Cyber Affairs. . .For Real?

[Lady Damona]

OK, maybe some of you more experienced Lit. members can help me out with this. . . .you hook up with someone online. . .maybe on the phone too. . .sex is great. . .and then it gets personal. . .you feel a connection. . .you think of this person 24/7. . .

Is this any less real than if you had met the person in real life?

 

[LordMagicMan]

hmmm 24/7? Cant say that I have... But I know others that have, and i cant say that most end well...

 

[Moridin187]

OK, maybe some of you more experienced Lit. members can help me out with this. . . .you hook up with someone online. . .maybe on the phone too. . .sex is great. . .and then it gets personal. . .you feel a connection. . .you think of this person 24/7. . .

Is this any less real than if you had met the person in real life?

Not to me..

 

[perks]

OK, maybe some of you more experienced Lit. members can help me out with this. . . .you hook up with someone online. . .maybe on the phone too. . .sex is great. . .and then it gets personal. . .you feel a connection. . .you think of this person 24/7. . .

Is this any less real than if you had met the person in real life?

the euphoria? nooo it's not different.......

knowing that reality is not involved with your relationship is the difference......no 24/7 problems....bills, kids, work stress, drinking the last bit of something and putting the empty container back into the fridge.

I fall in love...a gazillion different times...and each person for a different reason....but the reality is...we don't have to deal with stress together....they're an escape of the reality of everyday crap.

anyway, that's what I think.
perks

 

[Mistress]

Is this any less real than if you had met the person in real life?

No.

 

[celiaKitten]

I wouldn't say that it's any less real - but it's definately a different idea. Online or on the phone you can 'turn off' a person's less than stellar attributes, and thus things you would detest in day-to-day RL don't seem 'real'.

I really don't believe you can truly tell if a online/phone LDR will work until you meet F2F, and I don't think you could honestly call it serious until that point. There's too many non-verbal factors that can make or break communication and affection.

But, that's merely my own opinion.

 

[Calamity Jane]

.you think of this person 24/7. . .

Is this any less real than if you had met the person in real life?

I can't say that I've ever thought about anyone 24/7. Maybe I'm too selfish?

I have felt rather intense attraction to an online personna, but not to the point where I felt I had more than an intimate friendship with that person. I totally agree that 'face time' is required before you can know a person and develop a true relationship with them.

On a side note, I think if you're thinking of someone literally 24/7, you need to take a breather, and reevaluate the relationship. That goes for real or cyber relationships.

 

[celiaKitten]

Re: Re: Cyber Affairs. . .For Real?

On a side note, I think if you're thinking of someone literally 24/7, you need to take a breather, and reevaluate the relationship. That goes for real or cyber relationships.

I completely agree with you. That's a lesson I learned the hard way. That just veers into obsession.

 

[Lady Damona]

sorry . . . .

I didn't mean for ya all to take the 24/7 literally. . .I just meant that you think about them A LOT!

Great input. . .thanks!

 

[pabloback]

i have had every combination of cyber/rl combinations imaginable
the only time i have found a problem has been when one of the parties has not been completely honest with the other . to all intents and purposes it feels real because the emotions are real and in some cases enhanced by the imagination exagerating the finer points and omiting the bad. the same way a book is always superior to the movie

 

[T.H. Oughts]

I think what the others have said are true. There is so much that is not seen by your eyes on that persons face when you make comments.

But then everyone has a different level of being able to pick a soul mate from a crowd. Look how many couples get together in RL and them divorce within 3 years

 

[Rubyfruit]

I have made many real connections with people online. I have a penpal that I met on aol over ten years ago. She and I bonded over our dogs and to this day exchange letters and cards.

I don't consider my online friends and lovers to be any less real to me than people I can touch.

 

[pabloback]

the anonymity of cybering means people are more likely to let their inner thoughts out. that way the friendships created on line can be closer and more intimate

 

[Guest]

I think the emotional connection can be real. Sometimes it's more imagined. I once met a wonderful man on line. He had the ability to reach right into me through the screen and phone line. Despite how I felt, I thought I would remain distant. Eventually he just changed. We still talked online but I definitely felt him withdraw from me slowly. That wonderful connection faded and I felt empty.
I told myself it was mostly imagined and dated only rl men. To this day I regret I didn't take the chance. I have since met other men on-line but none ever came close to the emotional connection. I felt
I met him years later in RL and I still wake up sometimes and kick myself. We never even had cyber sex!

Lady Damona don't act foolish but there's no reason not to enjoy the feeling. Just be cautious and good luck. I don't know stats but I would think that the odds are not great wether you meet in RL or on-line.

Cam

 

[Camille]

That was me!

 

[espressolover]

Hi

I have been in an online relationship for about 6 months now...it started actually, like every R/L thing...attraction first...then deepened into an all-consuming love.

