Corrupt a Wish...

[SmilingLez]

Poof you get your master's degree however the school that you got it from is no longer accredited and it is useless.


I wish people were not apathetic

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Granted. But you won't be around to hear it.

I wish I had my Masters already

And so you do, but another student has accused you of plagiarism and using AI. Your committee reviews your thesis and declares it unacceptable, revoking your degree. Your appeal to the faculty senate is refused. Only you know your work was entirely original.

I wish I didn't have to sit on another thesis committee.

 

[Stephie02]

Wow lol. Both of those kinda hurt....

@SmilingLez Everyone is active and working but only for their own benefit

@Tio_Narratore you no longer have to sit on a thesis committee, but now have to review essays from in coming freshman. All of them

I wish I were more motivated than to hang out on Lit tonight

 

[SmilingLez]

Wow lol. Both of those kinda hurt....

@SmilingLez Everyone is active and working but only for their own benefit

@Tio_Narratore you no longer have to sit on a thesis committee, but now have to review essays from in coming freshman. All of them

I wish I were more motivated than to hang out on Lit tonight

Motivated to do what?


I wish I was a mind reader

 

[Stephie02]

Motivated to do what?


I wish I was a mind reader

IDK. Bored is all, meh.

Granted. You can read minds, but...
That means you can read mine and you immediately regret your wish

I wish it was daytime and not too freezing to go on a hike

 

[Tio_Narratore]

IDK. Bored is all, meh.

Granted. You can read minds, but...
That means you can read mine and you immediately regret your wish

I wish it was daytime and not too freezing to go on a hike

And you have your wish; it's daytime, high noon, to be precise, and the air temperature is over 55 degrees Celsius here in the middle of the Sahara. You'd better start hiking; the nearest oasis is 200 kilometers north of you.

(On another note, when I was a grad student in Winnipeg, we'd often hike at night in minus 50 Celsius, hike the whole 500 meters straight to the nearest pub.)

I wish I knew then what I know now.

 

[dirk2024]

I wish I knew then what I know now.

The Wish Genie doesn't like it, but he grants your wish. Turns out, the weight of our modern day existence is soul crushing for the young Tio. He goes mad and spends the rest of his life in a "safe space" wearing a special jacket so he can't hurt himself.


I wish I had large, lovely breasts. (yeah, I went there)

 

[SmilingLez]

Granted you have large (the biggest natural breasts in the whole world) lovely breasts however they are so big that they crack your spine and you are forever a paraplegic.

I wish the super bowl was over with

 

[Stephie02]

Granted you have large (the biggest natural breasts in the whole world) lovely breasts however they are so big that they crack your spine and you are forever a paraplegic.

I wish the super bowl was over with

Granted. It's over (finally)

Now you get to listen about the 2 halftime shows until next year,

Every
Single
Day

I wish I didn't have to hear about those ever again

Bad Bunny rocked!

 

[SmilingLez]

Granted. It's over (finally)

Now you get to listen about the 2 halftime shows until next year,

Every
Single
Day

I wish I didn't have to hear about those ever again

Bad Bunny rocked!

Bad Bunny was the saving grace of super bowl 60. Even though I think seahorses are magnificent beings, I struggled to stay awake between commercials. Perhaps it was corned beef and brussel sprouts that made me sleepy.

The puppy bowl was much better


Your wish is granted and you have to wear permanent ear plugs so you never hear anything again


I wish it was 2028 and the POTUS election was this year

 

[Stephie02]

Granted ( I'm not in a happy place so probably get in trouble for this) it's '28 and election year.

But it's been bought already- oh wait ..

I wish I had the guts to cut my hair (and to post what I was going to post).

 

[dirk2024]

I wish it was 2028 and the POTUS election was this year

The Wish Genie is more than happy to get this current train wreck off the track and grant your wish. The problem is, you're the only candidate, congrats on winning. While that may sound cool, the "media" is already hounding you and your family and everyone else is the world is questioning everything you've done in your life. Yeay team /sarcasm.



I wish only Metallica could do the Super Bowl half time show...everyone else blows.

