Clinical explainations

[ICM8781]

I have a muse that helps me out telling me how sexy my stories and concepts are. One of her complaints is that when I start to get into the details of things I can start to use clinical terms than can ruin the mood I presented. Words like urethra, vas defrens, and pelvic floor.

I love going into intense detail about what happens to the human body during an orgasm, but at times I can't help getting clinical. I mean, there is no sexy slang term for the vas defrens. There are only so many sexy ways to say erection. Boner and stiffy isn't really one of them.

How do you as a writer overcome that hurdle? I have had some success describing the feeling rather than describing the actions, but I still love talking about the mechanics of everything.

 

[ICM8781]

Vas defrens = sperm tube, seed canal, spunk muscle?

 

[SimonDoom]

Vas defrens = sperm tube, seed canal, spunk muscle?

I wouldn't use any of those unless you want to achieve a comic effect. I'm not sure why one would ever need to use "vas defrens" in an erotic story. I've never once thought of the phrase during sex, and I can't imagine doing so.

If you give an example it might be easier to respond meaningfully.

 

[bushyTrail]

I
I love going into intense detail about what happens to the human body during an orgasm, but at times I can't help getting clinical. I mean, there is no sexy slang term for the vas def(e)rens. There are only so many sexy ways to say erection. Boner and stiffy isn't really one of them.

Correct me if I misinterpreted you, but it seems to me that there is a contradiction here: if you really want to go into intense detail, it stands to reason that you need to use anatomical names, unless you want to be imprecise (and so defy the purpose of going into details).
You can still use metaphors and similes, I guess. Other than that, I'm under the impression that this is just your style.

 

[ICM8781]

Correct me if I misinterpreted you, but it seems to me that there is a contradiction here: if you really want to go into intense detail, it stands to reason that you need to use anatomical names, unless you want to be imprecise (and so defy the purpose of going into details).
You can still use metaphors and similes, I guess. Other than that, I'm under the impression that this is just your style.

I think you're getting the first part, wanting to go into that intense detail. But I also don't want to be so clinical that I ruin the mood mid sexy scene.

 

[ICM8781]

I wouldn't use any of those unless you want to achieve a comic effect. I'm not sure why one would ever need to use "vas defrens" in an erotic story. I've never once thought of the phrase during sex, and I can't imagine doing so.

If you give an example it might be easier to respond meaningfully.

Example:
As soon as he felt himself reach climax, his strokes went from dead slow to almost imperceivably fast. Loud faps echoed in the bathroom. James hoped Gena couldn’t hear. Knowing he had to remain quiet he let out a small muffled grunt as the first contraction of his vas deferens shook him.

 

[NotWise]

Example:
As soon as he felt himself reach climax, his strokes went from dead slow to almost imperceivably fast. Loud faps echoed in the bathroom. James hoped Gena couldn’t hear. Knowing he had to remain quiet he let out a small muffled grunt as the first contraction of his vas deferens shook him.

It's a matter of style, but I'd leave out "of his vas deferens ". If the readers know what he's doing, then they might also have an idea of what's contracting.

 

[PWilton]

Example:
As soon as he felt himself reach climax, his strokes went from dead slow to almost imperceivably fast. Loud faps echoed in the bathroom. James hoped Gena couldn’t hear. Knowing he had to remain quiet he let out a small muffled grunt as the first contraction of his vas deferens shook him.

As a reader, that degree of anatomical detail works for me when sprinkled throughout the story. At the right moment, it paints the exact action. As with anything, overdoing would take something away, but it sounds to me like you are hitting the right balance.

 

[SimonDoom]

Example:
As soon as he felt himself reach climax, his strokes went from dead slow to almost imperceivably fast. Loud faps echoed in the bathroom. James hoped Gena couldn’t hear. Knowing he had to remain quiet he let out a small muffled grunt as the first contraction of his vas deferens shook him.

I wouldn't use the term in that context. It doesn't describe what someone actually experiences in the moment. If he was a fetishy scientist or doctor, maybe, but for an ordinary person I think terms like that take one out of the moment. Better to use words that describe HOW he feels.