Now however...it seems like we are coming out the other side.
Things have definitely changed on his part..nothing outward, just a different, colder vibe.
I never thought i would say this, but I do agree that you need face-time to make it work. Now don't get me wrong, I don't wear my own little set of rose-colored glasses, I just thought that we could hold on until we met..that the meeting could wait to take place when we both could do it...he is on the other side of the world from me...
but now the relatonship is suffering and I can't see him to try to get this talked out face-to-face.
I think his job is alot of the prob. He had a major setback with a co. he was dealing with...but that doesn't mean he should be cold to me..not after all this time.
See, I am still making excuses for his behavior.

Oh god, I'm rambling...sooo sorry all!
Thanks for putting up with me!!
Anyway, you get the point..******* relationships have to meet..it's just imperative.

espresslover

I guess this one belongs on the LDR thread...lol.
Thanks for listening!

 

[lovetoread]

I guess since I have some experience with this,I can answer your question.

The relationship I have found here in the cyber world is real to me. It started out as nothing more than talk and the chance to learn how to cyber as neither he nor I was wanting anything more than friendship and a flirtation.

In fact at the beginning we put down rules to follow and everything to make sure the lines did not cross. Obviously we didnt follow those rules at all.

I think that before you can tell if it is for real is if you meet face to face,which we have and that you can tell this person all of your problems and they can tell you theirs. If the thought of talking about bills and kids doesnt make you run and hide,you might have found a great person to be with.

I am going through some major stuff here in my life and he has stood by me,I do think about him alot,not to the point of obsession,but alot. The little things like wanting to share special moments and stuff like that.

For me this relationship is more than real. We have plans you see, that involve real life and real life problems. It hasnt scared us away,but has made us closer.

The only thing that I would warn about relationships over the net,is that others wont understand. I am tired of trying to explain that no I am not one of those crazy people who have found a wierdo off of the net. I would never have let it get this far if it wasnt real. If this relationship ended today,I would more devestated than you can ever imagine.

But all of this is my opinion and nothing more,mind you.

 

[espressolover]

lovetoread

Thanks for saying so eloquently what I was trying to say...I got bogged down in my own relationship problems. '
Yes, I agree you have to be able to talk about kids and bills and dirty dishes just like everyone else. If you can't share it here, then you can't share in R/L. We had done all that stuff, too.

Many, many happy wishes and prayers to you and your love.
You guys will make it!

Have a warm and wonderful holiday!!
espressolover

 

[weathered2]

I agree with the comments, that without RL contact some things feel lacking, looking through somone's eyes into their soul, cuddling warmly and feeling someone's breath wash over you, and so forth.

However, I'm finding another affect that seems analogous to a blind man learning to hear better. I find other sensitivites more heightened by the limitations. I believe I am becoming a more sensitive and caring person, in spite of my crude posts. I also think this is beginning to spill over into RL. So, I am eternally greatful for the experience. I'm old enough to realize nothing lasts forever without changing, sometimes for the better and sometimes not, but I hope to have the good sense to focus on the here and now and enjoy it at the moment, then take whatever comes.

(edited for typos, yet again)

 

[Manjaro_Eve]

My best friend met a man online. They've been together for over a year and they're getting married in May.
I've been with my LD lover for 2 years now. We both have families, so for now, we keep things the way they are. Our relationship is full of love, passion, laughter... disagreements, tears. We started out as friends. We've done some work together online. We both write. So we've had more than cyber sex to base our relationship on.
We've made it through the "honeymoon" phase, and we're still going. I now see that Prince Charming's armor is a little tarnished, and he knows that his Princess has a cracked tiara. lol But we're still living happily ever after in the moment.

 

[ShamelessFlirt]

I've fallen in love
given my heart

gotten to the point
can't stand that we're apart

It couldn't be any more real
no stronger emotion could I feel

I fall asleep and see her face
in our dreams we meet, our special place

And though life is full of doubt
this is what I imagine it's all about

 

[estevie]

Oh yes!!, its very real!

 

[Lady Damona]

I've fallen in love
given my heart

gotten to the point
can't stand that we're apart

It couldn't be any more real
no stronger emotion could I feel

I fall asleep and see her face
in our dreams we meet, our special place

And though life is full of doubt
this is what I imagine it's all about

Shameless. . .that was beautiful. . .brought a tear to my eye.
Thank you.

 

[espressolover]

weathered2

I agree...
I am also very thankful for the experience...even tho it is ending.
I have learned to take nothing for granted...holding hands, cuddling, watching television together. Things that are impossible in an online relationship.

And I am more caring and more giving no matter what the case may be.
My lover taught me so much about his culture and his world. I will be eternally grateful for this beautiful glimpse into another world.
It has widened my experiences tremendously.

I do hope that my love and I will eventually get past this and be able to go on form here together...but if we don't I will always be grateful.

Hey all...don't take seemingly small things for granted. It's the little things that count.


Happy holidays to you, weathered, and to all!
espressolover