Contracts

[spankableBelle]

Are they simply for structure in online D/s relationships?

Or are contracts a part of flesh-to-flesh D/s relationships, too? If so, are they more verbal than they are written or are they written and signed as well?

This is for Dom/mes, subs, switches...anyone who wishes to reply. We've talked about on other threads checklists and applications and all...but what happens after one has been accepted, one is offering their submission/Dominance to another? Hence, in my online experience, a contract is designed...

my other question is...do contracts differ from relationship to relationship? In other words...if a Dom/me has a contract with one sub and for whatever reason, they both move on and after a time the Dom/me enters into a relationship with another, how much will the contract differ? Also, for those that have multiple subs, are there different contracts for each one?

i realize that in flesh-to-flesh relationships, this may not apply at all, or very little...but i would really like to know how all relationships are structured and formalized for the different people here...whether it be for strictly play relationships or for a lot more...

Thank you all for muddling through this...~smile~

belle

Thank You for

 

["angel" eve]

personal opinion

i'm in a commited flesh to flesh relationship with another switch. we don't keep a contract on paper. we have verbal agreements though. we tend to respect each other's wishes as to where we go, who we see, what we wear in public. neither of us is allowed to involve ourselves with someone outside this relationship - although the temptation is there often.

i don't know if this answers your question at all, i'm not exactly a long time memeber of the BDSM world, but it's on viewpoint.

 

[spankableBelle]

Re: personal opinion

i'm in a commited flesh to flesh relationship with another switch. we don't keep a contract on paper. we have verbal agreements though. we tend to respect each other's wishes as to where we go, who we see, what we wear in public. neither of us is allowed to involve ourselves with someone outside this relationship - although the temptation is there often.

i don't know if this answers your question at all, i'm not exactly a long time memeber of the BDSM world, but it's on viewpoint.

For you, yes, it does answer my question and so, thank you very much for taking the time to share your opinion...~smile~

belle

 

[Daddyslilpet]

I think this counts, Master and I have a verbal agreement as far as our D/s relationship goes. Since this is the only BDSM relationship I've ever had I can't say what's normal.

I would think that the negotiations that take place would be considered some form of "contract" even tho its not expressly written down and signed all formal and such. Just my thought.


dixi

 

[spankableBelle]

I think this counts, Master and I have a verbal agreement as far as our D/s relationship goes. Since this is the only BDSM relationship I've ever had I can't say what's normal.

I would think that the negotiations that take place would be considered some form of "contract" even tho its not expressly written down and signed all formal and such. Just my thought.


dixi

<grins> Thank you, dixi...

i don't think there is any 'normal' or 'right' way...i think it does vary depending on the relationship one is involved in...which is why i asked in the first place...~smile~...i wanted to know the different ways that people hold agreements in this lifestyle...and since there are so many varied persons and situations here, i hope there will be just as many varied responses...

belle

 

[WillowPuss]

(third time lucky in trying to post this ...)


I can only answer one of your questions, belle, and then it may only be seen from my own personal relationship.

As many know, I am married to my Dom, my Master (choose whichever title you are most comfortable with I prefer Master).

When we decided to move our relationship into a D/s, as close as we could to 24/7 TPE, Master found a contract from one of the many online sites and printed it off. We discussed it, tweaked at the wording a bit to suit our lives, added a bit ...

He then printed off two copies of the completed document and we both signed it.


Why?
I feel it gave the tiny baby steps we were taking, the merest wetting of our toes as we began to paddle, structure. It reminded us both what we wanted, what we were aiming for, what we both desired.




I hope that helps, belle.
If you have follow-up questions from this, I will do my best to answer.

 

[Richard49]

After what I have just been through
I will never trust a verbal agreement again

 

[spankableBelle]

(third time lucky in trying to post this ...)


I can only answer one of your questions, belle, and then it may only be seen from my own personal relationship.

As many know, I am married to my Dom, my Master (choose whichever title you are most comfortable with I prefer Master).

When we decided to move our relationship into a D/s, as close as we could to 24/7 TPE, Master found a contract from one of the many online sites and printed it off. We discussed it, tweaked at the wording a bit to suit our lives, added a bit ...

He then printed off two copies of the completed document and we both signed it.


Why?
I feel it gave the tiny baby steps we were taking, the merest wetting of our toes as we began to paddle, structure. It reminded us both what we wanted, what we were aiming for, what we both desired.




I hope that helps, belle.
If you have follow-up questions from this, I will do my best to answer.

i have to agree with the structure part of this answer...and i am happy for you that you have found this within your marriage and are working at together, openly...

Yes, it does answer my question, for your own personal relationship and growth, yes it does answer my questions...and personal views and opinions are what i desired...~smile~

Thank you so much for sharing this...

belle

 

[spankableBelle]

After what I have just been through
I will never trust a verbal agreement again

Hello, Richard...we have never met...i'm belle ~smile~ and i am honored that you have posted on this thread...i have read posts from you on other threads and your insights and wisdom are valuable...

