Civility. Where has it gone?

[Bob_Bytchin]

On the drive to work I see dozens of examples of road rage a day. It used to be 1 or 2 a month.

When shopping for groceries, I see nothing but people who feel entitled. The old adage "The customer is always right" seems to empower most shoppers in the worst ways. I used to shop and the only screaming I heard were from kids. Now it's the adults.

Restaurants are the worst. My daughter was on wait staff for a couple of years and the stories she told me were so disappointing. People demanding 5-star service in a chain restaurant, people taking their anger out on wait staff if the food isn't right, people trying to make moral judgments in their tipping.

These are a few examples. Again my question, where has civility gone?

 

[live4thebj]

On the drive to work I see dozens of examples of road rage a day. It used to be 1 or 2 a month.

When shopping for groceries, I see nothing but people who feel entitled. The old adage "The customer is always right" seems to empower most shoppers in the worst ways. I used to shop and the only screaming I heard were from kids. Now it's the adults.

Restaurants are the worst. My daughter was on wait staff for a couple of years and the stories she told me were so disappointing. People demanding 5-star service in a chain restaurant, people taking their anger out on wait staff if the food isn't right, people trying to make moral judgments in their tipping.

These are a few examples. Again my question, where has civility gone?

Welcome to the world. There are reasons I prefer to stay home.

 

[Debbie]

Get off my lawn lol. Just kidding. Imo some people are just ass hats.

Plus covid.

Excuse me if my reply is disjointed and rambly. Is that even a word ? Rambly. I googled. Apparently it is.

Anywhoo insomnia sucks.

I am a people watcher. I find people fascinating.

I think covid brought the best and worst out in our society.

Being a customer with the premise the customer is always right is old fashioned to my way of thinking and it doesnt give the customer the right to be a rude dickhead.

Especially to supermarket workers or restaurant staff who work hard and have to deal with people who are impatient moaning murtles complaining about everything.

 

[thør]

I'm pleased to reflect that there is a bit of civility left in the USA, at least here in Alaska.

I said a bit, and there are always the minority who tend to do shitty deeds that are remembered while driving. Yesterday on the road home from the cabin, there was the monster diesel 4x4 pulling the trailer who just had to pass in a non-passing zone and belched out black exhaust so that we could barely see the road. And, there were a couple autos traveling well over the speed limit slaloming through traffic. Otherwise, the hundreds of other vehicles on the road appeared to be piloted by sane human beings.

We did stop once, on the dirt road that our cabin is off of to ask a guy on the side of the road if all was okay. It's not like it's easy to get cell service out there and it's just what one should do. Turns out, he's up from PA to fulfill his dream of living in Alaska. He's bought a mosquito infested 5 acres and has plans to live there. I hope he makes it, as it seems he's had this dream for a while. I don't know if he's really prepared for an off-grid winter.

I don't eat out much, but when I do, I don't see people bitching about their food. Maybe I'm blind to this?

 

[Escierto]

On the drive to work I see dozens of examples of road rage a day. It used to be 1 or 2 a month.

When shopping for groceries, I see nothing but people who feel entitled. The old adage "The customer is always right" seems to empower most shoppers in the worst ways. I used to shop and the only screaming I heard were from kids. Now it's the adults.

Restaurants are the worst. My daughter was on wait staff for a couple of years and the stories she told me were so disappointing. People demanding 5-star service in a chain restaurant, people taking their anger out on wait staff if the food isn't right, people trying to make moral judgments in their tipping.

These are a few examples. Again my question, where has civility gone?

If you thought about your question for a while, I think you would realize how and why civility is gone. You are right. It is gone and it’s not coming back.

 

[GuitarGawd41]

In general society it is a huge loss. I have my beliefs as to why it's gone. Many on here won't like them so I won't go there and start an argument about why civility is gone.

But I think, at least in the realm of politics, we clingy to a myth that this golden civility was ever there. In the days of the founders, people were so passionate about what they believed the best course for America, fistfights happened on the House floor. Even in later years viciousness has hidden behind a mask of false civility. I think maybe, on some issues, what we need more than civility, is simple passionate honesty.

