Coma

[Blangis]

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to know if anyone here has ever had the misfortune of having a loved one fall into a coma, or indeed have had friends who have suffered such an experience. I don't mean to offend anyone with these questions, they aren't for any sordid interests they just relate to the mourning visitors.

Would a visitor of special significance (Father, Wife...) be allowed to stay at the victims side 24/7? What about friends? If there are visiting hours, are these generally strictly enforced? When would one be asked to leave?

Would a lover be allowed to lay next to the patient during their visits? Perhaps sleep next to them? If not, are there any cases in which this would be allowed, for example if the visitor is experiencing severe emotional trauma, sleeping difficulties etc... Additionally in such cases could they receive permission to stay with their loved one throughout the day and outside of visiting hours?

Can arrangements be made for the patient to be transported for monitoring to their own home? Presumably if this were to occur then any rules relating to the above questions would be eased?

Are patients washed/shaved etc... whilst still in bed or is this done elsewhere?

If the coma was the result of rather 'minor' collision (No car wrecks, disease, just a bang on the head), and the patient made a full recovery with no evident damage to faculties etc... When would they released? Is there a standard period of observation or something similar? By this of course I mean after all the diagnostic tests were done and found nothing of concern.

If anyone knows anything about this kind of stuff I'd be very appreciative not only for answers but accounts of how you were treated when visiting, whether you were treated as a burden or treated with a great deal of sympathy etc...

Thanks

 

[Blangis]

Anyone suggest a more suitable forum for such questions? I have tried several boards relating to medicine/hospitals and had no luck.

 

[Nightbird]

If I were you I would call the Hospital and or go to the Hospital and ask them these questions directly.

Go straight to the horses mouth so to speak.

 

[thewantonscribe]

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to know if anyone here has ever had the misfortune of having a loved one fall into a coma, or indeed have had friends who have suffered such an experience. I don't mean to offend anyone with these questions, they aren't for any sordid interests they just relate to the mourning visitors.

Would a visitor of special significance (Father, Wife...) be allowed to stay at the victims side 24/7? What about friends? If there are visiting hours, are these generally strictly enforced? When would one be asked to leave?

Would a lover be allowed to lay next to the patient during their visits? Perhaps sleep next to them? If not, are there any cases in which this would be allowed, for example if the visitor is experiencing severe emotional trauma, sleeping difficulties etc... Additionally in such cases could they receive permission to stay with their loved one throughout the day and outside of visiting hours?

Can arrangements be made for the patient to be transported for monitoring to their own home? Presumably if this were to occur then any rules relating to the above questions would be eased?

Are patients washed/shaved etc... whilst still in bed or is this done elsewhere?

If the coma was the result of rather 'minor' collision (No car wrecks, disease, just a bang on the head), and the patient made a full recovery with no evident damage to faculties etc... When would they released? Is there a standard period of observation or something similar? By this of course I mean after all the diagnostic tests were done and found nothing of concern.

If anyone knows anything about this kind of stuff I'd be very appreciative not only for answers but accounts of how you were treated when visiting, whether you were treated as a burden or treated with a great deal of sympathy etc...

Thanks

Nightbird is right you need to speak with someone at the hospital.

If you are the spouse, family member etc., you need to speak with the physician in charge of their care to start. You may want to ask the patient's nurse to speak with a social worker or the chaplin. They can assist you with the patient care and visitation issues.

I have not had a loved one in a coma but have had many hospital experiences. Quite often you can stay in the rooms after visiting hours and sometimes overnights. The restrictions can be as little as moving from the room during the shift chanes so the staff can exchange information. I have also been allowed to assist in care of the patient such as bathing, shaving, dressing etc. Again that all depends on the hospital and the patient's condition. It is also important to know whether the patient has a living will, if they are on a respirator and what if any measures they would want taken as far as resuscitation.

Again if you are the spouse, or family member you also are able to assist in the care plan of the patient and question treatment options, or to get second opinions. But you need to ask these quesions at the hospital to get the right type of answers. Too many variables to be accounted for to get accurate information here. I will tell you that more often than not if the nurses don't have the answers they can tell you who will. Be persistent and if its important to you don't accept a "no" as an answer.

I hope things get better for you. Stay strong and don't be afraid to ask for support or someone to lean on. If someone offers help -- take it.

 

[thewantonscribe]

Anyone suggest a more suitable forum for such questions? I have tried several boards relating to medicine/hospitals and had no luck.

Maybe this one might be of some help: http://www.comaforums.org/

 

[Blangis]

Nightbird is right you need to speak with someone at the hospital.

If you are the spouse, family member etc., you need to speak with the physician in charge of their care to start. You may want to ask the patient's nurse to speak with a social worker or the chaplin. They can assist you with the patient care and visitation issues.

I have not had a loved one in a coma but have had many hospital experiences. Quite often you can stay in the rooms after visiting hours and sometimes overnights. The restrictions can be as little as moving from the room during the shift chanes so the staff can exchange information. I have also been allowed to assist in care of the patient such as bathing, shaving, dressing etc. Again that all depends on the hospital and the patient's condition. It is also important to know whether the patient has a living will, if they are on a respirator and what if any measures they would want taken as far as resuscitation.