 

[OralAllOver]

Won't be a problem when u get cancer

I wish I could make partner cum on command

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Won't be a problem when u get cancer

I wish I could make partner cum on command

Bingo! It's granted. But I'm afraid you didn't specify which command. He ejaculates wildly at every command you utter. "Answer the phone." BINGO! "Close the door." BINGO! "Let's fuck." BINGO! Et Cetera!

I wish I didn't have a bad back.

 

[dirk2024]

Seriously, is nobody in this thread able to corrupt a wish for world peace?

The wish genie looks at you warily, but grants it. We now have world peace. However to get it, everyone gets a brain implant that senses the slightest bit of tension, acrimony and duplicity. Every time its triggered, the person feels a stabbing pain in their butt. At first its hilarious, watching all of these people grabbing their ass and cringing, especially on Capitol Hill and the White House. But eventually the fear of pain trains people to think more docily, like cows out in the pasture.


I wish I had a way to insert implants into people's brains for my own nefarious purposes.

 

[SmilingLez]

Abracadabra Hocus pocus poof your wishes granted. You can insert implants into people's brains for whatever purpose you wish, however the company that you purchase the implants from put in a kill switch. Whenever you try to control a person with the implant, they kill you.


I wish there were no dogs or cats in any shelters and all of them had great forever homes.

 

[lovecraft68]

Won't be a problem when u get cancer

My wife has cancer and a couple of members of this forum are dealing with it and not winning the battle in this moment.

Don't make ignorant jokes because nothing curses like karma.

 

[SatansFavouritePet]

Abracadabra Hocus pocus poof your wishes granted. You can insert implants into people's brains for whatever purpose you wish, however the company that you purchase the implants from put in a kill switch. Whenever you try to control a person with the implant, they kill you.


I wish there were no dogs or cats in any shelters and all of them had great forever homes.

The genie sighs, and thinks, Never say forever, before granting your wish. Meeeeoooof!

Now, all cats and all dogs of all species are forever immortal. Humanity is forced to adapt, and soon our beloved companions as well as their wild cousins become the focus of all our economy and activity. Within five years, nobody bothers to walk around the dog shit. Within a decade, the birds don’t sing anymore. Within two decades, you can’t swing a cat without hitting a dog, and vice-versa. Twenty-five years in, ecosystems are in a critical state. Something must be done.

Humanity finally unites, and takes to the stars in great ships to ferry our everlasting pets to new worlds. We succeed. Within a few hundred thousand years, cats and dogs have evolved to the point where they become aware that they are our property, and they don’t like it. Millions of years later, on a distant planet, a cat posts a wish on a writer’s forum: “I wish there were no humans in any shelters, and all of them had great forever homes.”

~~~

I wish I could fly, Superman-style.

 

[dirk2024]

~~~

I wish I could fly, Superman-style.

POOF! The Wish Genie arrives with her usual flourish of smoke. Behind her you see an old fashioned trebuchet. She tells you not to worry, you'll just need to maintain your form. With some trepidation, you climb into the basket and lie down on your belly with your arms extended in front of you. She tells you that on a count of three, you'll have your wish.

1...2...and whoosh! She mischieviously pulls the lever a count early. But no matter as your are flying! Just like Superman, you streak through the sky while you watch the terrain underneath you. The bad thing about looking down, you don't see the mountain looming before you. Although, perhaps its a good thing since you don't see the end coming, smacking into the mountainside like a coyote chasing a roadrunner.



I wish I had a swimming pool.

 

[HectorBidon]

I wish I had a swimming pool.

You got it! It's really taking off, in fact. Almost everybody in the office is participating, even some people from the neighborhood. The betting is mostly on the monthly races at the Y so far, but you're gearing up for the '28 summer olympics. DraftKings look out!

I wish I could remember where I left my glasses.

 

[SatansFavouritePet]

You got it! It's really taking off, in fact. Almost everybody in the office is participating, even some people from the neighborhood. The betting is mostly on the monthly races at the Y so far, but you're gearing up for the '28 summer olympics. DraftKings look out!

I wish I could remember where I left my glasses.

Alakazaam! You remember where you left your glasses.

"Honey, I'll be back . . . in a few weeks," you call out.

