Confused and shocked at myself

[RHtny]

Basically, I was never into the BDSM type stuff ever before, I mean some mild submissive tendencises and fantasies, but nothing crazy. However, recently I have had this urges and fantasies that I can't control...

I'm 20/m and heterosexual, however, in my fantasies latley, I've been being dominated/abused by woman wearing strapons, and me wearing girls clothing. And I have had som every intense fantasies and masturbating fantasies while thinking about this stuff. I'm starting to get worried, this doesnt seem normal for a guy who doesnt like guys, to be fantasizing about a woman taking me with a strapon or forcing me to give her strapon a blowjob while she verbally degrades me. I mean, what brought about these urges.

I guess, I'm just scared a little bit, as a lot of this stuff isn't very taboo in society and I can't really talk to any of my peers about it. So I figured maybe I would throw up a post on here and hope to get some information and some guidance. Becuase, I will be honest, I feel like im in a strange place right now...

I know this is getting long winded and I basically summarized my feelings and thoughts latley regarding this stuff so there is no need to read further, unless, you want to read me describe some of these fantasies/dreams.

Again, below is me briefly describing a few of these recent dreams and urges, hopefully, they can you guys give me some more clear answers and more direct guidance.

#1 - A woman wearing a strap on forces me to give her a blowjob, all the while she is verbally abusing me, smacking me, etc. After this, she basically hogties me down and spanks me for a little bit, while teasing/prodding my asshole with fingers/strap on head etc. No penetration though with the strap on, just fingers and spanking. Basically, while she is teasing and fingering my ass, she is calling me all kinds of names and stuff. I can't control my erection and I eventually cum. She then calls me even more names and more insults and then proceeds to use her fingers to gather up some of my cum and rub it on the strap on and while im still subdued/tied down or pinned down, she makes me lick them off the strap on and then also lick her fingers that had been in my asshole.

#2 - A woman catches me sniffing/looking at/jacking off in her panties or lingerie. She basically orders me to try on many different outfits, all the while demeaning me, spanking me, teasing me. These include stockings, nylons, panties, skirts. Eventually I can't controll myself and I erupt while wearing onen of those items she then puts this item on, slaps me around some more then forces herself upon me and facesitting on me while I have to eat her out through my cumstained panties. THe whole while her being very rough, and telling me how im eating my own cum and im a litle sissy boy etc.

I really cant believe I'm sharing this stuff and I'm honestly a little too embarrased to share anymore. Hopefully this gives a little insight into my mind, and someone can maybe help me find some direction.

Thanks,
Kevin

 

[chris9]

Hello Kevin
There is not really any advice I could give you. I do believe you came to the right place to figure out what's going on with you, who you are, what you want. There's lots of smart people here who give sound advice on questions and problems posted.
The fantasies you described do not seem very far out there to me. Read around here, check out the library, you'll find that there are many who share those thoughts. Yes, it's scary to discover something about oneself. Yes, it's hard not being able to talk to those around us about what's going on inside of us. But because of this we do have this forum.
So don't worry about what you're thinking, feeling, fantasizing, about being normal. Read, think, find out what it is you want. You have lots of time

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Hi Kevin

This isn't something I can really empathise with but one thing I would say is that you need to separate submission from homosexuality in your mind. You want to be dominated by a woman and have no sexual interest in men. Verdict? Not even slightly gay.

I would guess that the wearing of women's clothes is a humiliation thing rather than anything homo-erotic.

You will find plenty of men here who share your fantasies.

Have you no idea why this has developed in you recently? Something must have triggered in you and it would help you a lot to sit and figure it out.

 

[SweetGigi]

Welcome, welcome, welcome.
I will also say you have come to the right place here and take heart that you are in fact NOT screwed up in your fantasies. I know there are a few particular individuals here that are gonna offer you some great advice. All I suggest is being open to their words and lay down these insecurities of embarrassment and shame. This is who you are- there is nothing wrong with it- embrace it and love yourself. The longer you loathe this part of you, the more difficult it will be for you in the long run.

Plenty of men have these urges/desires and while some do act on them in their daily sex life, others never need it to go any further than in their dreams. The simple image and fantasy is all they need and the are quite happy just masturbating to these thoughts with nothing more. Both types are perfectly normal and there is nothing at all wrong with either choice.