Again if you are the spouse, or family member you also are able to assist in the care plan of the patient and question treatment options, or to get second opinions. But you need to ask these quesions at the hospital to get the right type of answers. Too many variables to be accounted for to get accurate information here. I will tell you that more often than not if the nurses don't have the answers they can tell you who will. Be persistent and if its important to you don't accept a "no" as an answer.

I hope things get better for you. Stay strong and don't be afraid to ask for support or someone to lean on. If someone offers help -- take it.

Thank you for your help and kind words, it is of course logical to ask the staff directly but I don't want them, or indeed the rest of my family, to think I'm insane or something. I will give the comaforums a shot as a last resort before approaching someone from the hospital.

Thanks

 

[LadyJeanne]

Thank you for your help and kind words, it is of course logical to ask the staff directly but I don't want them, or indeed the rest of my family, to think I'm insane or something. I will give the comaforums a shot as a last resort before approaching someone from the hospital.

Thanks

Why would they think you're insane to ask about the care your loved one is getting in the hospital?

 

[Chicklet]

Why would they think you're insane to ask about the care your loved one is getting in the hospital?

I think what he/she is saying is that no loved one of his/hers is actually in a coma right now, but he/she is curious. That's why he might come off as sounding crazy.

These are pretty interesting questions. Some of them it feels like I know the answer, but really all I really know is what I learn from TV and movies, where someone is at home in a coma in their own bed

I can't really answer anything, but now that they've been asked I have a desire to know the answers.

 

[Blangis]

Why would they think you're insane to ask about the care your loved one is getting in the hospital?

Well, I was thinking specifically about the questions regarding sleeping alongside her. Also, her family (Many of whom visit her daily but do not stay) does not really know me and so to turn up and start asking whether I can set up camp in her room is somewhat dodgy ground, and before I approach them about it I'd like to have more intel, lest I end up requesting things that will be denied by the staff. I think it is best to be honest with them about my feelings about the situation and how significant it is for me to be with her, I think they'll understand.

Her condition is apparently a 'minor' one and so also I'd like to know whether she will be in the hospital for an extended period after she awakes and whether she may be moved to her home whilst still in a coma.

These are pretty interesting questions. Some of them it feels like I know the answer, but really all I really know is what I learn from TV and movies, where someone is at home in a coma in their own bed

I can't really answer anything, but now that they've been asked I have a desire to know the answers.

Thanks for lending your support I'm like you, knowing only what the telly tells me.

 

[a_sybarite]

I may be able to answer some of your questions.

I'm a nurse and work in an ICU, so I've seen/had patients in comas.

I can tell you that visiting hours vary per hospital/unit. Some are strictly enforced, while others have no restrictions on visiting times aside from shift change when patient confidentiality becomes an issue.

As for laying next to them in bed, as a nurse, I don't think I would go for that. People that are very sick tend to have a lot of lines and tubes going every which way, and I would not take the risk that the loved one would accidently pull it out while moving around. I know that you'd be as careful as you could be, but you wouldn't want to risk it either. Accidents do happen. Plus, there's the factor that if something happens, God forbid, and I have to get access to the patient, I don't want to have to extricate you from the bed. Things tend to happen very fast in these situations.

Bathing does happen in the bed. We've got techniques that we use that allows us to do this and leave them shiny and clean in a bed with fresh linens.

Without further information, I'm afraid I can't be of additional help. Is this person on a ventilator? How long has this "coma" lasted? Is it medically induced?

Hope I have answered some of your questions. Feel free to pm me if you have more questions.

 

[Nightbird]

You know Blangis I really hate to post this but something just doesn't make any sense.

I would really hate to figure out that your some kind of a Necrophiliac or something.. That would piss me off.

Why are you asking these questions. What is your relationship to the person in the Coma? And why doesn't her family know you?

 

[Blangis]

You know Blangis I really hate to post this but something just doesn't make any sense.

I would really hate to figure out that your some kind of a Necrophiliac or something.. That would piss me off.

Why are you asking these questions. What is your relationship to the person in the Coma? And why doesn't her family know you?

I do not have any such sexual interests in her whilst she in a coma. She is a my girlfriend of three months, however she has certain issues with her family that mean she wishes me not to see them. She tells me they are extremly religious and would disapprove of her being romanced by an atheist. By chance I met her parents two weeks ago so they do know me, however to avoid hurting their feelings with confessions of deceptions, we told them we had been dating only for a few days (The unfortunate incident happened shortly after that). Her parents, while quite obviously religious, are not quite as threatening as she made them seem so I am fairly confident approaching them, but I will tell them the truth of our relationship so they can better understand my situation and be more receptive to my requests, perhaps ridding my sweet of her troublesome secrets too.

