Crafting plausible buy-in for a heroine in a horrible situation

[ThePracticeShortStories]

Hello, this question is in the context of my NC/BDSM series "The Royal Garden". I've just completed episode 4 (which is the final part of Act 1) and I don't think I succeeded in creating plausible buy-in for my heroine, Orchid. (Episode 1 is here: https://www.literotica.com/s/the-royal-garden-ep-01)

My difficulty is that Orchid has been drafted into a conspiracy and forced into sexual slavery as a "cover" for identifying a threat against the King. To complete Act 1, I really need Orchid to buy in to her role instead of constantly trying to escape her predicament. Episode 4 ends with her foiling the escape plans for two of her fellow slaves -- as a method of cementing her buy in -- which has really upset some readers. So, I'm thinking I didn't quite hit the mark setting up the Act 1 turn.

Here's how I tried to build the scenario for her buy-in:

1. She begins as a generally loyal citizen who loves her country

2. She is "drafted" into a conspiracy against her will, but the general goals of the conspiracy align with her principles.

3. Being abducted into sexual slavery is horrible, but her brother is also risking life and limb for the same ends (by fighting in the army)

4. She sympathizes with Iris and Azalea (the two slaves who are plotting to escape), but doesn't think their escape will be successful. She gets some leads from them that might help her with her investigation, and by turning them in she may earn some trust from her puppet masters.

If anyone wants read the story and offer some tips, I'm all ears!

 

[8letters]

3. Being abducted into sexual slavery is horrible, but her brother is also risking life and limb for the same ends (by fighting in the army)

I'm not a non-con reader, but fighting in the army is nothing like being abducted into sexual slavery. Fighting in the army is something that many people through the ages have chosen to do. You get paid for it and are generally treated well. For many, fighting in the war is a positive experience. Being an abducted sex slave - tough to see anything positive about it.

 

[Nezhul]

Okay, first I can't not comment about it because it's a sore point for me. This is not bdsm. Bdsm is always consensual, based on trust and mutual respect, it's what people CHOOSE to do for fun.
By calling any non-con story a 'bdsm' story you are just cementing that social paranoia that people have about the lifestyle.

Now about your story. Clearly you struggle with showing a clear motivation to your heroine's actions. This roots in you unable to decide what is she.

Is she a victim, conned, forced into it against her will? If so, her loyality to her undercover work is very questionable - in that situation many will come clear with their torturers that they are supposed to spy upon and become double agents. The idea of sending an unwilling person into bad conditions to spy for you is simply not plausible, unless they threaten her with something (like hostages). Even so she should not be loyal and constantly seek ways to stab them in the back.

If she is actually loyal to the whole conspiracy, then she should constantly think of ways to further her progress, and should be rather strong-willed and determined to endure her predicament. If that's the case you can't victimize her too hard because it is, again, not plausible.

As for 2 girls she gives out - you can save the situation by stating that if they were caught, which she beloved is inevitable, they would get killed. But the way she staged it they would merely get punished, so she essentially saves their lives. That said, it's still very hard to justify betrayal.

 

[CyranoJ]

I don't think I succeeded in creating plausible buy-in for my heroine, Orchid.

After reading Episode One and a little ways into Episode Two, I'd agree with you.

I'd say the problem is simply that there's way too much stick and not nearly enough carrot in the initial approach. Their starting out by kidnapping, binding, spanking and threatening her should colour her motives and relationship with them from the first instant, and with that as an origin point I would expect her ultimate aim to be either escaping or screwing them over or, preferably, both.

(In fact the threat of permanent bondage if she "fails" in her mission should solidify that motive; what reason have they given her to believe any talk of reward if she succeeds? By casual resort to kidnapping they've already demonstrated what she should expect from them in the endgame.)

If there was:

a) some reason to think the King is someone she'd be loyal to,
b) to think that being persuaded to do something for King and country would interest and motivate her to personal sacrifice, and/or
c) to think that she'd believe the people asking her to essentially go undercover as a sex slave have her and the world's best interests at heart -- and could be counted upon to actually deliver on a promise of reward...

... well, yes there's still suspension of disbelief involved but it would make for a much more plausible starting point, and one that would make any subsequent difficult decisions more palatable.

I think if you flesh out, even in brief, the background of your world a bit more and take a little more time working up to the bondage stuff -- wouldn't it be more believable as training for her mission rather than a way to force her into the mission? -- you can probably rectify some of that.