 

[Debbie]

If you thought about your question for a while, I think you would realize how and why civility is gone. You are right. It is gone and it’s not coming back.

I disagree. I choose to be civil because I like being a decent human being who is respectful civil and patient with most people I interact with.

Hopefully I am not alone in my endeavor to spread civility and make it popular again

 

[GuitarGawd41]

I disagree. I choose to be civil because I like being a decent human being who is respectful civil and patient with most people I interact with.

Hopefully I am not alone in my endeavor to spread civility and make it popular again

I'm not saying don't be civil or decent. But when being "nice" and getting along to get along trumps honesty and holding important beliefs and values openly and with the passion those beliefs and values demand, we lose the important things in life because we were too "nice" to take important stands.

 

[Escierto]

I disagree. I choose to be civil because I like being a decent human being who is respectful civil and patient with most people I interact with.

Hopefully I am not alone in my endeavor to spread civility and make it popular again

You may not be alone but hey, don’t let that stop you. Actually the number of people willing to engage in any kind of discourse, civil or not, is diminishing. Now most people are armed and willing to shoot in order to settle disputes. We are headed towards a new Middle Ages when violence was the order of the day. My advice is to load up and spend some time at the shooting range.

 

[GuitarGawd41]

There's a steep difference between passionate and rabid. Passionate peaches, cries out, warns, pleads, engaged in heated debate.... and walks away still loving the other person whether they agree or not. Rabid loots and burns down businesses, threatens peoples families and pulls guns over such differences. Passionate, rightly used is driven by love. Rabid is driven by mindless hatered.

 

[Noor]

On the drive to work I see dozens of examples of road rage a day. It used to be 1 or 2 a month.

When shopping for groceries, I see nothing but people who feel entitled. The old adage "The customer is always right" seems to empower most shoppers in the worst ways. I used to shop and the only screaming I heard were from kids. Now it's the adults.

Restaurants are the worst. My daughter was on wait staff for a couple of years and the stories she told me were so disappointing. People demanding 5-star service in a chain restaurant, people taking their anger out on wait staff if the food isn't right, people trying to make moral judgments in their tipping.

These are a few examples. Again my question, where has civility gone?

It’s been slowly eroding over time and took a really hit during the past couple presidential campaigns.
It’s weird because I find children a lot more civil than many adults.
The whole concept of ghosting is uncivil and yet it has become accepted among the dating public and employment.
At the same time, we have constant shootings caused by disrespect or perceived disrespect.
It doesn’t cost any one to be civil and polite, in fact it probably would get a person further if they were.
I have notice that it depends where you are. In the twin cities, it’s a mixed bag, but where my parents live , people are still civil and nice. It’s like there are pockets of civility.

 

[girlsmiley]

Haha. I’m laughing because if you try to be rude or impolite down here, in public, there’s a very good chance you’ll be bailed up for it.

People don’t take kindly to rude behaviour down here and are quick to tell you off if they catch you.

Don’t even think about pushing in at the supermarket because I tell you what the amount of women in their 40s you wouldn't survive lol

 

[GuitarGawd41]

Haha. I’m laughing because if you try to be rude or impolite down here, in public, there’s a very good chance you’ll be bailed up for it.

People don’t take kindly to rude behaviour down here and are quick to tell you off if they catch you.

Don’t even think about pushing in at the supermarket because I tell you what the amount of women in their 40s you wouldn't survive lol

Where is down here? Sounds like one of those lovely Southern oasis cities Yankees don't think exist.

 

[thør]

People just need to quit being dicks.

 

[Escierto]

Where is down here? Sounds like one of those lovely Southern oasis cities Yankees don't think exist.

Southern oasis city? Macon, Georgia? Aniston, Alabama? West Memphis, Arkansas?

 

[Noor]

Southern oasis city? Macon, Georgia? Aniston, Alabama? West Memphis, Arkansas?

Oz

 

[girlsmiley]

Where is down here? Sounds like one of those lovely Southern oasis cities Yankees don't think exist.

