Conversation

[rlaflamme]

I have memories that I don't know whether they were real or not. Kinda weird.

I think we all have a bunch of memories that may have been distorted a bit by time lol.

 

[WillowySparkles]

I think we all have a bunch of memories that may have been distorted a bit by time lol.

I think back to things years past and wonder if my memory is indeed accurate. I'm sure the overall memory is correct, but I'm curious if I misremember some of the details, especially for things that occurred decades ago.

 

[Stillrandy]

I think back to things years past and wonder if my memory is indeed accurate. I'm sure the overall memory is correct, but I'm curious if I misremember some of the details, especially for things that occurred decades ago.

I have encountered the same problem. Google for ' the Mandela effect'. One reference is here:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/False_memory

That article is way too detailed for me, but it does seem to be a common problem. Also...I am in my elder years, so I treasure whatever memories I can retain, albeit inexact.

 

[Deacon_Voss]

For me, some memories are perfect (Verified by other family members) Like when I got to Jack in the Box and order tacos. It's been the exact same taco for over fifty years. I cclearly remember being seven years old and walking two blocks with my allowance (twenty five cents) and buying two tacos. When I eat one now, I'm taken straight back to that memory, lol. It was a great time in my young life.

Now other memories? They do get distorted (Based again on my family) and I've twisted them somehow to be worse, or better than they were. Interesting topic

 

[rlaflamme]

I think back to things years past and wonder if my memory is indeed accurate. I'm sure the overall memory is correct, but I'm curious if I misremember some of the details, especially for things that occurred decades ago.

I have encountered the same problem. Google for ' the Mandela effect'. One reference is here:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/False_memory

That article is way too detailed for me, but it does seem to be a common problem. Also...I am in my elder years, so I treasure whatever memories I can retain, albeit inexact.

For me, some memories are perfect (Verified by other family members) Like when I got to Jack in the Box and order tacos. It's been the exact same taco for over fifty years. I cclearly remember being seven years old and walking two blocks with my allowance (twenty five cents) and buying two tacos. When I eat one now, I'm taken straight back to that memory, lol. It was a great time in my young life.

Now other memories? They do get distorted (Based again on my family) and I've twisted them somehow to be worse, or better than they were. Interesting topic

I can start the thread about it, I just have to figure out where to put it. Any suggestions?

 

[rlaflamme]

Sticking with the "everyone has a pat" theme. When talking to someone and getting to know them if they open up about their past, let them and if someone is willing to let you open up about yours, take that opportunity if you feel comfortable enough to do so. Listen and talk without judgement. People are telling you secrets about them and you can support them or make them run away, be the supporter, you may be the only one they have.

Keep smiling

 

[rlaflamme]

When you send a message to someone think about what you are saying, what you are offering. Is your goal a quick conversation, is it a long term one. Are you looking to get naughty with them? Are you just looking to find out something about a kink they mentioned? You need to be up front and honest with what you are thinking. If you say what is on your mind it makes things easier for them to reply. I hear, so many times, that someone will receive a nice message but within 3 or 4 replies they are trying to cyber and it throws it all off. Now I know this is a site based around sex, but it is also about words. Not everyone wants to cyber.

Be kind, be respectful, be real.

Keep smiling

 

[WillowySparkles]

When you send a message to someone think about what you are saying, what you are offering. Is your goal a quick conversation, is it a long term one. Are you looking to get naughty with them? Are you just looking to find out something about a kink they mentioned? You need to be up front and honest with what you are thinking. If you say what is on your mind it makes things easier for them to reply. I hear, so many times, that someone will receive a nice message but within 3 or 4 replies they are trying to cyber and it throws it all off. Now I know this is a site based around sex, but it is also about words. Not everyone wants to cyber.

Be kind, be respectful, be real.

Keep smiling

One of the main reasons I leave my private messages turned off is because some men do try to push a conversation in a sexual direction. And I wouldn't even need to be the one to start the conversation. Because I like to talk about sexual things (as you yourself have witnessed in at least one other thread) and occasionally post pics of myself, these things seem to trigger a behavior in certain men. They assume I want to talk directly to them about sex. Some are also under the impression that I'll be willing to cyber with them. It's like you develop a "reputation", one that's open for all things sex.