"Don't forget to take the trash out!" they screech from the kitchen.

"Love you too." You blow an air-kiss, and head to the bus stop.

Even though you have your own car, you magically know to take the number 112 to the Greyhound station on Lexington. As you wait at the bus stop, you check that you have your phone, wallet, baloney sandwich (that airport is a ways away, isn't it?), face masks, passport with a People's Republic of China visa (oh, Genie, you think of everything!), and your hemorrhoid cream (it's going to be a long trip, after all). You share part of your baloney sandwich, okay all but one bite of your baloney sandwich with a gull that looked really hungry. Poor critter, you think, but you're friends now, you and the gull, and that's all that matters, except for your beloved glasses.

Along the way on the bus ride, you wonder, Why does public transportation seem to naturally accrete the insane? as the fellow next to you tries to pull the government spy circuits out of his fingernails. Then you remember that you yourself are utilizing the public transportation system that you voted to increase funding for. You feel a little swell of camaraderie with the fellow next to you. You check your fingernails.

Outside the station, a really nice fellow tells you his car ran out of gas, and he just needs $30—"Gas prices these days, am I right, man?"—to get home to his wife and kids after a long day at work at the factory because he needs to call the hospital to check on his sick mother and all, and that he'll for sure pay you back, he just needs to run home first and check on his kids and his wife (because they live in a bad part of town, you know, after they lost their house in the recession) and that he'll see you soon. Poor guy, you think as you pull away from the station in your seat on the sleek, silver bus. His family must've really needed him at home for him to not make it back before my bus left. Then you remember you neglected to tell him what time your bus departed, and you feel a bit silly, but never mind, you're on your way to corrected vision once again!

Later, on the Air China flight, you think about how much your missing glasses are actually worth in comparison to the cost of the flight—$187.38, or around 1,300 RMB. You cringe a bit, but never mind, you're on your way to your long lost glasses! Huzzah!

Well, that certainly was a tiring flight, wasn't it? But no time to rest now, as you've still got a long way to go. The cab drivers fight over you outside Beijing Capital International Airport. You end up with a fellow named Mu, which means desire in Mandarin, but you don't know that. 2,500 RMB later, the ticket agent at the train station manages to tell you in broken English that Laowai have wait longer buy ticket. As generations of Chinese citizens pass you by, you remember you didn't take out the trash. Shit.

900 RMB later, you wonder why the Chinese citizens didn't seem to have to pay as much as you did. Never mind, those glasses are getting closer!

In Ürümqi, the People's Armed Police can't seem to understand what exactly it is you're doing there, so they politely escort you to their station. 3,250 RMB later, you wave goodbye to the friendly officers. They're all laughing. They really liked me, you think. Those guys!

You make your way to the Uighur side of town. Another taxi. Another 600 RMB. Along the way, you start to question your decision to try the spiced lamb bread (5 RMB) one of the hawkers was selling at the last train stop. But that doesn't trouble you too much, because you have just arrived at your destination—Chaikhana Adil, the dirtiest tea house west of Ulaabaatar. You ask Adil (which means honest, but you don't know that), engrossed in a football match on the 92" screen that dominates the tiny room, "Have you seen my glasses?" Without taking his eyes off the game, he motions with his thumb toward the back of the house. "Toilet," he says.

100 RMB and a pack of Marlboros (Thank you, Genie!) later, you thank Adil profusely. He must really like me to remember about my glasses, you think as you follow your nose to the squat toilet out back. Your eyes sting and you gag a bit as you enter the restroom, but never mind, because there in the sunken, porcelain bowl are your precious glasses! Sure, they could use a bit of polishing but, you got your wish and then some!

As you bend down to retrieve your spectacles, that spicy lamb bread is set into motion.

They never quite look right again, and there's that persistent aroma . . . but never mind, you got your glasses back!

"I thought I told you to take out the trash!" your partner shrieks.


* * *


I wish all leaf-blowers (the machines, their operators, and everyone involved in their design, production, manufacture, distribution, and sale) would go straight to Hell!

 

[SmilingLez]

Alakazaam! You remember where you left your glasses.

"Honey, I'll be back . . . in a few weeks," you call out.

