Dabbling

[Malaria]

I know a thread like this was started awhile ago adn I hijacked it then but this ones mine.

I'm really into the idea of D/s as something to try. I'm definately submissive and would like to take that quite far. I'm in a serious, long term relationship i have no intention of breaking. So as I see it my one choice is to get my boyfriend in on the idea. I can't make him do anything because it's wrong and ruins the game. Recently he has been open to more adventurous things but I don't want to push him too much. Short of getting him to join here to read the tips (something I won't do) I can't think of how to satisfy my lusts. Am I just destined to be frustrated forever?

 

[CutieMouse]

I know a thread like this was started awhile ago adn I hijacked it then but this ones mine.

I'm really into the idea of D/s as something to try. I'm definately submissive and would like to take that quite far. I'm in a serious, long term relationship i have no intention of breaking. So as I see it my one choice is to get my boyfriend in on the idea. I can't make him do anything because it's wrong and ruins the game. Recently he has been open to more adventurous things but I don't want to push him too much. Short of getting him to join here to read the tips (something I won't do) I can't think of how to satisfy my lusts. Am I just destined to be frustrated forever?

The only way (IMO) that you will succeed in trying D/s with your boyfriend is to have an actual, matrue, frank discussion- making sure that you are both in agreement as to what words mean (do you both have the same definition/vision of the word Master/submissive for example?).

You can't make someone do something they don't want to, but you can't expect him to read your mind, either. And wahts up with not being willing to ask him to join Lit, to explore sexuality some?

In short, if you aren't willing to communicate your interests, I'm pretty sure that yes, you will remain frustrated.

 

[Malaria]

i tried to talk to him and he clammed up. He won't talk about sex unless we're doing it/about to do it/have just done it and that makes frank discussions difficult.

I might have misbehaved a little too much for him to join lit and us not to fight...i'm really too bad

 

[shy slave]

You only have 57 posts and there is an edit button.

I talked to Andante about Lit and he chose to join.

He read everything I had written (at least as far back as he could find) and that was 1,000's of posts.

He learnt alot about my journey into submission and it enabled him to view me as a whole person.

It also enabled him to take me further into submission because he had an idea of what had been before.

In return, his being here allows me to feel supported. He does not posts often but he does read the threads.

We have had many discussions about various aspects of BDSM & /s that we may not have had, if he had not joined me here.

Bluntly speaking if you really want this to be a part of your life then telling your b/f about Lit is a part of a mature, honest and open discussion.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I can only really echo the comments already made. I understand that he's become automatically defensive about the idea of BDSM because you've pushed it a little and he's moved away.

The bottom line is of course that if your partner has no Dominant tendency, no enjoyment in controlling you, it will be choice time and while you seem committed to him, you also sound like a person who will not be happy with a vanilla ('normal') relationship in the long term and if so he will eventually come to resent you and blame you for it.

On the other hand, allowing him to read the BDSM info on Lit (which is fairly extensive) and explore it at his own pace in his own way, reading threads of interest to HIM could reap its rewards. If your desire is truly for him to dominate, he should be allowed to inform himself and dominate in his own way, for his own pleasure.

I think that maybe if you put the ball in his court and hand him back control, rather than imposing your own desires on him, maybe this could work. Say something like,

"I know you've got a bit down about me suggesting kinky stuff and I would never ask you to do something you really didn't enjoy but if you could maybe have a look at this one website? Look at the BDSM section and stories and see if anything interests YOU, I want YOU to see for yourself if there's anything here you could enjoy with me. It's not porn, it's not irresponsible and just for me I'd like you to take a look - no more than that."

The leave him to it. Even if he think's he'll hate the idea he'll probably have a look out of curiosity. I know you could edit your posts Malaria but I really do feel your guy could benefit from reading them. You have told us he's a great guy and I don't think he'd be offended, even if you're a little embarrassed. If nothing comes of it, you'll have to accept your guy as he is or consider whether you truly have a future together if a D/s realtionship is what you really want. He may surprise you after all but you have to give him space to decide what he makes of it all separate from you and your wants.

Those are my thoughts anyway, hope you work things out

Velvet

 

[Malaria]

thanks, that really does help. I guess he doesn't need to know who i am on here. Malaria isn't my usual name. It feels wrong to be secretive about it. if he wants to read it then i'll let him. it will probably help. I think in the long run not having this side to the relationship won't be a problem but i'm adventurous now.
thanks again everyone. i'll let you know what happens

 

[petbecs82]

Dabbling... the perfect phrase.

Ok so it's my first post response. I joined today, and well it's almost like a step towards commiting to something. I've had very few sexual partners, all three would be termed vanilla-sex-having men. *Giggles* I just don't know how to approach this subject, where do I meet men into this type of thing. I know that if I was in a relationship with a vanilla man there is no way I could bring it up to him much like you have tried. Well in short... how do you look for that Man? Here's to the banana dance just because I see this banana dancing in the corner over there

Be Well