 

[ElectricBlue]

Example:
As soon as he felt himself reach climax, his strokes went from dead slow to almost imperceivably fast. Loud faps echoed in the bathroom. James hoped Gena couldn’t hear. Knowing he had to remain quiet he let out a small muffled grunt as the first contraction of his vas deferens shook him.

What the fuck? You combine "fap" - which is the stupidest word I've heard in quite a while - with vas deferens two sentences later? Give the crazy uretheologist a medal for chutzpah, and then take the silly bugger away and lock him in a small room. That really is taking the desire for detail a bit too far!

"Do you need to take the piss, EB?"

"No mate, it's just my vas deferens expanding due to the increasing pressure building up in my ureter, which in turn is caused by an excess of fluid in my bladder. You can blame my kidneys for that."

"Over by the tree, then. Give it a shake when you're done."

"That tree?"

"Yep, that's the one."

 

[SamScribble]

"Do you need to take the piss, EB?"

"No mate, it's just my vas deferens expanding due to the increasing pressure building up in my ureter, which in turn is caused by an excess of fluid in my bladder. You can blame my kidneys for that."

"Over by the tree, then. Give it a shake when you're done."

"That tree?"

"Yep, that's the one."

Umm ... so you're supposed to give the tree a shake when you're done. I didn't realise. I've been doing it wrong.'

 

[ICM8781]

What the fuck? You combine "fap" - which is the stupidest word I've heard in quite a while - with vas deferens two sentences later? Give the crazy uretheologist a medal for chutzpah, and then take the silly bugger away and lock him in a small room. That really is taking the desire for detail a bit too far!

"Do you need to take the piss, EB?"

"No mate, it's just my vas deferens expanding due to the increasing pressure building up in my ureter, which in turn is caused by an excess of fluid in my bladder. You can blame my kidneys for that."

"Over by the tree, then. Give it a shake when you're done."

"That tree?"

"Yep, that's the one."

So yeah, I guess when you don't know what the vas defrens are, it doesn't exactly add anything at all.

 

[JuanSeiszFitzHall]

To me, a sex scene (or a participant's experience of a sex act) can best be conveyed to a reader by description of actual sensations. Even if the character would think in terms of what's happening to his vas defrens, I doubt that much of an effect is conveyed to a reader. What's going on with muscles and nerve endings? Or, in the case of partner sex, what does the viewpoint character see, hear, and feel (and smell and taste, I guess) of what's happening to the partner? Describe those things, and you may light a fire with the reader.

https://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=5116173&page=submissions

 

[Vix_Giovanni]

What the fuck? You combine "fap" - which is the stupidest word I've heard in quite a while - with vas deferens two sentences later? Give the crazy uretheologist a medal for chutzpah, and then take the silly bugger away and lock him in a small room. That really is taking the desire for detail a bit too far!

"Do you need to take the piss, EB?"

"No mate, it's just my vas deferens expanding due to the increasing pressure building up in my ureter, which in turn is caused by an excess of fluid in my bladder. You can blame my kidneys for that."

"Over by the tree, then. Give it a shake when you're done."

"That tree?"

"Yep, that's the one."

Yeah, if you’re comfortable with fap, why not take a step out of the comfort zone on vas deferens too?

And to my very limited understanding, it’s not the vas deferens/ductus that contracts during ejaculation, but the tubular muscle that surrounds it. Shrug.

Writers and readers will argue with you about what fap “technically” means. It seems like a tricky area to introduce the specifics of anatomy in these instances unless that’s your area of expertise.

 

[ICM8781]

To me, a sex scene (or a participant's experience of a sex act) can best be conveyed to a reader by description of actual sensations. Even if the character would think in terms of what's happening to his vas defrens, I doubt that much of an effect is conveyed to a reader. What's going on with muscles and nerve endings? Or, in the case of partner sex, what does the viewpoint character see, hear, and feel (and smell and taste, I guess) of what's happening to the partner? Describe those things, and you may light a fire with the reader.

https://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=5116173&page=submissions

I'm not sure I understand what you even mean to say here outside of "Don't use "vas defrens" which was only an example, and not really the point of the original post.

