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Confession Time!!! It"s True!!!

rae121452

rae121452

Literotica Guru
Joined
Jul 18, 2017
Posts
6,727
i'm pregnant with matthew craig's baby. i wanted to get it out there before the tabloids.

silly, trusting me, i fell for the oldest one in the book "i'll pull out". in my own defense, i was asking "is it in yet?" and miss matilda replied, "i'm already done." jeezuz, i've had two minute eggs that took longer.

i've done multi home pregnancy tests and they all come back positive. i have to say, miss candi has been a rock. a rock, do you hear? she spent all morning patting my hand, fanning me with a movie magazine and feeding me bonbons. she even agreed to be godmother if i decide to have it.

i'm still not sure, i may give myself an at home white castle abortion. eat enough of those fuckers and you've got babies from 5 years ago squirting out of both ends.

i know miss matilda won't be a good co-parent, she wants to spend every free moment with her muscular fellow neo-nazi's. and i saw 'rosemary's baby'! the little fucker is bound to be born with goat's eyes and claws and covered with hair. no matter how much peroxide i use on the little bastard, it'll never look like the perfect aryan baby and miss mattie will disown it.

what's a girl to do?
 
I thought you were gonna go with "Moloch". That's what you said last night halfway through Reefer Madness and the second box of wine.
 
why is joseph getting baby jesus from a giant pitbull in a doggie halloween costume? i missed that bible story.
 
rae121452 said:
why is joseph getting baby jesus from a giant pitbull in a doggie halloween costume? i missed that bible story.
Click to expand...

I clicked through to see that and that is the most "Dead bird: Do not eat" thing that has ever happened to me.

I was like, "Well whadda ya know?"
 
i just had an even more horrifying thought. with miss mattie's history of substance abuse, not to mention her sketchy genetics, what if the little fucker comes out covered with scales and looking like a pangolin? no fucking amount of baby lotion is going to change that. to say nothing of the pain involved in giving birth to a pangolin or an armadillo.
 
rae121452 said:
i just had an even more horrifying thought. with miss mattie's history of substance abuse, not to mention her sketchy genetics, what if the little fucker comes out covered with scales and looking like a pangolin? no fucking amount of baby lotion is going to change that. to say nothing of the pain involved in giving birth to a pangolin or an armadillo.
Click to expand...

I mean it'll probably easier than the big-ass horns. I told you I'd take it. I want the goatman baby. I'm gonna go on TV and make me some money.
 
i don't know, girlfriend. giving birth to something like that would probably leave me with a brand new place to carry a bowling ball. they'd probably have to stitch in a drawstring afterwards. you would make a lovely foster mother, tho, and just think...when it gnaws its way out of the cradle, you can just open the front door and let it crawl into the woods and find wild creatures to eat. it would cost hardly anything.

and i'd be keeping the snap card!
 
you went with nazi-boi. and NOW you worry? okay, i'll try not to be so judgemental


thinks: he went with nazi boi!!! oh man....

as for the scales, i'm thinking they're soft till outside the body but to breach birth pangobabby could be problematic
 
rae121452 said:
i don't know, girlfriend. giving birth to something like that would probably leave me with a brand new place to carry a bowling ball. they'd probably have to stitch in a drawstring afterwards. you would make a lovely foster mother, tho, and just think...when it gnaws its way out of the cradle, you can just open the front door and let it crawl into the woods and find wild creatures to eat. it would cost hardly anything.

and i'd be keeping the snap card!
Click to expand...

Maybe we're wrong and it'll come out all tiny and weird like a baby kangaroo. He might be a marsupial. I think he has a pouch; he seems to pull shit out of nowhere all the time.
 
CandiCame said:
Maybe we're wrong and it'll come out all tiny and weird like a baby kangaroo. He might be a marsupial. I think he has a pouch; he seems to pull shit out of nowhere all the time.
Click to expand...



oh, great-a hairless possum with a scaly tail? nah, they have pretty little faces. more likely the baby in "eraserhead", only uglier.
 
rae121452 said:
oh, great-a hairless possum with a scaly tail? nah, they have pretty little faces. more likely the baby in "eraserhead", only uglier.
Click to expand...

They say intelligence is matrilineally inherited. So it'll be ugly as sin but it might not be completely stupid.

Besides, if it's a possum baby we can hang it up by the tail and it'll be adorable.
 
rae121452 said:
ONE? honey, wait until you're my age, you'll need an abacus to keep score.


and, and...miss matilda gave me roofies!
Click to expand...

I meant everybody has AT LEAST one dick they regret.

I've also got... more than one.

Sorry, I'm high. That's not part of the joke, that's a true fact. My neck was hurting.
 
It's just a bunch of nonsense. Is there some deep meaning in this thread?
You're gonna have to spell it out for me.
 
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