(Incidentally, since Nezhul brings it up: as long as the work contains bondage and flagellant themes and you're flagging that it contains noncon by posting in the appropriate category, I see no reason not to also flag it as BDSM. It's a specific flavour of sexual content that some readers will look for and others will avoid; and while safe, sane and consensual is the IRL cornerstone of BDSM practice, not all associated fantasy answers to it by a long shot.)

 

[Nezhul]

You should at the very least have a disclaimer saying that its not really a bdsm. And also its much better to include tags like 'bondage' rather than bdsm.
Bdsm is a complex term consisting of 5 words and that has layers of requirements.
This? This is not bdsm. Even 50 shades received a lot of hate and it was not non-con. With your story, anyone who's in that theme would probably be offended.

And searching is exactly the reason while the tag bdsm should not be used. Stupid people will read this 'bdsm' story and think tat it's sick non-consent thing that should not be practiced in real world.
I'm very concerned that you do not understand/care for the difference.

 

[CyranoJ]

Actually Fifty Shades got a lot of hate because elements of it arguably were non-con, but there are vastly "worse" offenders in the library of BDSM fiction classics. Rice's Sleeping Beauty series has the heroine being awakened with copulation, for example, which is essentially rape. Yet nobody quibbles about whether the series itself is BDSM (which it is widely-acknowledged to be), because most of the exaggerated piety about what fiction you can write under that term it is a product of Lit's own special hothouse environment. People from off-Lit, or more specifically off the forums, are often confused by it for that very reason.

Anyone who reads porn stories and thinks that they are, or necessarily constitute claims about, something that "should be practised in the real world" is a moron. No form of sexual fantasy is a manual for what should be done in the real world. The occurrence of BDSM in a story's tags does not signal to any sane person that the fantasies in the story should or could all be realized in real life. It does however signal a very specific set of erotic tropes whether the content is non-con or otherwise.

It should not concern you that I don't trade in pieties about this. I trade in the belief that knowing fantasy from reality and knowing what real BDSM practice does and doesn't entail is far more important than policing whether or not people are using the BDSM tag as you'd like. Moralistic posturing does not interest me.

 

[StrangeLife]

Going along an erotic angle rather than a political one, you could also have her develop a taste for being dominated and used as a sex toy. The unwilling participant who suddenly discovers her inner submissive is not unknown in non-con stories. You could even have her switch allegiance on an emotional level, where her logic says "no" but her desires says "yes".

This could open up for an inner struggle in your heroine that you could take in many different directions...

 

[OliviaM]

After reading Episode One and a little ways into Episode Two, I'd agree with you.

I'd say the problem is...

Cut for space, but OP should definitely read that reply a few times. It's full of helpful advice that will really work.

I read part one and completely agree. If your heroine is smart and capable, there's no reason for her to trust her captors. It should have started out with her being talked into the job. What reason does she have to believe that the people who have her are even telling her the truth? What if there's a bigger plot?

In fact, that's how I'd fix it. Have her realize she might have been conned by her initial captors and that they are, in fact, part of the plot against the king. In order for her to willingly remain a sex slave (which needs to happen, since she's a powerful mage who can presumably escape at any time), she needs a long term goal of her own. Maybe she wants to stay there to uncover the plot. Maybe she eventually wants revenge on someone? Maybe she discovers the king's company is far more enjoyable than she expected, even if he's initially treating her like a sex slave. Give your heroine more agency, rather than just have her reacting helplessly to events happening around her.

 

[ThePracticeShortStories]

After reading Episode One and a little ways into Episode Two, I'd agree with you.

I'd say the problem is simply ...

I read part one and completely agree. If your heroine is smart and capable, there's no reason for her to trust her captors. It should have started out with her being talked into the job. What reason does she have to believe that the people who have her are even telling her the truth? What if there's a bigger plot?

In fact, that's how I'd fix it. ...

Thank you to everyone here for your perspectives. I think I started the story a bit too quickly and hoped to do the set-up as I went, but it hasn't worked out quite right. The tips here are great, and are exactly the kind of help I was looking for. I need to think on this some more and probably do some rewriting from part 1.

On Literotica, what's the best protocol for re-engineering a series? Should I simply rewrite each episode and post them as updates to the existing submissions? Or should I delete the existing ones and post wholly new submissions?

 

[Nezhul]

I would post them as updates. But I think that your views and votes are gone anyway. I never tried it.

 

[J_R_Ashunwhy]

On Literotica, what's the best protocol for re-engineering a series? Should I simply rewrite each episode and post them as updates to the existing submissions? Or should I delete the existing ones and post wholly new submissions?

