_Milky_Whites_
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cyber stalker...
- Thread starter _Milky_Whites_
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Star of Penumbra
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Send him emails that say "FUCK OFF ASSHOLE!" about fifty times a day. He'll probably get the idea. If you can, block his email adress.
First of all, sit down and write out a short, concise, and VERY clear email. Explain that you are going to block all of his addresses after you send it, that you will be removing and blocking him from your messenger, and that any further contact from him will be recorded for possible reporting to authorities.
Then do it. Block him, remove him from your messenger. If he tries to sign on with another name, keep a record of the name and block him. Again and again, however long it takes.
If you have given him any personal information, such as your town or your last name, etc., etc...then keep documentation of everything. Cyber stalkers can turn into REAL TIME stalkers, and that is a very serious situation that needs some sort of documentation for authorities. If you think he might be able to find you, or contact you in any way other than email, perhaps you should look into the legalities of stalking. I'm not sure that there are laws regarding stalking when it is done online, but surely someone has addressed it in the last few years, and your local law enforcement will likely be able to help with that.
Whatever you do, be safe.
And another thing: Does your husband know about this guy? Your man could very well be your strongest ally. I would let him know, and make no small issue of the fact that this guy will NOT stop. Perhaps you and your husband can present a united front in telling him to fuck off. It might be more effective.
Good luck...and please tell us how it goes. I'm sure that many, many more people out there have been through this, or will go through it in the future. This thread could be a great resource.
S.
Then do it. Block him, remove him from your messenger. If he tries to sign on with another name, keep a record of the name and block him. Again and again, however long it takes.
If you have given him any personal information, such as your town or your last name, etc., etc...then keep documentation of everything. Cyber stalkers can turn into REAL TIME stalkers, and that is a very serious situation that needs some sort of documentation for authorities. If you think he might be able to find you, or contact you in any way other than email, perhaps you should look into the legalities of stalking. I'm not sure that there are laws regarding stalking when it is done online, but surely someone has addressed it in the last few years, and your local law enforcement will likely be able to help with that.
Whatever you do, be safe.
And another thing: Does your husband know about this guy? Your man could very well be your strongest ally. I would let him know, and make no small issue of the fact that this guy will NOT stop. Perhaps you and your husband can present a united front in telling him to fuck off. It might be more effective.
Good luck...and please tell us how it goes. I'm sure that many, many more people out there have been through this, or will go through it in the future. This thread could be a great resource.
S.
_Milky_Whites_
Rejoining her real life
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Thanks for the advice. No, Ive not given him any personal information. I try to be very very careful about that. He knows my first name, my state and has seen a picture of me. That is it. The real life thing is what worries me. I try to be nice, I have such a hard time saying "fuck off" if I think its going to hurt someone. I guess I ask for these messes.
As for my husband, no, I cant bring him into it. He doesnt even know that I chat. Very old fashioned, very conservative, very everything that Im not. He thinks that talking to ANYONE on a computer is completely nuts. He used to freak just because I talked to a couple of nice normal ppl who were friends and they were women!
As for my husband, no, I cant bring him into it. He doesnt even know that I chat. Very old fashioned, very conservative, very everything that Im not. He thinks that talking to ANYONE on a computer is completely nuts. He used to freak just because I talked to a couple of nice normal ppl who were friends and they were women!
With Yahoo you can add him to the ignore list and remove him from the friend list (if not done yet). This way he can't contact you with Yahoo and you can become visible to others. You can also block his email like you would spam. Your email should have some means to block email addresses.
Hopefully those are the only ways for him to contact you.
As to whether he gets the hint, who can say. Some people are so desperate for contact that they latch on the first person that they find. Hopefully with time and lack response he'll decide to leave you alone.
Hopefully those are the only ways for him to contact you.
As to whether he gets the hint, who can say. Some people are so desperate for contact that they latch on the first person that they find. Hopefully with time and lack response he'll decide to leave you alone.
dcraz
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Do not let this go on!
Milky,
So very sorry to hear about all of this. Why can't people be well adjusted and recognize Lit for what it is. A fantasy playground. Not a real life dating service.
Do what everyone here has suggested. Keep print outs of both sides of the emails (hide them from hubby if you have to). Block him where you can (yahoo, email, etc.). Notify any system administrators or moderators (yahoo, email, Lit, etc.).
Tell him you are going to report the incidents to the police. Then do it! Call the police, explain your situation. Tell them you need to be discreet because of the husband situation. This should not be a problem. The police will contact him and hopefully convince him to leave you alone. And hubby should never know or get involved.
The important thing is to move quickly and decisively now that things have gotten out of hand. He may just be playing with you. Cruel though it may be. By getting the police involved, you should be able to get this harrasment stopped.
Good luck.
Milky,
So very sorry to hear about all of this. Why can't people be well adjusted and recognize Lit for what it is. A fantasy playground. Not a real life dating service.
