d-day

[tbon45]

well tomorrow is the final day for the big d. truthfully i dont want it to happen but its what she wants and i always gave her what she wanted. now get my settelment and move on some how. i dont know how i made it through the last year. i have no energy left im sick all the time and im lonely.

 

[Cathleen]

tbon, I wish you some peace. Good luck with tomorrow.

 

[tbon45]

im trying but the feelings just kicked in im not sure what to do.

 

[Cathleen]

Just keep breathing. Deep breath in and blow out just as deeply. Feelings do pass of course but while we're feeling them it helps to have some coping skills. You can distract yourself, being careful you're not avoiding them. Some distractions I use are scribbling, looking at magazines, calling a friend, taking a walk, pick up a book - especially books with a theme/photos such as flowers, places, activities, etc.

You can change the moment with a change in your mindset. Use imagery, sort of like a meditation with the minds eye. I have created a place in my mind, it's mostly the back yard of a country home, lots of flowers, a hillside, a swing -- you get the idea. When things get tough I'll stop and concentrate on my place. Picture yourself there, walk around to see what's there (you're in control so put whatever you want there but make it pleasant things). It's a good escape and can give you a mini-vacation, calms the inside. I usually feel more serene and ready to go back and deal with what's there.

Another thing I use (probably most), is to picture myself skiing. I grew up skiing and when I'm getting pushed around by life I go skiing in my mind. I know every trail on the mountain and I just fly! It feels wonderful - although a little bittersweet since I can't ski any longer but for the time I'm skiing in my mind, nothing gets in.

I find using things like this (even coloring with crayons, making collages) I've given myself a time out and hopefully more clarity and understanding to face the next difficult moments.

I have no idea what you're feeling but for me tolerating distress requires tools. They don't make the problem or situation disappear but do help us tolerate those difficult feelings.

 

[tbon45]

i try to think of other things but when i do it always comes back to her because everything i ever did was for her or with her i cant even drive around town because every where i go it reminds me of when we were together and cruising around.

 

[tbon45]

i just cant stop

 

[Guest]

 

[tbon45]

well its done this sucks i dont feel good ive been up all night sick. she has changed she has no feeling at all. i just took some sleeping pills so im going to sleep maybe ill get lucky and not wake up. good bye.

 

[bobsgirl]

I'm sorry you're hurting. I know you feel like you can't go on, but you can. Ond day, one hour, one minute at a time. With time, I promise you you will feel better. I know it sounds like a cliche, but perhaps you would benefit from some counseling. At least it woud be a safe place to let out all your pain.

I wish you the very best, tbon. I hope you find happiness. You deserve it.

 

[tbon45]

ive been to counseling they told me it was my fault

 

[webbo1]

bullshit

ive been to counseling they told me it was my fault





Don't you believe that for one second mate, it is never the fault of the one person.

It takes two people to make something work and from what I can understand digger you tried your ass off to make the other person happy.

In my mind you are in no way to blame for what has happened, never believe a councellor, one told me that it was my fault that my mother was unhappy, problem was we were talking about me and my mum never entered into it .............................................that squeezer never got paid, most of them are full of shit so you will go back to them time and time again.

NOT YOUR FAULT MATE

 

[tbon45]

i know im on my way now i have been doing better and im going back to work

 

[webbo1]

Good on ya mate