"Don't forget to take the trash out!" they screech from the kitchen.

"Love you too." You blow an air-kiss, and head to the bus stop.

Even though you have your own car, you magically know to take the number 112 to the Greyhound station on Lexington. As you wait at the bus stop, you check that you have your phone, wallet, baloney sandwich (that airport is a ways away, isn't it?), face masks, passport with a People's Republic of China visa (oh, Genie, you think of everything!), and your hemorrhoid cream (it's going to be a long trip, after all). You share part of your baloney sandwich, okay all but one bite of your baloney sandwich with a gull that looked really hungry. Poor critter, you think, but you're friends now, you and the gull, and that's all that matters, except for your beloved glasses.

Along the way on the bus ride, you wonder, Why does public transportation seem to naturally accrete the insane? as the fellow next to you tries to pull the government spy circuits out of his fingernails. Then you remember that you yourself are utilizing the public transportation system that you voted to increase funding for. You feel a little swell of camaraderie with the fellow next to you. You check your fingernails.

Outside the station, a really nice fellow tells you his car ran out of gas, and he just needs $30—"Gas prices these days, am I right, man?"—to get home to his wife and kids after a long day at work at the factory because he needs to call the hospital to check on his sick mother and all, and that he'll for sure pay you back, he just needs to run home first and check on his kids and his wife (because they live in a bad part of town, you know, after they lost their house in the recession) and that he'll see you soon. Poor guy, you think as you pull away from the station in your seat on the sleek, silver bus. His family must've really needed him at home for him to not make it back before my bus left. Then you remember you neglected to tell him what time your bus departed, and you feel a bit silly, but never mind, you're on your way to corrected vision once again!

Later, on the Air China flight, you think about how much your missing glasses are actually worth in comparison to the cost of the flight—$187.38, or around 1,300 RMB. You cringe a bit, but never mind, you're on your way to your long lost glasses! Huzzah!

Well, that certainly was a tiring flight, wasn't it? But no time to rest now, as you've still got a long way to go. The cab drivers fight over you outside Beijing Capital International Airport. You end up with a fellow named Mu, which means desire in Mandarin, but you don't know that. 2,500 RMB later, the ticket agent at the train station manages to tell you in broken English that Laowai have wait longer buy ticket. As generations of Chinese citizens pass you by, you remember you didn't take out the trash. Shit.

900 RMB later, you wonder why the Chinese citizens didn't seem to have to pay as much as you did. Never mind, those glasses are getting closer!

In Ürümqi, the People's Armed Police can't seem to understand what exactly it is you're doing there, so they politely escort you to their station. 3,250 RMB later, you wave goodbye to the friendly officers. They're all laughing. They really liked me, you think. Those guys!

You make your way to the Uighur side of town. Another taxi. Another 600 RMB. Along the way, you start to question your decision to try spiced lamb bread (5 RMB) one of the hawkers sold you at the last train stop. But that doesn't trouble you too much, because you have just arrived at your destination—Chaikhana Adil, the dirtiest tea house west of Ulaabaatar. You ask Adil (which means honest, but you don't know that), engrossed in a football match on the 92" screen that dominates the tiny room, "Have you seen my glasses?" Without taking his eyes off the game, he motions with his thumb toward the back of the house. "Toilet," he says.

100 RMB and a pack of Marlboros (Thank you, Genie!) later, you thank Adil profusely. He must really like me to remember about my glasses, you think as you follow your nose to the squat toilet out back. Your eyes sting and you gag a bit as you enter the restroom, but never mind, because there in the sunken, porcelain bowl are your precious glasses! Sure, they could use a bit of polishing but, you got your wish and then some!

As you bend down to retrieve your spectacles, that spicy lamb bread is set into motion.

They never quite look right again, and there's that persistent aroma . . . but never mind, you got your glasses back!

"I thought I told you to take out the trash!" your partner shrieks.


* * *


I wish all leaf-blowers (the machines, their operators, and everyone involved in their design, production, manufacture, distribution, and sale) would go straight to Hell!

Your wish is granted - however, sales of snow blowers increase exponentially with people using them all year round and not just for blowing snow.

