D/s Contracts

[Gilkane]

What is your general feeling on the necessity of a D/s contract. Are they necessary? Or are they something else?

 

[Toa_lin]

yes, they're nescesary.... but what u set as the rules/laws of it, then decide if it needs to be updated in the futur eor not.

 

[BiBunny]

I've never done a contract with anyone I've been involved with. I'm B.'s slave, but there's nothing like that between us. We're a really laid-back couple, though.

 

[Toa_lin]

I've never done a contract with anyone I've been involved with. I'm B.'s slave, but there's nothing like that between us. We're a really laid-back couple, though.

Well, I consider any conversation about one's limits etc. as a D/s contract making session, since you're making an oral contract to at least try the life together, so i kinda say it's hard to have a good D/s relationship without one.

 

[BiBunny]

Well, I consider any conversation about one's limits etc. as a D/s contract making session, since you're making an oral contract to at least try the life together, so i kinda say it's hard to have a good D/s relationship without one.

Ok, that makes more sense. I guess I was thinking more along the lines of written, formal contracts. We had the limits discussion before we ever met, and that's been about it. Everything else has been a sort of "take it as it comes" thing.

 

[Gilkane]

I agree contracts are necessary but they may not have to be written.

Thanks for the imput

 

[Chicklet]

contract: "an agreement between two or more parties for the doing or not doing of something specified."

Main Entry: contract
Part of Speech: noun
Definition: agreement
Synonyms: arrangement, bargain, bond, commission, commitment, compact, concordat, convention, covenant, deposition, dicker*, engagement, evidence, gentleman's agreement, guarantee, handshake*, indenture, liability, mise, obligation, pact, paper, pledge, promise, proof, record, settlement, stipulation, treaty, understanding

Personally I want to have a discussion with any partner about what we expect out of our relationship, what our likes and dislikes are, what things EITHER of us would or wouldn't want to do. A "slave contract" can be a fun way to get everything down, and make it seem very real to some people. I don't think I would never need to use the term "contract" for anything between a PYL i personally chose, but if it was something they wanted I wouldn't be afraid to put everything we agreed on down on paper.

necessary? not for me.

 

[catalina_francisco]

We don't have one. Not sure I think of a verbal discussion in quite the same way as a written contract in any context, D/s or vanilla, Limits no longer apply for me so it just has not been something we bothered carrying further than an initial thought process for a while. They make some people feel safer, but at the end of the day, a contract is only as good as the word of those involved so cannot magically prevent bad things happening in all circumstances.

Catalina

 

[Netzach]

Every time I try to write one of these it gets totally out of hand. I don't have one, but I don't think they're purposeless, they can be very useful touchstones in a relationship when shit hits the fan.

If I ever do it I'm finding someone who does contract professionally and is a freak to write it FOR me.

 

[Etoile]

Never had a contract, never had negotiations, never had a safeword. Not dead yet. Your mileage, of course, may vary.

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

............

 

[FurryFury]

Someone would have to require and insist on a contract for me to feel one was needed, a written one that is. It seems a bit like playing at it to me. The contract isn't legal, or enforcible, so what's the point? There is no CYA on it.

*shrugs*

Now discussing limits and such, a verbal sort of deal, yes, for me, that is very important.

Fury

 

[shy slave]

I agree with FF, if there is a need for a formal written contract then it seems as if it is by 'BDSM by Numbers.'

There are not legal or enforceable, and could easily give a false sense of security.

Marriage is a contract and look how complicated that can be when it goes wrong

Conversations about limits, ideas and fantasies all seem a much more honest and open way of looking at things. Particularly as things develop and change in every relationship.

When I think of written contracts I have this picture in my head of a slave bound, tied and about to be ass fucked. The slave has the contract in her hand, screaming their safe word and saying 'but, but, but.....you wrote oral before anal, and signed it !'

 

[FurryFury]

I agree with FF, if there is a need for a formal written contract then it seems as if it is by 'BDSM by Numbers.'

There are not legal or enforceable, and could easily give a false sense of security.

Marriage is a contract and look how complicated that can be when it goes wrong

Conversations about limits, ideas and fantasies all seem a much more honest and open way of looking at things. Particularly as things develop and change in every relationship.

When I think of written contracts I have this picture in my head of a slave bound, tied and about to be ass fucked. The slave has the contract in her hand, screaming their safe word and saying 'but, but, but.....you wrote oral before anal, and signed it !'