We are both accustomed to sleeping with each other and find it to be amongst the most gratifying experiences of the relationship when we fall asleep and wake up together. Since this happened I have not slept much and I've developed an overwhelming urge to be with her as she sleeps. We often talk to each other whilst laying in each others arms an awful lot, I've heard coma patients occasionally wake recalling things said in their presence whilst they were away, I would like her to know I was by her side through this dreadful experience and perhaps know that I was always near her.

I may be able to answer some of your questions.

I'm a nurse and work in an ICU, so I've seen/had patients in comas.

I can tell you that visiting hours vary per hospital/unit. Some are strictly enforced, while others have no restrictions on visiting times aside from shift change when patient confidentiality becomes an issue.

As for laying next to them in bed, as a nurse, I don't think I would go for that. People that are very sick tend to have a lot of lines and tubes going every which way, and I would not take the risk that the loved one would accidently pull it out while moving around. I know that you'd be as careful as you could be, but you wouldn't want to risk it either. Accidents do happen. Plus, there's the factor that if something happens, God forbid, and I have to get access to the patient, I don't want to have to extricate you from the bed. Things tend to happen very fast in these situations.

Bathing does happen in the bed. We've got techniques that we use that allows us to do this and leave them shiny and clean in a bed with fresh linens.

Without further information, I'm afraid I can't be of additional help. Is this person on a ventilator? How long has this "coma" lasted? Is it medically induced?

Hope I have answered some of your questions. Feel free to pm me if you have more questions.

Thanks, that is helpful if somewhat disappointing news but I suspected I would a burden with these requests, although, stupidly perhaps, after watching Kill Bill (By no means the inspiration for the thread) I also had a suspicion that there wouldn't be much equipment to worry about. I have so far only been able to visit her once, she didn't seem to be connected anything but a drip. Sadly I can't describe her full condition or the circumstances of her treatment, I would have to ask her family and they have only told me something to the effect of there is no serious damage, they expect she will awaken very soon and they don't anticipate any significant problems afterwards, however, this is the fifth day of her coma and I heard anything over a week will surely mean they'll be in the state for a least a month. Her parents are devastated, always in tears, this is understandable of course but it leads me to suspect the situation is worse than they told me. They promised to update me regularly but they have not contacted me since that first day when I visited her.

 

[Emerald Eyed]

I am not sure about coma patients, but when i was pregnant and in the Hospital hooked to monitors, wires, Ivs etc. his daddy was encouraged to lie beside me, hug me and do anything to make me feel comfortable.

However, without being a family member and the family not knowing you, i doubt this would be allowed

 

[LadyJeanne]

Dude, this is totally not the time to be laying 'the truth' on her parents. They've got plenty to worry about without you telling them she's been lying to them for three months. Your girlfriend will not thank you for "ridding her of her troublesome secrets." It's her business what and when she tells her parents about you.

You've only been to the hospital once yet you now want to sleep in her bed with her? If you want her to know you've been by her side during this, you kinda actually have to go to the hospital and visit her, don't you? Sit next to her, hold her hand, talk to her. If you're actually visiting often, you'll run into her family and you can ask about her condition then.

 

[Eilan]

I will tell them the truth of our relationship so they can better understand my situation and be more receptive to my requests, perhaps ridding my sweet of her troublesome secrets too.

I have to second LadyJeanne here--it's not your job to tell her parents about your relationship with their daughter.

I feel for you, really I do, but it's not about you right now.

 

[Blangis]

Dude, this is totally not the time to be laying 'the truth' on her parents. They've got plenty to worry about without you telling them she's been lying to them for three months. Your girlfriend will not thank you for "ridding her of her troublesome secrets." It's her business what and when she tells her parents about you.

You've only been to the hospital once yet you now want to sleep in her bed with her? If you want her to know you've been by her side during this, you kinda actually have to go to the hospital and visit her, don't you? Sit next to her, hold her hand, talk to her. If you're actually visiting often, you'll run into her family and you can ask about her condition then.

No need for such a hostile tone, but i suppose you and Eilan both have good points that I had neglected to consider regarding my approach to her parents, I'll reevaluate.

As for visiting, I have been to the hospital several more times since that visit (Since it is a walk from the university I drive to every day anyway), but at the request of the parents I must have their clearance before I can go up to her room. I cannot contact them because they both have quite strenuous jobs and are on their mobiles all day it seems, and several times I have asked the nurse assigned to them to ask them for this permission on my behalf but she has never done this or I am being blocked out. I am not the only visitor to have had these problems either, a whole series of her friends are in the same situation, her boss and work mates, university lecturers, her cousins, even her sister had trouble getting in once, she came back telling us all that that the parents had 'eased' the situation but still this morning I went down with a group of her friends and we sat waiting for an hour and half for a nurse who never got back to us. The place seems incredibly busy at the moment so it's a difficult situation. Maybe I am wrong to even have a shred of optimism that I will even get to see her parents to ask them for more access. I can't visit them whenever they go home either, I don't know when they're there but I also happen to live quite a distance from them and have to go back home for my job, currently I can ill-afford to drive up to Swansea more than once a day.