D/s to vanilla and back

[FoxyForestFire]

there was a great post on fear of the commitment to this lifestyle we all love. We have all been there and felt different degrees of this.....

I am sure that we have all searched and found out that this is where we are supposed to be

My question is did you try to go vanilla bc lit seemed too much for you and realized you couldnt live without it or different circumstances?

Please share with us for us novices are in need of your wisdome and support.

 

[FoxyForestFire]

it not lit... sory typo

 

[zipman]

there was a great post on fear of the commitment to this lifestyle we all love. We have all been there and felt different degrees of this.....

I am sure that we have all searched and found out that this is where we are supposed to be

My question is did you try to go vanilla bc lit seemed too much for you and realized you couldnt live without it or different circumstances?

Please share with us for us novices are in need of your wisdome and support.

Yes I have. I first became interested in BDSM about 15 years ago, although I had no idea it had a name and I had no idea how to find out about it. Consequently, I stumbled around on my own and tried to slowly introduce it into my relationships with mixed success.

About 3 years ago I was dating a rather conservative woman who did not like any type of kinky sex. One Sunday, we were spending the day in bed having sex and around 5:00 pm, I realized I still wasn't satisfied even though we had sex 5 times that day.

I needed some kink, and I knew if I stayed with her I would never be sexually satisfied. Slowly, the desires for BDSM turn into resentment for a partner that isn't into it.

At least, that's how it was for me.

 

[SexyChele]

there was a great post on fear of the commitment to this lifestyle we all love. We have all been there and felt different degrees of this.....

I am sure that we have all searched and found out that this is where we are supposed to be

My question is did you try to go vanilla bc lit seemed too much for you and realized you couldnt live without it or different circumstances?

Please share with us for us novices are in need of your wisdome and support.

Don't know if I truly qualify to answer this or not, but here it goes...

I ventured into a relationship many years ago that was BDSM, but, like Zip, I never knew it had a name or that other people were doing what we were doing. That relationship didn't last, and subsequent relationships were all 'nilla. I would look back fondly on some of the stuff we did, and I began to wonder.

Then, almost 2 years ago, I discovered BDSM - and was shocked to know that I had been an active participant! I started reading about it, then started talking to people about it, and eventually ended up here. I tried to tell myself that I was submissive. After all, I had been in that previous relationship and enjoyed it, right? So, not sure where to meet like-minded people, I placed a couple of ads on the internet.

I met quite a few people through email only who I was able to strike up conversations with and learn even more. I met a few Doms in person, and played a couple of times. I liked it and it was thrilling in its own way, yes. But there was no "connection", no "spark" for me about the person. And being in a relationship with some one who is compatible in and out of the bedroom is so much more important to me. So, I broadened my search to include 'nilla guys as well.

I consider myself lucky. I met a wonderful man about 3 months ago, and we met up in r/l about 2 months ago. We've talked a little, and I know that he definetely has leanings towards spankings. However, I don't think he has ever fully let himself go in that regard.

Anyway, long story even longer is, I like this man. I think there is potential for a relationship here and that is important to me. He is open-minded enough to try different things that are my own personal kinks. (Spankings and pantyhose being just a couple) I'm sure he has kinks of his own that I would like to know about, but perhaps when he feels more comfortable.

I've since decided that I am neither submissive, dominant, nor switch. I am "vanilla" with more than a few kinks added in, and I'm happy with that. I've discovered I don't want a "master" or a "slave" in the bedroom. I want a man who wants equal and mutual pleasure, in whatever way that pleasure can be found together. I'm uncomfortable with the ritual a lot of those in the lifestyle use (though I know it certainly isn't mandatory), and I don't like addressing my partner by some title. But yeah, I do like the clamps and the crop and the ropes and once in a while hot wax.

I've come to really admire those people who are in the lifestyle. I'm glad for the search I undertook as it led me to meet some people I've come to regard highly. (More than a couple are right here on this board!) But, I can also look at the lifestyle for what it is, and not what uneducated people think it is. It is just as deep a committment between two people as any other relationship. No, I won't say "more", because I think when two people are truly committed to each other, they feel as though no other commitment could be as strong. But BDSM relationships are loving, intimate, pleasurable, and fulfilling. People involved in BDSM are just your average folks who work, have kids, own homes, and go on vacation once or twice a year. There are assholes just as in any other walk of life, but there are more who are cool. I like being around them, and I don't find what they do to be uncomfortable. It just isn't for me.

I think, for those who are novices or "newbies", it is important to learn, learn, learn first. About yourself, about the lifestyle, about other people in the lifestyle. Read, talk, chat. Meet people in real life and ask hard questions. Look deep within yourself. Know - REALLY know - that this is what you want. I would strongly be against playing first and asking questions later, but that's me. It might seem a bit of a let down to learn first and then play, but that would be my own personal opinion.

Sorry for the length, I guess this is a bit of a cleansing for me!

Good luck on your journey. May you find exactly what it is that you are searching for!

 

[Masters_darque]

I belive i fell into the norm because it was exspected,didnt know a difference was there, then as i read and learned about the alternitive and found that there was another way of life everything fell into place for me, i had found what was missing in my life and knew that this was where i belonged.
then i found my master and i was sure this was what made me compleat.

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

I belive i fell into the norm because it was exspected,didnt know a difference was there, then as i read and learned about the alternitive and found that there was another way of life everything fell into place for me, i had found what was missing in my life and knew that this was where i belonged.
then i found my master and i was sure this was what made me compleat.

Hi Masters_darque, welcome to the Board Nice to see you posting. We have a wonderful Library full of ALL sorts of information that you may find of interest. *shameless plug over*

Enjoy yourself, i look forward to seeing you around, and getting to know you.

~anelize, "your friendly neighborhood submissive librarian"