Now I do like talking about sex. I've made no secret of that. I even like to engage in cybersex. With the right man I find it a very arousing thing to do. But I reserve the right to pick and choose who I do these things with. And that doesn't mean that once I've had naughty fun on here with a man that he has an open door to hit me up anytime for it. But I'm always willing to talk to anyone in any of the threads, as I think we can have marvelous conversations that way as well.

 

[rlaflamme]

One of the main reasons I leave my private messages turned off is because some men do try to push a conversation in a sexual direction. And I wouldn't even need to be the one to start the conversation. Because I like to talk about sexual things (as you yourself have witnessed in at least one other thread) and occasionally post pics of myself, these things seem to trigger a behavior in certain men. They assume I want to talk directly to them about sex. Some are also under the impression that I'll be willing to cyber with them. It's like you develop a "reputation", one that's open for all things sex.

Now I do like talking about sex. I've made no secret of that. I even like to engage in cybersex. With the right man I find it a very arousing thing to do. But I reserve the right to pick and choose who I do these things with. And that doesn't mean that once I've had naughty fun on here with a man that he has an open door to hit me up anytime for it. But I'm always willing to talk to anyone in any of the threads, as I think we can have marvelous conversations that way as well.

You give a wonderful example, thank you

Keep smiling

 

[rlaflamme]

One of the main reasons I leave my private messages turned off is because some men do try to push a conversation in a sexual direction. And I wouldn't even need to be the one to start the conversation. Because I like to talk about sexual things (as you yourself have witnessed in at least one other thread) and occasionally post pics of myself, these things seem to trigger a behavior in certain men. They assume I want to talk directly to them about sex. Some are also under the impression that I'll be willing to cyber with them. It's like you develop a "reputation", one that's open for all things sex.

Now I do like talking about sex. I've made no secret of that. I even like to engage in cybersex. With the right man I find it a very arousing thing to do. But I reserve the right to pick and choose who I do these things with. And that doesn't mean that once I've had naughty fun on here with a man that he has an open door to hit me up anytime for it. But I'm always willing to talk to anyone in any of the threads, as I think we can have marvelous conversations that way as well.

I took some more time after my last post to look through some more of yours. I was curious how it plays out when you tell people you do not PM. It was very interesting. Some are a little persistent and some disappear. And you get asked by more than one on the same thread that you already said you keep them off.

I guess it comes down to something I have put here before, people need to respect other people. Respect is a huge thing to me and I wish it was for many others.

Keep smiling

 

[WillowySparkles]

I took some more time after my last post to look through some more of yours. I was curious how it plays out when you tell people you do not PM. It was very interesting. Some are a little persistent and some disappear. And you get asked by more than one on the same thread that you already said you keep them off.

I guess it comes down to something I have put here before, people need to respect other people. Respect is a huge thing to me and I wish it was for many others.

Keep smiling

I have had several people (men) asking me in threads when I'm going to turn my messages on. Some have said, I don't want to say demanded, as I don't think that's the correct word, but they have said for me to turn them on so they could PM me. And I politely say no in each case. So far that has been the end of the discussion. A few have asked me more than once, but no one has been nasty about it, at least not directly towards me. But I'm still content with leaving things as they are. If I feel there's a need to move a conversation with someone to private, then I'll add them to my buddy list and message them directly.

 

[rlaflamme]

I have had several people (men) asking me in threads when I'm going to turn my messages on. Some have said, I don't want to say demanded, as I don't think that's the correct word, but they have said for me to turn them on so they could PM me. And I politely say no in each case. So far that has been the end of the discussion. A few have asked me more than once, but no one has been nasty about it, at least not directly towards me. But I'm still content with leaving things as they are. If I feel there's a need to move a conversation with someone to private, then I'll add them to my buddy list and message them directly.

And people should respect that, respect that you keep them off and you do not need to explain to them the reason they are off. That is what you want to do and it really is that simple. Thank you for sharing your experience with this.

Keep smiling

 

[WillowySparkles]

And people should respect that, respect that you keep them off and you do not need to explain to them the reason they are off. That is what you want to do and it really is that simple. Thank you for sharing your experience with this.

Keep smiling

You're welcome. I was happy to share.

