Co-workers To tempt or not to tempt

[muskokan]

I work for a dodge dealership/garage/gas station. I pump gas at the small full serve station but of the 20 other employees only 4 others are female. All but one of them are MUCH older than me and I only really talk to two of them, which leaves me to generally only talking to men.

I am a very sexual person, I have a "dirty" mind and it comes out at work with my male coworkers. I don't offer myself to them or suggest that I would but sex is often a topic of conversation whether it be with our husband/wives or just sexual reference in general (like one of my coworkers went to say "brochure" and got tonguetied and said "blow job", or something that sounded similar and now we joke about giving our "brochures)

anyway, it's come to my attention that one guy at work is *really* interested in me, purely in my physical appearance of course and he is married has kids etc. just as I do. I'm wondering whether i was wrong to let that side of my personality out at work, I've worked there for about 8 months now and I didn't warm up to these guys quickly it's only been within the last few months that we've gotten friendlier.

anyway, anyone have opinions on this, or experience with it, I just don't want to tempt fate, I have tried to change the way I act at work to see if it would fly but then all the guys at work know that something is up because I am just generally such a happy person when I am there, if I am tight lipped or avoiding them they know and do whatever they can to loosen me up again (cracking jokes etc.)

 

[Cathleen]

Interesting situation muskokan. It seems you will have to make a decision about how you want to be seen. It is something we all have to do and in some places we might be more tight lipped then others.

Do you really want to curb your behavior at work? If you do I guess I'd just continue to remove yourself from those conversations. If/When someone mentions your withdrawal you could handle it in different ways - you could go the humor route 'I'm not in the mood' and see if it takes. You could just quietly say 'I don't want to talk like that anymore.'

It really depends on what you truly want. If you feel like you are tempting fate and don't want to mess with your marriage then take a few giant steps backwards.

The seed is planted in your head now...... it makes it more difficult in my opinion. Are you prepared for the consequences that may result if you keep tempting yourself?

Tough stuff....

 

[silverwhisper]

muskokan: i don't know how employment laws in your state work. with that caveat in mind...

i fail to see a problem here. your colleague's interest in you is not your problem: it's his. if he hasn't approached you, then i say ignore it. if he has however, i think the best response you could employ (assuming that you aren't interested of course) is to say that you aren't interested in becoming involved w/ someone at work.

ed

 

[EJFan]

like SW said, i don't really see the problem here. you are who you are and your personality is what it is. if you're COMFORTABLE with it, let it go.

the issue, if there is any, is if this guy who "really likes" you puts one or both of you in a situation where bad things could happen. i think if you can make some clear boundaries either through discussion or actions, you should all be ok.

think about it this way... if you were an avid fisherman and talked about fishing all the time would it be appropriate for him to just invite himself to go fishing with you?

i had a job about 10 years ago where all of us were fairly close both in and (a little bit) out of work. we did and said things that i KNOW would have gotten someone sued or fired but when you have a rapport with people, that kind of thing just doesn't matter. no one took it seriously... even when we teased one woman about how slutty she was in front of her boyfriend... and he was our BOSS.

 

[muskokan]

My workplace is like my second home (sometimes even more welcoming than my REAL home lol) and it is a small family business, as I said there are about under 20 employees and around 7 of them are all in the family who runs the business (brothers, sons, fathers etc.)

I can completely relate to most of the people at work and they take me for who I am which previously I was not used to in my life. The jokes are all in jest and the guys at work know this, the one guy in particular also knows this but compliments me a lot more often than the other guys. I don't believe it is anywhere near encroaching on my marriage

really I'd just like to know how open, or not other people are with their coworkers, or maybe a select few of their coworkers in situations where people work with A LOT of other people. I know that my husband talks about sexual stuff at work as well, much more personal sexual stuff than I talk about at my work but he also works in the factory with ONLY other guys, on the other hand here I am having similar but much more generalized conversations with men.. because a) I don't really get along with women well for longer than a moment or two and b) the men are just more fun than the women are.

 

[silverwhisper]

muskokan: ah, apparently i completely misread your initial post. :>

i do not discuss sexual matters of any kind at my job. office work doesn't really lend itself to that, IMX.

ed

 

[Halo_n_horns]

I have first hand experience in this one. Don't do anything with anyone at work and/or outside any committed relationship. You don't want the hurt.

 

[Cathleen]

My workplace is like my second home (sometimes even more welcoming than my REAL home lol) and it is a small family business, as I said there are about under 20 employees and around 7 of them are all in the family who runs the business (brothers, sons, fathers etc.)

I can completely relate to most of the people at work and they take me for who I am which previously I was not used to in my life. The jokes are all in jest and the guys at work know this, the one guy in particular also knows this but compliments me a lot more often than the other guys. I don't believe it is anywhere near encroaching on my marriage

really I'd just like to know how open, or not other people are with their coworkers, or maybe a select few of their coworkers in situations where people work with A LOT of other people. I know that my husband talks about sexual stuff at work as well, much more personal sexual stuff than I talk about at my work but he also works in the factory with ONLY other guys, on the other hand here I am having similar but much more generalized conversations with men.. because a) I don't really get along with women well for longer than a moment or two and b) the men are just more fun than the women are.

Ok, I understand now. I work for myself - freelance - so I don't tend to discuss sexual issues with my clients. I do talk about the joys of womanhood though with one particular client.... she and her assistant and I share the good, bad and ugly. lol

It would depend on the atmospher - kind of like when in Rome... if it doesn't cross any legal lines in the workplace and it's how you like to behave then be yourself!

 

[EJFan]

Ok, I understand now. I work for myself -

ditto here. so i can talk about sex with my coworkers all day long... even engage in sex with my coworkers for that matter. keep in mind, this is a one-man operation... on all counts.

 

[Ricwilly]

I believe I have been in just the situation you describe at a former job. Their was a lot of sexual banter and led to some inappropiate behavior that crossed my personal moral boundries. I let it go on for a while because it fed my ego but it also caused a lot of conflict within my soul. I am married and believe in fidelity for myself tho I make no such judgements for others.
Also , being a male, I believe I read things into the other participants behavior and crossed the line of how emotionally involved I should have become.
Anyhow, the bottom line is I realized I had to set some boundries for myself and while I do like to be flirty at work I now keep my hands to myself and watch that I don't get too specific in the sexual banter.
I think you have to be yourself, tho I do agree with EJFan that you should set some boundries with the "really interested" party, just so he doesn't get the wrong idea (if he's like me his brain may go south at times and my thinking becomes distorted) clear boundries keep me in check.
One thing I consider now is; how would my SO feel if they were watching me?

 

[Alsharlan]

don't go there Muskokan

Both of you are married, with chidren, working in a company size 20 odd.

I watched a similar stituation in a similar size organisation recently.... from a personal point of view, the "gossip and whispering" seemed to totally overtake my organisation.

From a company point of view, neither of the employees involved, or those around them gossiping, helped the company in any shape or form.

Think before you jump Musk, families and jobs are possibly on the line.

TC

Al