Correcting a hormonal imbalance

[hunnyblonde]

I have wondered for years if perhaps I have an abnormally high testosterone level for a woman. The reason is that I have always had a much higher libido - much much more active sexual needs and desires - than most women. Well, more than any woman I've ever met frankly. I have always struggled to find ways to satisfy the cravings and to sate those hungers that I think in most people are a little less aggressive. And it's been that way since I was very young. For as long as I can remember, my sexuality has quite literally tormented me, and thus, been a liability. Only rarely is it a positive force in my life.

My sexuality attacks me, holds me hostage. I don't control it, it controls me. For a long time I have theorized this condition to be in the same family of afflictions as nymphomania. Maybe those who suffer from that more recognizable disease simply have more of an obsessive personality than myself to go along with their abnormal sex drive. Or it could be a mixture of greater stress and less self control, who knows. My desires do not prompt me to act out sexually - I have only had two partners in my life. They only drive me to seek release at a very very regular rate. And I don't just mean orgasm..but I'm getting a little off topic now.

Back on point... When I went for my annual womanly visit two weeks ago, I mentioned this concern to my doctor and she offered the option for testing. And should the results reflect atypical levels of any hormones, whichever they may be, it could be corrected with supplements and probably additional hormones.

I mentioned this to my husband just this past weekend to see how he would feel about me moving forward with such a thing. He was vehemently opposed, even to the point that I felt he was upset that I had introduced the topic at all. I was surprised by that, considering his own lack of sexual desire. Even he would admit that his libido is low; lower than most men's certainly, and my expectation of him in bed has routinely been an arduous thing. God has a sense of humor doesn't he? Pairing a woman who has an unusually high need of this nature with a man who has less want of it than most men. I've spent a good long while feeling like there is something broken about me. I'm ready for that to change.

I think my husband's decidedly negative response to my suggestion of testing and correction stems mostly from the concept that my body is currently the way God designed it to be, and that I shouldn't go fiddling too much just to suit my own comfort level, or whatnot. I disagree. If I hadn't lived with the constant cacophony of my sexuality for thirty-two years, maybe I'd feel like having a little more patience with his opinion. But I ache to be rid of the urgency of it all. I'd like to make love because I choose it, and not because I need it every goddamned time.

To thicken the plot, I'll also add here that just yesterday I lost the only safe outlet I had for expressing these needs. I had a dear friend who had become like a lover to me since we met here at Lit over a year ago, but some unfortunate circumstances have ended that portion of our relationship, which has made me understandably more eager for chemical intervention than ever before.

So to the point, finally... (I apologize for being so verbose... It helps me order my thoughts.) I'm not looking for advice, though you're certainly free to give it of course. But what I'd really like to learn is whether there are any of you out there that are either aware of others who have sought hormonal intervention or have done so yourselves, and whether the results were favorable or turned out to be a fruitless pursuit. Also, I have concerns about contraindications and other unintended side-effects, if anyone can speak to that as well.

I guess in the event of a shortage of personal experience, opinions and advice would work too. I admit that while the thought of having a new perspective on sex sounds refreshing, it's also a frightening thing to consider. After all, the body's hormones regulate a whole lotta personality-specific traits. I'm not out to change who I am fundamentally, and I worry that I can't know enough about what I would be doing to myself to make a reasoned decision.

I might add that higher than normal testosterone levels in women have been connected with shorter life spans, certain types of cancers and other health issues, according to my doctor. So there are those benefits to consider, should a test reveal an imbalance.

Any thoughts shared will be appreciated. I'm out of sorts these days, to say the least. The sudden stress of having lost a familiar outlet for these things that haunt me has left me aggressively seeking answers. Above all, I am seeking change. I want to have control over my own hungers. I want to stop them from hurting me any longer.

Thank you in advance for any contribution.

 

[Domesticity]

Before you were paired with someone who has less libido than you did you feel haunted by or plagued by your drive? I ask because I, too, have a much higher drive than my husband. I have had enough partners, though, to realize that my drive is perfectly healthy and when I am paired with a partner who does not withhold sex or who is similarly excited about sex, I feel absolutely amazing about my need for sex. There is no frustration tied to the drive.

My relationship with my husband, however, creates a sense of urgency and frustration that, even when I do have sexual release, Leaves me feeling frustrated.


