Consideration For Others

[graceanne]

I don't know if it's an Oregon thing, or what, but the only time anyone ever moved for me when I was preggers (and I took the bus with all three kids - I didn't have my license till my youngest was a couple years old) they were hispanic. And even that was rare. Normally people just avoided eye contact. Seriously ticked me off, because I always move for elder/disabled/preggers women.

 

[Keroin]

I have a wide circle of friends, both older and younger than me, and while each has their quirks, being inconsiderate isn't one of them. It's not that I don't attract jackasses, it's that I recognize jackasses, instantly, and avoid them.

I'm fussy about the people I surround myself with and as a result I can give generously and never feel as if I'm being taken advantage of. Now, the thing is, you have to be willing to give up or forgo friendships that may have other redeeming qualities. Sometimes not an easy choice. I agree that if this behaviour is really bothering you then you should speak up about it but be prepared to find your friends get defensive or angry when you do. People generally react unfavourably when defects in their character are pointed out.

My question would be, if you speak to them about this, what will be your reaction if they freak out or get angry?

 

[rinka]

I'm not big on etiquette, but not offering food or drink to guests in your house I find unbelievably rude. The only acceptable and probable reason I can think of for that is that you are so close and more like family that you're obviously at home at each other's homes. Maybe your friends feel that the offering and thanking and polite stuff is reserved for more formal situations and that it would in a weird way be offending. Signalling that you're not at home.

I think the safest way to address something like this would be in a more general discussion if possible.

Other non-dramatic option could be in the situation you mentioned when they offer but don't bring you anything. Maybe say something in a joking matter like "hey, what about me?". Might lead to a chance to explain that it makes you confused since you're brought up with non-negotiable social codes.

Well, anyway. I have a group of friends that are like family. Still wouldn't have anyone of them in my apartment for more than five minutes without offering coffee or food or something. Weird.