 

[hotoldrguy]

I have had several people (men) asking me in threads when I'm going to turn my messages on. Some have said, I don't want to say demanded, as I don't think that's the correct word, but they have said for me to turn them on so they could PM me. And I politely say no in each case. So far that has been the end of the discussion. A few have asked me more than once, but no one has been nasty about it, at least not directly towards me. But I'm still content with leaving things as they are. If I feel there's a need to move a conversation with someone to private, then I'll add them to my buddy list and message them directly.

Good plan. I think if you opened them to all you would be barraged by all kinds of unwanted attention. I am glad you have come to LIT and enjoy whatever you choose to share.

 

[WillowySparkles]

Good plan. I think if you opened them to all you would be barraged by all kinds of unwanted attention. I am glad you have come to LIT and enjoy whatever you choose to share.

I give turning them on a lot of thought. I believe you're correct that I would be barraged by them. I also believe most would be polite, even if sexually tinged in their messages. And if I politely said no or provided a gentle rejection I would hope they would also take it politely. I'm also sure there would be a small minority, and I want to think very, very small, that might not take rejection as a kind action on my part. But at least for the time being and the foreseeable future, I'll keep my PM inbox closed and just converse with people in public. And thank you for your kind reply

 

[Stillrandy]

P.M. Conversations

Probably not a good sample, but...

A few times I have engaged with a lady in a Lit p.m. conversation, and when my replies or conversation has been nonsexual, it seemed she lost interest. Perhaps I am boring(!). But my sense is that she (they) expected a sexual turn to the conversation and when I did not quickly respond in that way, they stopped replying. My sense is that they were on a 'mission' (to become sexually excited?). And here I am trying to be a gentleman.

This was even more so during Lit Chat exchanges; it felt like I was expected to get down and dirty at once, or else the other party thought I was wasting their time and cut off the conversation.

I realize the above may not be the majority experience, but I do think the current runs both ways.

 

[rlaflamme]

Probably not a good sample, but...

A few times I have engaged with a lady in a Lit p.m. conversation, and when my replies or conversation has been nonsexual, it seemed she lost interest. Perhaps I am boring(!). But my sense is that she (they) expected a sexual turn to the conversation and when I did not quickly respond in that way, they stopped replying. My sense is that they were on a 'mission' (to become sexually excited?). And here I am trying to be a gentleman.

This was even more so during Lit Chat exchanges; it felt like I was expected to get down and dirty at once, or else the other party thought I was wasting their time and cut off the conversation.

I realize the above may not be the majority experience, but I do think the current runs both ways.

And I never thought it was just us men that would solely be looking for sexual enjoyment. That never even crossed my mind.

This is a site of sex, no question about it, but it doesn't have to be completely based on it. And sometimes it can be really hard to figure out what someone is looking for and quite often we find out too late.

Thank you for sharing.

Keep smiling

 

[Deleted member 5521640]

Probably not a good sample, but...

A few times I have engaged with a lady in a Lit p.m. conversation, and when my replies or conversation has been nonsexual, it seemed she lost interest. Perhaps I am boring(!). But my sense is that she (they) expected a sexual turn to the conversation and when I did not quickly respond in that way, they stopped replying. My sense is that they were on a 'mission' (to become sexually excited?). And here I am trying to be a gentleman.

This was even more so during Lit Chat exchanges; it felt like I was expected to get down and dirty at once, or else the other party thought I was wasting their time and cut off the conversation.

I realize the above may not be the majority experience, but I do think the current runs both ways.

I can only speak for myself, but if I feel a conversation has reached a natural stopping, I won't follow up with a guy's message. I say to him "blahblahblah" and he replies "Yeah that's right," he hasn't really given me anything to follow up with. I get this a lot with guys who initiate a conversation with me. They start it, so I let them drive it. But it's like they give up or run out of things to say after so many messages. It's not that I've gotten bored with him, or I'm really secretly hoping he'll turn it in a sexual direction just so I can tell him how much I want to suck on his cock! No, it just feels like it's a nice place to stop. That's just how I roll.

Chat room exchanges I think are a bit different. Yes, people go there for varying reasons; some people may just want to chat and talk about whatever. Others want to get down and dirty right away. But if someone is in a room titled, say, "Blowjobs" or "Anal Sex", I think it's a safe assumption they're in there for said topic, and they ain't in there to talk about the weather and exchange recipes for zucchini bread. Maybe I'm wrong, but that just seems logical to me. Then again, whoever said logic applied to any of this anyways?