I do have elevated testosterone levels because I have polycystic ovaries. Its recommended I exercise to regulate my hormones but when I exercise regularly I get MORE turned on and MORE frustrated.

The urgency and drive you're feeling could have to do With the imbalance of sexual energy In your relationship. I don't know how to fix it, I do know, However, that even when my testosterone isn't too high, I feel frustrated and the sexual urgency is still there because rather than m,y endocrine system being off, it's my marriage that's off :/

 

[hunnyblonde]

Before you were paired with someone who has less libido than you did you feel haunted by or plagued by your drive?..........

Wow. What a perfectly awesome wealth of knowledge your message is! Thank you so much for taking the time to respond, I appreciate it very much.

To answer your question, yes I did feel an urgency before being married, but of course it has become increasingly more acute since then.

I'm trying to work on things with him. Just tonight, I said goodnight to my husband with a question that I asked him to consider and get back to me on - What would it take to make him excited about sex, sex with me, and me in general? Your comment about sexual energy (or lack thereof) in a relationship really hit home with me. That's an extremely perceptive observation, I think.

I don't think that it is my husband's lack of libido that causes my frustration to increase. I think it's a matter of having been introduced to the freedom of sex (and all of its toys and trappings) inside the safety of marriage, and then suffering from a withdrawal of not being able to exercise the desires as they develop in me. In other words, it's hard to go backward once you've moved forward. So in that way, my married sexual relationship has only caused harm by showing me more and more of what I want but can't have.

Have you ever tried supplemental treatment of your hormone imbalance? And if so, what was that like?

By the way, I snickered at your signature. *grin*

 

[DrHappy]

One of my first thoughts was to see about getting more testosterone for HIM. If he does have low levels, he might try to argue that this is his natural level. However, low testosterone for men is bad for a number of legitimate reasons healthwise.

 

[amofiga]

HoneyBlond

Your husband's reluctance in dealing with a sexual issue that concernes you may be an indication of something more significant than just hormone imbalance. Regardless of hormones, his lack of interest in dealing with openly and head on it seems more like something emotional and perhaps related to his overall lower interest in sex than you. It might be a hormonal thing related for him or it could be something more related to his upbringing from parents or church. It would seem to me that regardless of hormone levels, spouses would have a sincere interest in resolving any issue that bothers the other whether sexual or financial or anything else.

It would be simple and reasonable for both of you to have hormone levels checked. It's a very simple blood test and probably most insurance would cover it if it's indicated by the doctor as a necessary diagnostic procedure for an potential problem.

If everybody's hormone levels are ok, then your good to go from a physical standpoint. By the way, your testosterone levels are probably nowhere near "too high" unless you're growing a beard or arms like a linebacker or some other physical manifestations are present. A high sex drive would probably be considered a wonderful thing by most husbands. Just because you have a high sex drive, it does NOT make you a "nymphomaniac". Unless you're prowling the streets having sex with any man still breathing, you aren't a nymphomaniac.

If your husband's incompatible sex drive is more emotional, then some professional counseling may help him open up about it and perhaps get past whatever inhibits him. If you two are really incompatible with your need for frequency, then there are battery powered alternatives to help you keep the frustration level down. I would not suggest the introduction of a back-up sex partner, especially with a husband that seems a bit inhibited in the first place.

If you're looking for "permission" to have a lover on the side, you won't find it from me. Unfortunately, I went that route and it nearly cost me my marriage when an "unstable" lady friend spilled it all to my wife out of her own need for some sort of revenge for me not wanting to end my marriage and move on with her. Affairs can start off "casual" but unfortunately, one or the other of the participants becomes more emotionally invested and it can cause horrible hurt and terrible problems. Secret affairs are not a good alternative. If you husband himself was ok with you having a second source of sex, that would be one thing, but from what you say, he does NOT seem like the type that would agree to that.

Good luck. Any sort of incompatibility in a marriage can be a great source of stress.

 

[Domesticity]

Wow. What a perfectly awesome wealth of knowledge your message is! Thank you so much for taking the time to respond, I appreciate it very much.

To answer your question, yes I did feel an urgency before being married, but of course it has become increasingly more acute since then.

I'm trying to work on things with him. Just tonight, I said goodnight to my husband with a question that I asked him to consider and get back to me on - What would it take to make him excited about sex, sex with me, and me in general? Your comment about sexual energy (or lack thereof) in a relationship really hit home with me. That's an extremely perceptive observation, I think.