I don’t know about that. I’m sure there are good people everywhere same as there are fuckwits everywhere. There’s fuckwittery in Sydney for sure, but as I said most people don’t take very kindly to shit behaviour. And with all the smart phones around there’s a good chance you’ll be publicly shamed for it too. I suppose where you live has a great deal to do with that though.

 

[Rob_Royale]

In my opinion, it's due to frustration. Frustration in knowing that we are all paying much more for everything than we should be, and that causes people to feel like they should be getting MORE for their money, which we don't. Gas prices infuriate, and make what used to be something pleasurable, driving, and make it a source of anger with every $75-$100 dollar fill up. At some point, each adult realizes that we are all just cattle to the big corporate machine that has become the world. That our purpose in the world is to consume and buy and make them wealthy. And the feeling of powerlessness over it is overwhelming for a lot of people. Angry? A feeling of entitlement? Yeah, I get it.

 

[HumpDayHoratio]

Civility is contagious. Practice it, pay it forward. You’ll be rewarded.

My first trip in to NYC, I get out in Grand Central. People were holding doors for me, apologizing for accidentally backing into me, just everything opposite a southern boy had heard about and seen on the TeeVee about New Yorkers.

There are good people everywhere. I’m trying to learn to deescalate situations in my personal life. If everyone would do that we’d all be better off.

 

[Plasmaball]

Well..i was talking about this 20 years ago on another site. It just took awhile to get to the mainstream.

The reasons we got here is because of 3 main reasons.

1) social media. From dick pics to calling someone an asshole.
2) comes from part 1 but no consequences for their actions. There is always an escape route. So if you think some election was stolen amd you are wrong. You can fall back to your bubbles and be safe. There is no public shame. You just move on.
3) regular sensational media who has hyped everything from a submarine to a cat playing a piano. When everything is a breaking alert nothing is.

Those are the main factors. When you remove social media and regular hype media people tend to calm down.
It's less these days because everyone feels their opinion matters. The same people who whine about participation trophies are the same people who think their opinion is on par with legit experts..

Guess what Billy bob...you arent..you are a dumbass.

 

[twister947]

View attachment 2247757

People just need to quit being dicks.

It's the first rule.

 

[Deleted member 1215945]

Civility left when an asshole came in. Spell it
T.R.U.M.P.

 

[Debbie]

I'm not saying don't be civil or decent. But when being "nice" and getting along to get along trumps honesty and holding important beliefs and values openly and with the passion those beliefs and values demand, we lose the important things in life because we were too "nice" to take important stands.

Is it possible to be nice and take important stands?

 

[Noor]

Is it possible to be nice and take important stands?

Yes! I suspect that most people, in particularly politicians have forgotten how.
One also has to recognize when there is no possibility that ones opponent is incapable of well reasons logical argument and not engage in discussions with them.

 

[juttjaw]

Eh, I'm sure every generation thinks "the kids these days" are losing social checkers. My mom complained about my generation, and I know my grandpa complained about hers. It's a never ending wheel, you get older and stop acting like a fool, idiot. Or at least you think you do. I do agree, that people in my generation are a bunch of assholes, but, I can be as well. I really don't know if it's any different than it was in times past, just a lot more coverage. Social media, fake news or not, people all think that their needs are greater than someone else's. It's nature. It's inherently our relationship with the world. Survive the best you can. I like to think of myself as kind, observant and very empathetic, that doesn't mean others see me as the same. Especially, those who don't know me. I can be gruff, intimidating and quiet. I know that because people who get to know me say that's the way I present. Not my intentions, I don't think I'm those things at all.

I totally get seeing others be entitled, jackasses, morons and very self centered. Some of them actually are, and some are not. Some maybe going through a very rough time and are acting out, like children. I also see younger people being very generous, courteous and caring. I know my daughter's are. Kind of what I'm most proud of, they are good people and surround themselves by other good people.

Who knows? I could be way off and the world is going to hell in a hand basket. I let others worry about that, I can only control my actions. Still, it doesn't keep me from calling out shitty behavior. I have no idea if they are listening or not. As far as they're concerned, I'm the fuck wit.