Confused 20yr old Male

[PsychoMantis]

Ok ok ok.... what's up all? it's been like 4 months now since I lost my love of my life and she still haunts my very dreams at night. WTF do I do. I know time heals all but instead the wound seems to fester..... She fucked 3 of my friends. I gave her my virginity... and she goes and does this? she even claims i was the second best in bed she ever has had. why the hell would she have done this to me? and what the hell am I going to do? I want to be over this but nothing seems to work. I can't forget. Do I have to kill her or something for god sakes? Not that I could. I love her. I don't understand this world!!!

 

[gina3]

Ok ok ok.... what's up all? it's been like 4 months now since I lost my love of my life and she still haunts my very dreams at night. WTF do I do. I know time heals all but instead the wound seems to fester..... She fucked 3 of my friends. I gave her my virginity... and she goes and does this? she even claims i was the second best in bed she ever has had. why the hell would she have done this to me? and what the hell am I going to do? I want to be over this but nothing seems to work. I can't forget. Do I have to kill her or something for god sakes? Not that I could. I love her. I don't understand this world!!!

It will get BETTER...

I know you're probably tired of people telling you that- but it really is true. I know you think she's the love of your life now, but look what she did to you!! Look how she treated you! People who truly love you don't hurt and use you the way she did. She is not worth one iota of your emotion or time!! Good luck sweetie- I know you'll find someone much better!

 

[pc_2000_ky]

Hang in there....

Hey friend - I've been there too. The girl to whom I gave my virginity ended up being a psychotic whore from hell. After cheating on me, she dated a couple of my fraternity brothers and trampled my heart. It hurt like hell, every single day. I used to lay in bed at night and wonder if I would ever get past it. And yes, with time, it got better. Even now, 10 years later, I wonder about her from time to time, but I moved on and found love again. I am sure you will too, even if right now you don't think you ever could.

Hang in there..

 

[sultryslayer]

Hey honey it will get better. Sometimes people are cruel but that is probably because they have their own problems. It has nothing to do with you. A girl that would do that to someone def. has her own problems.

Remember not all women are like this.


Also I like to believe these things happen for a reason. It builds character and gets you ready for someone special.

You could let this break you or you could try to think of the positive. It depends on what type of person you are.

Good luck,

Sultryslayer
p.s. remember we have all been there at one time or another

.

 

[PsychoMantis]

thanks for the posts guys i do feel better, i'm sorry for being such a cry-baby over it and everything. I guess I just need a lot of time to get over it. but sometimes i feel i should just go out and get laid, everyone else is doing it..... ::sigh::

 

[X_TCY]

2 cents

When my husband had a one night stand 4 years ago, it devastated me, especially since I had already told him that anything sexually he wanted to try I would be willing to do. SO it really hurt that he went behind my back.

4 years later, it still hurts, still has affected our relationship. Point blank, if I found a man that I could fall in love with, my relationship here would be over. The only reason I am here is my son.

The pain does go away, time does heal, but damn sometimes you wish you could fast forward a bit.

You sound like a good guy, don't let what she did cause you to do anything self desctructive, like sleeping around or drinking too much.

Sometimes we have to experience a bit of the unpleasant things in life, so we appreciate the good things all the more.


X

 

[KookyDooky]

There's no good without the bad...polarities. Everyone needs to go through a relationship like yours to fully appreciate a good relationship when it happens.

Second, you don't need her. If she's already fucked 3 of your friends, don't waste you time with that dumb-ass stupid hoe (D.A.S.H.).

And finally, remember karma. Something really awesome is going to happen to you to make up for this. It may not be tomorrow, or even next year. But it will happen sooner or later. (Just hope it happens before your next life-time...but if "the good" comes around in another life...you'll be sure thank yourself now for what you went through).

Did that make sense? I'm just trying to type really fast.