I don't think that it is my husband's lack of libido that causes my frustration to increase. I think it's a matter of having been introduced to the freedom of sex (and all of its toys and trappings) inside the safety of marriage, and then suffering from a withdrawal of not being able to exercise the desires as they develop in me. In other words, it's hard to go backward once you've moved forward. So in that way, my married sexual relationship has only caused harm by showing me more and more of what I want but can't have.

Have you ever tried supplemental treatment of your hormone imbalance? And if so, what was that like?

By the way, I snickered at your signature. *grin*

Well, my levels aren't high enough that I have crazy external male features or anything. I don't take supplementation or anything to regulate my hormones as it's not horribly off. Exercising does help my levels, but, as I mentioned, it makes me horny as fuck when I exercise. Instead of wanting to have sex two or three times a day I just want to stay home masturbating and having sex all day.

If I didn't have kids I'd leave. I think withholding sex is reason enough to bail on a relationship.

I agree with Dr. that rather than thinking YOUR hormones are off, he should consider the HIS might be off. my husband has finally said he'll get tested. That was two months ago and he hasn't made the appt.

I also agree that an affair isn't the best idea, but I don't really get the hit you're looking to have a physical affair. I'm trying to get my husband to agree to an open relationship. It's not going too well lol.

Anyhow, good luck to you. I hope you can consider that there really is likely nothing WRONG with you and that a healthy sex drive is actually quite wonderful when you are paired with someone who loves it and wants it as much as you do.

 

[zukethecuke]

A delicate situation, certainly. I would say that whatever else you and hubby do or don't do, you should get yourself tested. I'm sure you don't ask his permission before getting a pap smear or a mammagram, so don't let him veto a blood test. If the results are within the normal range, you've at least got that aspect of the problem sorted out; if you're outside the normal range, you may or may not want to have a long talk with hubby about treatment options -- but you should already have gotten all the information you need from your doctor, so hubby has the facts. He may still have problems with it, but at least you'll know they aren't based on misinformation, misunderstanding, or ignorance.

 

[Bad101]

My wife used to have a good sex drive, and then had to have a hysterectomy and ovarives removed. Now her sex drive is gone.

She has thought of being tested but is ok with how she is now, me on the other hand is frustrated, but I love her too much to leave.

Get your husband tested for his hormones and yours for your information and go from there.

 

[bone251]

 

[njlauren]

My wife used to have a good sex drive, and then had to have a hysterectomy and ovarives removed. Now her sex drive is gone.

She has thought of being tested but is ok with how she is now, me on the other hand is frustrated, but I love her too much to leave.

Get your husband tested for his hormones and yours for your information and go from there.

Has you wife spoken to an endocrinologist? There is a lot they can do after a hysterectomy to bring hormone levels up, both hormones and natural substances. I don't recommend doing it on your own...I talked to my own endo about that (when I was in transition), he literally was a world known expert on sex hormones, and I asked after a friend's mother had a hysterectomy with a similar problem, and he said there were ways to fix that.

It isn't just about sex, lack of hormones I am convinced is one of the reasons for the diseases we have when we age, and I don't give a shit when people tell me it is natural, it isn't. Human beings until the 20th century didn't live all that long, and we are living decades longer than ever, so we are seeing our lives expanded but our hormones dropping off. When people died at 35 or 40, they didn't face this, they didn't live long enough, but going into your 70's and 80's, it is. It was derided as quack medicine for a while, but mainstream studies are catching up.

 

[njlauren]

I would encourage you to get checked, and quite frankly, if your husband thinks that this is the way God made you and so forth, feh on him, that is idiotic, that is like saying someone with a cleft palate or a hole in their heart or something else was 'made that way' so embrace it (or quite frankly, those who tell me that in aging, you should embrace the inner goddess, love your gray hair, blah blah blah..fuck that)

Seriously, get checked, and it isn't just about your sex drive, and try to get your hubby to go, too, even if you have to sit on him. Despite the jokes about it, hormones out of whack is a medical time bomb, too high T can cause a range of issues in a women, including heart disease and cancer risk, and hormones also tremendously affect aging of everything from skin to our organs, especially the heart. T is nasty stuff, it is way, way more powerful then estrogen (take it from me, it is, it is why M to F trans folks either take strong androgen blockers or get castrated, the T wipes out the estrogen, big time, and it only takes a little).

