taciturnTalia
Virgin
- Joined
- Feb 25, 2008
- Posts
- 14
{{With the following post I seemed to hit a real button with people. I guess a lot of people have been told that their lifestyle isnt healthy and are angry that I implied it as well. It really wasnt what I meant. I phrased it hypothetically-- however I was asking because of my personal history with sexual abuse.
I just wanted to know how I can be sure that my interests are just a part of who I am instead of stemming from my abuse?}}
From the mouths of vanilla people --I’ve heard tell that many women that have submissive tendencies are survivors of sexual assault or abuse.
I’d like to assume for a moment that there can be a correlation (not that it is true for everyone- just that it could be true for some).
I have a few ideas about it that I’d like to kick around- as well as concerns I’d like to hear everyone’s input on.
I was thinking about what would motivate a woman that has been through sexual trauma to pursue BDSM later on.
What I came up with is that in sexual assault the victim has no control, not consent, no feeling of safety or trust. This can make sex a very scary thing later on. There can be even further confusion if despite the trauma of the incident there was some sexual pleasure derived from the assault. (After all friction is friction...)
My train of thought is that what better way for a woman to work through her fears than by to reenact the traumatic situation with a partner that can be trusted, in a situation where she can choose not to participate?
My concerns here are twofold. First of all many women that have been through sexual trauma become depressed or can have post traumatic stress disorder—considering this- it is not unreasonable to think that some of these women may exhibit self destructive behavior.
So how can the line be adequately drawn between healing sexual exploration- and straight out self abuse? (even if some one else is the one technically hurting you I still consider it self abuse if you’re choosing to put yourself in that situation) This question is not only something for the victims to think about— but also their partners.
As the partner to someone with this history you have to tread carefully. What if you inadvertently contribute to their mental illness? The assumption is that your partner is ABLE to say when they’ve hit their limit and decide when its time for them to stop and leave. Someone feeling suicidal- or in troughs of a PTSD flashback- they may NOT be able to say ‘when’.
Secondly- while I understand healing must take place for survivors of sexual abuse- it leaves a bad taste in my mouth to think that the fun a person might have later on is in reaction to something negative.
Thoughts?
I just wanted to know how I can be sure that my interests are just a part of who I am instead of stemming from my abuse?}}
From the mouths of vanilla people --I’ve heard tell that many women that have submissive tendencies are survivors of sexual assault or abuse.
I’d like to assume for a moment that there can be a correlation (not that it is true for everyone- just that it could be true for some).
I have a few ideas about it that I’d like to kick around- as well as concerns I’d like to hear everyone’s input on.
I was thinking about what would motivate a woman that has been through sexual trauma to pursue BDSM later on.
What I came up with is that in sexual assault the victim has no control, not consent, no feeling of safety or trust. This can make sex a very scary thing later on. There can be even further confusion if despite the trauma of the incident there was some sexual pleasure derived from the assault. (After all friction is friction...)
My train of thought is that what better way for a woman to work through her fears than by to reenact the traumatic situation with a partner that can be trusted, in a situation where she can choose not to participate?
My concerns here are twofold. First of all many women that have been through sexual trauma become depressed or can have post traumatic stress disorder—considering this- it is not unreasonable to think that some of these women may exhibit self destructive behavior.
So how can the line be adequately drawn between healing sexual exploration- and straight out self abuse? (even if some one else is the one technically hurting you I still consider it self abuse if you’re choosing to put yourself in that situation) This question is not only something for the victims to think about— but also their partners.
As the partner to someone with this history you have to tread carefully. What if you inadvertently contribute to their mental illness? The assumption is that your partner is ABLE to say when they’ve hit their limit and decide when its time for them to stop and leave. Someone feeling suicidal- or in troughs of a PTSD flashback- they may NOT be able to say ‘when’.
Secondly- while I understand healing must take place for survivors of sexual abuse- it leaves a bad taste in my mouth to think that the fun a person might have later on is in reaction to something negative.
Thoughts?
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