LMAO!

Years ago I jokingly told my husband to write down a request for something he wanted in triplicate and I'd let him. OMFG! He did it!

At that time, I was sexually closed off in several ways due to years of non consent with my ex. This was almost a, I have to be drugged to deal with it sort of thing.

Thank heavens I've worked through all that now!

Fury

 

[ownedsubgal]

Never had a contract, never had negotiations, never had a safeword. Not dead yet. Your mileage, of course, may vary.

lol...ditto.

 

[TooTiredToLive]

Had one once years and years ago, because I felt that she would be more comfortable with a written outline of what was expected of, by and for each of us, and she admitted she would be when I broached the subject. After seven or eight months, she asked if I still had my copy of the contract, and when I said yes (and pulled it from the files in my desk), she asked if we could tear it up. Having not seen this coming at all, I stammered for a moment and then said that yes, we could, if she wanted. She smiled, knowing how flabbergasted I was - and worried - and said simply, "We've gone beyond that. I'm no longer a child in this, and I don't need my 'security blanket' any more."

So - my answer would be, a "formal" contract is only as important as it is necessary to one or both of the parties for their peace of mind.

 

[myinnerslut]

A and i have a system of rules that we have built as needed over time. the only pen and paper thing i did was fill out a checklist, which i found very usefull in discuovering my feelings on various topics. (as feelings change, i filled out a second one more recently). an actual contract though? thats not me.

 

[marieR19]

A very good question, and certainly a YMMY one. I think contracts are pretty essential in D/s relationships, at least in some way... As others have stated, I view "contract" as any agreement/conversation of limits, expectations, etc. Not necessarily writen, but oral, or even emailed or something... any D/s relationship I would enter into would have to have some sort of "contract", but honestly I'd prefer a written, formal contract for when/if I ever enter a 24/7 slavery agreement.


Heather

 

[catalina_francisco]

I am still not that taken with contracts, especially when hoped they will bind someone to some form of agreement. So many believe if they make and sign a contract, it will be honoured, enforceable, backed up by law etc., if need be...sorry folks, the contracts spoken about here are not legally binding so even if you are unhappy with the outcomes, there is precious little you can do about it except wave it in the face of the one who has not kept their part of the bargain which apart from creating a slight breeze, will likely have little or no effect.

Catalina

 

[CutieMouse]

My view is that I approach a BDSM relationship as a "*relationship*... I've never asked a "vanilla" Lover for a written or verbal contract of what our relationship would entail; I see little reason to do so just because our relationship is based on a slightly left of center dynamic.

 

[WriterDom]

Contracts might not be enforceable but kicking their ass to the curb is.

A written contract is a little anal retentive IMO but whatever floats your boat.

 

[Blushing Bottom]

I don't think a contract is any more valid today than the marriage contract...but if two or three or...individuals come together to share a bit of themselves than open honesty should be all that is required.

 

[Netzach]

Ugh, I never thought of these as a way to make things rote and boring. For all the posting people here do, am I the only one who thinks that writing something helps people's thoughts on a subject becomes cohesive?

But I actually write down 5 year plans for my life and mission statements for my businesses.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Ugh, I never thought of these as a way to make things rote and boring. For all the posting people here do, am I the only one who thinks that writing something helps people's thoughts on a subject becomes cohesive?

But I actually write down 5 year plans for my life and mission statements for my businesses.

I think writing things down can work for some, though I find talking out my thoughts a tad better for sorting my head these days....I just get concerned with the message put out at times that to have a contract protects you. The only protection it offers is if the people involved want to hold to it...if they choose not to at some point, there is little you can do to make them and who would want to anyway? LOL, if I am not wanted, I am not about to try and make someone want or keep me...my prideful downfall.

Catalina

 

[Netzach]

I think writing things down can work for some, though I find talking out my thoughts a tad better for sorting my head these days....I just get concerned with the message put out at times that to have a contract protects you. The only protection it offers is if the people involved want to hold to it...if they choose not to at some point, there is little you can do to make them and who would want to anyway? LOL, if I am not wanted, I am not about to try and make someone want or keep me...my prideful downfall.

Catalina

That's a good point. I think it would be useful to look at them as road maps rather than anything binding beyond the people in them wanting them to be.