It sounds like you've had a bad experience and my heart goes out to you. Thank you for offering your own view.

belle

 

[Ebonyfire]

After what I have just been through
I will never trust a verbal agreement again

I hear ya, Richard. Even though written D/s contracts do not have the force of law, they are good for ensuring that you both are on the same page (literally & figuratively).

I do not have a written contract with sissy or bitchboy. Why?
1. They are not collared.

2. We are still in a trial period. When I say I move slow, I meant it. I have been with sissy for almost 2 years.

3. They are part-time. They do not live with me, and I have not establish a tight control of them when they are out of my sight. We are at the full disclosure of D/s related activities only.

When I get my 24/7 chosen, I definitely will have a written contract. And at first it will be re-negotiated as often as it needs to be.

Ebony

 

[Richard49]

Hello, Richard...we have never met...i'm belle ~smile~ and i am honored that you have posted on this thread...i have read posts from you on other threads and your insights and wisdom are valuable...

It sounds like you've had a bad experience and my heart goes out to you. Thank you for offering your own view.

belle

No we have never meet
that I know of
however if you have been reading my posts
then you know me

A year ago I came home to find that my wife and collared sub had deserted me... a night mare divorce is still going on

A few months ago I entered int oa new relationship ... she was/is a natural sub ..... she had never had a BDSM experence before me except in her dreams .... she gave me a final dear john yesterday on my birthday

How woulda contract have helped ?
Cause to do a written contract ....you
1) set limits on both sides
2) you define together what words mean
3) you examine fears,concerns etc. together

Personaly I have reached a point of seriously considering giving up the lifestyle and relationships period ... I do not seem to be able to do them successfully ......

 

[Ebonyfire]

How woulda contract have helped ?
Cause to do a written contract ....you
1) set limits on both sides
2) you define together what words mean
3) you examine fears,concerns etc. together

Personaly I have reached a point of seriously considering giving up the lifestyle and relationships period ... I do not seem to be able to do them successfully ......

I do not know if a contract would have helped. I have had a recent experience with being abandoned by a sub who was to be my 24/7. but it happened BEFORE we were together during the "trial period".

What helped me was the love and support I got from my friends, my sissyboy; who was standing behind me all along in his quiet unassuming way, the RL support of some folks here on Lit whom I still call friends, and the sage advice of one VERY cool Domme/friend/mentor who helped me re-focus on what was important (thanks Shadowsdream).

Without her sage advice and practical wisdom, I might still be mired in confusion.

Things are finally clicking into place. It is not easy, but it is difinitely positive.

Only you know what is best for you Richard, but if you are like me, this is not something I can take off or put on, like clothing.

Ebony

 

[li'a-wahine]

my 2 cents

Hi there Belle~

don't know if this answers your questions, but I'll just add what I can

I am married to my Master, and we have been together for a long time. For us there is no contract per say. WHen rules are set, or limits discussed, I am to right down the outcome in my jornal, and I beleive He does too. This in a way is "kinda" like a contract in that it is something written, but also compleatly different, lol. It does however have the value of something written in that if needed, I can go over my jornal to make sure that I have not forgotten any fine details of the rules, limits, ect......

Hope that makes sence to you Belle

lia

 

[Richard49]

I do not know if a contract would have helped. I have had a recent experience with being abandoned by a sub who was to be my 24/7. but it happened BEFORE we were together during the "trial period".


Only you know what is best for you Richard, but if you are like me, this is not something I can take off or put on, like clothing.

Ebony

Contracts only keep honest people honest
However they do
1) provide a means/processs for communications
2) stand as reminders

I have no other sub standing behind me supporting me
I have no RT RL support
I do have these boards but ......

I am not considering taking offf the lifestyle and then putting it back on .... I am considering giving up all relationships ..... isolating and being a hermit seems attractive to me

 

[Ebonyfire]

Before you do that, have a long talk with DRxblue.

Eb

Contracts only keep honest people honest
However they do
1) provide a means/processs for communications
2) stand as reminders

I have no other sub standing behind me supporting me
I have no RT RL support
I do have these boards but ......

I am not considering taking offf the lifestyle and then putting it back on .... I am considering giving up all relationships ..... isolating and being a hermit seems attractive to me

 

[Richard49]

Before you do that, have a long talk with DRxblue.

Eb

Who?
Why?
How?

 

[Ebonyfire]

Who?
Why?
How?

He put the "h" in hermit!

Eb

 

[Richard49]

He put the "h" in hermit!

Eb

I do not get it
but then I guess I do not need to

 

[~Dream~]

yeah what She said..

I think this counts, Master and I have a verbal agreement as far as our D/s relationship goes. Since this is the only BDSM relationship I've ever had I can't say what's normal.

