Confused AGAIN!!!!

[bad_angel]

Ok I have come to the realization/revelation that I am not abnormal. (thanks to all you great Lit posters) But I still have one little problem.... I seem to need long drawn out foreplay to realy get enjoyment out of sex. Ok not that big a problem right? Well... My b/f seems to get bored very quickly, so my 'sessions' get cut way to short. How can I spice it up and keep him entertaind while still laying back and enjoying myself? I'm realy desperate, I want my b/f to enjoy sex with me! Please help!!!!!!

 

[PearlNecklace]

How bout you don't lie back and enjoy it? What if you were to pleasure each other, in various ways at the same time. Why does foreplay have to be about one of you lying back and enjoying what the other does? Can't you take turns teasing each other until you're both dying for it?

 

[bad_angel]

The problem with that is my b/f doesnt like foreplay. He just thinks 'sex' and he's ready to go.

 

[Brainboyz]

The problem with that is my b/f doesnt like foreplay. He just thinks 'sex' and he's ready to go.

many guys are like that, so are some girls. Have to talk to him and make sure he knows you take a while to warm up. Unless the idea is already in my head, I take a while to "warm up" to sex. If he doesn't like it, hand him a towel and a bottle of lotion.

 

[Vixandra]

Then do it yourself- there are times my beloved is just interested in a "lube it up and put it in" kind of session. Nothing wrong with that- I take care of myself, with his help or at least attention after he's finished.

Still- its not good for that to be the way it always happens. Have you sat down with him and talked to him about this outside the bedroom? Men are NOT mind readers, they do need to be verbally clued in, though in a non-threatening matter.
And if he can't accomidate you, why in the world you should you accomidate him?

If he's doing all the work in getting you aroused I can see, I suppose, how a young'ish male might consider that "boring." Unless he was clueless on how much better sex is when the woman's hot to go too.
In that light- add a helping hand- it takes two of you to get down and dirty. So help things along. If you know what pushes your buttons and how fast, you can teach/show/tell him that much better.
And once he sees how much enjoyment you get out of it, it shouldn't be that much of a leap of logic for him to want to help you help the two of you.

The vengeaful approch- to play the 's advocate.
Short of that- be a cock tease and then once he's ready to go, walk off. Do it repeatedly over a multi-day period. Then, after a few days to a week of this, tell him that's how he's leaving you- wanting and unsatisfied.

 

[bad_angel]

A little backround on Me: I grew up in a tiny wee town in a tiny wee country, had my first kiss and lost my virginity in one night at 19. Befor then nor after have I masterbated. I dont seem to find any pleasure in it so its a bit hard to tell him what I like whn I dont even know. I'm a slut traped in a prudes mind and body!

 

[bad_angel]

If he doesn't like it, hand him a towel and a bottle of lotion.

And waste a good opertunity to give head??

 

[SweetErika]

Ok I have come to the realization/revelation that I am not abnormal. (thanks to all you great Lit posters) But I still have one little problem.... I seem to need long drawn out foreplay to realy get enjoyment out of sex.

Ummm...that's normal too.

Ok not that big a problem right? Well... My b/f seems to get bored very quickly, so my 'sessions' get cut way to short.

That's more of a problem. I have a bit of a theory... How old is he? I've noticed guys in their early teens and twenties are all about them. They might touch you or give oral, but their goal is their orgasm. As they mature, they realize how pleasureable giving their partner pleasure is. They're on a quest to find new techniques and give orgasms. Or maybe they learn more as time goes on. I'm not saying this is the case for every man, it's just been my experience, even with my husband.

How can I spice it up and keep him entertaind while still laying back and enjoying myself? I'm realy desperate, I want my b/f to enjoy sex with me! Please help!!!!!!

Have you talked to him about this? Have you asked if he enjoys foreplay and what you can do to make it more exciting for him? How about some toys or something? How about dirty talk like, "Oooh...I love it when you touch my clit! I'd love to feel your tongue on it." to keep his mind occupied while he pleasures you? Reading a first-person story out loud could work as well. Give him lots of praise, and point out tangible things like how wet he's making you. You could even beg him for more.

Also remember this is a two-way street. If he's not willing to try at least, he's probably not worth having sex with.

