Comedy Of Errors

[Guru]

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE


Marry, sir, she's the kitchen wench and all grease;
and I know not what use to put her to but to make a
lamp of her and run from her by her own light. I
warrant, her rags and the tallow in them will burn a
Poland winter: if she lives till doomsday,
she'll burn a week longer than the whole world.
ANTIPHOLUS

 

[Guru]

OF SYRACUSE


What complexion is she of?

 

[Guru]

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE


Swart, like my shoe, but her face nothing half so
clean kept: for why, she sweats; a man may go over
shoes in the grime of it.
ANTIPHOLUS

 

[Guru]

OF SYRACUSE


That's a fault that water will mend.

 

[Guru]

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE


No, sir, 'tis in grain; Noah's flood could not do it.
ANTIPHOLUS

 

[Guru]

OF SYRACUSE


What's her name?

 

[Guru]

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE


Nell, sir; but her name and three quarters, that's
an ell and three quarters, will not measure her from
hip to hip.
ANTIPHOLUS

 

[Guru]

OF SYRACUSE


Then she bears some breadth?

 

[Guru]

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE


No longer from head to foot than from hip to hip:
she is spherical, like a globe; I could find out
countries in her.
ANTIPHOLUS

 

[Guru]

OF SYRACUSE


In what part of her body stands Ireland?

 

[Guru]

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE


Marry, in her buttocks: I found it out by the bogs.
ANTIPHOLUS

 

[Guru]

OF SYRACUSE


Where Scotland?

 

[Guru]

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE


I found it by the barrenness; hard in the palm of the hand.
ANTIPHOLUS

 

[Guru]

OF SYRACUSE


Where France?

 

[Guru]

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE


In her forehead; armed and reverted, making war
against her heir.
ANTIPHOLUS

 

[Guru]

OF SYRACUSE


Where England?

 

[Guru]

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE


I looked for the chalky cliffs, but I could find no
whiteness in them; but I guess it stood in her chin,
by the salt rheum that ran between France and it.
ANTIPHOLUS

 

[Guru]

OF SYRACUSE


Where Spain?

 

[Guru]

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE


Faith, I saw it not; but I felt it hot in her breath.
ANTIPHOLUS

 

[Guru]

OF SYRACUSE


Where America, the Indies?

 

[Guru]

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE


Oh, sir, upon her nose all o'er embellished with
rubies, carbuncles, sapphires, declining their rich
aspect to the hot breath of Spain; who sent whole
armadoes of caracks to be ballast at her nose.
ANTIPHOLUS

 

[Guru]

OF SYRACUSE


Where stood Belgia, the Netherlands?

 

[Guru]

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE


Oh, sir, I did not look so low. To conclude, this
drudge, or diviner, laid claim to me, call'd me
Dromio; swore I was assured to her; told me what
privy marks I had about me, as, the mark of my
shoulder, the mole in my neck, the great wart on my
left arm, that I amazed ran from her as a witch:
And, I think, if my breast had not been made of
faith and my heart of steel,
She had transform'd me to a curtal dog and made
me turn i' the wheel.
ANTIPHOLUS

 

[Guru]

OF SYRACUSE


Go hie thee presently, post to the road:
An if the wind blow any way from shore,
I will not harbour in this town to-night:
If any bark put forth, come to the mart,
Where I will walk till thou return to me.
If every one knows us and we know none,
'Tis time, I think, to trudge, pack and be gone.

 

[Guru]

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE


As from a bear a man would run for life,
So fly I from her that would be my wife.

Exit

ANTIPHOLUS