 

[cheekygirl75]

I can only speak for myself, but if I feel a conversation has reached a natural stopping, I won't follow up with a guy's message. I say to him "blahblahblah" and he replies "Yeah that's right," he hasn't really given me anything to follow up with. I get this a lot with guys who initiate a conversation with me. They start it, so I let them drive it. But it's like they give up or run out of things to say after so many messages. It's not that I've gotten bored with him, or I'm really secretly hoping he'll turn it in a sexual direction just so I can tell him how much I want to suck on his cock! No, it just feels like it's a nice place to stop. That's just how I roll.

Chat room exchanges I think are a bit different. Yes, people go there for varying reasons; some people may just want to chat and talk about whatever. Others want to get down and dirty right away. But if someone is in a room titled, say, "Blowjobs" or "Anal Sex", I think it's a safe assumption they're in there for said topic, and they ain't in there to talk about the weather and exchange recipes for zucchini bread. Maybe I'm wrong, but that just seems logical to me. Then again, whoever said logic applied to any of this anyways?

Yes, exactly to the first paragraph... I've had this happen so many times with men I've messaged with. Even if they give me something more than "Yeah, that's right", it sometimes still feels like a stopping point. If he responds to what I've said & any questions I've had very briefly, I sometimes just don't feel like there's anything to go on.

And if that's happened a couple of times, without him giving me an indication that he wants to know more about me by asking a question or specifically responding to something I've said about myself, I'll just let it end. I need some clue that he's interested in talking to me, not just any random woman online.

 

[rlaflamme]

I can only speak for myself, but if I feel a conversation has reached a natural stopping, I won't follow up with a guy's message. I say to him "blahblahblah" and he replies "Yeah that's right," he hasn't really given me anything to follow up with. I get this a lot with guys who initiate a conversation with me. They start it, so I let them drive it. But it's like they give up or run out of things to say after so many messages. It's not that I've gotten bored with him, or I'm really secretly hoping he'll turn it in a sexual direction just so I can tell him how much I want to suck on his cock! No, it just feels like it's a nice place to stop. That's just how I roll.

Chat room exchanges I think are a bit different. Yes, people go there for varying reasons; some people may just want to chat and talk about whatever. Others want to get down and dirty right away. But if someone is in a room titled, say, "Blowjobs" or "Anal Sex", I think it's a safe assumption they're in there for said topic, and they ain't in there to talk about the weather and exchange recipes for zucchini bread. Maybe I'm wrong, but that just seems logical to me. Then again, whoever said logic applied to any of this anyways?

Yes, exactly to the first paragraph... I've had this happen so many times with men I've messaged with. Even if they give me something more than "Yeah, that's right", it sometimes still feels like a stopping point. If he responds to what I've said & any questions I've had very briefly, I sometimes just don't feel like there's anything to go on.

And if that's happened a couple of times, without him giving me an indication that he wants to know more about me by asking a question or specifically responding to something I've said about myself, I'll just let it end. I need some clue that he's interested in talking to me, not just any random woman online.

Wonderful insights, thank you both very much.

I hope that people read through some of these things and learn from them, apply that and really go and meet some people, like really meet them. Have fun getting to know them through the conversations and keeping the interaction going as long as they can with the give and take that a good conversation can provide.

Thank you all!

Keep smiling

 

[AZDryHeat]

Yes, exactly to the first paragraph... I've had this happen so many times with men I've messaged with. Even if they give me something more than "Yeah, that's right", it sometimes still feels like a stopping point. If he responds to what I've said & any questions I've had very briefly, I sometimes just don't feel like there's anything to go on.

And if that's happened a couple of times, without him giving me an indication that he wants to know more about me by asking a question or specifically responding to something I've said about myself, I'll just let it end. I need some clue that he's interested in talking to me, not just any random woman online.