 

[human_male]

How bout you don't lie back and enjoy it? What if you were to pleasure each other, in various ways at the same time. Why does foreplay have to be about one of you lying back and enjoying what the other does? Can't you take turns teasing each other until you're both dying for it?

What she said.

 

[Vixandra]

Very well then, bad angel first you have to figure out what pushes your own buttons, without him.

Hell, there's more threads on masturbation here on Lit then I can shake a flogger at (sticks are sooo cliche). Hunt through the Blank Manual for some of those, lots of good ones there.

If you don't know yourself and what makes you happy, how can you expect anyone else to? And most males aren't born knowing how to please a female any more then the opposite is true. He's young- and while I'll probably get flamed for this, it sounds like you need to train him to please you. Use possitive re-enforcement. If he pleases you, please him in return. Ie- a rather nifty session of foreplay gets him his fav possition or you in sexy clothing, whatever would be good for him.

Are you okay with releaseing your inner "slut?" Honestly, even if you don't post it. It can be liberating and a bit scary to release that side of oneself. But, as one who learned that releaseing that aspect of myself has given me so much more then I thought it would, I must say its worth it.

 

[bad_angel]

I'm real bad at 'dirty talk' I can think it but verbilizing it is a bit harder. My iner prudeness strangles my sluttyness.

 

[bad_angel]

How old is he?

23.
Have you talked to him about this? Have you asked if he enjoys foreplay and what you can do to make it more exciting for him?

I'm trying. I came from a very striaght lace backround where things of an 'intimate' nature where never mentioned.
Also remember this is a two-way street. If he's not willing to try at least, he's probably not worth having sex with.

Oh he's willing to try new tricks. Its getting him to do the tried and true thats hard.

 

[M's girl]

And waste a good opertunity to give head??

And in the post before this one you said you were a prude... haha! You're not! But I know what you mean. Hey... making love/ having sex, or however you want to call it is all about pleasing EACH OTHER. About finding out what works for you and your partner and vice versa. Meaning that when the TWO OF YOU devote to making each other happy (also) in that area, basically nothing can go wrong. He needs to understand how you are wired and the other way around. So what if you are not at the same level of arousal all the time..? You're two different people with diferent needs, in- and outside the bedroom. So make sure you know what turns him on and have him make sure he knows too about you. Also... communication is the KEY WORD here!

 

[karndav]

Also... communication is the KEY WORD here!

I was just about to say that!! that I think is the most important thing. Learn together. QUickies have their place but sometimes I need alot of foreplay and I just tell my husband yes that feels good, or more like that. Hte more noise you make the more he knows what you like. Or guide his hand or mouth to where you want it. Foreplyy also includes what you do to his body. I get just as turned on and wet by pleasing and teasing him and can drag this on for a long time. But communication is the key!!

 

[M's girl]

I'm real bad at 'dirty talk' I can think it but verbilizing it is a bit harder. My iner prudeness strangles my sluttyness.

Very, very recognizable! But it takes some practice and (for me) some encouragement from my partner too. I found that it helps if M not only talks dirty to me but turns it into sort of questions, to which I can reply. Try it..

Oh yes, and you are most certainly not the only woman who needs lots of foreplay. I dare to say there's more women like you and me than otherwise. Sure, you will find ones that are "ready to go all the time" too, but don't even start comparing yourself, and your BF should not do that either (thanks SE! )

You will have to find a 'somewhere in between'-mode that works for the both of you. That could also be sexual encounters aimed at your pleasure one time and aimed at his pleasure the next time... Talk, negotiate... That may sound "not very romantic" but a relationship is like a small business sometimes. It really is.... it needs planning, strategy, a solid base and lots of investment from all parties involved... otherwise it will never work!

 

[devils_daughter]

I'm pretty much the same. I can get turned on mentally just at the thought of sex but my body has some trouble catching up sometimes which is when the foreplay's needed. Luckily I have a generous bf. I totally get off on giving him foreplay too though. One of the best times I had was just concentrating completly on him for ages. Foreplay is definatly a two-way thing. Try letting him chain and blindfold you and concentrate on turning you on as much as possible without any penetration, it can be fun and it might work for you both.