Wish - I wish my wish wasn't corrupted

 

[SatansFavouritePet]

Your wish is granted - however, sales of snow blowers increase exponentially with people using them all year round and not just for blowing snow.

Wish - I wish my wish wasn't corrupted

The almighty (but very dysfunctional) Genie chuckles. "These mortals just don't see the troubles they bring about upon their own lives, do they?"

Poof. You might as well have written, "Dude, Pandora . . . what ever is in this captivating box that I simply can't prevent myself from opening right here and now?" in your terminally-unpunctuated wish, because . . .

I wish my wish wasn't corrupted . . . in the way I don't want it to be, but, like, I know I'm being pretty unspecific about this and all, but hey, you're a Genie, right? Can't you do a bit of, like, mind-reading psychic stuff and, you know, see what's going on in here? And, like, maybe while you're in there, I can't seem to remember where my glasses are, so maybe you could help out with that? Oh, and can you do something about how loud those snowblowers are? I mean, isn't there some sort of volume knob or something you can like, turn down? Oh, and I want to join my friend's office pool for the Olympics 'cause Alysa is so totally radical, right? But fer shuur. Except, like, why can't she skate to, like, AC/DC or, yew know, Rick Springfield ('cause, like he's a totally. twitchen. babe. fer. shuur! yew know?), but, I mean, who's going to win the match, 'cause fer shuur I could use some billys 'cause like I saw this but-totally xlnt fringed jacket at the Galleria, and fer-sure Brian and Jeff and Sean and . . . like, I can't remember the other dudes' names, but what-ever . . . Anyway, they would be like totally checking me out but to-the-max, yew know? Oh, and, oh-my-god, Genie, did you hear about what happened to that dude with the trebuchet? Like, retard, yew know? Like, where was I? Oh yeah! Genie, you know Bob Barker, right? He totally loves animals, and so do I, but like it's soo tragic or something about the shelters they have to live in and, like . . . yew know? Ohmigod, I need a tissue . . . Oh, thank yew, Genie, you're, like, totally bitchen. Now where was I? Hey Genie, do you think that maybe in the, like, future or some stuff like that, they could put, like, implants in people's brains to control them? Ugh, gag me with a science-fictional spoon! Grody! Like, maybe I should wish that no evil scientist ever does that to me, Genie, unless . . . unless it's Brian . . . I'd but totally let him implant my brain, in a leather teddy, even. But totally, yew know, Genie? Fer shuur, Brian could probably make me, like cum on command! Yew know? Ohmigod, Genie, I have, like, the worst luck though. I mean, probably he would just, like, control me to get on my knees and give him ders, like, whenever he wanted and never take me out or anything, and I'd be, like, "But I got this leather teddy from Frederick's of Hollywood for you, Brian!" And he's like, "Sorry, Joanie, like . . . you know what it would do to my reputation, right, babe? . . ." And I'm like, "Ohmigod, I hate my parents for giving me this totally lame name!" Genie! Can you change my name? Like, if you don't, I'm totally going to barf out, but the the max! Yew know? Or, wait, like, but what would I change it to? Barbi? Tori? Michelle? Kimberly? Tiffany? Heather? Stacey? Tracey? Stephanie? . . .


The Genie was last seen checking in to the psychiatric ward at County General.


[To contribute to the Get Well, Genie! fund, please see our website at https://www.getwellgenie.fer.shuur ]

[ [ To enter your suggestions for Joanie's new Genie-gifted name, please write them on a 3x5 card, and mail them along with your contribution ($10 recommended minimum per name) to Rename Joanie c/o SatansFavouritePet, PO BOX 000000, Pueblo, CO, 81000. All entrants in submitting their submissions thereby submit all aforementioned submissions submitted to the ownership of MuahAhAhAhAhh Industries, LLC, whereupon all rights thereafter to the exclusive submissions submitted become the property of the aforementioned parties, namely, MuahAhAhAhAhh Industries, LLC, and stuff.] ]

[ [ [ To learn more about what you can do to help people like Joanie, go to https://www.stopvalspeak.like.not ] ] ]

* * *


I wish always had the best seats in the house at live events.