Considering cheating...seeking advice

[subwannabe]

You have got to do something. The satus quo should not be acceptable.

 

[Submission13]

My husband and I have been together for 14 years (I'm 30 and he's 33). Lately we seem to be world's apart. It's been more than a year since he's eaten dinner with our daughters (ages 7 & 5) and me. Our sex life is very disappointing...every once in a while we have sex and it is a rushed event, a race to the finish with him cumming and me left feeling empty. The sex never seems to be about me as much as it is about him getting off. I've tried to talk to him about it, but he doesn't get me. I feel like a single mom most of the time. He's here and he's convenient; I can leave the girls with him occasionally to go somewhere by myself or with a friend but I have to put up with his sighing and acting like spending time alone with his children is a big chore. He's irritable and hard to be around. He's impatient with me and even more impatient with our girls. It's been a long, long time since I've felt happy or loved. We rarely talk, we have little in common anymore...we are not the same people we were in high school. He is a very good man, better than many I know, but we are missing an essential ingredient: passion. I know passion is short lived, but I find myself wondering if it has to be that way. And, I wonder if I made a huge mistake marrying my first boyfriend.

The new problem is that I met someone. This man is kind and speaks about his children often. He makes eye contact with me and laughs. We would definitely get along well. He's keeping a very respectable distance between us, he's divorced and says he would encourage me to do anything to avoid the pain of divorce. But, we flirt. We attend the same small college and are both education majors. We see each other at school often. Lately, I think about him constantly...first thing in the morning and last thing at night. He's starred in some amazing fantasies and I really want to see it go further than that.

Have any of you been in this position? I'm quite sure my husband has never cheated and neither have I. But, I'm considering it. Please don't bash me on here, I'm trying to make a decision that considers everyone involved. And, I am realizing that pursuing the affair probably benefits no one. It is not fair to my husband, it is not fair to my friend, it is not fair to my children and, aside from the immediate gratification, would likely make my overall situation worse. But, what do I do? Do I tell my husband just how unhappy I've been...that it's gotten to the point that I'm considering adultery? Or, do I selfishly go for it and hope it's worth it?

I just want to feel desired. I want someone to pay attention to ME, not just his own orgasm. Hell, I'd like to have an orgasm that a man took part in. (Only orgasms I've experienced are self-induced...my right hand is very good). I desperately want to enjoy sex...and, it's been a very long time since I have.

Thanks for taking the time.

You are opening up Pandora's box if you do cheat. If you can afford the consequences and are willing to accept them then this is a possible outcome. Have you tried to get a sitter for the kids and schedule a romantic weekend? There was something that attracted you to each other. Do you know what that was for either of you? Perhaps thinking out side of the box might help. Better to be honest with yourself and partner than to sneak around. That is fun at first and then miserable. Do you want to always look over your shoulder? What about tying him up and taking charge of the situation? Perhaps you could ask for his input? As a man I know that we are dense when it comes to sex, if you do not tell him that he is not satisfying you he probably does not know. Try a different room in the house, buy some sexy lingerie. The biggest sex organ in a human being is their brain. You will figure out what works for you and that will satisfy you. Just be cautious of the greener grass on the other side of the fence. Sometimes the fence will only let you cross over and not back

 

[res0n0xg]

You sound like you have one of the more traditional marriages right now.... it sounds like you don't work and are going to college, which costs a ton of money as we all know.

If he is the sole provider I know why he is stressed at work, the economy blows nuts and if he doesn't keep his job the entire family could be put up a shit creek real quick.

Now this may be an out there idea, but how about he not work so much? If money is tight, then I understand, but you can do things to alleviate that if necessary... tell him you want to see him more! If he uses money as an excuse than change it, get a job, save money rather than spend it, do what it takes to see him.

It doesn't seem like you're trying anymore either honestly to me, if he is simply working his ass off, there are ways around that.

 

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[sissyboycindy]

cheating on your husband

I am so sorry ,you definatly got a bad deal.Does your husband have a good job and all,cause if everything else is good except for your husband you should have some fun with the man you met.You need to consider what will happen if you get caught,will the man you met take care of you?to assure you dont get left with nothing ,if i were you i would start a secret bank account and put money in it regularly in case of an emergency.You might never have to use it which will be great for you,but will be there if you find yourself out on the street.Why give up what you have now because you want to divorce him ,you might find out it was not so good afterwards

 

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[A_Kefka]

I just wanted to congratulate you two on making things work. Its always nice to hear that not everyone gives up easily and people can find the things tha tbrought them together again.

 

[anoncuriousm]

lots of sound advice (or at least the bunch that i read) and seems like good resolution. its good that you didn't take the 'quick gratification' route... 14 years together, and two kids involved, that's some serious stuff. i hope more woman follow your example and seek help (if needed) before succumbing to 'greener pastures' (or another man's dick). kids need their mommy and daddy, not mommy and her fuck buddy.

