Cold open? Flashbacks? Chronological?

[JoRay]

We are seeking the opinion of other authors.

What is your opinion on starting a longish, or multipart story with a "cold open" to a point much further into the story-- basically the point where anyone's squicks may come into play. It sort of seems "only fair" to us to let readers have an idea early on where the story is headed so they can choose to follow along or not. (I, Jo, really hate investing in a story about a girl who lives on a wheat farm in Saskatchewan, only to have her move to a brownstone in Île de Montréal in chapter six and become an underground graffiti artist.)

Structure of the story being something like: Cold Open scene from 2018; Ch. 1, 2012; Ch. 2, 2013...Ch. 7, 2018...Ch. 11, 2022.

--Jo

 

[BiscuitHammer]

We are seeking the opinion of other authors.

What is your opinion on starting a longish, or multipart story with a "cold open" to a point much further into the story-- basically the point where anyone's squicks may come into play. It sort of seems "only fair" to us to let readers have an idea early on where the story is headed so they can choose to follow along or not. (I, Jo, really hate investing in a story about a girl who lives on a wheat farm in Saskatchewan, only to have her move to a brownstone in Île de Montréal in chapter six and become an underground graffiti artist.)

Structure of the story being something like: Cold Open scene from 2018; Ch. 1, 2012; Ch. 2, 2013...Ch. 7, 2018...Ch. 11, 2022.

--Jo

That wouldn't happen if your girl lived in Toronto...

But I use cold openings in lots of my chapters, and they usually deal with something coming in that chapter. I've never begun a series with a cold opener of a flashback that manifests itself again in chapters down the road. But that is a cool idea, I may do that with a new series. I like the continuity charm of it.

 

[Auden James]

If the entire chapter is a kind of flash-forward, how would the readers know then that they are actually "much further into the story" at this point? Wouldn't they, naturally, think that what happens in this chapter is what the story is about?

I'm afraid your suggested approach could easily end up being mightily confusing a/o disappointing to the readers!

(Addendum: And if you wanted to include a foreword explicating that the first chapter is a flash-forward, wouldn't that kinda render the whole thing moot? Why not then simply state in a foreword that this story may contain this or that squick?)

 

[KeithD]

We are seeking the opinion of other authors.

What is your opinion on starting a longish, or multipart story with a "cold open" to a point much further into the story-- basically the point where anyone's squicks may come into play.

Fine, as long as it can be made to work in the reader eventually keying into it. Opening in confusion is a standard opening and has the advantage of immediately engaging the reader in trying to solve the puzzle. There are some readers too literal and shallow minded to want to be engaged this deeply, but there are enough who do that this has become a popular opening for stories/books. The marvelous thing about fiction is that so many approaches work just fine when expertly handled.

I use some variation of it more often than not, I think. I almost always open in the middle of something being said or going on. I prefer the reader who wants to engage in the story immediately rather than be spoonfed until it lulls them to sleep.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

The 'start with an earthquake' flash forward, then back to an earlier present to see how the characters get there?

It can work, though I don't think I've done it on Lit. Starting with a brief scene out of sequence to prewarn Lit readers what sort of content to expect, I've done that, both to warn off those who wouldn't like the rest of the story but also to warm up those who would! Usually a flashback for me. Eg Wheelchair Bound starts "It was the doorframe incident which had really sapped Ali's confidence." Then description of mild BDSM scene and bondage problem leading to embarrassment and damage to decor, clarifying that the narrator is Ali's girlfriend and Ali has medical problems and no longer wants to indulge in BDSM. Cue problem to solve, plot and filth ensue.

Just be extra careful to make your years and events clear to the reader, especially at the beginning. Guide them through. Unless you have a good reason for things to be obscure, in which case that fact needs to be clear. Sometimes it's great to make the reader think a bit, but you need to hook them first. Am I any good at this? Well, better than I used to be.