I can object a little about only wanting to hear the bluntness, if that's where you are going with it. Maybe it's me, but hearing as much detail of scene, whether it's the sexual organs or placement of the bodies, brings a much more complete and visceral image to the reader.

 

[ICM8781]

Maybe I should wait for more opinions but I my conclusion thus far is, some people love it, some people hate it, (to point of ridicule), and some people don't really care, and no one really has advice outside of, don't do it.

Maybe it's only me that thinks this way and I have to try to jump out my own mind to really get it.

Anyway, thanks for the responses. I'll still keep an eye on the thread for a few days more. Wish me luck.

 

[NotWise]

Maybe I should wait for more opinions but I my conclusion thus far is, some people love it, some people hate it, (to point of ridicule), and some people don't really care, and no one really has advice outside of, don't do it.

There's no one way to write anything. Write what you want to write the way you want to write it.

 

[ICM8781]

Yeah, if you’re comfortable with fap, why not take a step out of the comfort zone on vas deferens too?

And to my very limited understanding, it’s not the vas deferens/ductus that contracts during ejaculation, but the tubular muscle that surrounds it. Shrug.

Writers and readers will argue with you about what fap “technically” means. It seems like a tricky area to introduce the specifics of anatomy in these instances unless that’s your area of expertise.

Oh, trust me, I'd love to be able to think of a crude swear word for the muscle squeezing the seminal fluid from the balls and pee tube. One of the requests I made in the original post was that. vas defrens was just an example, a more extreme example. My point is, I like to get into the nitty gritty details of the mechanics of it all, and run out of words to really describe it. I fall back on the clinical terms because, what else is there?

 

[Vix_Giovanni]

Maybe I should wait for more opinions but I my conclusion thus far is, some people love it, some people hate it, (to point of ridicule), and some people don't really care, and no one really has advice outside of, don't do it.

Maybe it's only me that thinks this way and I have to try to jump out my own mind to really get it.

Anyway, thanks for the responses. I'll still keep an eye on the thread for a few days more. Wish me luck.

Maybe my input wasn’t clear: if you’re using very specific terms and describing specific anatomy, I think it’d behoove you to make sure you’re using terms accurately. Describing the mechanism of the vas deferens incorrectly (or whatever else you write about) is on par with using undefined colloquialisms like “fap”. In the example you gave, if you don’t name that specific muscle correctly, then what was the point of using the “anatomically correct” terms?

PWilton, SimonDoom, NW & EB offered great advice, too, far more than just “don’t do it.” But yeah, write what you want how you want and the way it pleases you.

 

[Vix_Giovanni]

Oh, trust me, I'd love to be able to think of a crude swear word for the muscle squeezing the seminal fluid from the balls and pee tube. One of the requests I made in the original post was that. vas defrens was just an example, a more extreme example. My point is, I like to get into the nitty gritty details of the mechanics of it all, and run out of words to really describe it. I fall back on the clinical terms because, what else is there?

“It felt like a rubber band tightening in my balls”
“It felt like someone physically lifted and squeezed my balls as I started to nut”
“The muscles around my balls were quivering as thick ropes of cum erupted from me”

Very rough examples, only intended to circle back to SimonDoom & PWilton’s points. Describing how it feels gives you leverage to avoid the clinical during the moment, and you’ll still have lots of options in your story to delve into the clinical terms.

 

[ICM8781]

Maybe my input wasn’t clear: if you’re using very specific terms and describing specific anatomy, I think it’d behoove you to make sure you’re using terms accurately. Describing the mechanism of the vas deferens incorrectly (or whatever else you write about) is on par with using undefined colloquialisms like “fap”. In the example you gave, if you don’t name that specific muscle correctly, then what was the point of using the “anatomically correct” terms?

PWilton, SimonDoom, NW & EB offered great advice, too, far more than just “don’t do it.” But yeah, write what you want how you want and the way it pleases you.

