Christmas/Holiday Thread

[biggbear8]

ROSY

JUST A LITTLE SOMETHING I THOUGHT UD LIKE








http://rupert.goulburn.net.au/~wendy/animations/roseglobe.gif

 

[RAW1966]

MERRY XMAS MY SWEET COOKIE

NOW WHAT WOULD I BUY YOU FOR XMAS SOME


CHOCOLATES NO
LINGERIE MAYBE
BOOKS YOU WOULD LIKE
THINKING OF SOMETHING SPECIAL JUST FOR U
SO U KNOW MY HEART BEATS TRUE

A SPECIAL LIGHTHOUSE ALL FOR U

SO WE CAN SIT AND WATCH THE MOON

 

[Linedrive]

It ain't Christmas til Santa Dailey arrives

 

[cookiejar]

Re: MERRY XMAS MY SWEET COOKIE

NOW WHAT WOULD I BUY YOU FOR XMAS SOME


CHOCOLATES NO
LINGERIE MAYBE
BOOKS YOU WOULD LIKE
THINKING OF SOMETHING SPECIAL JUST FOR U
SO U KNOW MY HEART BEATS TRUE

A SPECIAL LIGHTHOUSE ALL FOR U

SO WE CAN SIT AND WATCH THE MOON

Oh I love it....ty .....lighthouses are my weakness.

cookie

 

[Georgia Girl]

I'll get back to you with the rest but as for the song, I love this one.





I Want a Hippopotamus For Christmas
-- writing credits go to John Rox, copyright 1950. It's included on a
tape by "Joanie Bartel's Christmas Magic."


"I want a hippopotamus for Christmas
Only a hippopotamus will do
I don't want a doll, no dinkey tinker toys
I want a hippopotamus to play with and enjoy


I want a hippopotamus for Christmas
I don't think Santa Claus will mind, do you?
He won't have to use a dirty chimney flue
Just bring him through the front door
That's the easy thing to do


I can see me now on Christmas morning
Creeping down the stairs
Oh what joy, what surprise
When I open up my eyes
To see a hippo hero standing there


I want a hippopotamus for Christmas
Only a hippopotamus will do
No crocodiles, no rhinosaurus
I only likes hippopotamuses [sic]
And hippopotamuses [sic] like me, too


Mom says a hippo would eat me up, but then
Teacher says a hippo is a vegetarian
There's lots of room for him in our two-car garage
I'd feed him there and wash him there and give him his massage."

 

[rosylady]

I'll get back to you with the rest but as for the song, I love this one.





I Want a Hippopotamus For Christmas
-- writing credits go to John Rox, copyright 1950. It's included on a
tape by "Joanie Bartel's Christmas Magic."


"I want a hippopotamus for Christmas
Only a hippopotamus will do
I don't want a doll, no dinkey tinker toys
I want a hippopotamus to play with and enjoy


I want a hippopotamus for Christmas
I don't think Santa Claus will mind, do you?
He won't have to use a dirty chimney flue
Just bring him through the front door
That's the easy thing to do


I can see me now on Christmas morning
Creeping down the stairs
Oh what joy, what surprise
When I open up my eyes
To see a hippo hero standing there


I want a hippopotamus for Christmas
Only a hippopotamus will do
No crocodiles, no rhinosaurus
I only likes hippopotamuses [sic]
And hippopotamuses [sic] like me, too


Mom says a hippo would eat me up, but then
Teacher says a hippo is a vegetarian
There's lots of room for him in our two-car garage
I'd feed him there and wash him there and give him his massage."

LOL I don't think I've ever heard this song, maybe I should see if the local radio station will play it this christmas holidays

 

[rosylady]

Building Snowpeople



http://www.glorify.com/christmas/graphics/snowmen/snow_ani_3.gif

 

[biggbear8]

ROSY

http://www.uselessgraphics.com/Christmas-Room.gif

 

[1sexylady]

This is what happened the last time I went to see Santa...
http://www.sodamnfunny.com/Picture/Xmas/santacoming.jpg

 

[tonitits]

This is what happened the last time I went to see Santa...
http://www.sodamnfunny.com/Picture/Xmas/santacoming.jpg

Sexylady-- You are soooo BAD!!!! Did you beat Angel to him?

 

[cookiejar]

It ain't Christmas til Santa Dailey arrives

ROFL......Gunner you are a piece of work!!!!!!!


cookie

 

[Bug Eyed Monster]

Thanks everyone for posting.

Buggy that is truly a wonderful story.
Christmas time amazes me how people come together.