 

[8letters]

I'm not a fan of starting a story with a teaser scene from the future. I don't want to be told that much information about what's going to happen. If the problem is that the story has BDSM elements much later, put a note saying so at the beginning. As for the "girl who lives on a wheat farm in Saskatchewan, only to have her move to a brownstone in Île de Montréal in chapter six and become an underground graffiti artist" issue, that sounds like a story that should have had a lot of material cut out.

 

[Bramblethorn]

We are seeking the opinion of other authors.

What is your opinion on starting a longish, or multipart story with a "cold open" to a point much further into the story-- basically the point where anyone's squicks may come into play. It sort of seems "only fair" to us to let readers have an idea early on where the story is headed so they can choose to follow along or not. (I, Jo, really hate investing in a story about a girl who lives on a wheat farm in Saskatchewan, only to have her move to a brownstone in Île de Montréal in chapter six and become an underground graffiti artist.)

Structure of the story being something like: Cold Open scene from 2018; Ch. 1, 2012; Ch. 2, 2013...Ch. 7, 2018...Ch. 11, 2022.

--Jo

I've done this a few times, though not always for reasons of squicks.

"Anjali's Red Scarf" focusses on two characters who meet when one is a teenager and the other is her tutor. They don't become lovers until many years later, and their friendship in between those points is important to the later story, so I wanted to take some time to develop it. But I used a cold open, at the point where grown-up Anjali talks about her intention to get into a sugar-baby arrangement, because I didn't want my readers spending the first 10k words wondering "where is this going and am I going to like it?"

There's also stuff I chose not to telegraph in that story; it's one that begins like a romance but doesn't end with a HEA for the two of them, because part of the story is my narrator dealing with her feelings about not getting that HEA. I did want to bring my readers along with her disappointment at that development, and that would've been less effective if I'd flagged it in advance. I know some people weren't happy about that outcome, but overall I think it was the right choice.

"Magnum Innominandum" and "Loss Function" both end in tragedy and I wanted to prepare my readers for that, because I wanted them to appreciate some of the other stuff I put in the story without being blindsided by a "romance" ending in major character death. For LF I used a cold open, for MI I started with a brief account of events dated much later; technically not a cold open since it didn't go directly into the action, but similar structure.

I think it's a useful technique if you know what you're doing with it. I would also suggest MelissaBaby's "My Fall and Rise" as an example of non-chronological storytelling used to balance the emotional weight of the story.

 

[SimonDoom]

I think it can work in an erotic story as an effective attention grabber. It has to be good, though, or you have to rethink why you want to do it. I share some of 8Letters' concern: you don't want to reveal too much in a cold open. Part of the fun of an erotic story is the tease and build up.

For me, the way to do it would be as a teaser: throw the reader into something sexy and exciting that is enticing but doesn't give away anything, and presents a mystery of some kind: how did the character get here? Then start from the beginning and explain how they got there.

 

[Zeb_Carter]

I have used this technique in several of my stories, as of yet, no reader has ever complained about getting confused.

You might want to take a look at a couple of mine...

Walker Brigade was the first story I ever wrote and posted here at Lit.
Walk of Shame... Really? is the most recent story with a cold open.

One is in Sci-fi the other in Loving Wives. Choose your pick.

 

[8letters]

I've done this a few times, though not always for reasons of squicks.

"Anjali's Red Scarf" focusses on two characters who meet when one is a teenager and the other is her tutor. They don't become lovers until many years later, and their friendship in between those points is important to the later story, so I wanted to take some time to develop it. But I used a cold open, at the point where grown-up Anjali talks about her intention to get into a sugar-baby arrangement, because I didn't want my readers spending the first 10k words wondering "where is this going and am I going to like it?"

There's also stuff I chose not to telegraph in that story; it's one that begins like a romance but doesn't end with a HEA for the two of them, because part of the story is my narrator dealing with her feelings about not getting that HEA. I did want to bring my readers along with her disappointment at that development, and that would've been less effective if I'd flagged it in advance. I know some people weren't happy about that outcome, but overall I think it was the right choice.

