policywank
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 21, 2007
- Posts
- 3,241
As I said in another post, I went into my marriage knowing up front what she was. We discussed open relationships, but I was in one of those before my wife, more times than not it ended up in disappointment. Tried swinging, more frustrating than rewarding for me at least. So when I was introduced to the woman that is now my wife, i was warned that she was promiscuous, and she was divorced 3 times. We went out, we had fun, we laughed, she is the hottest woman I had ever been with. So we sat down and had a talk, I asked her about her marriages and the rumor of her being a slut. She did not deny it, then told me that she didn't have any plans to be monogamous. So I asked her what it was that she wanted me to be , and what she wanted. Her answer floored me, she said a cuckold husband. As I said before she gave time to think about things, ask questions, we were on shakey ground as I was uncertain about the future. Then one day I went to her house, and I told her that I had to have her in my life. 2 weeks later it was her that proposed to me. 3 months later we were married. It has been at times a crazy 11 years now. As far as is this forever? I don't know that, but I don't believe either of us as plans to leave. We have a life together, we own things together, the cuckolding is just part of our sex life. Yes it is sort of a female led relationship, but she isn't bossy, she isn't demanding, she isn't demeaning. I just follow her lead because she makes good decisions. As far as the other men, she sets that all up. She will come to me tell me what's she is doing, when she is doing it, where she will be. Sometimes she will ask me if I am available to join them, if of course she has discussed that with her date. If I don't go, that is my free time to really do as I wish. When she gets home, I get my time with her. It may not be regular sex. That is fine with me. She comes home
First thing I had to learn is to let go of the "where is mine" mentality. Let her do what she does, and she makes sure I get mine too.
On very rare occasions she sets things up with a woman, for us both to enjoy.
Your point about letting go of the "where is mine" mentality is spot on. Husbands often seem to confuse limiting their wife to sexual exclusivity with optimizing their own sexual activity. The two have little to do with each other. And those guys often end up being the ones complaining about their wife's lack of sexual engagement later in the marriage. Any healthy wife is capable of satisfying all the sexual needs and desires of more than one man. Having the latitude to pursue her sexual desires with other men if she so chooses as well as her husband results in her having greater engagement and satisfaction in her sex life, which works to the benefit of all the men in her life including her husband.
We tried an open relationship. It worked great for me but not so much for my husband. So he found that many date nights he effectively had two choices. He could pursue other women knowing it rarely worked out and when it did was usually inferior to our sexual interaction. That pursuit still took him away from home and left me unsure what his plans were so I would just assume he wouldn't be available that night. If he struck out with his date or failed to find a woman that was the end of his sexual potential for that evening. Or he could wait at home for me while enjoying a hockey game or a movie or go out with his friends and plan to be home by a certain time. If I knew that ahead of time I would be home to take care of his sexual needs at the end of the night. He actually got everything he wanted or needed that evening. If he wanted to fuck me twice then I was down to fuck and frankly twice was all he could muster. So what if another man fucked me earlier in the evening? It took nothing away from my husband yet enhanced my sex life.
Now some will say why didn't I go on a date with my husband that night and spend the whole evening with him. We do that often. But there are nights he is actually happier to watch the game or hang with his buddies and being able to do that and still get laid at the end of the night is his optimal outcome. Meanwhile a wide variety of sexual opportunities are available to me and availing myself of those opportunities does enhance my sex life (they are better than my husband, but they are more and different so yes they do augment my sex life). So we each get exactly what we want. In order to see that he had to let go of the idea that my sex with other men took away from him.
On balance the result is that both of us have a more active and engaged sex life than we would if we were monogamous. Perhaps I get more net benefit because I have greater capacity and opportunity. But that doesn't take away from him and in fact enhances his sex life too.