Curious About Other Married Women’s POV

[fgarvb1]

I was having a discussion during a visit with a long time friend of mine who happens to be a fine looking Blond even is she is a little skinny (Heck, you can't win them all) when the discussion took a turn and dived off into our sex life's and the things we liked and did not.

Well, it seems that there is trouble brewing in paradise!

Her husband, it seems, does not’t feel “in the mood” much any more and I am assuming has not given her any or at least not very much in several months and when he does the foreplay is notably absent.

It is to the point she says that she has her a “Little buzz toy” that fits on her finger and she gets herself off that way…Even said that she uses it in the bed while he is trying to go to sleep.
“I don’t care what he thinks about it anymore“

I said I understood how she felt and knew where she was coming from. We discussed our thoughts on the absence of sex and its effect on the body, male and female.

It was a conversation that lasted thirty minutes or so interrupted by her daughter coming through and them discussing tidbits of school activities for the summer and next year.

Then a look of realization was expressed on her face and then a resolute determination was visible that bespoke a rough time for numb nuts as she said,
“My daughter graduates High School next year…I won’t have to put up with this crap much longer!”

Now, I have listened to stories like this one several times in my life and I have noticed … and it seems to me, that females are not as tolerant as males or as willing to go the extra time in a situation like this.

What would you do in her situation?

 

[NippleMuncher]

I'm not sure I understand the question. Women aren't tolerant of what, lack of sex, a loveless relationship, ??? If you ask me, women are far more inclined to put up with crap from a man than men are of women.

IMHO, the key to any relationship is open and honest communication, whether it's between spouses, couples, family members, or friends. Without communication, no one knows what the other side feels or why they feel that way.

Now, there are not many people of either sex that can, or know how to, communicate with one another. Without communication personal quirks start really grating on our nerves and the space between us is filled with all that is unsaid. Sometimes all it takes is for one side to break the ice and start talking, even if only feeling out the waters. Sometimes no amount of talk will rectify long ignored issues. It is the personal circumstances of those involved that will dictate the outcome.

 

[reddelilah70]

i feel her pain

as I am in the same boat. Counting down the days in some ways. And yes, we are far more tolerant. Been married 20 years now. WOuld have to say that there has been very little happiness for me in the past 12. Won't go into all the why's and wherefores...just that I share her sentiments on daughter graduating and breaking free.

 

[fuckmeat]

All depends on what the rest of their relationship is like. If it's only the sex that's missing, she might stay with him after her daughter graduates. If it's totally loveless, sure, she's likely to walk. It's a bit of a piece-of-string question though. Some women (and men) will stay in a bad relationship no matter what, unless it gets seriously abusive. If she's religious or faces the prospect of a lot of disapproval from family, friends and her daughter, that might be enough to keep her from leaving.

Also, men are usually in by far the best position financially when a marriage breaks down. They earn more, don't take time out for child-raising, have more savings and a better pension etc. What this lady may be entitled to under law if she divorces him might not be enough to make her feel secure. Also, if he hasn't committed any infidelity or otherwise been unreasonable, the legal side of things may go in his favour. Women generally live longer than men but their quality of life in their twilight years is much poorer. There will be a lot more for this lady to consider than whether or not the lack of sex is becoming a dealbreaker, especially if she has a daughter going into higher education or whatever.

 

[Toqueme]

.....

 

[Hiliburn]

huh.... I guess I always thought women were more 'tolerant' of this situation, than a man. But perhaps I have a limited exposure. The men I have talked to complain about the 'lack of sex... creativity... frequency....locations...etc' but the women I know don't. There lives are spent worrying about the kids and family, and many of them (I think) forget what sex is. There bodies get closed off from the lack of stimulation, and they nearly become asexual, then any stimulation freaks them out.
then again, maybe my married friends are a bunch of prudes, and I'm the only one chasing my sex life? lol

 

[ShyLana]

I haven't had sex with my husband in 9 years. We're both in our late 40s. I have lovers (one for 7 years now, a neighbor I had dated 25 years ago...), once in awhile a gal, a man I met on a phone line last month (but that looks like he only wanted the strap-on experience with me, at least, the one time). I don't miss it with husband at all. I truly doubt he hasn't been with another woman. What do you think? And son is about to graduate from HS. THis may be my time....

 

[fgarvb1]

Thanks for the replies.

I hope over the months more females will weigh in on this so an ideal of the percentages can be can be had.

and no I'm not writing a paper or anything!

 

[Sophie_pussy]

First, she should encourage her husband to see a doctor. A lack of libido can be a sign of anything from a minor problem to a serious, life threatening issue. I firmly believe that this was the first indication of my husband's cancer. I put up with it. I didn't have sex with him for several years. I love/loved him very deeply.

That said, I vowed to never endure a sexless relationship. I'm very sexually motivated and open minded. Most of the men I've been with since his death can't keep up with me. Sadly, I end up feeling rejected many times. The only one that could keep up with me had extremely abnormally high testosterone levels. We were like bunnies. That relationship didn't work out. My current partner is having a hard time keeping up and it is impacting my feelings for him. I've talked to my friends about it and all of them have said that they want way more sex than their male partners. Perhaps there's something in the water in this town.

ETA: I'm on birth control and anti-anxiety/anti-depressant meds. All of them are supposed to lower libido. I can't imagine what kind of horny humpy freak I'd be if I weren't on them.

 

[satindesire]

In my opinion, no one should tolerate an unhappy relationship. For any reason. Trust me, "staying together for the kids" is a cheap cop out, and kids would rather be in a happy broken home than one where their parents have set a bad example for them to look forward to in THEIR future relationships.