Do what everyone here has suggested. Keep print outs of both sides of the emails (hide them from hubby if you have to). Block him where you can (yahoo, email, etc.). Notify any system administrators or moderators (yahoo, email, Lit, etc.).
Tell him you are going to report the incidents to the police. Then do it! Call the police, explain your situation. Tell them you need to be discreet because of the husband situation. This should not be a problem. The police will contact him and hopefully convince him to leave you alone. And hubby should never know or get involved.
The important thing is to move quickly and decisively now that things have gotten out of hand. He may just be playing with you. Cruel though it may be. By getting the police involved, you should be able to get this harrasment stopped.
Good luck.
_Milky_Whites_
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wow....i thought i just had some hardup nutcase on my heals. You guys make it sound like a bonafide crime though. Should I actually be that worried about him? I mean, he's made no threats or anything. Just begging and pleading. Whining and crying. He emails, he hangs around watching. And if I sign on and dont speak to him he gets all huffy. If he speaks and I dont reply he gets whiny. If I dont go on one day I get emails crying about how it must be really over...booo hooo hooo. Gee, Ive only told him that it never started and yeah, consider it over about 20 times now.
I know that sometimes some lines can get fuzzy when it comes to anything online. But geez, some ppl really need some therapy. You dont fall for a complete stranger in a matter of days, especially when you have family of your own. Its really sad and its what makes this all so scary sometimes.
I know that sometimes some lines can get fuzzy when it comes to anything online. But geez, some ppl really need some therapy. You dont fall for a complete stranger in a matter of days, especially when you have family of your own. Its really sad and its what makes this all so scary sometimes.
dcraz
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First step
If you do not want to get too involved with the police right away, try this first step.
Tell him you are blocking him (email, yahoo, etc.). Tell him you have made copies of all the emails and prepared a package to give to the police he does not stop. And tell you you will do just that.
Hopefully he will get the point without you having to get the police involved in your personal business.
Good luck.
If you do not want to get too involved with the police right away, try this first step.
Tell him you are blocking him (email, yahoo, etc.). Tell him you have made copies of all the emails and prepared a package to give to the police he does not stop. And tell you you will do just that.
Hopefully he will get the point without you having to get the police involved in your personal business.
Good luck.
Icingsugar
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I'd go with dcraz's suggestion if I were you.
My guess is that you just haven't been clear enough on the whole "piss off" issue. Belive me, some pepole needs to have the hints spelled out for them, in big, colorful letters. And that it not limited to weirdo online stalkers. Pepole with no grasp whatever of the subtle things are all around us. We just need to learn how to deal with it.
My guess is that you just haven't been clear enough on the whole "piss off" issue. Belive me, some pepole needs to have the hints spelled out for them, in big, colorful letters. And that it not limited to weirdo online stalkers. Pepole with no grasp whatever of the subtle things are all around us. We just need to learn how to deal with it.
jeepman6
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Several years ago when my wife and I were having some serious problems I turned to chat rooms and got caught up in an online relationship with a woman. We never did anything like "cybering" or anything like that but talk would turn towards a sexual content from time to time. One day my wife found out when she logged on and asked if anyone had seen me online recently and this woman told her that she had and proceeded to tell her all about our relationship and what it meant to her. My wife then proceeded to pack up my things and booted my ass out of the house. We have since worked all of our problems out through a lot of counciling and have a very good relationship.
My advise is, one, be honest with your husband and tell him everything and two is to stay away from online relationships that take a turn towards the sexual. I have found the hard way that if we can't talk honestly with our s/o then there are far more problems with our relationships than we let on about in chat or boards such as these.
My advise is, one, be honest with your husband and tell him everything and two is to stay away from online relationships that take a turn towards the sexual. I have found the hard way that if we can't talk honestly with our s/o then there are far more problems with our relationships than we let on about in chat or boards such as these.
Noor
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I have been stalked myself a couple of times, never cyber stalked exactly, although my stalkers were/are definitely online. I was also the victim of someone else's stalker who mistook me for them in a dark parking lot and tried to run me down.
My advice is to say goodbye as nicely and politely as possible. You never know which of them is just a reasonable guy strung out for some reason and which ones are crazy.
if you have to give them a reason, don't say it is because you are involved with someone else, they could try and remove that person from your life.
Telling them you consider them more like a little brother if you know they have a big sister or a big brother if they have a little sister sometimes works, try and equate yourself with someone they would never consider for a relationship. tell them that this is upsetting you and you need to be away. Remove yourself from their sight as completely as you can. Yeah, it unfair and you shouldn't have to do this but if they are the crazy ones it is your only hope. Do not get them mad. if you can, get them to reject you. You don't want them hurt or mad at you, you just want them to stop thinking about you entirely.
Notifying the police may help, one of my stalkers was suspected of raping someone who looked a bit like me. In his place the police found notes pertaining to me and what he thought would happen after I dumped my guy, it was chilling, but from those I learned what he considered signs of my interest and change them.
