Someone asked me today why I enjoy being a submissive. This was the best answer that I could come up with.
I was raised to be a strong woman. My mother raised me to never let someone have the best of me, to always work hard, to always strive to succeed, to never admit defeat, and most of all, to be self-sufficient. She raised me to be strong. Not unbreakable, but resistent to breakage. And I've found that, even in a relationship, it is a lonely way to live. I've always been the kind of person who wanted to make others happy. My mother knows this. I was raised to be a giver. I was raised to not expect anything in return. And I am a product of my upbringing in that sense. But I am rebelling against the idea that I need to be able to go through life so hard that the world around doesn't touch me.
It is the ultimate challenge for me to give up control to people.. but I believe that doing so is a great gift of myself. I have never yet been able to give up all control. I am still learning. I have found different people along the way who have taught me a little bit at a time, and I enjoy learning.
Have you ever kept a secret so long and so thoroughly that it begins to wear on you? And then when you tell someone, you feel a rush of freedom? Being made to be strong is like that. I was raised to keep my emotions to myself, I was taught not to trust people around me (seriously, my mother is paranoid). And giving up a little piece of control each time, is that same rush of freedom. By giving up all that I am, I will arrive at the ultimate freedom. I will be free to be emotional, free to give, free to trust, and free to break. And if I break, I will reconstruct myself, and begin again.
Being a submissive is giving the gift of yourself to the One who deserves it. Granted, I have no true-to-life experience yet, but even in my own vanilla relationship, I find ways to give of myself to my partner. He doesn't realize it, but when I sit at his feet, I am awaiting his action. And I am the most comfortable when I sit there. And when I anticipate his needs, I am giving of myself, because I have dedicated time into learning his patterns. I often tend to his needs before he knows he's got them. And I derive great pleasure from making him happy, making him content.
In my journey as a sub, I will eventually seek to make Him proud of me. I seek His protection and love, and His absolute adoration of me, as I have of Him. I have not yet met Him. Not in real life, but I have hope for the future.
I was raised to be a strong woman. My mother raised me to never let someone have the best of me, to always work hard, to always strive to succeed, to never admit defeat, and most of all, to be self-sufficient. She raised me to be strong. Not unbreakable, but resistent to breakage. And I've found that, even in a relationship, it is a lonely way to live. I've always been the kind of person who wanted to make others happy. My mother knows this. I was raised to be a giver. I was raised to not expect anything in return. And I am a product of my upbringing in that sense. But I am rebelling against the idea that I need to be able to go through life so hard that the world around doesn't touch me.
It is the ultimate challenge for me to give up control to people.. but I believe that doing so is a great gift of myself. I have never yet been able to give up all control. I am still learning. I have found different people along the way who have taught me a little bit at a time, and I enjoy learning.
Have you ever kept a secret so long and so thoroughly that it begins to wear on you? And then when you tell someone, you feel a rush of freedom? Being made to be strong is like that. I was raised to keep my emotions to myself, I was taught not to trust people around me (seriously, my mother is paranoid). And giving up a little piece of control each time, is that same rush of freedom. By giving up all that I am, I will arrive at the ultimate freedom. I will be free to be emotional, free to give, free to trust, and free to break. And if I break, I will reconstruct myself, and begin again.
Being a submissive is giving the gift of yourself to the One who deserves it. Granted, I have no true-to-life experience yet, but even in my own vanilla relationship, I find ways to give of myself to my partner. He doesn't realize it, but when I sit at his feet, I am awaiting his action. And I am the most comfortable when I sit there. And when I anticipate his needs, I am giving of myself, because I have dedicated time into learning his patterns. I often tend to his needs before he knows he's got them. And I derive great pleasure from making him happy, making him content.
In my journey as a sub, I will eventually seek to make Him proud of me. I seek His protection and love, and His absolute adoration of me, as I have of Him. I have not yet met Him. Not in real life, but I have hope for the future.
I'm glad you enjoyed reading it. It was a difficult question to answer... I've thought about my reasons before, but never had to explain them. This was an experience in self-exploration.
