should I be charitable and say "What the hell? He probably needed the money for a fix?"

I see no need to be charitable in this or any similar case.

You're NOT over-reacting, but anger without any outlet can warp you if you let it.

I think cursing him is good -- it lets the anger out so it doesn't fester and you can thing rationally.

Perhaps a voodoo doll would help? Youmay not be able to lay hands on theperp, but you CAN vent your anger on an effigy -- buy a G.I. Joe or Ken doll and do to it everything you wish you could do to the Perp.

It probably won't affect him, but it will make you feel better and if the stars align just right, maybe he'll feel every needle, hammer, and match applied to the doll.

 

[Shyjohn]

This is the first thread I have started. I never realised how quickly it worked. 6 replies in 6 minutes. Thanks everyone. At present the Bhuddists seem to have the edge over the Death Wish contingent.
I know that things could have been so much worse, a la Manson gang for example, but I still find it very hard to draw a line under the incident and move on. We were last burgled 20 years ago and since that day I have never once come home from work or the shops or holiday without wondering if we had been raided again. That's how profound an effect this sort of thing can have on some people's lives.
I don't consider myself to be a particularly vulnerable member of society yet I have been deeply, deeply affected by what has happened. What keeps me angry is imagining the effect the same buglary would have had on a defenceless woman living alone or an elderly couple or someone with a disability. It's easy to say "Move on", and I'm sure we've all said to a bereaved relative or friend, "It'll get easier with time". But when someone says it to you it doesn't work too well.
At the moment I'm pitching my flag in the Nora camp. Let's string the bastards up by the balls for a month while we decide what to do with them.

 

[Parklife]

I'd say you can imagine all the horrible things in the world you want. Nothing wrong with the world of imagination and often times it can be a great healer/consoler/amend.

I can recall imagining any number of horrible things on people that did wrong by me. Of course, nothing ever happend to them but still, it made me feel a little better to know they suffered if nowhere else but my mind.

 

[Shyjohn]

I'm with you Parklife. I was in head over heels in love with a girl once and she dumped me with no warning. 30 years later her old man died of a heart attack and to this day she doesn't know it was down to me. (I have been cheered up by all the supportive advice and am now returning to my normal - don't give a toss about anything - mode. Thank you all for the kind words. However, break into my house and you'll go home with your eyeballs pushed so far up your arse that your stomach will be able to see your breakfast coming). Love and Peace.