Controlling children!!

[Sillyman]

Cutting down on his sugar and meat intake probably wouldn't be too bad of an idea though. Of course I don't know what's in the diet of the typical NZ kid.

Frankly, no child can withstand a calm wholesome discussion of moral principles. It helps to be an actual windbag to use this technique, but the endless godawful lecture has lost so much value in the parental arsenal.

 

[Guest]

 

[Killswitch]

I am not one to think that he is "testing" you here. I do not believe in Phases. No offense, but this is long term conditioning of spoling this child.

The unfortunate part of giving in to the kid the 1000 times you gave in and gave up before, is that it is going to make this inevitable behavior that much harder to correct.

Thats where the problem came from and why in my opinion...of course not knowing the entire story.

What to do.

Take away everything he enjoys. His freedom, and most certainly his recreational time. This is important....when you say one week....you mean one week.....if you give in when he turns the nice deal back on....you have failed and sent the entire wrong message. You must be dillegent, and relentless when it comes to keeping your word. I am also a firm believer in spankings, and reasonable physical punishments. I know in this day and age this is politically incorrect.....so what. When he mouths of to you or your daughter....put him physically over your knee and spank the shit out of him.

I have spent many hours and days thinking about the ramifications of reward vs punishment, and the possibility of alienating a child.....the fact of the matter is....you are doing more harm than good by alowing him to be in control, than you ever could allienating him thru punishment.

You must also make sure you dole out the punishment equally to all of your children so as not to create animosities between them, or anger towards you for being unfair. This may also be part in parcel to the creation of this monster.

We are creating a society of computer game playing children with almost non existent social skills, and this is important.....EXTREMELY LOW TOLORANCE AND PAITENCE LEVELS!
I blame this on computer games entirely.

The education system, and to a large extent parents, are sending the entirely wrong message to the kids of today....which is.....the minimum is acceptable, you dont have to fear repercussion, and there is no punishment for your actions.

Standard performance is mediocre....mediocre performance is substandard...and substandard performance is unacceptable in my book.

Remember this.....you think you are raising a little boy.....you are wrong.
You are raising a husband, and future father.

 

[T.H. Oughts]

Well I lead him to his room by the arm and took no for an answer.... I am very good at making the punishment last for the time stated... just the last couple of nights he has really bolted back at me...

His diet is good, no excess junk food...

Thanks everyone for the help...

 

[crysede]

My parents used to take the doors off our rooms for a week if we really blew it - losing the ability to slam your door, or lock your younger sibling out of your room, is a special kind of hell for a kid.

If they had to progress beyond removing the door, the next step was putting toys in a garbage bag, and locking it in the closet (and yes, if good behaviour did not commence immediately, they really did get put out with the trash: us kids tested this once, 'cause we didn't believe they'd really go through with it - they did, and we never tested them again! lol)

 

[dclabrecque]

I have lots of ideas on child rearing. First I must explain that my children never really gave me much trouble. They are both grown, and on there own. My son is an Eagle Scout, and for any of you who know Boy Scouts, is was Vigil in the Order of the Arror by the time he was 17. He is finishing college on a ROTC scholarship. My daughter is a Girl Scout Gold Awardee - similar to Eagle Scout in Boy Scouts. She works with mostly old people as an Occupational Therapy Assit., certified. She supports herself, has money in the bank and volunteers. Great kids. Now, from the time they were little, they understood that when they were told to do something, they did not have a choice. Your 9 year old didn't just get out of hand - you've been helping him, probably forever. Better late than never, you need to be firm, and he needs to believe you'll do what you say.

 

[Purrde Flower]

For cussing I suggest you shave a good sized piece of soap off of a bar and make him sit with it in his mouth for 5 minutes for each word.

 

[DéjàNu]

my 9 years old is a tough one too, always have been. She is more like a boy than a little girl, what is not helping is its 11 years old sister. We have all big personality at home often clashing all together, the youngest have a lot of difficulties controling her anger while interacting with her sister or event with her parents... I call her my little monster!!!

After having try all negative punishments with her, like everyone told you, removing good things and toys, go to bed early (that one is good tho), stay in her room etc... I initiated some talking with her to try to find a solution. So we both sit, and include the 11 years old too and discuss the problems. We end up with a reward system, some kids are doing better that way, I should say that by now its doing good, we started before Christmas. So our system involve "tokens", each days you can earn X tokens for the day but if she fight at home, dont do her bedroom, dont clean her tooths, speak bad words and so on some Tokens are remove. After she had X number of Token accumulated she can choose an activity, shoping or a special thread to do with me and so on...

So far we still adjust to the system, how many tokens a day, how many to remove etc... but the other day she was mad, talking bad and I said no Token for today and if you do go on no Token for tomorrow also, she said that she didnt mind at all, my answer was ok so you want to come back on the negative punishments, so be it, starting tomorrow I will removed your things etc... she then return to normal, excuse herself and state that she dont want to return that way it was, its better the Token way.

Darn I did write long, I hope it will help you!!!

 

[Jimi]

See, T.H.

We LOVE ya - and want your house to be a more peaceful place....

Good Morning, BTW!