I strongly suggest feeling out your tendencies by reading up on submissive male humiliation, cross dressing, and cuckolding. There is a bountiful supply of reading material on the net as well as right here in our very own Library on this board.

Read everything you can lay your eyes and hands on and when you think you've read enough, read some more. Educate yourself to the top degree so that as you are reading, you can continually self evaluate all these feelings, urges and fantasies. They may very well only be (and remain) in your head and do nothing more for you. Then again you might find yourself wanting to explore further and open to the idea of these things in real life.

But no matter what you do, you need to learn first that you are NOT alone. There is nothing wrong with you and that you are a perfectly healthy, active, normal 20 y.o. man with some really amazing kinks. Consider yourself lucky, not very many men (who have your kinks) realize these things about themselves at this age and stage of life. By knowing this about yourself now, you are above the curve and that is totally ok too.

Don't deny yourself, hunny, (what you just posted above) that is totally hot. Now, I need a cold shower before my brunch date with Lu.

*fanself*

 

[intothewoods]

Hello there, and welcome. The ladies who posted above are more experienced than me, so I'll only add what has been my own learning experience in the past year and a half or so. Keep an open mind. For myself the feeling of fear at unearthing hidden desires and not being totally grounded in my identity led me to grasp really quickly at things in the lifestyle and say, okay, I'm this or that, all done now, when really, it is a journey. Again, that might be more about me than you, but I thought it might be worth mentioning.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I would also add that most people fantasise outside of their real life 'comfort zones.' Some of my own fantasies I would never want in real life and there's nothing wrong with that. Only you can decide if and to what degree you want to explore this in real life.

I agree with SG about the age thing. So many people post here, just opening up to their urges after years of frustration and dissatisfaction with people who were simply not right for them. If you can figure yourself and your sexual tastes out at this stage of your life, you will be incredibly glad of it in years to come.

Your sex life is your sex life. Within the bounds of common sense and the law, you are free to do what you like with who you like. It's not as though all your family and friends need to know anything about this. It's none of their business, just as their relationships and sexual preferences are none of yours. The shame and embarrassment you feel is needless and it will only cause you heartache if you continue to carry it around.

 

[Chicklet]

I'm 20/m and heterosexual, however, in my fantasies latley, I've been being dominated/abused by woman wearing strapons, and me wearing girls clothing. And I have had som every intense fantasies and masturbating fantasies while thinking about this stuff. I'm starting to get worried, this doesnt seem normal for a guy who doesnt like guys, to be fantasizing about a woman taking me with a strapon or forcing me to give her strapon a blowjob while she verbally degrades me. I mean, what brought about these urges.

Unless you're fantasizing about men, there's nothing tweaked off of the 'straight' line in your strap-on fantasy.

it's perfectly normal for a straight guy to want it up the ass, especially from a female with a strap-on.

 

[RHtny]

Thanks for the kind words and insight so far, I appreciate it.

I guess the next step would be to share more of my fantasies? Where would be a good medium to go about doing that? Should I just post more in this thread? Perhaps, I'll try and pen up a story and submit it, could be my first Literotica work...

If any ladies ever want to talk, I'm really not into like cybersex or roleplaying at this current juncture in my life. However, it felt very liberating to even briefly discuss the two fantasies I listed above. I would love to find someone to talk to about my other fantasies and "kinks." So drop me a PM for my yahoo messenger handle.

I guess another question I have is.. Is this even the right forum to be talking about this stuff in? Are my "kinks" too "softcore" for the BSDM forum? I am very ignorant to this lifestyle and I don't want to offend anyone or post anything in the wrong spots.

Again thanks a ton for the information and support, I'm going to read up on some posts in this forum and try and do a little more research, Thanks again.

-Kevin

 

[RHtny]

Also, last night after I made my first post. I sat alone in my room and had a 5 hour masturbation session while reading these stories.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=840775&page=submissions

Basically, the stories are about a wife who forces her husband to wear panties as well as anal sex on hin. I literally sat alone in the dark reading these stories masturbating for 5 hours, I honestly had never been so turned on in my entire life, probably my most intense orgasms ever just as soon as i would bust, I would be ready to go again thats how drawn into the story and scenario I was. All that was missing was having a pair of panties of my own to wear or use to stroke with and it would have gone from a 10/10 session to a 11/10 session haha.