I find this thread to be one of the most important in the Playground. It provides an opportunity for those of us in the community to share some deep thoughts and feelings. I am in the midst on one of those Lit. relationships that started with promises of never withholding the truth amidst the sharing of many intimate details that have never been shared with anyone else. Now, after many weeks of chatting at all hours, the fervor has dissipated. But if a question of anything related to this change is raised, it is met with a wall of hostility and denial. Perhaps it is just me. I very much care about this person, but it is difficult to continue as if nothing is different. I am at a lose what to do now. Is Dear Abby out there somewhere.

 

[rlaflamme]

I find this thread to be one of the most important in the Playground. It provides an opportunity for those of us in the community to share some deep thoughts and feelings. I am in the midst on one of those Lit. relationships that started with promises of never withholding the truth amidst the sharing of many intimate details that have never been shared with anyone else. Now, after many weeks of chatting at all hours, the fervor has dissipated. But if a question of anything related to this change is raised, it is met with a wall of hostility and denial. Perhaps it is just me. I very much care about this person, but it is difficult to continue as if nothing is different. I am at a lose what to do now. Is Dear Abby out there somewhere.

First off, thank you for the compliment of the thread. I really enjoy having it up and working on it. I love how people come to it and share their thoughts.
As to your situation. There could be several things, but the one that pops in my head is, she may feel she went to far. She gave information and now is feeling a bit guilty about sharing that information. We are simple, really, if we have an ear, we will attempt to use it. And sometimes we give more information than we ever intended. Then we feel guilty, more so if it was something bad about another person. Of course, this is just one thing that it could be, to be honest, I am guessing, I don't know women that well lol. But, it could be just that. More information was given than expected. I hope that helps a little bit.

Keep smiling

 

[Deleted member 5521640]

First off, thank you for the compliment of the thread. I really enjoy having it up and working on it. I love how people come to it and share their thoughts.
As to your situation. There could be several things, but the one that pops in my head is, she may feel she went to far. She gave information and now is feeling a bit guilty about sharing that information. We are simple, really, if we have an ear, we will attempt to use it. And sometimes we give more information than we ever intended. Then we feel guilty, more so if it was something bad about another person. Of course, this is just one thing that it could be, to be honest, I am guessing, I don't know women that well lol. But, it could be just that. More information was given than expected. I hope that helps a little bit.

Keep smiling

It could certainly be this. Call it "buyer's remorse" if you will. Another possibility is she's not as enamored with you as she was in the beginning. Being a Lit relationship (something I'm still puzzled over, even asked about them a couple weeks ago) I'm assuming it's all virtual, correct me if I'm wrong. Maybe she liked the newness and shininess of it, but not that it's worn off (the honeymoon is over), she's not so much into it anymore.

Another possibility, just a guess, is that someone told her something negative about you. Someone might have PMd her saying "I know you really like AZDryHeat, but I heard so and so say blahblahblah about him the other day (plus so and so is always right), so I think you might want to keep your distance from him." Just a guess, but people do love to gossip, even if said gossip ultimately turns out to be untrue.

 

[AZDryHeat]

First off, thank you for the compliment of the thread. I really enjoy having it up and working on it. I love how people come to it and share their thoughts.
As to your situation. There could be several things, but the one that pops in my head is, she may feel she went to far. She gave information and now is feeling a bit guilty about sharing that information. We are simple, really, if we have an ear, we will attempt to use it. And sometimes we give more information than we ever intended. Then we feel guilty, more so if it was something bad about another person. Of course, this is just one thing that it could be, to be honest, I am guessing, I don't know women that well lol. But, it could be just that. More information was given than expected. I hope that helps a little bit.

Keep smiling

She has nothing to worry about. I would never share anything she told me or any photo she sent.

 

[AZDryHeat]

It could certainly be this. Call it "buyer's remorse" if you will. Another possibility is she's not as enamored with you as she was in the beginning. Being a Lit relationship (something I'm still puzzled over, even asked about them a couple weeks ago) I'm assuming it's all virtual, correct me if I'm wrong. Maybe she liked the newness and shininess of it, but not that it's worn off (the honeymoon is over), she's not so much into it anymore.

Another possibility, just a guess, is that someone told her something negative about you. Someone might have PMd her saying "I know you really like AZDryHeat, but I heard so and so say blahblahblah about him the other day (plus so and so is always right), so I think you might want to keep your distance from him." Just a guess, but people do love to gossip, even if said gossip ultimately turns out to be untrue.

There is nothing negative anyone could say about me.