 

[LadyJeanne]

The younger he is, the more likely he is to believe that sex is only about penetration. I can't even come from penetration unless my clit is being stimulated at the same time. If sex were only penetration, I wouldn't like it nearly as much.



First, stop thinking of it as foreplay. Think of it as sex play. Then, learn how to please yourself. You have to know your body well enough to tell him what you like and what sends you over the edge. Relax, take a bubble bath, play with the shower attachment on your clit, fantasize, talk dirty to yourself in your head. Dry off and move to the bedroom. Explore your body, touching your soft skin everywhere and keep thinking those dirty thoughts. Touch your lips, your clit, slip a finger inside - you'll be wet. Keep exploring and find a rhthym on your clit that feels really good and keep doing it. Once you've learned how to explode, tell your boyfriend how hot it makes you feel when he ___fill in the blank___.

If he's a considerate lover, he'll be paying attention to everything you tell him. Then turn around and do all those things to him. Show him how much more sensual and sexy sex is when his whole body is stimulated. Then tell him again all the things you like, frequently, and don't feel shy about asking him for things while you're playing together.

If he still doesn't get it, I really don't know what you can do.
Keep trying, I guess. If he doesn't want to learn how to please you in bed, I'm not sure what you're getting out of it at that point.

 

[TBKahuna123]

Sex play rather than foreplay? I like that! I've always been about foreplay, but my wife a while back was complaining that there wasn't enough foreplay. I was totally confused, because the more I tried, the more she complained. So I finally asked the question: What the hell do you call foreplay? Well, she informed me that she wanted build up, time together, contact before we started any physicial affection. She wanted more NON-sexual intimacy before we started what would raditionally be called foreplay. Eashy enough to fix once I understood, but hard to figure out when the two people have different ideas of foreplay. Communication, obviously, is the key, so maybe you should talk to him and explain exactly what you consider to be foreplay, and what you need. If he gives a shit, he'll take the time to make sure you are satisfied too.

I also have to disagree with the sentiment that she shouldn't just lay back and enjoy. There are times when there is nothing better than just relaxing and having your lover devote themselves totally to your pleasure. I love it, and vice versa, because there is something so gratifying in knowing that this person is totally devoted to your pleasure. It can be quite empowering, regardless whether you are on the giving or the recieving side.

I'd also suggest reading some stories on Lit. Either to learn more about talking dirty, or as a way to inspire foreplay. Read a story to your lover while you caress and explore each other's bodies, but tell him no penetration till the story is over. If nothing else it shouldhelp get you hot.

Part of it could be age, but that's just an excuse. Guys are simple, we can pretty much stick it anywhere and get off. Once a man realizes the power you gain by making a woman cum, he tends to slow down. I for one love seeing my wife in mid orgasm. Maybe I'm wierd, but I think their's nothing like making a woman cum from oral sex. I like to say that until a man's had a sprained neck because he made a woman cum too hard, he's not really a man.

 

[Batman4ever71]

Are you okay with releaseing your inner "slut?" Honestly, even if you don't post it. It can be liberating and a bit scary to release that side of oneself. But, as one who learned that releaseing that aspect of myself has given me so much more then I thought it would, I must say its worth it.

I had the hardest time releasing my "inner slut". My SO likes to be dominated and controlled. The first time we did it, I was soooo concerned about how she was feeling that I fell out of my role very often. The second time was quite the different story. I took control and didn't relinquish it one iota. We fell in love with that lifestyle. My advice follows that of a previous post, which is to add something like a toy, or toys. I wasn't to receptive to the use of them at first, but warmed up quickly after watching my beloved use one on herself and I wasn't allowed to touch her. Now we use them all the time and foreplay is fantastic!!!!

Batman4ever71

 

[bmw1080]

Hey b_a, while I appreciate that you want the b/f to be more "user" friendly when having sex, first as some have said, you need to know your own body.

Secondly, part of knowing your body is the sexual experiences with another. Being older I have been through this, and yes, most men are hopeless in earlier life. Get your b/f to open up to other sexual experiences. Maybe, dare I say it, try some porn dvd's, mention that you would like to try some of the things on the screen. Some of Jill Kelly's are excellent.

Remember, good sex starts long before you get your clothes off.

Enjoy the experiences.