"Magnum Innominandum" and "Loss Function" both end in tragedy and I wanted to prepare my readers for that, because I wanted them to appreciate some of the other stuff I put in the story without being blindsided by a "romance" ending in major character death. For LF I used a cold open, for MI I started with a brief account of events dated much later; technically not a cold open since it didn't go directly into the action, but similar structure.

I think it's a useful technique if you know what you're doing with it. I would also suggest MelissaBaby's "My Fall and Rise" as an example of non-chronological storytelling used to balance the emotional weight of the story.

Let me revise my general disapproval of teasers to say that I think they make sense if the story is going to have a non-HEA ending to not blindside readers. I will somewhat disagree with Bramblethorn in that I think Literotica readers are quite find spending the first 10K words wondering "where is this going and am I going to like it?" if you're telling an interesting story.

 

[Trionyx]

When used sparingly, it can be a nice teaser to draw the reader in. In my story Ashley’s Sister, the opening scene is of a couple having sex and she tells him “You want to screw my sister, don’t you?” I believe it immediately introduced a main theme of the story and pulled the reader in. I try to avoid making such a teaser too involved or complex which the OP’s scenario might be.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Let me revise my general disapproval of teasers to say that I think they make sense if the story is going to have a non-HEA ending to not blindside readers. I will somewhat disagree with Bramblethorn in that I think Literotica readers are quite find spending the first 10K words wondering "where is this going and am I going to like it?" if you're telling an interesting story.

I get what you're saying. I'm thinking more of stories where some of the material is dry but necessary to enjoyment of the rest; when that's the case, it's best not to start with too much of the dry.

For Red Scarf there was also the issue that at the beginning of things, the main characters are in a 16-23 student-teacher situation, and I didn't want to give the impression that it was going to be that kind of a story.

 

[JakBird]

We are seeking the opinion of other authors.

What is your opinion on starting a longish, or multipart story with a "cold open" to a point much further into the story-- basically the point where anyone's squicks may come into play. It sort of seems "only fair" to us to let readers have an idea early on where the story is headed so they can choose to follow along or not. (I, Jo, really hate investing in a story about a girl who lives on a wheat farm in Saskatchewan, only to have her move to a brownstone in Île de Montréal in chapter six and become an underground graffiti artist.)

Structure of the story being something like: Cold Open scene from 2018; Ch. 1, 2012; Ch. 2, 2013...Ch. 7, 2018...Ch. 11, 2022.

--Jo

Nothing wrong per se with a non-sequential storyline, but you do run the risk of the reader's first encounter with the protagonist/antagonist lacking in the character development of earlier times.

 

[PennameWombat]

We are seeking the opinion of other authors.

What is your opinion on starting a longish, or multipart story with a "cold open" to a point much further into the story-- basically the point where anyone's squicks may come into play. It sort of seems "only fair" to us to let readers have an idea early on where the story is headed so they can choose to follow along or not. (I, Jo, really hate investing in a story about a girl who lives on a wheat farm in Saskatchewan, only to have her move to a brownstone in Île de Montréal in chapter six and become an underground graffiti artist.)

Structure of the story being something like: Cold Open scene from 2018; Ch. 1, 2012; Ch. 2, 2013...Ch. 7, 2018...Ch. 11, 2022.

--Jo

I’ve done this, but in single stories that occasionally started ‘in the middle.’ I’ve not done it for my ongoing serials/chaptered stores. What I have done is jump around in that Universe (“Mel’s Universe”) so if it’s not a numbered story it could be anywhere in that universe’s timeline. But most such non-numbered stories are essentially stand-alone, you don’t NEED to read all of them, but it’ll add a bit.

But your example confuses me. I’ve done it for ‘storytelling’ reasons, not squick reasons. And, the example you cite is character development and storytelling. For squicks, you can use the Category as well as you have ten tags. But I did one story where midway through I suddenly introduced the FMC pegging the MMC. Not a big deal (to me), but I put the story into Fetish and mentioned it via a tag. But if you did want to introduce something out of the, uh, mainstream, oh, water sports or felching or coprophilia, and you want it to be a major surprise by not using a tag, guess you could do it that way.