I would think that the negotiations that take place would be considered some form of "contract" even tho its not expressly written down and signed all formal and such. Just my thought.


dixi

__________________________
you would not believe how MANY people came to me and said "Oh ,Dream you just Gotta have a 'contract" ,it's soo important,You simply MUST protect Yourself and INSURE Your safety..lol from WHOM? a piece of paper is gonna "protect me or My rights"? please!! no more than a piece of very tangible paper is gonna assure me" that I have a marriage...however ,to please both them and follow "protocol" I drafted up "my version' of a contract and sent it to Master to sign..as far as I know Artful STILL has it and It's still UNSIGNED..

yOU KNOW WHY Sis Belle? cause we Love and TRUST each other..
if we DONT have TRUST then what darn good is any ol piece of paper gonna do? I made sure that My contract stated so..I trust Artful,with my very life..If Not would I allow myself to be Bound by Him? I think not...He could possibly have done evil,terrible things to me while I was helpless like that..He didnt..quite the contrary,
He gave me pleasures I had ever yet experienced but had ALWAYS yearned for..If you do Not trust Your Dom,thats a VERY big thing ,you should ask yourself why you really NEED that contract..Artful's WORD IS His bond and Our Truth...Thank-you for this thread,Belle

 

[~Dream~]

Richard

How woulda contract have helped ?
Cause to do a written contract ....you
1) set limits on both sides
2) you define together what words mean
3) you examine fears,concerns etc. together

Personaly I have reached a point of seriously considering giving up the lifestyle and relationships period ... I do not seem to be able to do them successfully ......

_________________
still so saddened for you sweety...
giving you bunchesof my special Dream huggs ,ok?
as per those 3 things up there?^^^
I have ALL those WITHOUT a contract..it's called open& Honest communication,love ...hope You find happiness again really soon Richard,wish i could share some of mine,my friend



edited to add: Contracts MAY work for some couples and may indeed BE necessary but it's just not MY thing..IMHO.. ty

 

[Desdemona]

No we have never meet
that I know of
however if you have been reading my posts
then you know me

A year ago I came home to find that my wife and collared sub had deserted me... a night mare divorce is still going on

A few months ago I entered int oa new relationship ... she was/is a natural sub ..... she had never had a BDSM experence before me except in her dreams .... she gave me a final dear john yesterday on my birthday

How woulda contract have helped ?
Cause to do a written contract ....you
1) set limits on both sides
2) you define together what words mean
3) you examine fears,concerns etc. together

Personaly I have reached a point of seriously considering giving up the lifestyle and relationships period ... I do not seem to be able to do them successfully ......

Richard,
We don't know each other yet. I'm sorry for your loss. I know how it feels from the sub side of the equation to suddenly be abandoned. I hope you don't give up on relationships while the pain is still fresh although I do understand the temptation. des

 

[Shadowsdream]

My toy and I have a signed contract...which was taken from the net and revised to suit our special needs. The exact concept as willow and Robuck executed with two copies...structured as it fit our reality and committment.

We did this to formalize a relationship that means every thing to us. It is a lifetime contract of submission to Domination. Clearly spelling out where Domination is not appropriate. This contract validates his right to see no interference in family, friends and work. He gives Me ownership of all he is and has that does not go under the umbrella of his profession.

I give him My control and My ability to bring out all the best in him. I give him My guidance, My honesty and My determination to ensure he excells in all areas of his life.

If this relationship runs its course he has the right and the responsibility to ask for a release and to retain My friendship.
If his reasons are valid I will go one step further than simply releasing him and will also help him to find the best replacement for Myself.~

The day the contractwas signed was a day of celebration, a new depth to our committment.

There is no right decision or wrong decision.

 

[Soron]

A Matter of Structure

There is no right or wrong way to answer these questions dear belle. In many ways a contract is just as symbollic as a collar. If the people who sign the contract don't live up to the intended spirit of it then it is worthless. If a submissive does not FEEL her Master's love, his control then you may as well put the contract in your bird cage and give the collar to the dog.
I do think in it's simplest form a contract spells out what the Dominant and the submissive expect to get out the relationship. This of course can change as the relationship grows.
belle and I have entered into a contract for a two month period. I have not collared her, but she has submiited herself to me, and I am at this point her teacher. The contract does not spell out every little rule or detail as to how I want things done. Before we even entered into this we both sat down and wrote out what we both needed frm the other and what we wanted to give.
A contrat in my mind is merely the commitment to each other symbollically. Rules and guidelines must come as the relationshp grows. The contract that I drew up for belle and myself is less than half of most I have seen. But, it is to the point and will be bided by.

 

[~Dream~]

ty Soron

For letting me see that in a 'differnt" context .. and best of luck to you and " belle'

 

[redelicious]

Soron and Belle

My blessings to you both.