I often wonder if or what part of the BSDM lifestyle I find intriguing. A part of me wants to dominate, while another wishes to submit - how does one tell if they are truly wanting or just fantazing about being a part of this world? The stories turn me on as do my fantasies, but I wonder how different reality might be - any thoughts to help me decide?
Curious2 know
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Shadowsdream
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curious2y said:
There is only one way to know if fantasy is your cup of tea or reality is...trying it in reality. Since your thoughts are divided between the two *submission and domination* you will probably have to try the two..and may find that in actuallity you fit somewhere in the middle.
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
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Usually a high level of arousal to such fantasies is a strong indicator you are going to enjoy the reality, but is not failproof. As Shadowsdream says, the only way to really find out is to explore that reality when you feel ready, and with someone you know you can trust. Finding that trusted partner may take time, so don't risk your safety by trying to speed through that initial search (there are a lot of good threads here dealing with how to look safely for a partner). A good rule of thumb to find your reality based desires and needs is to start off with minor activities, progressing as you explore your comfort levels.
As to where you fit, it could be you are switch, or that you are more comfortable in just one of the roles. Is difficult to tell at times until experiencing, as often it is the attraction to the ideas for you to receive or give which fool the senses. That sounds a bit confusing..what I am trying to say is perhaps you are attracted to dominating because that is who you are, but also feel stimulation from submissiveness as the psyche is attracted to bringing that out in another under your hand. Often that attraction, before reality has been experienced, can manifest as a fantasy of being the submissive yourself (or dominant in the reverse circumstance). But it may well be you are open to both roles depending on your mood and partner.
Catalina
As to where you fit, it could be you are switch, or that you are more comfortable in just one of the roles. Is difficult to tell at times until experiencing, as often it is the attraction to the ideas for you to receive or give which fool the senses. That sounds a bit confusing..what I am trying to say is perhaps you are attracted to dominating because that is who you are, but also feel stimulation from submissiveness as the psyche is attracted to bringing that out in another under your hand. Often that attraction, before reality has been experienced, can manifest as a fantasy of being the submissive yourself (or dominant in the reverse circumstance). But it may well be you are open to both roles depending on your mood and partner.
Catalina
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Thanks for the advice
I appreciate both of your takes on this. That is basically what I suspected, but one often has to wonder how one approaches one's partner about these things.
We are sort of going there very very slowly, but I'm shy & have issues with articulating my desires / fantasy although my partner is more than willing to listen and asks often what I'm thinking about.
I appreciate both of your takes on this. That is basically what I suspected, but one often has to wonder how one approaches one's partner about these things.
We are sort of going there very very slowly, but I'm shy & have issues with articulating my desires / fantasy although my partner is more than willing to listen and asks often what I'm thinking about.
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
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Re: Thanks for the advice
Is not always an easy topic to discuss with a SO first time, or even the hundredth, but is important to enabling communication to lead you on your path of exploration. A way ofetn suggested here is finding stories which hold elements that fascinate you and giving it to your partner to read with the understanding you would like to discuss it later. Another way may be sitting together and reading threads from here, or articles from various sites. I personally find that easier than the story method as it already opens up the communication in a relaxed way as you read through ideas and expriences together and guage each other's reactions and talk. Talking is the most important place to begin I think, so understanding and expectation can be paramount before attempting reality. Everyone is different...enjoy your journey.
Catalina
curious2y said:
Is not always an easy topic to discuss with a SO first time, or even the hundredth, but is important to enabling communication to lead you on your path of exploration. A way ofetn suggested here is finding stories which hold elements that fascinate you and giving it to your partner to read with the understanding you would like to discuss it later. Another way may be sitting together and reading threads from here, or articles from various sites. I personally find that easier than the story method as it already opens up the communication in a relaxed way as you read through ideas and expriences together and guage each other's reactions and talk. Talking is the most important place to begin I think, so understanding and expectation can be paramount before attempting reality. Everyone is different...enjoy your journey.
Catalina