Yep, I do love those kind of stories. There is also a description of Jesus Christ that is wonderful. I think I mentioned this, but I haven't remembered to get the words.

Well Sexylady, I see you finally figured out that this santa had a different trap door for you to worry about, not that you did.

 

[biggbear8]

rosy hugs and kisses

T'was the night before Christmas, and all through the shop,
The computers were whirring; they never do stop.
The power was on and the temperature right,
In hopes that the input would feed back that night.

The system was ready, the program was coded,
And memory drums had been carefully loaded;
While adding a Christmasy glow to the scene,
The lights on the console, flashed red, white and green.

When out in the hall there arose such a clatter,
The programmer ran to see what was the matter.
Away to the hallway he flew like a flash,
Forgetting his key in his curious dash.
He stood in the hallway and looked all about,
When the door slammed behind him, and he was locked out.

Then, in the computer room what should appear,
But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer;
And a little old man, who with scarcely a pause,
Chuckled: "My name is Santa...the last name is Claus."

The computer was startled, confused by the name,
Then it buzzed as it heard the old fellow exclaim:
"This is Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen,
And Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen."

With all these odd names, it was puzzled anew;
It hummed and it clanked, and a main circuit blew.
It searched in its memory core, trying to "think";
Then the multi-line printer went out on the blink.

Unable to do its electronic job,
It said in a voice that was almost a sob:
"Your eyes - how they twinkle - your dimples so merry,
Your cheeks so like roses, your nose like a cherry,

Your smile - all these things, I've been programmed to know,
And at data-recall, I am more than so-so;
But your name and your address (computers can't lie),
Are things that I just cannot identify.

You've a jolly old face and a little round belly,
That shakes when you laugh like a bowlful of jelly;
My scanners can see you, but still I insist,
Since you're not in my program, you cannot exist!"

Old Santa just chuckled a merry "ho, ho",
And sat down to type out a quick word or so.
The keyboard clack-clattered, its sound sharp and clean,
As Santa fed this "data" to the machine:

"Kids everywhere know me; I come every year;
The presents I bring add to everyone's cheer;
But you won't get anything - that's plain to see;
Too bad your programmers forgot about me."

Then he faced the machine and said with a shrug,
"Merry Christmas to All," as he pulled out its plug!
(author unknown)

 

[biggbear8]

hugs rosy

'Twas the night before Christmas,
And all through the house,
No food was a-stirrin',
Not even a mouse.


Stockings were hung round
Dad's nick like a tie,
Along with a note that said,
"Presents or die."


Children were plotting
All night in their beds,
While the wife's constant whining
Was splitting his head.


But daddy had money
This year in the bank,
Then they closed up early,
And now dad's in a tank.


All of a sudden,
Santa appeared,
A sneer on his face,
Booze in his beard.


"Santa," I said,
As he laughed merrily,
"You do so much for others,
Do something for me."


"Bundy," he said,
"You only sell shoes,
Your son is a sneak thief,
Your daughter's a floose."


"Ho ho," Santa said,
"Should I mention your wife?
Her hair's like an A-bomb,
Her nails like a knife."


He climbs up the chimney,
That fat piece of dung,
He mooned me two times,
He stuck out his tongue.


I heard him exclaim,
As he broke wind with glee,
"You're married with children,
You'll never be free."

 

[biggbear8]

rosy hugsss and kisses

'Twas the night before Christmas on the Enterprise-D,
On a routine short hop to Starbase 03,
With Data on duty in the command chair,
At Warp 6, the Enterprise soon would be there.

Just for something to do while the other crew slept,
He scanned where historical records were kept --
And with a blink of his eye and a cock of his head,
"Intriguing! Tomorrow is Christmas!" he said.

But no one was stirring, and he sought to find why,
And so he buzzed Geordi, who awoke with a sigh:
"Christmas? It's only an old holiday --
Now just let me get back to sleep, okay?"

"But is to wish Merry Christmas not human to do?"
And so Data wished it -- to the whole ship and crew.
Everyone on the Enterprise awoke from this clatter --
Picard rushed to the bridge to see what was the matter.

"What is the meaning of this noise, Mister Data?"
"Sir, is it not Christmas--?" "We'll discuss it much later!"

Just then Worf said, "Captain -- a Klingon Prey Bird!
Its hull has been damaged -- it's uncloaking, sir."
"On screen," said Picard, as the Klingon ship hailed:
"Federation vessel, our Life Support systems have failed!

A strange ship attacked us, inflicting the worst,
(though naturally, of course, we'd fired on it first)."