Anyways, reason I'm posting that is because anyone else who might have similar "kinks" to me, might really enjoy that series of stories as well.

 

[SweetGigi]

....I guess the next step would be to share more of my fantasies? Where would be a good medium to go about doing that? Should I just post more in this thread? Perhaps, I'll try and pen up a story and submit it, could be my first Literotica work...

While it is good to 'share' your thoughts and fantasies, I think the most important step is to research. Sharing is nice, but knowing yourself through knowledge is key. I think that would help more than you realize. If you need an outlet, you can always try the submissive/slave haven in the Cafe.

....I guess another question I have is.. Is this even the right forum to be talking about this stuff in? Are my "kinks" too "softcore" for the BSDM forum? I am very ignorant to this lifestyle and I don't want to offend anyone or post anything in the wrong spots.

-Kevin

No, this is the perfect place to post and chat. Your kinks fall directly into the BDSM category, so feel free to browse and post at your leisure. Just remember, post strictly questions and queries about the lifestyle here in the Talk, and do your postwhoring and chatting in the Cafe.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

BDSM covers a spectrum that ranges from almost vanilla mild to way out there wild. Your fantasies and desires, while not my own, are certainly welcome in the BDSM forums. BDSM Talk is for the hows and why's and what do I do when... type questions. You might consider using the BDSM Cafe for more "chatty" casual types of threads.

Your sexuality is your own, so what if most of your peers wouldn't "get it"? You are certainly not alone in your desires. And many of your peers probably share similar fantasies but are simply not brave enough to be honest about it with themselves let alone share them with others. You are already ahead of the game. Some of us weren't able to "man up" about this part of ourselves until our mid-thirties or older.

So welcome to the BDSM Boards!

 

[oneguy4fun]

Also, last night after I made my first post. I sat alone in my room and had a 5 hour masturbation session while reading these stories.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=840775&page=submissions

.

I'm a straight man and I share similar fantasies as you. The feminization fantasy is more about getting off on being controlled, dominationed, and humiliated. It is a common fantasy among men. Don't be afraid to open up to it and enjoy it. I read one of the stories on the link you posted and thought it was hot. I've written a few myself, which you might enjoy.

http://www.asstr.org/~oneguy4fun/Stories.htm

 

[LibraStud]

I think that for years I have always had to be the aggressor when
meeting new women. I was always jealous when a woman would
just walk up to a man and start a conversation. I figured why not me?
I am attractive.

So I had some of the same fantasies -- a woman dominating me -- and I traced it back to the old man being the aggressor thing -- I still would love to have
an aggressive woman to try out -- or even a email thing -- would be nice
to have a online wman to share things with!

 

[SweetGigi]

I think that for years I have always had to be the aggressor when
meeting new women. I was always jealous when a woman would
just walk up to a man and start a conversation. I figured why not me?
I am attractive.

So I had some of the same fantasies -- a woman dominating me -- and I traced it back to the old 'man being the aggressor' thing -- I still would love to have
an aggressive woman to try out -- or even an email thing -- would be nice
to have a online woman to share things with!

Then mebbe you should post in the personals forum.

 

[RHtny]

Anyone still up?

 

[Adakgirl]

Rhtny, your fantasies and desires are shared by many many other men. They are nothing new at all, just new to you. I have personally spoken to lots of men that have almost the exact same feelings and thoughts.
You sound like you are a submissive male, explore that and learn as much as you can before jumping into the sexual part of it.
Nothing to be ashamed of, that does not make you gay or fucked up in the head
(or up the ass LOL)
You are just fine.

 

[chris9]

Anyone still up?

Not still, but again. The nice thing about an international forum: There'll always be someone who is in the middle of their day

 

[wheet]

Kevin- I'm not gay, but I have the same fantasies. Traditionally it's been dressing in panties, more recently want to get strap-on action from my wife. Am scared to tell her!
Anyway, I've masturbated to almost all the stories you put links to! Am wearing panties now (wife's away), and stroking to porn...
You may find that a good phonesex person will help you out, too...