Elroy

 

[peachykeen]

thanks for the posts guys i do feel better, i'm sorry for being such a cry-baby over it and everything. I guess I just need a lot of time to get over it. but sometimes i feel i should just go out and get laid, everyone else is doing it..... ::sigh::

one has nothing to do with the other. If you feel like you wanna go get laid, go get laid. Just don't expect it to 'fix' the hurt, because the hurt isn't about sex. The only thing that will do that is time.

 

[Chuckwrox]

There's no good without the bad...polarities. Everyone needs to go through a relationship like yours to fully appreciate a good relationship when it happens.

Second, you don't need her. If she's already fucked 3 of your friends, don't waste you time with that dumb-ass stupid hoe (D.A.S.H.).

And finally, remember karma. Something really awesome is going to happen to you to make up for this. It may not be tomorrow, or even next year. But it will happen sooner or later. (Just hope it happens before your next life-time...but if "the good" comes around in another life...you'll be sure thank yourself now for what you went through).

Elroy

That made a lot of sense to me. I'm reposting it because it deserves some attention. Dooky's right on all 3 counts.

 

[DuckLover]

Yeah, it sucks.

No getting around it-- being betrayed like that sucks. Big time. Time heals...mostly. You're unlikely to forget her, but the pain fades to almost nothing.

The woman to whom I gave my virginity, whom I loved very deeply, dumped me after telling me she'd spent the whole summer flirting with an older guy. A month later she was sleeping with him and he'd moved 500 miles to live in the same complex as her. I couldn't get over it for a LONG time, over a year. I kept thinking "What are you doing sleeping with my girlfriend?!?"

It didn't help any that she and I were still good friends, had many classes together, and saw each other daily. Now, 4 years later, we're still friends and I'm feeling much better.

And I'll testify for Kooky's comment-- karma really works. That relationship (and the one before it) ended very painfully. But just 6 weeks ago I hooked up with SexyGiggles. We've been friends for quite a while, but just started dating. We are now both incredibly happy. She makes up for everything that hurt before.

Heed PeachyKeen's advice-- sex, drugs, drinking, none of it will solve the problem or speed up recovery. Just keep breathing. Focus on small pleasures. Reconnect with family. Spend time with your guys friends. Give it time. You'll make it.

 

[T.H. Oughts]

"The first cut is always the deepest"

Hang in there... most of us have been hurt along the way.....

 

[fgarvb1]

Sorry to hear that you have been ripped off and abused and left squealing from the feeling!

I have been there and done that!

You may find that it takes sometime to "get over it", if ever.

Some good advise is to try not to let what happened to you affect the rest of your relationships, but don't be a fool about it!

In time you may be able to forgive her. I don't think you will ever forget what she did.

I have no doubt that you will have some "trust" issues in the future. You need to start working on them now.

Relationships boil down to a matter of love and trust.


Good luck!

 

[lorddragonwolf]

time will heal your heart. i had a girlfriend cheat on me and i thought i would never get over the feelings of mistrust. it took a while but i did. as i am sure so will you.

 

[lovechild27]

You have to accept it. You have to deal with the pain you have now. Deal with your fears. Love isnt rational and unfortunately, isnt always fair and returned you to like it should be. You can always love her, but know that she isnt good for you. Is she really the love of your life if she cheated on you? Come on...you are worth much moer than that. Face the facts and get on with things. Maybe talk to a shrink. I just went through a break up. It is tough, but I know now the only thing to do is look ahead. I KNOW there is better out there for you. if you wanna talk or vent, my aim is hunylovechild.

 

[cremebrulee]

I am so sad for you

I wish there were words for me to share that could make it better, but the truth of the matter is - I know I don't.

The love of my life is miles away form me and I will aways wonder where he is, but I have such great memories with him that I choose to hang on to those instead of beating myself up. It took me a long time to get to that place.

I wish I would have had the chance to experience my first time with someone I truly loved or cared about, but I lost my virginity to a date rape. Nobody would believe me.

Be thankful you had good times.

BESIDES ~

I can't believe she had the audacity to say you were the SECOND best!! How dare she. I think she's the one missing out. You'll have something very special to share with someone some day.
You have that to look forward to. She already lost out.