The Klingons beamed over, and the senior staff met,
To try and determine the source of the threat.
Said Picard, "Mister Data, an assignment for you:
Give all of these Klingons something to do!
They think it's the Romulans we should look for,
Get them all off the bridge, before there's a war!"

So Data departed, while the rest of the crew
Wondered: Romulans? Ferengi? If not them, then who?

Said Worf, "Sir -- disturbance on Holodeck Three!"
The entire bridge crew ran down there to see.
Roared Picard, "Mister Data, what the devil is this!!"
"Sir, I have taught the Klingons how to celebrate Christmas."

And so there they were -- on holodecks 3, 4 and 5
With synthohol, singing and Rokeg Blood Pie!
Soon the Big E was rocking with holiday cheer
Friend,foe, and family came from both far and near.

The Romulans showed up with some Romulan Ale,
The Ferengi brought goodies for free -- not for sale!
But a strange ship was coming, the captain was told,
With one crew member only, and a huge cargo hold.

Said the Klingons, "It's the strange ship that fought us -- attack!"
Said Picard, "On Christmas? -- Mister Worf, just hold back."
And then as the ship came into view,
Onscreen came its captain -- none other than Q!

He wore a white beard and a suit of deep red...
"Joyeux Noel, mon captain," was what Santa Q said.
"Tell those Klingons next time to not go so berserk.
You need good defense systems in this line of work.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be warping away...
Did you think anyone else could do this job in one day?"

"I'm sensing emotion," said Counselor Troi,
"Peace in the galaxy, Good Will and Joy."
And they stood on the bridge and watched Q take flight,
shouting,
"MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!"

 

[biggbear8]

hugs and kisses rosy

Twas The Night Before The Finals



Twas the night before finals, and all through the lab
Not a student was sleeping, not even McNabb.
Their projects were finished, completed with care
In hopes that the grades would be easy (and fair).


The students were wired with caffeine in their veins
While visions of quals nearly drove them insane.
With piles of books and a brand new highlighter,
I had just settled down for another all nighter ---


When out from our gateways arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my desk to see what was the matter;
Away to the console I flew like a flash,
And logged in as root to fend off a crash.


The windows displayed on my brand new Sun-3,
Gave oodles of info --- some in 3-D.
When, what to my burning red eyes should appear
But dozens of "nobody" jobs. Oh dear!


With a blitzkrieg invasion, so virulent and firm,
I knew in a moment, it was Morris's Worm!
More rapid than eagles his processes came,
And they forked and exec'ed and they copied by name:


"Now Dasher! Now Dancer! Now, Prancer and Vixen!
On Comet! On Cupid! On Donner and Blitzen!
To the sites in .rhosts and host.equiv
Now, dash away! dash away! dash away all!"


And then in a twinkling, I heard on the phone,
The complaints of the users. (Thought I was alone!)
"The load is too high!" "I can't read my files!"
"I can't send my mail over miles and miles!"


I unplugged the net, and was turning around,
When the worm-ridden system went down with a bound.
I fretted. I frittered. I sweated. I wept.
Then finally I core dumped the worm in /tmp.


It was smart and pervasive, a right jolly old stealth,
And I laughed, when I saw it, in spite of myself.
A look at the dump of that invasive thread
Soon gave me to know we had nothing to dread.


The next day was slow with no network connections,
For we wanted no more of those pesky infections.
But in spite of the news and the noise and the clatter,
Soon all became normal, as if naught were the matter.


Then later that month while all were away,
A virus came calling and then went away.
The system then told us, when we logged in one night:
"Happy Christmas to all! (You guys aren't so bright.)"

 

[biggbear8]

hugs and kisses rosy

The Restroom Door Said Gentlemen
(to God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen)
The restroom door said Gentlemen
So I just walked inside
I took two steps and realized
I'd been taken for a ride
I heard high voices turned and found
The place was occupied
By two nuns, three old ladies, and a nurse
What could be worse?
Than two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse.

The restroom door said Gentlemen
It must have been a gag
As soon as I walked in there I ran into some old hag
She sprayed me with a can of mace
And snapped me with her bag.
I could tell this just wouldn't be my day
What can I say?
It just wasn't turning out to be my day.

The restroom door said Gentlemen
And I would like to find
The crummy little creep who had the nerve to switch the sign
Cause I've got two black eyes
And one high heel up my behind
Now I can't sit with comfort and joy
Boy, oh, boy
No, I'll never sit with comfort and joy.

 

[1sexylady]

Sexylady-- You are soooo BAD!!!! Did you beat Angel to him?

LMAO....just saw this Toni...and the answer is no!!!! I beat you!!!!!!

