cutting

[Hairgrip]

as i have said before i am not an expert, i am not a cutter, i am not unbiased. my experince with self-harm is as a trainer. that is to say, i train people to deal with self-harmers, not to self harm!
self-harm, be it cutting up, infecting wounds, picking scabs, self amputation, smoking, excessive alcohol consumption... is generally a method used by people to express themselves. ironically self harm, which (dependent on method used) can be potentially fatal, is a vital component in helping some people stay alive.
it can be an expression of the pain/hurt that an individual feels internally but is unable to express. however many friends/family members they may tell about the cause of their pain it is posible that they can not adequately express themselves.
self harm is generally not solely 'attention seeking'. it can be a form of seeking attention, but to be fair if someone feels that cutting up/self tatooing/etc is the best way for them to receive attention then i would argue that there is something that triggers such behaviour.

how to cope with a friend or relative who self harms?
it's not easy.
showing them that they can talk to you with out fear of rejection or being dismissed.
provide them with distraction....
believe it or not bringing yourself to orgasm is an excellent as a way of preventing selfharm tendencies
have an elastic band on your wrist and 'ping' it when you need to cut up
carry a cut up kit just in case, complete with first aid kit
learn how to deal with cuts and learn good first aid - keep it clean!

to be honest i'm not convinced about the whole threapist thing - but that is just me. i think good friends and family tend to be the best bet. that said talking to someone completely out of the loop can be really beneficial.

hope that is of some use.

Hx

 

[bad kitty]

My best friend of 19 years is a cutter. I think she has finally stopped, but seeing as she is on the east coast and I am in the middle of the country I can't be sure. She started cutting around the age of 12 or 13. To her it was like an addiction. She felt worthless and had been told that by her parents daily. When she would hurt on the inside she would cut to distract from mental and emotional pain. She would cut when she was nervous or upset over anything, she would cut when she was mad. Many nights I was awakened by a phone call with her on the other end freaking out because she had awakened in a pool of blood where she had been cutting herself and didn't remember.

I may not be able to help you much, but I definately know what you are going through. Please feel free to PM me if you wish, I will do all i can to help or just to listen.

 

[KillerMuffin]

thank you hairgrip, storm, and everyone else. obviously this subject is close to my heart and i'm not being very objective. i'm sorry if i'm being ungrateful or flippant.


she did it before, back when i still lived at home. we talked about it, and i started making an effort to be more available to her. it seemed like that helped, like she could come to me when she was upset rather than internalizing it all.
a few nights ago she told me she was doing it again. i told my parents, and they are going to find her a therapist. however, now she isn't speaking to me at all and she blocked me from her AIM list.

i just want her to be healthy. i can't see that cutting is an acceptable coping mechanism, i just can't.

Unfortunately, you don't really have a choice. Cutting is a coping mechanism. For most people who cut it's the only one they have or know how to do. When they get emotional and they can't release it in a healthy way, they have to cut. Until she learns new mechanisms, she's going to cut. And there is, quite frankly, nothing you can do to stop it.

She blocked you because you betrayed her. It sucks when you have to choose between intervention and keeping trust and you did the right thing. But she's going to be pissed about it for a while.

What can you do? Sit down and write her a snail mail letter. Tell her how you feel and how much you love her. It may do no good, but then again, it's tangible proof that someone loves her and thinks about her when she may feel know one does.

You may want to talk to a therapist a few times yourself. So you can work through your feelings about this and learn the best way to help her.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

I used to cut. But more than cutting, I picked at scabs, no matter how much they bled, or how much it hurt. It was (and still is, when I'm stressed out) the way I deal with things. I also used to stick pins into myself. I have a few scars on my body the size of pencil-erasers... some of them are from the times I stuck a pin in my body, and left it there, all the way in, for a few hours or a day.

I was not a happy teenager... the cutting and pin-poking stuff stopped when I was 15, after a culmination of being harshly suicidal for a few months... but the picking.. like I mentioned.. still happens. I have scars all over me... not big ones, necessarily, but still scars.

I don't know why I did it. I think I did it as a way to keep from verbalizing my emotions, a way to act out the anger and hatred I was feeling, without having to affect anyone else. The physical pain is also a way to reassure yourself that the emotional pain is real.

I'm lucky. I have no scars from the cutting. I know someone who does... when i saw them for the first time (a row of 5 or so scars), I just ran my fingers over them. It shocked me, and it made my heart bleed, and I just wanted to hold her closer and take that pain.

But.. y'know.. you can't take the pain. They have to be willing to give it away.

 

[Jewelz]

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[cheesysusie]

lexie, I found out tonight that my 16 year old sister is doing the same thing. I'm kind of freaking out at the moment. I'm so glad to read this thread, and see that other people are knowledgeable and such about it.