Well, if you think I'm using the term incorrectly, I'm not, or at least not exactly. The ductus is the reservoir where the the seminal fluid rests and where the testes transfer the sperm. The vas defrens isn't the muscle, but simply the tube that connects the ductus to the uethra. IDK what the muscle itself is called, probably some kind of sphincter and the word "sphincter" isn't exactly that sexy of a word either.

Yes, I did appreciate the responses from everyone. I didn't mean to make it sound like I didn't.

 

[SimonDoom]

Yeah, if you’re comfortable with fap, why not take a step out of the comfort zone on vas deferens too?

And to my very limited understanding, it’s not the vas deferens/ductus that contracts during ejaculation, but the tubular muscle that surrounds it. Shrug.

Writers and readers will argue with you about what fap “technically” means. It seems like a tricky area to introduce the specifics of anatomy in these instances unless that’s your area of expertise.

Following up on VG's comment, I think the point is that using both terms results in a confusion in the OP's tone. "Fap" is a somewhat silly, slang term, while "vas deferens" is clinical and anatomical. If the narrator is the sort of person who's going to use "vas deferens," he's not also going to use "fap." If he's the kind of person who uses "fap," he's not going to use "vas deferens." If you insist on using "vas deferens," then you should use the term "masturbate." Make it clear that your narrator is the sort of person that speaks this way.

Your comment above suggests that some people love this usage, but I haven't seen anyone on this thread yet that loves it. The universal opinion seems to be: don't use it.

You're free to do as you wish, of course, but since you asked, the opinion seems decidedly against using the term.

 

[ICM8781]

“It felt like a rubber band tightening in my balls”
“It felt like someone physically lifted and squeezed my balls as I started to nut”
“The muscles around my balls were quivering as thick ropes of cum erupted from me”

Very rough examples, only intended to circle back to SimonDoom & PWilton’s points. Describing how it feels gives you leverage to avoid the clinical during the moment, and you’ll still have lots of options in your story to delve into the clinical terms.

That does help me understand what they were trying to say, but the example doesn't exactly convey the mechanics that I wanted to describe. My dilemma is I want to describe the mechanics but don't see how without falling back on the clinical terms.

I guess my biggest hangup is this. When a story expresses where a hand is on someones breasts, almost all women know what that feels like. The don't need the writer to tell them how to feel. When a writer describes the lips of a woman on a man's cock, I don't need a cheesy metaphor to describe how that feels. I know how it feels. That's why you don't see it that often in these stories.

I don't really want some cheesy metaphor to describe something the feeling of the action. The reader knows how that action feels, they just need to know what's going on. Spoon feeding them emotions seems platitudal and patronizing.

 

[ICM8781]

Your comment above suggests that some people love this usage, but I haven't seen anyone on this thread yet that loves it. The universal opinion seems to be: don't use it.

You're free to do as you wish, of course, but since you asked, the opinion seems decidedly against using the term.

Well, it was PWilton that said he enjoyed it and thought I hit the right balance. And even if he didn't, I do, obviously.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Vas defrens = sperm tube, seed canal, spunk muscle?

I'd have trouble keeping a straight face if I saw any of those three in a story; they sound like something a 15-year-old would say when trying to sound dirty.

Example:
As soon as he felt himself reach climax, his strokes went from dead slow to almost imperceivably fast. Loud faps echoed in the bathroom. James hoped Gena couldn’t hear. Knowing he had to remain quiet he let out a small muffled grunt as the first contraction of his vas deferens shook him.

You don't need a word for "vas deferens" here, because that isn't the vas deferens you're writing about.

The vas deferens does its thing before orgasm, quietly loading sperm into the prostatic urethra, where it mixes with other components of semen. It does contract to move the sperm along, but AFAIK that contraction isn't perceptible.

When you come, the semen is already past the vas deferens. The contractions that you notice are the bulbospongiosus muscle, along with another muscle whose name I'm not sure of. I would be reluctant to spring "bulbospongiosus" on readers, so probably best just to leave it as "the muscles in his penis" or something similar.

https://www.gizmodo.com.au/2015/10/heres-how-ejaculation-actually-works/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ejaculatory_duct