Lets say i find The Master i want to submit to for life. Assuming He agrees [does that even happen?], i want to have kids. The D/s-M/s atmosphere is not right for raising a child. The person must make the choice themselves and not be biased by their family background.
children and BDSM
- Thread starter obidient
- Start date
sunfox
Gangbang Girl
- Joined
- Apr 21, 2003
- Posts
- 1,310
So... what's the question?
Honestly, if you don't put the child in the midst of your sexual relationship, and keep the public D/s to a comfortable level, I don't see how raising a child in a household that has a D/s relationship in it is any different than raising a child in a Lutheran household, or a divorced household, or a single parent household.
I'm a divorced Lutheran mother in a D/s relationship. Do I think this will make my child end up divorced, choose Lutheran beliefs as her religion, or choose D/s? No.
Children make their own choices when they reach an age where they can do so.
Honestly, if you don't put the child in the midst of your sexual relationship, and keep the public D/s to a comfortable level, I don't see how raising a child in a household that has a D/s relationship in it is any different than raising a child in a Lutheran household, or a divorced household, or a single parent household.
I'm a divorced Lutheran mother in a D/s relationship. Do I think this will make my child end up divorced, choose Lutheran beliefs as her religion, or choose D/s? No.
Children make their own choices when they reach an age where they can do so.As long as you keep the kids away from the D/s aspects of your relationship there shouldn't be any problems. In fact, I would expect the children to grow up without a bunch of hang-ups in relation to sex that many 'normal' families pass on to their kids.
FungiUg
Waves at Cats
- Joined
- Nov 20, 2001
- Posts
- 10,242
Hmmm... best of intentions aside, sometimes kids have to deal with the sexual choices that their parents make.
For example, my lover's kids are dealing with their father coming out as a transexual. He's now living with another transexual, and no matter how you deal with it, there's a certain level of "in your face" material there.
Can you truely conceal a D/s relationship between parents from kids? Aren't they going to notice the behaivour and inter-relationship? Even if you conceal the toys and implements, kids will still notice that occasional bruise.
Again, in our case, my lover's kids must notice that we refer to other women, that we take time out to spend with other women and so on... even though we never have threesomes in our home.
None of that is to say you shouldn't do it -- just think it through and be prepared to deal with the issues that arise.
I'm a firm believer in not throwing sexuality in kids faces. But on the other hand, you can't hide them from it completely. After all, once they learn how kids are made, they are going to realise hat their parents must have had sex!
So I guess it's a balancing act -- just keep your eyes open, and go carefully.
For example, my lover's kids are dealing with their father coming out as a transexual. He's now living with another transexual, and no matter how you deal with it, there's a certain level of "in your face" material there.
Can you truely conceal a D/s relationship between parents from kids? Aren't they going to notice the behaivour and inter-relationship? Even if you conceal the toys and implements, kids will still notice that occasional bruise.
Again, in our case, my lover's kids must notice that we refer to other women, that we take time out to spend with other women and so on... even though we never have threesomes in our home.
None of that is to say you shouldn't do it -- just think it through and be prepared to deal with the issues that arise.
I'm a firm believer in not throwing sexuality in kids faces. But on the other hand, you can't hide them from it completely. After all, once they learn how kids are made, they are going to realise hat their parents must have had sex!
So I guess it's a balancing act -- just keep your eyes open, and go carefully.
Justina123
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jul 21, 2002
- Posts
- 311
I have found many aspects of our D/s relationship to be a SUPERIOR atmosphere for raising kids- there is very high level of politeness between Sir and I, we never argue, etc. etc. They don't witness our sex any more than they would if we were vanilla, which of course is not at all.
justina
justina
shelleb4
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Feb 26, 2004
- Posts
- 321
I think that whatever your sexuality is, this has nothing to do with your children. They hopefully will not witness what they should not witness, and steps should be taken to ensure this is so.
A D/s relationship that is mature, would be a very nuturing set of parents. Demonstrating communication, respect and love. So would a vanilla for that matter.
But yes, they may overhear things, or see something laying around. But as with vanilla, its how you deal with this that counts.
My sexuality is just that - mine. My kids dont come into it. They will however not be taught religious fervour about the sinfulness of sex. They will be given the truth and left to form their own opinions.
A D/s relationship that is mature, would be a very nuturing set of parents. Demonstrating communication, respect and love. So would a vanilla for that matter.
But yes, they may overhear things, or see something laying around. But as with vanilla, its how you deal with this that counts.
My sexuality is just that - mine. My kids dont come into it. They will however not be taught religious fervour about the sinfulness of sex. They will be given the truth and left to form their own opinions.
MissTaken
Biker Chick
- Joined
- Jun 30, 2001
- Posts
- 20,570
Having children directly exposed to the scene, as it were, is quite preventable. Not scening when children are home, or having a back up plan for when you hear little feet coming up the stairs i.e. a blanket to throw over the victim, errrr submissive.
However, some dynamics of BDSM are bound to leak through into the family's functioning and that isn't necessarily a bad thing. EVERY family has a method by which decisions are made. In many families, there is that one with the final word when an agreement can't be reached.
As long as what the children learn from their parents relationship concerns trust, communication and respect, BDSM doesn't have to be a negative thing for children.
Further, children walk in on people performing vanilla sex as well. It happens, quick explanations or serous talks are the result.
And no, I would never want to steer my children toward or away from the lifestyle. They will make their own choices someday and who knows, when they struggle to talk to dear ole mom about sexual things, vanilla or BDSM., they just might be surprised to find out how empathetic and knowledgable their mom is.