Hugs, sweets ~

We are all here for you.

~Creme

 

[CantSayNo]

I say....why don't you write a letter. Just write a letter, never send it...and in it...vent about everything you want to tell the bitch!

It helps me.

~CantSayNo~

 

[Allanon_the_Druid]

lots of good advice here

It may sound weird, but she did you a favor. If she is the type of person that would hurt you like that, then she would have hurt you sooner or later. Better sooner. You could have lost years on this chick before you found out she was not the one, years you don't get back. You will find somebody that is the perfect person for you. Just make sure that your head isn't all screwed up with this chick when that happens. If you are still dealing with this BS then it clouds your thinking and you might not recognize miss right when you bump in to her.

I remember the girl I gave my virginity to...she tried to give it back!

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

I've been in this...I have felt hurt so bad that I was probably clinically insane at times. Time does cure it, eventually, and in the meanwhile, take heart in knowing that people like her get their reward in the end. The one who did this to me ended up married to a guy who sleeps with her friends and hasn't had a job in two years...what goes around comes around.

 

[Kamuit]

As a jaded seventeen year old, i feel i can relate. Just remember that time wounds all heels. I know it's kinda hard, but try to not let it get to you. And there's no harm in having a couple nights of cheap motel sex with random fllosies to make you feel better about falling in love with a ho. don't worry, it happens to the best of us. You'll probably end up liking lot's of ho's before you find someone really special, and you'll be a better man for it.

good luck

 

[Ange1icflowers]

I agree with CantSayNo...write a letter and never send it. I had something happen to me (i can't say similar....but it hurt alot because he abused me emotionally, physically, and verbally) and it took from my freshman year in high school until i got to a college psych course to get it all out. I wrote a letter to him for a psych project and really felt better afterwards. of course since i had to present it i edited it...and i wound up sending him the edited copy by email.....well to make a long story short.....he treated me like shit...and i am better off for him leaving. If she did that to you and didn't look back.....(i know you don't want to hear this) you are better off without her. I am 22...so I am still learning as I go...but I do know that someone who hurts you like that can't love you. Everyone deserves better than to be hurt deep.....they deserve to be truly loved. And while you feel betrayed because you thought she loved you and hurt because of the things she said to you, don't let that stop you from picking up the pieces slowly but surely and finding someone who does love you. Not all women are like this...I know because I am one of those women (not like that i mean). {{{{{{hugs}}}}}

if you need to talk you can PM me!!

angel

 

[HarlemBlade]

I know it hurts...

Something not too dissimilar happened to me about two years ago. She "only" slept with one of my friends, though. I'll tell you it took me a good year and even a little bit of therapy to get over it. She was my first girlfriend and so it blew my mind that it could have happened.

It's only been four months for you, so first of all, don't be so hard on yourself. Expect it to hurt but realize that it's ok. Talk to people, anybody that will listen. The more you express the more it will be outside of you and ready to be healed.

I also agree with the letter writing. It really helps to put your thoughts into writing. It also helps you to stop over-analyzing things.

Take care and good luck next time, cuz there will be a next time and it will be better.

 

[Impish]

It will get better

Just a quick note as I dash out the door. It WILL get better. It WILL be a defining moment in your life. You DO have the power to make it a positive defining moment even if you don't know it yet. Here are some tips that helped me when I was in your shoes.

Rely on yourself for your own internal happiness - another can really never fill the shoes. Focus on the things that make you a valuable person - your humor, your loyalty, your mind, your respect - don't lose those things because of one person (and at this point I say bitch).

Without dwelling too much, take another look back. What did/do you *really* love about her? Certainly not her loyalty or the how respectful she was of your love. But nonetheless - look and if there is/was something redeeming then remind yourself - better to have loved and felt and been hurt then never loved at all.

Life is about the process babe. Feeling isn't always fun but it's (I think) the way to live.

Be well. It will get better. Promise.

Imp.