Cyber relationships

[sophia jane]

I am so new to all this yahoo/im stuff that it's pathetic! Have any of you met a cyber buddy in RL? How did it work out? Is it better to just leave all of that stuff on the 'net?

SJ

 

[matriarch]

A group of us met up in early January, here in the UK, when one of the American contingent of AH came over for a holiday.

It was so successful, that another group are planning to meet up in a couple of month's time.

Have a look at this thread:

South UK Meet up

I'm sure there are others who meet up and don't publicise it, those that live close by.......it all depends on how secure you are with the 'relationship' as it progresses on line.

 

[cantdog]

It's undoubtedly fundamentally unwise. By default, IM programs, Yahoo's included, keep logs of every word. It's like doing the same things in real life, but with a recording being made of every word. If that doesn't bother you, then go for it. I do lots of things which are unwise, but I like to know they are dumb just the same, to avoid nasty shocks when my unwisdom smacks me in the head.

 

[ram789]

Its really how comfortable you feel, I would be very careful as to who and where you might agree to meet but then again people find true loves on the net too...

 

[Wildcard Ky]

I met someone from LIT just a few days ago. We don't live far apart. We met for lunch. No problems at all.

Neither of us met under the pretense of a relationship or anything like that. We are both married. We met in the forums and struck up a friendship. She was in town on business and we decided to meet up for lunch.

It's like anything else. You have to keep proper perspective.

 

[cantdog]

With no recordings. Cyber is a risk.

 

[bobwhitecrow]

Everything in life involves a certain amount of risk!

I've met three of my online friends, in person. I met all of them while I was married to another woman. At the time, they were only friends. Two of them I flirted with online and even had phone sex with. I was new to IM'ing, too and I had a hard time believing that women could enjoy flirting as much as I did. It was like I had opened pandora's box.

Eventually I got a divorce, because I realized that I was with the wrong person. My current lover and I have been together four years. We have a lovely three year old daughter and plan to be married this summer on the anniversary date of our first real life meeting.

Love can be found online, just like anywhere else. However, there are certain precautions that should be taken. Always make the first meeting(s) in a public (spell that a "safe") place where there are plenty of people around. Do not drive straight home, in case someone decides to follow. Don't believe everything you read online, because there ARE predators.

All in all, enjoy the new found wonders of the internet and remember, cybersex is pretty safe. If you don't want to get your keyboard sticky, try phone sex, instead. With the right position, both hands are free to wander.

I hope you find your online and/or real life soulmate.

 

[Joe Wordsworth]

I've thought about it, that's for sure. I'm due to be in Manchester in a few months, and have thought about meeting people--haven't really decided about that, though.

 

[English Lady]

Well I'm off to the AH meet up in May so I'll be meeting a bunch of online folks then but just as friends...so that should be really cool.

I've actually met two people from cyberland in real life. One I guy i met up with in Mcdonalds in Manchester as he was passing through and he spent most of the time telling me his woes *L* lovely lad, totally platonic there.

The other was a guy I was flirting with online and on the phone...we met at the train station then I took him home(knowing my mum would be home) and well I'm married to the poor man now *L*

I'm happy to meet up with folks in real life. It's all cool. meet in public, let someone know you're meeting (friend, sister etc) and arrange to let them know your ok...just be sensible

 

[scheherazade_79]

Yes - and then we ended up being in a relationship for 4 years It felt good online, and it felt really magical in real life. It was probably the long-distance thing that killed it, but I have no regrets.

 

[Guest]

Yes and it's fucking awesome. But, I consider myself to be very, very lucky. Yes, there are risks, but stay smart and make sure you find out as much as you can and put safety measures in place, if need be. I never felt the need, but the connection was so real online and on the phone, I just "knew". I've never looked back. I could go on, but I don't want to make anyone throw up.

Lou

 

[cantdog]

You can be exposed to risk with people whom you meet in non-virtual places, as well. I daresay one is more prudent with folks met online, because of the consciousness of risk, actually. Risk is a factor in life at all times. You still need to live. And a long courtship online means you know much more about a person , when you meet, than you would have done had you met another way. The landscape is littered with successful relationships which began like that.

 

[pop_54]

I am so new to all this yahoo/im stuff that it's pathetic! Have any of you met a cyber buddy in RL? How did it work out? Is it better to just leave all of that stuff on the 'net?

SJ

As the others have said love, it's how you feel about being in contact with someone remote, and of course what you want out of the internet friendship thing.

If you feel you'd like to meet up with someone, go for it, you're an adult and can make your own judgements, of course in as safe a way as possible there are a lot of us weirdo's out there

If you just want to chat with a remote friend without a meeting, no real harm in that at all.