 

[1sexylady]

Yep, I do love those kind of stories. There is also a description of Jesus Christ that is wonderful. I think I mentioned this, but I haven't remembered to get the words.

Well Sexylady, I see you finally figured out that this santa had a different trap door for you to worry about, not that you did.

OMG.....you mean to tell me that was not you, Buggy????

 

[biggbear8]

hugs and kisses rosy

Frequently Asked Questions about Christmas

by Alan Harris
Q: If Santa doesn't have to age, then why has he become old?
A: He only appears to be old. He's an undercover kid.
Q: How can a sleigh possibly fly through the air?
A: If you were being pulled by eight flying reindeer, wouldn't you fly too?

Q: Why do we wish people a "Merry Christmas" instead of a "Happy Christmas"?
A: The two are about the same, but with "Merry Christmas" an extra twinkle is seen in the eyes.

Q: Why is a Christmas tree that has been chopped down called a "live Christmas tree"?
A: It's dead but doesn't know it, and yet it's having the time of its life.

Q: Why do we wrap our Christmas gifts with paper?
A: Because we like to see surprise and joy (real or kindly faked) in the recipients.

Q: How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?
A: Nowadays only four angels can dance there. Formerly there was no limit, but OSHA passed the Angel Safety Law recently, which also requires that the pin must be inspected twice each year for structural defects.

Q: How many gifts can Santa Claus's bag hold?
A: One less than infinity. Why one less? Because there's a limit to everything.

Q: How could a star that is high in the sky lead the Wise Men to a tiny manger on the ground?
A: Wisely, toward the end of their journey they asked directions from someone on the road. Had they not been so wise, they might have missed the manger by several hundred miles. (That person on the road has never been identified.)

Q: Is there really a Mrs. Santa Claus?
A: The best way to know for sure is to ask Santa Claus next time you see him.

Q: Why do we hear so many bells at Christmas time?
A: Because so many people ring them.

Q: Why do so many people ring bells at Christmas time?
A: For the poor, for the joy, and because a bell can say what words can't say.

Q: What can't words say?
A: The moment you wake up on Christmas morning, listen carefully. You may hear then what words can't say.

 

[biggbear8]

hi rosy hugss and kisses

Christmas Haiku
by Alan Harris
Ice on pine needles--
can it hear the Christmas bells?
Can anything not?





Spider in the drain--
Christmas whoops in the parlor--
silent, dark, the drain.





Scrub Christmas tree, bare--
rooms echo--furniture gone--
mother and child laugh.





Sleigh ride all finished--
the mare, eating Christmas oats,
hears house noise, and snorts.





Flashing Christmas lights
entrance three speechless patients
slouched in parked wheelchairs.





Tree's all taken down--
year's end--where is Christmas now?
Deep within each pulse.

 

[Bug Eyed Monster]

OMG.....you mean to tell me that was not you, Buggy????

If you don't know, then I'm not telling.

Bigbear8, I love the poetry. Too funny.

Ok, yes 1sl it was me. My disguise worked perfectly.

 

[biggbear8]

guggedeyed monster

thx buggedeyedmonster

but i cant take the credit for that i was looking for something then i happened upon those and thought everyone would enjoy them the author is unknown in three of those ,

so thx u to the unknown author

 

[rosylady]

Love when Bing Crosby sings this Song:

White Christmas


I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know
Where the treetops glisten
and children listen
To hear sleigh bells in the snow

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
With every Christmas card I write
May your days be merry and bright
And may all your Christmases be white

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
With every Christmas card I write
May your days be merry and bright
And may all your Christmases be white

 

[TantaLiza]

Alert!! Just got this from Santa...

Dear Friends:

I have been watching you very closely to see if you have been good this year and since you have I will be telling my elves to make some goodies for me to leave under your tree at Christmas. I was going to bring you all gifts from the 12 days of Christmas, but we had a little problem. The 12 fiddlers fiddling have all come down with VD from fiddling with the 10 ladies dancing, the 11 lords leaping have knocked up the 8 maids a-milking, and the 9 pipers piping have been arrested for doing weird things to the 7
swans a-swimming. The 6 geese a-laying, 4 calling birds, 3 French hens, 2 turtle doves and the partridge in a pear tree have me up to my sled runners in bird shit. On top of all this Mrs. Claus is going through menopause, eight of my reindeer are in heat, the elves have joined the gay liberation and some people who cannot read a calendar have scheduled Christmas for the 5th
of January. Maybe next year I will be able to get my shit together and bring you the things you want. This year I suggest you get your asses down to Wal-Mart before everything is gone.

Sincerely,

Santa Claus