If you were looking to change up only one chapter, then I would suggest posting an edited version of that chapter, and including not only an author's note within that chapter, but on the following chapter to let readers following the series know to go back and catch-up on the changes. If you want to do it that way, you submit the changed piece under the original title with (EDIT) following the title in the same line, and address the edits in the author's notes box on the submission page. Any notes placed in that box will only go to Laurel, so don't forget to include a separate note on the work itself. If you have any other questions or concerns once you resubmit, or it does not post correctly, you can PM Laurel. Editing your work this way will not effect your views, votes, favs, or comments, but it also will not tell any reader that edits have been made, and to reread the story if they are interested to do so. 'Edited' pieces are also pushed to the back of the queue, and usually require more time to be approve and posted.

If you were looking to make re-writes to all of the chapters thus far, then I would suggest posting all of the new chapters under a new series title...something like: 'The Royal Garden: alternate beginning.'

 

[KayceeCharles]

For heroine's buy-in, as she's probably a female "victim", we can throw out "evil" motivations. That leaves basic, noble, and fear.

Basic: survival / failure / peer pressure / curiosity / guilt / desire / instability

Noble: love / loyalty / honor / obedience / vengeance / inequality / unfulfillment

Fear: Death / humiliation / pain / rejection / loss / regret / shame

If you want her to go undercover as a slave, normally just obedience / loyalty wouldn't do it.

You may as well do the cliche: she was accused of a horrible crime she did not commit and instead of execution she was offered this little... opportunity as a chance for redemption. Her absence will be explained as exile. Her motivation will be vengeance (toward people that wronged her, not necessarily her home empire) and shame / loss / humiliation.

You can throw in a twist later that the king (or whoever recruited her) learned that she was actually picked, THEN framed by someone else, but now the recruiter need her to stay for it will jeopardize the kingdom if she was "liberated" immediately, i.e. appeal to loyalty and honor

 

[ThePracticeShortStories]

I'll probably take the whole series down and resubmit it fresh. Thanks for the help!

And good tips on the motivations, thank you.

 

[OliviaM]

Post here when you edit, or send me a PM and I'll be happy to go on your beta reader list. I'm interested to see how you alter things.

 

[Hypoxia]

I'll probably take the whole series down and resubmit it fresh.

Or you could crash a giant meteorite into the setting, write THE END, and move on to the series you WANT to write. Don't look back.

 

[OliviaM]

Or you could crash a giant meteorite into the setting, write THE END, and move on to the series you WANT to write. Don't look back.

Boooo! Meteorite totally underdeveloped as a character, did not buy motivation to splat the entire world. OTOH, all plot threads were resolved. 1/10 would not recommend.

 

[Hypoxia]

Boooo! Meteorite totally underdeveloped as a character, did not buy motivation to splat the entire world. OTOH, all plot threads were resolved. 1/10 would not recommend.

Meteorite has severe self-image issues, decides genocide-suicide is the only solution. Blame it on abusive upbringing, poor toilet training, etc.

 

[Emmeline]

Boooo! Meteorite totally underdeveloped as a character, did not buy motivation to splat the entire world. OTOH, all plot threads were resolved. 1/10 would not recommend.

 

[TamLin01]

Only one of the comments on your most recent chapter mentions disliking the heroine, and the story has a comparable score to the previous installments. Maybe this is too early to start second-guessing yourself? You can't throw the baby out with the bathwater every time you rub a reader the wrong way.

 

[OliviaM]

Meteorite has severe self-image issues, decides genocide-suicide is the only solution. Blame it on abusive upbringing, poor toilet training, etc.

This reminds me of Peter David's story that includes a projectile headed for the Earth. He wrote a comic script that used the phrase "the face of the asteroid". The artist, a non-native speaker of English, drew an actual face on the object, this angry grimacing skull. David ended up wanting to leave it in, because if an asteroid is about to hit the planet, that's awful, but when it has a giant angry face, "you know you're fucked!"

 

[Handley_Page]

"Crafting plausible buy-in for a heroine in a horrible situation"

Kinda reminds me of this.

 

[Hypoxia]

"Crafting plausible buy-in for a heroine in a horrible situation"

Kinda reminds me of this.

Yeah, Simon Legree is always handy to have around.

But the "horrible situation" thang boils down to: what shit happens, and why? There are the religious-philosophical explanations. There are the unavoidables: shit just happens, whether or not someone is out to get you. There's evil: someone IS out to get your ass! There's karma: shit happens because you deserve it, including retribution.

Storywise, decide on your desired consequences, then build the horrible situation so your players reach that ending.