 

[bailadora]

Hey, I was about to log off and noticed this thread was at the top. Thanks for asking!

Things are going better than I ever could have imagined even one month ago.

This made me smile. Congrats to you both and thanks for the update.

 

[I_Luv_C_Words]

Well, it's getting rougher again. I am beginning to wonder if he's depressed (thank you to those who mentioned it as a possibility). He's under a great deal of pressure, mostly job related. And now he's constantly worried that I'm leaving. He's said it out loud twice in the past two weeks, once in tears. I'm finding myself constantly reassuring him...but I'm starting to wonder if we can really make it work.

Then, tonight, he did not come to dinner with us...on our daughter's 6th birthday. This is the second consecutive year for him to miss this dinner. And, just like last year, neither of our daughters even wondered why he wasn't there.

I feel so lost.

Hi, J ~

you and I could be kindred spirits although, if the truth be known, I am probably your husband's "role" in my scenario ... but HE is still the one enjoying the orgasms LOL and, yeah, ain't right hands grand?

I am very sorry that your hubby chooses to miss the important milestones in his children's lives ... those are opportunities that will never be enjoyed again.

I just can't find the passion! It's hard to get worked up for something that will end in disappointment, at least from where I am.

But I am trying really, really hard to plug back in to my marriage and home life, and reading this thread gave me a different perspective

I haven't officially "cheated", but I completely understand your comment in your original post "first thing in the morning, last thing at night" ! I do have a friend who I am trying to disengage myself from before it's too late. And that is HARD LOL ...

Good luck to you! I feel your pain !!

 

[Eilan]

Ok, um, for those who aren't actually reading past the first post...I'm no longer even considering cheating on my husband. So, no I would not like to meet with you once per month because your wife doesn't get you. No, I am not interested in cyber-sex because it's not "really" cheating. No, I did not get a bum deal...my marriage suffered from a communication breakdown that we're fixing by talking to each other and setting our priorities where they should have been all along.

Please read through the thread before propositioning me in a PM. Otherwise, you are wasting your time completely as I will not respond. You may find yourself posted in the asshat thread however...just haven't received one quite asshatty enough for that yet.

Gotta love the leg-humpers!

 

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[JanuaryGirl]

I just finished reading this all the way through.

Keep us posted J. I would imagine that almost of all of us can relate to having periods in our relationships that were hard to deal with (those ups and downs everyone talks about).

A lot of your plans and ideas for improving your marriage are things I need to think about as well!

XXX

S

 

[jhart20]

I agree with everyone else. Cheating is not the answer........you have loved ones that would be very hurt....

 

[bailadora]

I agree with everyone else. Cheating is not the answer........you have loved ones that would be very hurt....

Read post # 56 and you'll see that things have drastically changed for J and her husband. I'm sure you mean well so here's a bit of friendly advice: it's usually beneficial to read through an entire thread before posting advice......just sayin'

 

[A_Kefka]

Read post # 56 and you'll see that things have drastically changed for J and her husband. I'm sure you mean well so here's a bit of friendly advice: it's usually beneficial to read through an entire thread before posting advice......just sayin'

Or at least try reading the last few.

 

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[testosterone1]

I am a firm believer that cheating doesn't always cure the problem.Yeah.. when you meet it wonderful(just like when you met your spouse!!!) But when the wonderful feelings wear off,you're going to end up with a guy.Guys have a whole lot of things in common. How many times have you heard about a couples talk about their marriage and you end up saying...Hey that sounds like us! Well you might end up saying, Hey that was just like us, only it will be about the new guys and in your head it will be..That sounds like my first spouse.

 

[A_Kefka]

So, I have two huge updates.

First, he got a new job. Well, technically, he was rehired by his former employer. It's a good position with a great salary and regular hours. He is excited and, to quote him, relieved. Yeah!!

AND, second, he and I are spending next weekend together sans children. We have actually never done this and I'm sooo looking forward to it!!

I'm happy to post updates like these!! Thanks for the continued well wishes!

Have a fun weekend. You staying at home or going somewhere romantic?

 

[satindesire]

So, I have two huge updates.

First, he got a new job. Well, technically, he was rehired by his former employer. It's a good position with a great salary and regular hours. He is excited and, to quote him, relieved. Yeah!!

AND, second, he and I are spending next weekend together sans children. We have actually never done this and I'm sooo looking forward to it!!

I'm happy to post updates like these!! Thanks for the continued well wishes!

Sweetie, have you thought about putting an edited disclaimer up on your very first post, so the people who don't bother reading through the whole thread don't put "Don't cheat on your husband, do this blah blah blah" when it's already been taken care of?

maybe you should do that, so that the people who won't read the entire thread will see what's been going on lately, and not post unnecessary stuff?

 

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[satindesire]

This is a good idea. I'm going to do this right now. Thanks!

You're so welcome sweetheart!

 

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