Sex drive also can be psychological, people who have been abused can have very high sex drives, need to have sex, as compensation for what happened (not saying that is true in your case, with abuse victims it is often like an addiction they can't stop; kind of ironic, given that a lot of abuse victims, including my spouse, went the other way, shut down).

You husband may have low drive, or it could be he is repressed (his comments about your sex drive being God's hand is a big clue to that....). One note, if the doctor says anything like his T level is 'on the low side of normal', kick him or her in the ass, because that is ridiculous. There is this range of values they use that is supposed to be normal, but in reality, they don't mean anything, they are about as useful as the old height/weight tables Met life put out......if it indicates the low side of normal, it can use a boost.......

But in reality, unless he wants to do something about it, all you can do is work on yourself. If your drive is high and your hormone levels are fine, then it could be who you are, and if you are bothered by that, you could talk to a sex counselor about it, see what they think (they sure as hell know more than I do. One suggestion I have, even if the blood tests seem normal, is you may want to try one of the herbal naturopathic things out there to help balance out hormones. I am not a doctor,all I can say is my wife had real problems with her hormone balance, and she takes this stuff a woman MD came up with, and it really hit paydirt (she used to be dry, these days, I drown when going down on her, unreal)......stuff she takes is called Women to Women Herbal Equilibrium I believe, but there are a ton of products out there at GNC and such that may work as well, it might help calm it down a bit....if you want it to, that is.

As far as your relationship, without judging you, I kind of agree with Amigofina, unless your husband could agree to an open relationship, I worry about you having lovers outside without him knowing. If he is the kind of person who could tell you not to get your hormones checked because that is the way God made you, he isn't likely to take it well if he finds out. One thought, if God gave you a strong sex drive, then shouldn't he be acceding to God's wishes, too? Or does he think you should suffer with a large sex drive and no sex life as proof of your devotion (that would be a very Catholic thing, come to think of it..).

My suggestion? Try to reason with him, and get him to go to a sexual counselor (not a pastor, please, most pastoral counseling on sex is worth about as much as trying to fix a heart attack by cupping someone, even liberal pastors don't have a clue), and make it clear to him it is important to you and your marriage. I more than understand about the kids, believe me (I made my own life choices based on my own kid, their needs and so forth, a major one), and I am not saying blow your marriage out willy-nilly. Still, I think it would be better to lay it on the line with him, try to get him to work with you, and if he doesn't, to think about getting out of the marriage, then trying to get fulfilled outside the marriage and have him find out, it will be a lot more devastating to your kids and him if he finds out you have gone outside, a lot more than if you try and goad him into getting help, into counseling and so forth. It could just be he was raised in some conservative religion that like many still believes sex is no big deal or for procreation, and maybe having someone tell him differently would help, give it a shot. If everything else in your marriage is okay, might be better trying to goad him into working with you towards getting your needs met than risking having it all blow up...

Whatever you do, please get yourself checked and if indicated, work with an endocrinologist to get them normalized (get a referral, don't work with a GP on this, hormones are tricky bastards; I was on a beginners dose of HRT, and my endo didn't believe it, my estrogen counts were sky high, he was thinking of cutting me back to the dose they use on post SRS M to Fs.....).It is tricky, and you need an expert.

 

[tigerstorm07]

Hunnyblonde, I PM'd you only because didn't wish to make the comments public.... sorry if it was not welcome... I just recognized a lot of myself in what you were saying...

 

[luvnmyboys]

I'm not sure if this will be helpful of not, but I'll share anyway. My hormone levels and drive have been low in the past and I did opt for medication. It did help me a lot and I quit the meds over time. I encourage you to get checked as it can effect your overall health. You will at least be on the path to an answer and then you can choose what you want to do.

 

[Najesta]

My boyfriend's low sex drive.

My boyfriend and I truly love each other...but over the coarse of four years our sexual relationship has suffered greatly. I've got a very high sex drive and his is very VERY low. He never wants me. It has messed with my head and confidence very badly. He just doesn't understand why sex means so much to me. Sometimes I think it's due to me. My not being skinny enough, or pretty enough. But he swears it has nothing to do with me. He is completely loyal and devoted to me in every aspect of our relationship. Except sex. I've begged him to see a doctor and he won't. I've tried just gently talking about it, and he won't. I'm so FRUSTRATED!!! How do I fix this before our relationship goes down the drain!?

