Choosing POV for a sequel story

[SlowGuy]

I wrote a story many years ago to try out the second person ("Rubbing You the Right Way"). It was a man massaging a woman and having anal sex. It is actually a mix of first person from the man's view with with second person for the woman's experience.

For reasons I don't really understand myself, I'd now like to write the sequel implied in the last line.

I'm trying to decide on the POV. She's going to be pegging the man. I could keep the same narrative perspective; first person for her and second person for him. That appeals to my overdeveloped sense of symmetry, but I'm open to switching it up. Multiple third person is my likely second choice.

The comments and ratings were better than I expected for a second-person story without names or - frankly - any emotional content.

I'd appreciate any thoughts you may have as I work through this.

Thanks,

SlowGuy

 

[ElectricBlue]

Limited third person narrator - pop into both heads, just let readers know when you shift.

But if you've got no emotional content, it sounds like peg A into hole B, so who really cares?

 

[SimonDoom]

I scanned your story very quickly. My initial impression was that it's actually first person POV, because it's told from the point of view of an "I" narrator, addressing his female companion as "you." That's usually 1st person POV, not second person POV. But in your story it's more complicated than that, because your narrator somehow is able to narrate what his companion is feeling. That didn't entirely work for me, because I can't understand how he can do that while he's doing it. But with a little stretching I can imagine that he is intuiting or imagining what she is feeling, so it didn't bother me too much.

Ordinarily I wouldn't recommend this, but if you are interested in switching the perspective for the next chapter, and telling it from the woman's POV, then I'd say go for it. But if you do, I think the story will be better if you stick with one point of view (hers) and not have her telling the reader what "he/you" is thinking and feeling. Stay inside her head only, narrating what she does, perceives, and says. I'd recommend this too: add some more dialogue, and use the dialogue by the man to communicate what he is thinking and feeling.

 

[SlowGuy]

I scanned your story very quickly. My initial impression was that it's actually first person POV, because it's told from the point of view of an "I" narrator, addressing his female companion as "you." That's usually 1st person POV, not second person POV. But in your story it's more complicated than that, because your narrator somehow is able to narrate what his companion is feeling. That didn't entirely work for me, because I can't understand how he can do that while he's doing it. But with a little stretching I can imagine that he is intuiting or imagining what she is feeling, so it didn't bother me too much.

Ordinarily I wouldn't recommend this, but if you are interested in switching the perspective for the next chapter, and telling it from the woman's POV, then I'd say go for it. But if you do, I think the story will be better if you stick with one point of view (hers) and not have her telling the reader what "he/you" is thinking and feeling. Stay inside her head only, narrating what she does, perceives, and says. I'd recommend this too: add some more dialogue, and use the dialogue by the man to communicate what he is thinking and feeling.

Thank you for the feedback, you're right about the mixed POV. I'll be less tricky in the sequel.

 

[SlowGuy]

Limited third person narrator - pop into both heads, just let readers know when you shift.

But if you've got no emotional content, it sounds like peg A into hole B, so who really cares?

Thank you for the quick response, ElectricBlue. Simple is certainly better.