And about your character development. If I’m entranced by her, your character, I’d want to follow her journey. What led her from the wheat farm to Montreal? Has she found ‘happiness’? Or… whatever she’s looking for? So long as it’s an organic outgrowth of the story, I’d see no problem. Readers don’t have to like every decision she makes, but we need to be intrigued by them to stick around.

 

[LegoHead]

We are seeking the opinion of other authors.

What is your opinion on starting a longish, or multipart story with a "cold open" to a point much further into the story--

That's not a cold open, that's a flash forward.

 

[JoRay]

As a more “concrete” example, this was more or less what I had in mind.

***

The plan had been to impregnate Suzi in January or February so she would just barely be showing at graduation. Enough that her parents and friends could see, but not enough anyone else could with judicious clothing selection. We were naive but not stupid. We knew the consequences of what we were doing, both in terms of our relationships with our parents and in terms of the long term commitment that creating a new life involved.

Simply put, it was a coup d'état. We were seizing power from our parents. Suzi’s were planning on sending her away for college– as far away from our hometown, and specifically us, as they could. We were not going to allow that. Lisa had come up with the idea– and I thought it was brilliant because it solved so many problems at once.

Suzi’s parents had heard the rumors swirling around our home town. The ones started by Lisa’s ex-boyfriend about how the two young women were lovers. It was true– but that was beside the point– his allegations were based on his own hurt feelings, and his assertion that he had seen it a bald-faced lie. They had always been discrete.

In the small minds of most people here, the fact that I had knocked-up Suzi, was not apologizing, and was asking to marry her, and that she was agreeable, would be proof the rumors were just more greatly exaggerated small-town gossip. It would also peremptorily exonerate Lisa, both from the existing gossip that she was gay, and from the undiscovered truth that she was screwing me, her brother.

Me…? I would have a little boy or girl and societally acceptable reason to move both of my lovers in with me– Lisa ostensibly to help take care of the baby–- and I would get to carry-on with the wet dream I was living in. Maybe indefinitely...

***

This is a 313 word first draft of an envisioned “cold open.”

Chapter One would be the development of Lisa’s sexual relationship with her brother.

Chapter Two would be the development of Lisa’s same-sex sexual relationship with Suzi.

Chapter Three would bring Lisa, Suzi, and Lisa’s brother together.

The “cold open” would chronologically occur here, between Three and Four.

Chapter Four and beyond would be the consequences of “the plan.”

 

[8letters]

As a more “concrete” example, this was more or less what I had in mind.

***

The plan had been to impregnate Suzi in January or February so she would just barely be showing at graduation. Enough that her parents and friends could see, but not enough anyone else could with judicious clothing selection. We were naive but not stupid. We knew the consequences of what we were doing, both in terms of our relationships with our parents and in terms of the long term commitment that creating a new life involved.
:
[Snip]

Hearing this upfront would ruin the story for me. What's the point of reading chapters one through three when I already know what's going to happen? I write I/T stories, and if I were to write such a story, I'd spend a lot of time with Suzi, Lisa and the brother struggling with their desires that society considers inappropriate and then with how to live the life they want to live. You've destroyed the interest in any such ruminations as you've told us the plan they'll settle on. I don't see any value to such a beginning as I'd think a straight narrative would work great.

Just my opinion. Write what you want to write (but be aware of the consequences of writing what you want to write).

 

[KeithD]

There's so much more than "what" in a story that has depth. There's the "why," the "how did it come to this" and what do the various characters want out of it. Often in my crime/mystery stories there isn't much question who did it. There's a deeper story to be had on the "why" and "to what result." I do encounter linear-thinking readers who are just collecting words read and don't want to be challenged to engage in a mystery, but I don't purposely write for them.

 

[TheRedChamber]

As a more “concrete” example, this was more or less what I had in mind.