 

[Que]

This wasn't the main focus of your question but I just had to say that I've often said God's cruelest irony is mismatched libidos.

 

[Najesta]

LOL....Yes it is Evilly ironic.... >.<

 

[hulmule]

The same is in my marriage. Im going to be 55 and I feel like a 25 year ! I feel like you my whole life my body has done nothing but drive me. to this day my sex drive makes me crazy. I cant function , my mind just wont think about anything else. what am I married to ? a women that doesn't hug, kiss, or even hardly talk. 20 years of marriage has done nothing my me feel so down, depressed, just wanting someone to love me. I guess my wife loves me but she never shows it. Cant tell you how I would love just kiss a women. I feel your pain, not good at typing, better at talking. I go and get a massage just to feel a woman's hands on my body. Funny for Christmas my wife got me massage gift card at the local spa. I find it sad that she has no desire to do it her self.

 

[Cycliste]

I have always considered myself to have a high sex drive. Maybe not as high as you describe yourself but I can certainly relate. I had my hormones tested for just the opposite. I had no desire for sex. I was depressed and moody. Being very active, I found myself not having the endurance or strength to do some of the things that were easy in the past. I was frequently tired and fatigued. I couldn't wake up in the morning.

My blood test came back with no free testosterone. I opted for testosterone pellets. They make an incision in the hip and place the pellets under the fat. Then close it up with butterfly stitches. It is sore and tender for about a week. So far, I've only had one round. I will need them every three to four months. It seems the doctor has to kind of guess your proper dosage. In my case, he over estimated. I ended up with more than double the levels than what he had intended.

Suddenly, I was thinking of sex every minute of every day like a pubescent boy. My recently sex starved husband found himself unable to keep up. So this is where I say I can relate. It was fun for the three months it lasted at such a high level but to have a lifetime of it would be draining. No way can i routinely masturbate 4 hours at a time or show up late to work so i could get my "fix". It has been five months now and I'm beginning to feel at an appropriate level. Healthy strong sex drive!

Side effects: acne, no more depression and no more irritability. It changed my life. I feel like I am finally able to be the person I am meant to be. I will say that my doctor told me he sees a more drastic change in women with a testosterone imbalance than he does in men. So apparently women are more sensitive to the imbalance.

By the way, I am 34. Of the handful of women I know on testosterone therapy, they are all going through "the change". However, it can happen before then due to stress or some other factor.

I always took pride in my strong sex drive because I am like the quiet librarian whom everyone assumes is a goody-goody. Only those that get me behind closed doors know otherwise. Though I feel your frustration of not having you libido matched with your spouse. At times, my spouse is very low due to depression. Toys can only get you by for so long. Eventually you need the real thing. I hope you can work through this. As long as your tests don't come back with anything out of the ordinary - take pride in your strong sex drive!

 

[Mropietaylor69]

This is a little different of a view, but I have to say, that everyone here has given some great advice. I'm not sure what items this information will address, but this post is very thought inspiring. Not sure where to start.

1. Testosterone is made in the adrenal gland and some in the testes. It is made from DHEA and male or female estrogen are made out of DHEA as well. Both testosterone and estrogen are used by every cell in your body. As well as DHEA, Cortisol, Pregnenolone, Progestorne, and Melatonin. There are other hormones but these are the top hormones of the Adrenal Gland. When blocking factors change the metabolic pathway for a hormone to be made, other hormones suffer. (i.e. stress, the foods we eat, physical misalignments, emotions, toxins, metals, or any physiological block) All can block a path, or change it. With Chronic Blocking the improper pathway can get dominant in our bodies and this is where we get off track.

2. Making love, thinking about making love, is natural. No matter what the age after about 12, which by the way, is the age that the Adrenal Gland matures and starts to provide hormones to cells through out the body. They are supplied by other glands up to this point.

3. Blood tests and ranges. The ranges for most medical tests are standardized by the center for disease control. It is not established by something that tracks health. For the most part, when it comes to testosterone, being at the high level of testosterone level is a good thing. To measure testosterone in blood or saliva seems to be debatable, but from what I understand the saliva measurements shows the testosterone after it has gone through more metabolic processes then blood. Either way, these can be done by anyone very easily. From there plans to adjust your body can be done through lifestyle. Addressing blockers in your life and returning the Adrenal Gland to function the way it was intended to.

