Consensual non-consent (CNC)

[eroticspank]

I know this is a zombie thread, but I still didn’t want to scroll past without any reaction.



I don’t think it is different really, but there are absolutely a lot of people who have double standards about this and other things.

I have been in similar situations, being in bed with someone, in what was supposed to be no-sexual, but where he took initiative to make it sexual.
In one case I stopped it and said I did not want to go down that road and it was accepted.
In another case, we did go down that road, hrmm, twice actually.
I consider it consesual, without a word having been spoken about it, because there was plenty of space and opportunity to tell him no.
To me his initiative was a question and my leaning into it was the answer. There is a lot of room for misunderstandings though, so risky behaviour with a relative stranger.



Agreed.
An involountary, physical response is not consent.



I think the biggest risk with this kind of unclear communication about consent is in cases like this, when someone feels unable to say no and the other is unaware about it.
Because she might well have thought that you would say no if you wanted to stop it.

I think this is one case where there might be a double standard for many. It is often talked about women feeling unable to say no out of fear, but lots of people seem unaware that men can feel the same way, because they are afraid of being accused of something, or because there are some scary women out there too.

In any case (and I know that this is very controversial for many), I think there is room for misunderstandings and plain old human incompetence between consent and non-consent.
Aiming for more clear communication and getting rid of some of those double standards, especially around people you don’t know very well, is probably the best way to avoid those fuck ups.

Well said!
ES

 

[Primalex]

CNC is "let's play rape", but we don't call it "let's play rape", because we are worried rape victims feel offended that we make a fun activity out of it.

 

[IrisAlthea]

CNC is "let's play rape", but we don't call it "let's play rape", because we are worried rape victims feel offended that we make a fun activity out of it.

Yup, or tired of having to deal with those offended on behalf of rape victims based on how they think the rape victims should feel about these things.

 

[eroticspank]

Well said!
ES

Another thought along the CNC communication lines is just people and their personalities. We all have met the "Pushy type" person both male and female. They usually work as salesmen like at a Car dealership and are trained in the "hard sell". You drive off the lot with a car that you are not sure that you wanted. I can clearly see this same behavior in the bedroom. Some guys--gals too--push and push until eventually, you are in bed fucking. You were not forced into it, but it can be similar to nonconsent and a turn-on for some people.
ES

 

[CurtGiles46]

To me it sounds like CNC is essentially just role playing.

Yes. It’s a stupid term “consensual non-consensual” that suggests something more taboo or dangerous is occurring when it’s nothing but roleplay.

 

[Goldenfinger]

I have always thought that CNC was like pushing boundaries type of thing.

 

[lilmissdarling]

*bumping for any new insights

 

[ConfusinglyDelerious]

To me, CNC is a very physical kind of roleplay, where my partner will fight against me and express how she does not want things to happen, while I physically force things to happen regardless of her wishes.

The understanding is that "No!" and "Stop!" and "I don't want to!" and crying and sobbing is meaningless, and the only thing that will make it stop is a safe word if it becomes too much.
It's simply per-determined roles, and an understanding that it is non-consensual within limits.

Is it the darkest spookiest most perverse shit there is? Maybe, maybe not. It all depends on where you're coming from.

For some people, it is getting to replay some very negative experiences, in a setting where they have agency to stop it if need be.
That involves being in a situation where I might even accidentally push buttons that lead to a full-blown panic attack, and her being unable to even use a safe word even if it was needed.

It also involves a lot of fun stuff, like the mix of adrenaline and horniness. And neighbours giving you stink-eye when they see you, and people being discretely handed pamphlets for abused women's shelters and being told to "Get away from that disgusting monster of a man" by cute elderly neighbours who do not quite understand what is going on, but decides to care a little.