Save letters, emails, voice messages. the women who tried to run me down was stupid enough to leave a hate message referring to the incident on her stalkee's answering machine and she turned it over to police. They went and had a talk with the woman and the stalkees ex and luckily they stopped.
My advice is to say goodbye as nicely and politely as possible. You never know which of them is just a reasonable guy strung out for some reason and which ones are crazy.
if you have to give them a reason, don't say it is because you are involved with someone else, they could try and remove that person from your life.
Telling them you consider them more like a little brother if you know they have a big sister or a big brother if they have a little sister sometimes works, try and equate yourself with someone they would never consider for a relationship. tell them that this is upsetting you and you need to be away. Remove yourself from their sight as completely as you can. Yeah, it unfair and you shouldn't have to do this but if they are the crazy ones it is your only hope. Do not get them mad. if you can, get them to reject you. You don't want them hurt or mad at you, you just want them to stop thinking about you entirely.
Notifying the police may help, one of my stalkers was suspected of raping someone who looked a bit like me. In his place the police found notes pertaining to me and what he thought would happen after I dumped my guy, it was chilling, but from those I learned what he considered signs of my interest and change them.
Save letters, emails, voice messages. the women who tried to run me down was stupid enough to leave a hate message referring to the incident on her stalkee's answering machine and she turned it over to police. They went and had a talk with the woman and the stalkees ex and luckily they stopped.
sxylegs
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_Milky_Whites_ said:
Just and added voice......so you dont take this lightly....
My ex boyfriend used to chat on IRC and he said he never cybered because he was a cop an if anybody in his hometown found out he could loose his job.....
Well he was talking to this one lady in Canada and she knew his occupation and his name and she found out where he was and sold her house and quit her job and just appeared out of nowhere on his doorstep expecting to get married.......He said that he didnt know why she did that and he put her up for a couple of weeks and he was a little frightened as to what she was going to do to him when he told her that he was dating someone and was serious......
She went back to Canada and moved in with her mom and got online and told everybody online what a creep he was and how he ditched her.....
So you never know what can happen.....
Just please be careful
My thoughts and prayers are with you....
Etoile
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Re: Do not let this go on!
First, I don't think she said this guy was from Lit. Second, why shouldn't Lit be a dating service? The Playground is separate from the Personals, if you hadn't noticed. Just because it doesn't have a handy-dandy search feature (like Match.com or whatever) doesn't mean it can't be a dating service.dcraz said:
_Milky_Whites_ said:
Should you be that worried? Maybe not yet. But you SHOULD take precautions, save everything, and be aware that the situation could change quickly.
And if the situation DOES change, and this cyber whiner begins to show signs of being violent toward you, or threatening, you will need to tell your husband. Sure, he might not like it and he might be upset, but when a situation arises with an online stalker, that nutcase can go after a spouse.
So I would say that for right now...watch everything that happens with this guy. Be alert for threats, indications that he has discovered where you live, things along those lines. And if you feel threatened by him in any way, take action IMMEDIATELY.
S.
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Emerald_eyed said:
Actually, a person in law enforcement is often required to meet very strident character requirements. If he was found to be cybering and he had a significant other who did not know about it and would consider it cheating, he could be called on the carpet for integrity issues.
S.
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ffemtp
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Alot of department have been setting rules like that up due to all the problems from the past. A code of conduct violation can cost a person there job. Cops and Firefighters can fall into those rules.
Now for the topic at hand. You need to block him from seeing when your online and block his emails. You should be fine since he does not have your full name and city that you live in. With some internet searches with a full name and city you someone can be found.
Just keep copies of the stuff from him for awhile to be safe.
take care and be safe.
Now for the topic at hand. You need to block him from seeing when your online and block his emails. You should be fine since he does not have your full name and city that you live in. With some internet searches with a full name and city you someone can be found.
Just keep copies of the stuff from him for awhile to be safe.
take care and be safe.
sxylegs
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Emerald_eyed said:
I agree with you Emerald_eyed if he was in my city where there are a numerous amount of cops.....but he was from a town of about 900 and he was the only town marshal......he couldnt even give the impression of anything imoral because he signed a morals clause when he was sworn in......in Indiana...the bible belt they do things like that here.......
But whether or not he could have been fired, I would hate to see a nice person like Milky get herself into a mess like the one my ex got into....it isnt good.......
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_Milky_Whites_
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Update...
Ok...for anyone who may have watched this thread or who has gone through the same....
The guy has finally pretty much left me alone. I deleted him so that I didnt know when he was on, I ignored all of his attempts to talk to me. Basically, I gave him the complete cold shoulder. I think he got the hint and left. I feel for the next poor girl he latches on to. Hope she isnt married.
Ok...for anyone who may have watched this thread or who has gone through the same....
The guy has finally pretty much left me alone. I deleted him so that I didnt know when he was on, I ignored all of his attempts to talk to me. Basically, I gave him the complete cold shoulder. I think he got the hint and left. I feel for the next poor girl he latches on to. Hope she isnt married.