IM's can be a bit dodgy, as others have said they are very traceable and recorded at times. Of course you also have the problem of all IM systems being bloody indescreet, and they will pop up message windows on your desktop when they feel like it, so if you're hiding something from someone else in the house/office/wherever, don't go there.

We've met people in RL from the net, wife and I, but only a couple, and only briefly with no strings or pack drill, and no invite to the home address.

pops two pennyworth.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I've never found anything to support the idea that the internet is some weird way to meet dangerous and predatory people, and the people I've met in real life who I first got to know on the web have all turned out to be every bit as lovely as they seemed online.

Except for that wife of the Oil Minister of Zaire who needed my help to get her late husband's twelve million dollars back. She was no fun at all.

---Zoot

 

[rgraham666]

I've struck up some long term friendships from another board I used to hang at. the board is now defunct, but the friends remain.

Haven't met anybody from Lit, yet. I imagine I'll be around long enough that it's pretty much inevitable.

Have a couple of chat relationships ongoing. One was quite hot for a while but it's cooled and we're still friends. The other is just someone I like talking to.

I don't differentiate between cyber and real. The same rules apply; be honest, be forgiving, be careful.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

I met Hubby on the net. We've been together for more than 3 years now.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

I am so new to all this yahoo/im stuff that it's pathetic! Have any of you met a cyber buddy in RL? How did it work out? Is it better to just leave all of that stuff on the 'net?

SJ

I recommend it.

 

[impressive]

Except for that wife of the Oil Minister of Zaire who needed my help to get her late husband's twelve million dollars back. She was no fun at all.

---Zoot

Damn, I really wanted to meet her! Much relieved that it wasn't anything special. I can stop kicking myself now.


I haven't met anyone from Lit in person (yet), but I've brought other online (non-sexual) relationships into real life very successfully. It's never been a disappointment.

What I'm finding interesting is the reverse aspect -- meeting someone in RL and then getting to know them really, really well online. The removal of that non-verbal communication can lend an extraordinarily enticing weight to every single word.

 

[Guest]

 

[sophia jane]

Online friends can enrich your life in a million ways. Online romances have the same hazards as any long-distance relationship. You have to trust, but at the same time keep your eyes open. That said, my story "I told you" is about my fantasy about being surprised with a visit from someone who's been my cybersex buddy for about 4 years. I know it's not going to happen, but it's delicious to dream!

Loved the story!!!

SJ

 

[Guest]

 

[sophia jane]

bumping this to ask a further question:

How do you know if a cyber buddy is being honest with you? It is so easy to lie over the 'net. Is it just a gut instinct thing?

(Can you tell I'm suddenly having some trust issues?)

SJ

 

[English Lady]

It's mostly gut instinct. If you feel there's something wrong, often there is. You can ask the same question differentways over a few days or so and see if you get the same answer each time (if someone's making up a persona they'll probably forget little bits they've told you) or i it's an option speak to them on the phone. You can pick up lies easier with voice intonation than you can with typing.


I am very trusting, always have been and mostly I've not been disappointed. However I will say I have had a fairly extreme experience with an internet relationship.

I had only recently got chatting and this person started to chat with me, anyhow he was sweet and sexy and we got on well, we exchnged addresses and wrote as well as typed to each other, even though letters took 7 days between us (he was in Australia)

Anyhow all went well till a lady started telling me this guy was not a guy...but a girl,a teenage girl at that. Well through many weird experiences it came out that very possibly he was in fact a she and things broke down.

I still don't know to this day, I even had a phone call from an Australian male at one point who could have been him or a friend or something...I still really don't know.

One thing...the person would never ring me when I asked to confirm that he was a he...a pride thing apparently but I couldn't believe him/her/it and if it was pride,well a guy who chose pride over me was not worth mooning over!

 

[dreampilot79]

Getting to know someone online is an interesting experience. Unless you're into caming... basically you get an inverted experience from real life. For most people you get to know them from the inside out instead of the outside in. That can make for the strongest relationships!

Having said that..... There are very real very true horror stories about people on the web. I suspect that a combination of the vulnerability of some people who frequent the net and the anominity possible for others can who wish to exploit can make for a very dangerous mixture.

One does need to be careful but it is possible to meet people successfully.

Some of the strongest friends I have in real life I have I met online. So the answer is .. go for it.. but be careful.

 

[dreampilot79]

bumping this to ask a further question:

How do you know if a cyber buddy is being honest with you? It is so easy to lie over the 'net. Is it just a gut instinct thing?

(Can you tell I'm suddenly having some trust issues?)

SJ

The answer to that one is... you can never be sure until you meet them in real life... but like EL said... the only thing you can go on is yer gut. The good thing is that the gut is usually right! Run at the first alarm bell!