4.. God. I have a lot of thoughts there, but the least of which, is every cell of our body knows what to do. We don't have to tell it what to do. Our bodies are super intelligent. Our job is to simply give it what it wants to live and take away the blockers in our lifestyle that might try to establish a malfunction. Understanding ones steroidal hormone levels is a easy and logical first step.

5. By now you've heard enough from me to know, your partner should be interested in finding out what blocking factors he might have and be interested in improving himself. Yes we all feel like "this is me ageing" or "I'm just this way", but the truth is to malfunction is not normal and to function is. It's the same as life, or living. Hormones is just the start of an investigation into where the malfunction is. It more than likely could be an underlying issue in ones gut. It could have to do with your thyroid, neurons, blood type, metabolic type, pathogens, its anybodies guess, and for the most part without testing, the guessing can drive you mad.

Lastly, I wish everyone in this thread good fortune. I commend you for being brave enough to open up this thread and start to talk about these things. I tell everyone that you are in charge of your health and you are the boss. Everyone should function properly. That should be everyones goal and I am living proof that it is possible and never too late.

 

[Euphonic]

The same is in my marriage. Im going to be 55 and I feel like a 25 year ! I feel like you my whole life my body has done nothing but drive me. to this day my sex drive makes me crazy. I cant function , my mind just wont think about anything else. what am I married to ? a women that doesn't hug, kiss, or even hardly talk. 20 years of marriage has done nothing my me feel so down, depressed, just wanting someone to love me. I guess my wife loves me but she never shows it. Cant tell you how I would love just kiss a women. I feel your pain, not good at typing, better at talking. I go and get a massage just to feel a woman's hands on my body. Funny for Christmas my wife got me massage gift card at the local spa. I find it sad that she has no desire to do it her self.

I just bought a Hot Stone Massage Kit.
I am very tactile.
I know your pain. My spouse isn't into touching either.
I can always take those hard, hot stones in my hands, stroke them over my warm oiled skin. Relish in the penetration of the heat. Lick my lips as the delicious sensations pulse through my body. Imagine an erotic man's lustful hands replacing my own...

 

[Euphonic]

My boyfriend and I truly love each other...but over the coarse of four years our sexual relationship has suffered greatly. I've got a very high sex drive and his is very VERY low. He never wants me. It has messed with my head and confidence very badly. He just doesn't understand why sex means so much to me. Sometimes I think it's due to me. My not being skinny enough, or pretty enough. But he swears it has nothing to do with me. He is completely loyal and devoted to me in every aspect of our relationship. Except sex. I've begged him to see a doctor and he won't. I've tried just gently talking about it, and he won't. I'm so FRUSTRATED!!! How do I fix this before our relationship goes down the drain!?

If he refuses to work on this issue, nothing will change. Stay with him and have forty more years of the same. You choose.

 

[njlauren]

If he refuses to work on this issue, nothing will change. Stay with him and have forty more years of the same. You choose.

I agree. There are a lot of reasons why someone may have low sexual desire for someone they otherwise love. They could have a hormonal problem, they could have some sort of religious hangup, or they could have issues based on prior abuse or something, or they could have some sort of compartmentalized fantasy life where their sex life lives (this happens when gay people get married, or is pretty common IME with secret crossdressers or people with trans leanings, where there is an element of sexuality to what they are feeling i.e a M to F wanting sex with a man , and spend a lot of time fantasizing about that, living up in their head), it is hard to say.

My spouse for many years had no sex drive, at one point she literally said she couldn't understand what everyone made a big deal about it....until the last couple of years, in our late 40's, she suddenly came alive, I think part of it is finally healing from horrible childhood sex abuse, and also with taking stuff to help with her hormones, and also discovering erotic fiction, it is ironic her drive has flown off the charts while mine is bogged down from a stressful job and simply getting older, can make life interesting.

My take is people have a right to expect a loving, full sex life, and if he really loves you, he would be willing to work on it. I would suggest a counselor or therapist with a specialty in sexuality, at least as a start, and also maybe push him into getting at least his testosterone levels checked. There is definitely something there, and if he loves you, he should be willing to work on it, saying 'sex no big deal' is a sign to me of someone with something going on.