Constructive feedback, please.

[saradora]

I'd appreciate constructive feedback from anyone willing to read and comment about a story I recently submitted.

"Thinkin' about lovin'" is the title. It's in the "Erotic couplings" category.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=51537

Thanks.

~Saradora~

 

[margo_x_x]

I read “Thinkin' About Lovin'” and gave it a five. I couldn't find anything wrong with it, so I'll pretend I hated it and make stuff up.

The “this is what I'm going to do” didn't work for me. I know it ties in perfectly with his first words when he gets home, but I'm prejudiced by the kind of stories I read.

If you've ever read a story where a plan is being hatched, you'll notice the plan is handled one of two ways. If the plan is not going to work, or has to be changed, the reader is let in on it. If it's going to go off like clockwork, we only get to see it as it unfolds.

The way my mind works, I was waiting for him to bring the boss and his wife home for dinner, and have her throw the door open wearing totally inappropriate attire.

It may be a personal problem, but I can't remember anything ever working out the way I planed it. If it ever did, I'd probably want to brag about it, but I don't know if it would make a good story.

Sexual mechanics were wonderful. This cowboy certainly knows how to ride. What must you be thinking with a wonderful guy like that. Do you feel unworthy? Is it so perfect that you fear something will happen to destroy it? Is everything more intense because you know this is as good as it gets, and you'd better grab it? Inquiring minds want to know.

I'd love to read a story by you where you're more of a troublemaker. Throw junk in their way; make them work for that great sex. Chase them up a tree and throw rocks at them. Then let them cum down.

 

[saradora]

First: Thank you for reading my story. I think you're the only one who did. But mostly, thanks for responding.

As for a plan going right, the lady is clearly hoping for the best. She's remembered what has happened in the past and optimistic about what's to come. Mea culpa.

Sex with the cowboy? From personal experience, I can tell you it's pretty damn good. No reason to feel unworthy but always aware the bubble could burst at any time - that just comes from life's experiences, Murphy's Law and thumbing a nose at the jealous gods.

I have LOTS of stories where the guy really has to work for it and/or gets it and pays the consequences later. I'll just have to hunker down and get them submitted so I can offer them for dissection.

I'm going to take your idea that "the best laid... plans" don't always go according to Hoyle and give that serious consideration in a story I'm crafting now.

Thanks for your kind words. You've given me a few things to think about.

~saradora~

 

[Axeltheswede]

Cowboy love

Like Margo, I couldn't find anything wrong. I gave it a five too.

A bit of conflict would have spiced things up. Even a trivial argument to set the stage for some makeup sex would have been nice. Or, if she had been telling her friend about plans for the evening.

I have two stories posted with cowboy characters. Both bring chaps into play in the sex scenes. Conclusion; you can't go wrong with chaps. I still get at least a couple feedback emails a week that mention the chaps.

 

[saradora]

Axeltheswede (that's quite a mouthful - no pun intended)

Thanks for responding. I'm going to have to stop reading and post some of my other stories for dissection. I do have a few that have "interesting" twists. I think I posted a schmoopy sappy story first because ---- I don't know why I did. It's not like my mother surfs the net!

First, I'll go check out your stories. Then I'll post some others. Thanks for the advice - conflicts and unresolved sexual tension always add spice to sexual encounters.

~saradora~

 

[Route66Girl]

Did someone say chaps?

Oh, Axel! You're 100% right. Chaps do it every time for me, lol.

saradora-

Nice story! I agree with the others- as a vignette, there's nothing wrong with this. It was technically near-flawless. And I got a thing for cowboys, so of course I liked the guy The descriptions were really wonderful.

But (there's always a but) it didn't get me going. It's probably just a personal quirk. I almost always need something in the way of multi-dimensional characterization or plot tension to be really captivated.

I want to see the other stories you mentioned that you'll be putting up. If they're as good as this one as well as having the tension that's been discussed, well... it'll be "all that and a bag of chips!"

Looking forward to it!

Sincerely,
R66G

 

[saradora]

R66Girl,

Thanks for the feedback. I just submitted a very short story called "Uh-Oh!" It's sex but categorized under humor/satire. It should be up in a day or two. It's short, has a bit of tension and an interesting twist at the end. I'll submit a few more soon.

~saradora~