***

The plan had been to impregnate Suzi in January or February so she would just barely be showing at graduation. Enough that her parents and friends could see, but not enough anyone else could with judicious clothing selection. We were naive but not stupid. We knew the consequences of what we were doing, both in terms of our relationships with our parents and in terms of the long term commitment that creating a new life involved.

Simply put, it was a coup d'état. We were seizing power from our parents. Suzi’s were planning on sending her away for college– as far away from our hometown, and specifically us, as they could. We were not going to allow that. Lisa had come up with the idea– and I thought it was brilliant because it solved so many problems at once.

Suzi’s parents had heard the rumors swirling around our home town. The ones started by Lisa’s ex-boyfriend about how the two young women were lovers. It was true– but that was beside the point– his allegations were based on his own hurt feelings, and his assertion that he had seen it a bald-faced lie. They had always been discrete.

In the small minds of most people here, the fact that I had knocked-up Suzi, was not apologizing, and was asking to marry her, and that she was agreeable, would be proof the rumors were just more greatly exaggerated small-town gossip. It would also peremptorily exonerate Lisa, both from the existing gossip that she was gay, and from the undiscovered truth that she was screwing me, her brother.

Me…? I would have a little boy or girl and societally acceptable reason to move both of my lovers in with me– Lisa ostensibly to help take care of the baby–- and I would get to carry-on with the wet dream I was living in. Maybe indefinitely...

***

This is a 313 word first draft of an envisioned “cold open.”

Chapter One would be the development of Lisa’s sexual relationship with her brother.

Chapter Two would be the development of Lisa’s same-sex sexual relationship with Suzi.

Chapter Three would bring Lisa, Suzi, and Lisa’s brother together.

The “cold open” would chronologically occur here, between Three and Four.

Chapter Four and beyond would be the consequences of “the plan.”

I think using a cold open 'flashfoward' is a good idea for the story.

However, I'm not sure the draft works to achieve this as you've written it. The problem is your plot seems quite complex with multiple 'taboo' relationships with characters we don't know yet. It took me a couple of reads to get it staight in my head - okay, Lisa is the sister, Suzi is Lisa's lover, Suzi is being made pregant by the MC and is also his lover. There are reasons why the pregnancy solves all their problems. There's an intriguing set-up there, but you asking readers to try and figure quite a lot out very early on and nothing actually happens in the cold open, it's all just an exposition dump. If you wrote it as an actual scene with them going through their graduation, the MC looking at the parents looking at the bump, Lisa and Suzi catching stolen glances from each other, overheard gossip from the people sitting behind them, an unpleasant encounter with the ex-boyfriend, then it might serve the same purpose but also get people more involved in the characters from the start.

 

[8letters]

Chapter One would be the development of Lisa’s sexual relationship with her brother.

Chapter Two would be the development of Lisa’s same-sex sexual relationship with Suzi.

Chapter Three would bring Lisa, Suzi, and Lisa’s brother together.

The “cold open” would chronologically occur here, between Three and Four.

Chapter Four and beyond would be the consequences of “the plan.”

Just a bit of warning - I/T readers aren't going to like chapter 2. Lisa already has her brother. Why is she looking for another sex partner? She's cuckolding her brother by hooking up with Suzi, which is very uncool to the I/T crowd. You might be thinking, "But in chapter three, the brother gets to have a MFF threesome! That's every straight guy's fantasy!" But it's not that hot to I/T readers. They'd much prefer chapters 2 and 3 be about Lisa and her brother getting more and more involved and committed to each other. They'd definitely prefer the brother knock up Lisa instead of Suzi. The brother knocking up Suzi is a ho-hum event to them.

 

[LegoHead]

This is a 313 word first draft of an envisioned “cold open.”

Books don't contain "cold openings." Books contain prologues, and chapters contain epigraphs, and you can start your book "in media res", flashbacks, flashfowards, etc., but a cold open is a film & TV technique that places the viewer in the action before the opening credits roll. The Wire, Breaking Bad, The Office are a few shows to use this method.

You should attempt to understand your terminology before you use it.

