Children in a Girl-Girl Relationship

[angie girl]

Maybe this subject has been talked to death already, I am not sure, but even if it has I'd like a little discussion?

Whadaya'll think of having children in a same sex, girl-girl relationship? OK, obviously there is the sperm problem, but I wonder what people think is the best approach to that too? Go to a lab? find a loving donor?

All a that's probably the easy part, so I'd love any thoughts/experiences ya'll have had about everything else it would mean.

For instance? what does the child call the fem who is not their actual mother? Little stuff like that stumps me.

Raging but not ragged discussion is welcome.

 

[Bob Peale]

In the instances that I've come across it, both women are called Mom.

In two instances, the sperm was donated by a very close homosexual friend of the couple. The man stayed very active in the child's life, so it actually had a Mom and a Dad.

 

[angie girl]

hmmmmmm...

I guess this has either already been talked to death or is of absolutely no interest? but thanks to you Bob.

 

[alltherage]

I have two children from a failed marriage and I expect that I will spend the rest of my life in lasting relationships with women. I think all I can do is be honest with my kids and tell them that my relationships are about love not gender and hope for the best.

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

Children define family as "those that love me without condition" and really aren't all that concerned with "what do I call people?" or "how was I made?"

 

[sexy-girl]

i am a lesbian and i have a girlfriend ... we're both fairly young still but would want children one day ... not sure of the means yet either adoption or artificial ... we both will be called mum

i think its healthy as long as its a loving and stable relationship i think that is the most important thing regardless of the sex of the two parents

think for us the donor if we did it that way would be someone that wouldnt be in the babys life ... having 3 parents would be too confusing and obviously either my girlfriend or i wouldnt be the biological parent so i think its important the child wouldnt have someone that could claim to be more than the non-biological parent

 

[Fly_On_Wall]

we have discussed this before... well at least me and sexy-girl did in a thread a while back.

I think a child in a same sex relationship is perfectly fine.

however, I think that there should be someone of the opposit sex to influence the child in some way. not nesisarily a mother/fater.

but aunts/uncles, grandmother/father.... every child needs both a female and male influence in their lives.

but as for parents, I see no problem with a gay or lesbian couple raiseing a child.

 

[DustyWolfe]

i am a lesbian and i have a girlfriend ... we're both fairly young still but would want children one day ... not sure of the means yet either adoption or artificial ... we both will be called mum

i think its healthy as long as its a loving and stable relationship i think that is the most important thing regardless of the sex of the two parents

think for us the donor if we did it that way would be someone that wouldnt be in the babys life ... having 3 parents would be too confusing and obviously either my girlfriend or i wouldnt be the biological parent so i think its important the child wouldnt have someone that could claim to be more than the non-biological parent

I too am a lesbian, and well.. Working on the relationship department. I'm the only would that could possibly bare children though I'm starting to doubt that because of some problems that I have. If we did go the artificial insemination route though I would be happy. I would be happy to adopt too though... And I would guess that the kids would call us both mom like sexy-girl said.

Sexual preference of the parents really doesn't matter to the kids.. THey just want to be loved and cared for. As long as both parents get along and create a stable and happy home then things will be just fine.

Sexy-girl I agree, the third party would not be able to be in the baby's life. That would just be too hard on all parties involved.. Oh yes i have two mommies and a daddy.. Uh uh.. That wont work...

 

[teresafannin]

One of my best friends is a lesbian & she is in the process of adopting her sister's son. He has been with her since he was a newborn & he is 2 now. Currently my friend is unattached, but dating, which she keeps separate, just like I did as a single mom. I hope that she finds someone special to share her life with, she is one of my favorite people. I think her son will be fine which ever happens. She is a great mom & has a lot of family support. Her son has a lot of good men in his life, his grandfather & cousins, just to mention a few. What is important is that children have loving families & everyone's definition of family is different.

 

[angie girl]

Wow, all a sudden all kinds of wonderful thoughts and discussion.

Most of you seem to pretty much agree that children are an ok idea with two moms, but then I doubt that all of you posting here are not exactly a typical sample of amercana or the world at large. Which is just as well, because I doubt that we will raise our child(dren) with just typical people. Still, we think that it will be hard for any child, because they will run into a lot of flack and crap from all sorts a people. But would anybody raise a child if they had to first have a guarantee that everything would be hunkee dooree?

My lover, her name is Sung Hi, and she is pregnant now, and I are both orphans of sorts and raised in some pretty strange situations. But as painful as all that may have been, Sung Hi managed to find people to love her, and who she, in turn, loved and helped much more than they could ever have imagined. It actual took me finding her for me to realize what it meant for someone to really care about me. She is a strange and wonderous person. Though she would deny it.

Anyways, most of all, with neither one a us ever knowing our own mothers, and having no real family, we are determined more than anything on earth to make the very best home we can manage for ourselves and our children. We will fuck it up no doubt, but I hope no worse than the average moms. I guess we will find out if having terrible upbringings is a better way to learn parenting than having good ones. I think it will make things harder for us, the whole role model thing and all. Us lacking it. But Sung Hi might disagree. She knows more than she says.

We are thrilled. And we are serious and giddy all at once. Whew. I said a lot. Anybody add anything?

PS: the two of us actual met because we were both posting things here on Litty and were both living in the same city. So see? something good can come from all this silliness?

Thanks for all your ideas.

 

[sigh]

i'm a lesbian with a child and am in a relationship serious enough that we're beginning to talk about moving in together

my son calls me Mom and calls her Carol...i don't expect that to change

 

[angie girl]

yes, but...

Yes Sigh, I like the idea of calling the actual mother 'Mom' and then I would be 'Angie'. I mean, I think it shows the special relationship that no one else can ever really do more than support. And I intend to have a child too, though I may ask the help of a known male friend, Sung Hi went to a 'lab' because she wanted an asian father and didn't know any well enought to ask for real. So we would both be Mom to some lil rat in the house huh?

But...we also want to adopt later on, us both never being able to get adopted, and then what do we do? Neither one is more a Mom than the other. Oh my this is confusing. But thanks Sigh.