Or say, "EWWWWWWWWWWW, the thought of you having sex turns my stomach " *smirks*
It is a balancing act, as has been mentioned, but sometimes the biggest difficulty faced by a couple with children has little to do with the BDSM and more to do with the adjustments that have to be made by all parents when a new and very needy being is added to their family. But we are grown ups and can adjust.
However, some dynamics of BDSM are bound to leak through into the family's functioning and that isn't necessarily a bad thing. EVERY family has a method by which decisions are made. In many families, there is that one with the final word when an agreement can't be reached.
As long as what the children learn from their parents relationship concerns trust, communication and respect, BDSM doesn't have to be a negative thing for children.
Further, children walk in on people performing vanilla sex as well. It happens, quick explanations or serous talks are the result.
And no, I would never want to steer my children toward or away from the lifestyle. They will make their own choices someday and who knows, when they struggle to talk to dear ole mom about sexual things, vanilla or BDSM., they just might be surprised to find out how empathetic and knowledgable their mom is.
Or say, "EWWWWWWWWWWW, the thought of you having sex turns my stomach " *smirks*
It is a balancing act, as has been mentioned, but sometimes the biggest difficulty faced by a couple with children has little to do with the BDSM and more to do with the adjustments that have to be made by all parents when a new and very needy being is added to their family. But we are grown ups and can adjust.
shy slave
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jan 2, 2004
- Posts
- 8,255
Both my sons are teenagers and for most of their lives I have been vanilla, in a safe but sex-free relationship
Once that ended they both encouraged to to go out and have fun, find someone or lots of someone's!!
However I don't think they expected my interests to lie with BDSM.
They are aware of my growing wardrobe and have met my Master (no I do not call Him that in front of them) but are not aware of what we do/when/how.
I would be horrified if they saw the marks He leaves but mainly because I do not want them to confuse D/s with DV.
Both sons think we are perverts, sick and far too old!! If only they knew
We don't have to worry about interuptions as such, but we are very aware that walls are thin and they would know exactly what was happening.
It does take more than an edge of a scene when you know they may come home.
Vanilla sex or D/s, neither is easy to accomplish with children in the house, regardless of their age.
IMHO Fungiug and MissTaken are both right it is a balancing act, and it's about trust, communication and respect from both adults and children.
My children may grumble about many things. They have expressed a wish for me to be happy, and I am. They respect my life choices as I respect theirs.
The only advantage I have found with having teenagers is that He did not use the crop the other night in case the heard me scream and came rescue me!!
Saved by teenagers...who would have thought lolol
shy slave
Once that ended they both encouraged to to go out and have fun, find someone or lots of someone's!!
However I don't think they expected my interests to lie with BDSM.
They are aware of my growing wardrobe and have met my Master (no I do not call Him that in front of them) but are not aware of what we do/when/how.
I would be horrified if they saw the marks He leaves but mainly because I do not want them to confuse D/s with DV.
Both sons think we are perverts, sick and far too old!! If only they knew
We don't have to worry about interuptions as such, but we are very aware that walls are thin and they would know exactly what was happening.
It does take more than an edge of a scene when you know they may come home.
Vanilla sex or D/s, neither is easy to accomplish with children in the house, regardless of their age.
IMHO Fungiug and MissTaken are both right it is a balancing act, and it's about trust, communication and respect from both adults and children.
My children may grumble about many things. They have expressed a wish for me to be happy, and I am. They respect my life choices as I respect theirs.
The only advantage I have found with having teenagers is that He did not use the crop the other night in case the heard me scream and came rescue me!!
Saved by teenagers...who would have thought lolol
shy slave
Last edited:
G
Guest
Guest
shy slave said:
You shouldn't laugh really. When I was around 16, my parents were arguing.
My father hit the refrigerator and I came running into the kitchen tackling him. A fist fight/wrestling match ensued leaving my father bleeding on the floor while my mother freaked out because he never hit her.
shy slave
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jan 2, 2004
- Posts
- 8,255
NCShin
Your right Domestic Violence is never, ever a laughing matter.
My sons would protect me from any form of violence. The eldest one has made this clear to me.
It was with this in mind that Master did not use some of His favourite toys, including the crop.
I have tried many ways ~ begging, pleading and attempting to hide the crop (Note to self ~ this is never a good idea) to escape its use.
So far, all my attempts have been unsucessful.
His respect for my home life situation changed that and I was not subjected to my least favourite toy.
It was amusement that I had escaped the dreaded crop as my sons were in the house that prompted me to laugh.
I was NOT laughing at the thought of my sons thinking I was a victim of DV.
I am so very sorry if I have upset or offended you, or anyone else by my warped humour.
That was never my intention
shy slave
Your right Domestic Violence is never, ever a laughing matter.
My sons would protect me from any form of violence. The eldest one has made this clear to me.
It was with this in mind that Master did not use some of His favourite toys, including the crop.
I have tried many ways ~ begging, pleading and attempting to hide the crop (Note to self ~ this is never a good idea) to escape its use.
So far, all my attempts have been unsucessful.
His respect for my home life situation changed that and I was not subjected to my least favourite toy.
It was amusement that I had escaped the dreaded crop as my sons were in the house that prompted me to laugh.
I was NOT laughing at the thought of my sons thinking I was a victim of DV.
I am so very sorry if I have upset or offended you, or anyone else by my warped humour.
That was never my intention
shy slave
G
