Cyber log into a story

[TheManInTheBoat]

Don't know if this is just lazy writing (actually, it is) but I was searching through an old hard drive from a desktop at the weekend and found some old MSN logs of some cybering sessions with an ex of mine. Got me off at the time, and got me off now - reckon anyone would be interested in reading them (after I edit out the one-handed typing errors)?

 

[Hypoxia]

Don't know if this is just lazy writing (actually, it is) but I was searching through an old hard drive from a desktop at the weekend and found some old MSN logs of some cybering sessions with an ex of mine. Got me off at the time, and got me off now - reckon anyone would be interested in reading them (after I edit out the one-handed typing errors)?

Only one way to find out, hey? Prepare to publish! I'll review it if you wish. In my copious free time...

 

[TheManInTheBoat]

Quick extract maybe?

I don't want my first published story to be a 1-star abomination...

20:37:15 Mark lucy if you were at your pc, wearing just your knickers and i was there, you wouldn't be watching me at all. i'd standing behind you, caressing your neck

20:37:44 lucy Mark ahhhhhhh, oh my god

20:37:58 lucy Mark nice

20:38:04 Mark lucy sliding my hands from your neck and shoulders to your breasts, flicking your nipples gently with my fingertips

20:38:35 Mark lucy that's the only way to approach these "half-naked woman in a chair" situations

20:39:15 lucy Mark i'd be grabbing ur ass, gently scratching ur thighs.....

20:39:25 lucy Mark inner thighs....

20:40:02 lucy Mark hard now baby?

20:40:13 Mark lucy leaning forward to kiss your cheek, i'd use the excuse to drop my hand a little further, sliding down your tummy.

20:40:16 Mark lucy a little

20:40:45 lucy Mark not dripping, but very sweetly moist..

20:41:06 lucy Mark clit is tingling

20:41:26 Mark lucy this won't ever work

20:41:41 Mark lucy *spins chair so you're facing me*

20:41:44 Mark lucy much better

20:41:49 lucy Mark ha

20:42:09 lucy Mark now the come to bed blues come out to play

20:42:30 Mark lucy cupping your face in my hands, leaning down to kiss you softly

20:43:10 lucy Mark trace my fingers down that hard body whilst you kiss me..

20:43:25 lucy Mark back up to you shoulders

20:43:59 lucy Mark along you neckline, up your neck to ur hair

20:44:05 Mark lucy sliding my fingers down your neck, my thumbs tracing your throat then outwards along your shoulders, underneath your arms, down your sides

20:44:31 lucy Mark quivering with anticipation*

20:44:44 lucy Mark i lean my head back

20:44:52 Mark lucy my fingers slipping underneath your breasts, feeling the heavy flesh

Better without the names and times?

 

[Hypoxia]

Hmmm, that is a bit... stark... in print, anyway. But as an audio dialogue (with suggestive music in the BG) it should work.

 

[LWulf]

I've seen a story posted here along the same lines. What would help is if you put words between the lines to flesh it out more. At least that's what the other writer tried to do.

Emphasis on "tried." Not saying this won't work, but left rough as it is...

You need to polish it some.

 

[Carnevil9]

You need to polish it some.

I think he means polish the story, not your "helmet."