 

[SimonDoom]

I don't think of this as a cold open. It's way too expository and complicated. You're giving away too much motive and intention and backstory for it to be an effective cold open. In a cold open, you jump immediately into an action scene or a spicy dialogue. That's the whole point. Think of the beginning of every James Bond movie. You jump into a scene. You have no idea what's going on but there's about 5 to 10 minutes of wild action and maybe a little sex. It establishes the kind of man James Bond is-- a badass with a great car and a way with women --without revealing much about the story.

If you're going to do this, I would do it this way:

Rewrite this as a dialogue between Suzi and the narrator, where they begin to hatch a plan that sounds interesting but is not entirely explained or clear to the reader. Maybe they're in bed together. and they've just had sex, or it begins with them having an orgasm. They reveal the plan to the reader, or part of it, through dialogue, and it ends with something like this:

"I've got it," I said. "I know what I'm going to do."

"What?" Suzi asked, teasing my bare abdomen with her finger.

"I'm going to get you pregnant."

Boom. End on a strong, surprising note, and then go back in time. Don't reveal everything -- no more than half of what your draft offers. You will have a mystery -- why does he want to do that? -- that narrating previous events will answer for the reader. But there has to be some mystery.

 

[JoRay]

You should attempt to understand your terminology before you use it.

You will have to pardon me, I recently graduated with honors* from what is laughingly called a US public high school.

*Honors:
CL: Showed up sober on most days.
MCL: Didn't burn down the library.
SCL: Didn't get self or other student pregnant.

 

[JoRay]

Prologue...

Jack had started out like he often did, by kissing the inside of one of my thighs, then slowly moving up to my belly button, before moving down again to the opposite side. He always knew just how to make me melt. How to drive me crazy before he finally stopped teasing me by playing on the periphery. Before he moved inside to where I was so much more sensitive.

He licked the insides of my little flaps and kissed the mound above it that was covered with little curly hairs before pretending that he was a hummingbird. Curling his tongue to taste my nectar, he drank them in before kissing me. He offered me a taste of myself which I always found to be quite arousing before moving down me, kissing in turn my cheeks, neck, shoulders and breasts.

He slid me over on the soft sheets covering his bed. Then crawled further up onto that bed and positioned his knees between my thighs. He was kissing me and our tongues were dancing. I took one hand and guided him into the soaking wet center of my being and began to enjoy the sensations as he slowly rocked back and forth inside of me.

Jack had started out slowly, but powerfully, and as he continued to push hard he got faster and faster. Our bodies moved together on his bed. It was always amazing when we had sex. It was as if we had been made specifically for one another. But this time, because of what we had decided to do, it would somehow be better. More intense…

He slowed down a little bit– so that he wouldn't come before I came a second time– as the intensity with which he made love to my breasts grew stronger. The soft noises I was making changed, as did the intensity of my breathing, as I started to get really close. I didn't have to say anything, he could feel that I was on the brink, so he sped up again.

It was a fantastic feeling. I came and the contractions that my orgasm produced sent him over the edge as well. My muscles squeezed hard, and he came just a few seconds after I did.

Jack continued to kiss me, my breasts, my cheeks, my neck, my mouth, as I floated down from high in the stratosphere.

“Wow,” I said.

“Yeah, pretty amazing,” he agreed.

“It was like…somehow…better.”

“I know, like the guilt was transformed into sexual energy.”

“I don't feel guilty,” I said.

“No, really?”

“Well maybe a little,” I said. “But not for screwing you. I don’t think I’ll ever again feel guilty for doing that.”

“No, but that's not all we did,” Jack said.

“Maybe, I guess we'll find out.”

“You're glowing.”

“Yeah, well, I just had two orgasms, you ‘do-do head.’”

“Do you feel them swimming?”

“No, but I really hope that they are.”

“We just made you pregnant,” my brother said with a smile.

“Kein ayin hara,” I said. “Don't jinx it.”

***

Is "my brother" in the next to the last line a "tease" or "giving too much away?" I could use "he" or "Jack."