Coaching / editing suggestions requested for domination, mind control story

[imalaraida]

Beta readers requested for domination, mind control, magic/urban fantasy story

I've been working on a story that I'm considering publishing on Lit. I'm feeling unsure if what I've written is worthwhile, if it's worth all the extra work to get it where I'd feel OK with putting it out there. I don't know if I should do the final editing and cleanup, and actually dare to post it.

So I'm looking for some gentle feedback and coaching. (edited) I've learned since I posted this thread that I'm probably looking for beta readers.

Is anyone willing to give it a read, and help me along in the process?

Some things to know:

The story is complete, ~30k words / 9 chapters

The document is spellchecked. I believe the formatting is mostly correct. I use the paid version of Grammarly when editing (Grammarly currently rates it at ~98%).

The story protagonist is a female submissive. The plot contains elements of domination, bondage, mind control, magical body modification, humiliation, oral, breath control, cum play. There is also exposition. Not sure if that fact really belongs with the kinks list, but there you go.

I've done several editing passes of the entire text, but I'm still seeing a few problems with the flow and overuse of some words that I'd like to fix. I'm sure there are many things wrong with it. Mostly, I'm currently working on the opening and the ending.

The text is in (what I hope is) American English, taking place in a city similar to New York (but it's never stated). It's not my native language, and I don't live in the U.S., so I would appreciate some checking of the underlying assumptions and implications of my text, to make sure they fit the location.

Send me a private message, and I'll send you a Google Docs link where you can read and write comments/writing suggestions. You don't need a Google account to read it, it's an anonymous link.

Any help and interest would be appreciated.

 

[Maeven_quinn]

I've been working on a story that I'm considering publishing on Lit. I'm feeling unsure if what I've written is worthwhile, if it's worth all the extra work to get it where I'd feel OK with putting it out there. I don't know if I should do the final editing and cleanup, and actually dare to post it.

So I'm looking for some gentle feedback and coaching. Possibly editing suggestions.

Is anyone willing to give it a read, and help me along in the process?

Some things to know:

~30k words.

The document is spellchecked. I believe the formatting is mostly correct.

The story protagonist is a female submissive. The plot contains elements of domination, bondage, mind control, magical body modification. There is also exposition. Not sure if that fact really belongs with the kinks list, but there you go.

I intended for the story to be complete with the current chapters, but I'm currently working on adding one short, final part to tie it up. I've done several editing passes of the entire text, but I'm still seeing a few problems with the flow and overuse of some words that I'd like to fix. I'm sure there are many things wrong with it. Mostly, I'm currently working on the opening and the ending.

The text is in (what I hope is) American English, taking place in a city similar to New York (but it's never stated). It's not my native language, and I don't live in the U.S., so I would appreciate some checking of the underlying assumptions and implications of my text, to make sure they fit the location.

Send me a private message, and I'll send you a Google Docs link where you can read and write comments/writing suggestions. You don't need a Google account to read it, it's an anonymous link.

Any help and interest would be appreciated.

30k words is a big chunk, but I'm into the mind control kink right now.

Maybe you can divide that up in 7k-10k sections? I can give feedback on something smaller.

 

[imalaraida]

30k words is a big chunk, but I'm into the mind control kink right now.

Maybe you can divide that up in 7k-10k sections? I can give feedback on something smaller.

It's split up in 9 chapters. I checked wordcount for a few of them, and they seem to be about 2000-3000 words each. Any part/chapter you want to read and give opinions on is appreciated!

I've had a few people review parts of the text, and so far, the feedback is that it doesn't need edits (though I'm sure there are still some things) and that the formatting seems fine.

I've also completed the last chapter and edited it.

So I think I'm at the point now where I need beta readers, to get comments about things like "does it make sense," "can it be understood," "is it hot?" (I'm feeling some anxiety about that last one.) I'm going to update the post above with that info, and might post a "beta readers needed" post soon (since I don't seem to be able to change the thread title).

I'll send you a link in a private message. Thanks for the interest!