I say this because my parents relationship was SHIT when I was a kid, I would have been much happier if they had been separated. Because my mom and dad were so dysfunctional, the first few relationships I had were terrible...I had no positive example by my own parents marriage.

Most people either can't or won't talk about the things that bother them. And most of the time it's WON'T. People can communicate unhappiness about many things to everyone BUT their partners, and it seems that more often than not, they'd rather ignore a problem and cross their fingers that by ignoring it, it'll magically go away rather than deal with the reality that their relationship isn't as perfect as it looks on the outside.

I've dealt with a sexual mismatch three times now in my relationships. My first serious relationship ended because of it. The relationship after that ended because of a lot of reasons, mainly because he was a physically and emotionally abusive asshole who cheated on me multiple times and had a terrible porn addiction, but the sexual mismatch was one of the reasons, to be sure.

I promised myself after being burned twice by poor communication about sex that I wouldn't ever deal with it again. In my marriage, I fought tooth and nail, and even though he didn't want to talk about it, I pushed the issue as lovingly as as often as I could. Eventually, he learned that if he wanted to stay with me and be happy, he was going to have to talk about it even though his ego and other things were preventing him.

I think it's harder for men to talk about a low libido than it is a woman, because men are "supposed" to be sex-hungry horndogs 24/7, and when they're not, that makes them feel 'less than' a man. They'd rather pretend everything's fine than deal with how painful it is to admit that they're NOT as sexual as they're 'supposed' to be. But I'm not having a bruised ego ruin MY relationship. No way.

 

[Eilan]

In my opinion, no one should tolerate an unhappy relationship. For any reason. Trust me, "staying together for the kids" is a cheap cop out, and kids would rather be in a happy broken home than one where their parents have set a bad example for them to look forward to in THEIR future relationships.

As a product of a similar relationship, I agree with this 100%. By the time my parents finally divorced, the damage had already been done.

 

[satindesire]

As a product of a similar relationship, I agree with this 100%. By the time my parents finally divorced, the damage had already been done.

I only have myself to look at as an example, so talking to you would give me some valuable insight. Do you mind if I ask some terribly personal questions about your relationships as you grew up? I'd like to know if we shared similar experiences.

 

[infinity706]

Well, my parents are a terrible example, too. They just happened to be a terrible example that actually worked. My mom only ever dated one guy. That was my dad, who was her boss. Within 5 months, she got married, got knocked up 2 months after college graduation, and became a stay at home mom. She got knocked up 3 other times, 2 years later, 3 years later, and 5 years later in addition to practically raising 7 other kids and babysitting my dad's mother. After that, my mom got a job in an entirely different field than her degree and has taken care of nursing home residents for 9 years. Surprisingly, my parents are still happily married after 26 years and still fucking each other's brains out. Of course, for supposed conservatives they barely batted an eye over the whole polyamorous, pansexual thing I have going or the fact that I have 3 main, close fuck buddies, (7 years, 3 years, and 2 years) 2 of which are my parents' age and one that's retired. All three of them, of course, have one or more other partners, as well. They didn't even worry that much when one of my brothers knocked up a chick on the first date and married her less than a month later (surprisingly, they're quite happy after almost 2 years even though she got knocked up again despite being told by multiple gynecologists that she could never get pregnant), one of my brothers is engaged to a highschool student that was pregnant before he met her, and the last one, has had a 7 year relationship with his girlfriend. Of course, that girlfriend was the fiancee of brother number one. She was only dating him in the first place, because it was the only way to get close to a shy, 15 year old. Seriously, none of this is "supposed" to work. Of course, my parents have been supportive of all of that and bought their new grandbabies far more baby shit than I ever had my entire childhood.

Amazingly enough, though, for being the wild child, my greatest disasters are 2 parking tickets and managing to get hit at a red light. I haven't been arrested, depressed, had any STD/pregnancy issues, solicited a prostitute, or used illegal drugs. I did get fired in week from a temporary job, but as far as I can tell, that was due to being the only staff member that wasn't a minority and they had to make cuts. Amazingly enough, I went from being evaluated as a top performer to being fired, literally, the next day for being incompetent.

It certainly never would have happened with my grandparents, though, who were all racist, bigots (devout Italian Catholics and Irish, Fundamentalist Baptists) that strongly opposed my parents' marriage for religious, as well as economic class reasons to the point that there were 2 different marriage ceremonies. If any of them were alive to see this, they would have been horrified. Things like food stamps were a sin, nevermind anything like unmarried pregnancies, interracial couples (or even friendships), same sex couples, birth control, multiple partners, sex toys, porn,...

 

[philos]

in my experience (which is limited) it seems the woman is much more likely to walk away or ask for a divorce.

 

[littlebabyclit]

I have stayed with a husband for many, many years beyond what maybe another woman would put up with, and for most of it, the sex between us has been either unsatisfying or uninspiring. I have stayed because I care about him, never stopped caring about him. We keep "working on" the sex. I value other things about the marriage. I do not agree a woman is more likely to walk than a man over this issue. But I also don't necessarily recommend doing what I have done or living like I do.

One really does have to figure out what it is they value most and are willing to support when you sign up to be in a marriage. Temporary bumps in the road of a great or at least good sex life should be patiently waited out. But if sex is a high priority item and it is never really good, despite all efforts to improve it, I recommend getting out...before you're too old and if you don't use it, you lose it, know what I mean ?

 

[PaddyO]

I really think a woman will stay in a relationship far longer than a man. We will say "screw it I'm gone" first. However, there are times when we just can't get it up no matter what we do. Then to hide our inability we just pretend to have a lower libido.

Paddy