I have a serious question out there for everybody. Two years ago me and my husband and my best friend were all very close. I have a early morning job and late at nights I knew they would be online talking to each other. I had no reason not to trust either one of them. They would talk about everything, even sex like what all they wanted to try with their parners him with me and her with her husband. at the time our sex life was just a normal sex life always the misionary and that was about it. Then my husband started to become distant and went to her to see if she knew why, she swore she didn't but she would find out. well that went on for about a month and finally my husband said he couldn't stand all the questioning that i did and that yes him and her had talked about having sex with each other but they haven't, it was all talk. well needless to say after that me and her aren't friends anymore but i kept my husband. but that has bothered me off and on for the last two years and sometimes i make comments about it.. well our sex lives have improved and now we try everything that we find in pics or on your site. so i have mentioned in the past week maybe we should have a threesome and if we did how would we go about it. I told him deep down that i don''t think i could do that because i would get really jealous of him touching another woman and i would always be comparing to me, did she such head better, did she taste better, was she tighter etc. he has always told me that my ex friend and him never ever did anything. well last night he changed his story, he said the reason we could do a threesome is because no matter what she was like he would never leave me and he knows this because he did have sex with my ex friend. so now i am so upset, angry that he has had to hide that for two years, i told him he should have told me back then why now. he said he knew that he had already hurt me enough that he didn;t want to hurt me some more. but he says he knows for a fact that no matter what he will never leave me for someone else, he loves me and wants to be with me for the rest of his life. I have had a baby since all this happened so last i was really mad that he has lied to me all this time and because she is a whore and could have given him something that my baby now has. anyway how do i get over this and move on, how am i suppose to trust him again after all this?
cheating
- Thread starter burrish
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Bobmi357
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Basically you have two problems. One is a husband that strayed and the other is you suggesting something that you knew you couldn't really get into.
Reviving the trust in a relationship when one party has cheated on the other isn't easy.
First off you need to understand, you're hurt, he is scared. People in that sort of situation will tend to say and do things now, that they might regret later. First and foremost find out if he used condoms. If he didn't insist on his getting tested immediately, and re-tested every 3 months or so for the next year. This will help drive home just how serious you think his actions were. And in the meantime, if he isn't wearing condoms, no sex for him. period. end of story.
He says he loves you, but the hurt your undoubtedly feeling isn't going to go away. He's going to need to prove himself to you all over again, as if you were dating. But by the same token, you cannot afford to be vindictive either. If you want the relationship to survive you will have to find the strength in you to start trusting him again, even if its just the little things to start out with.
I don't know if any of this will help. I've never been in your shoes, nor have I ever cheated. I can understand your pain, but think you'll have to be very strong to see yourself and him though this rough time.
I am curious about one thing however. If you felt that a threesome would be a problem, why did you even bring it up in the first place?
Reviving the trust in a relationship when one party has cheated on the other isn't easy.
First off you need to understand, you're hurt, he is scared. People in that sort of situation will tend to say and do things now, that they might regret later. First and foremost find out if he used condoms. If he didn't insist on his getting tested immediately, and re-tested every 3 months or so for the next year. This will help drive home just how serious you think his actions were. And in the meantime, if he isn't wearing condoms, no sex for him. period. end of story.
He says he loves you, but the hurt your undoubtedly feeling isn't going to go away. He's going to need to prove himself to you all over again, as if you were dating. But by the same token, you cannot afford to be vindictive either. If you want the relationship to survive you will have to find the strength in you to start trusting him again, even if its just the little things to start out with.
I don't know if any of this will help. I've never been in your shoes, nor have I ever cheated. I can understand your pain, but think you'll have to be very strong to see yourself and him though this rough time.
I am curious about one thing however. If you felt that a threesome would be a problem, why did you even bring it up in the first place?
I'm wondering some things.
If he cheated on you long ago with your ex friend, and he never confessed to it, why now? He says he has already hurt you enough, but he didn't want to hurt you more, so he told you now. Okay. Where's the logic in that? Why is his conscience suddenly wearing on him?
I would wonder if he's being faithful right now.
Secondly, get tested. Get yourself tested, and mention to your doctor about having your baby tested. Now. TODAY. Pick up the phone right this second and make an appointment with your local clinic. Explain the situation and get yourself in there now. You have a child there who is at risk over something that someone else was foolish enough to do. Get the tests NOW.
And yes, I agree with Bobmi...sex with a condom, only. But personally, I wouldn't have sex with him, period. Not until he agrees to marriage counseling, and not until you have the tests in your hand that say he's clean. THEN make him use condoms. Because as harsh as this sounds, here it is: If he did it once, and you never knew, he could have done it a dozen times.
Now is the time to protect yourself. I had a husband who cheated, and at first I thought it was just one fling. When we went into counseling, I discovered that there had been eighteen. He was a smooth talker, and covered his tracks well. The moral of that little nightmare: Do NOT trust him until he agrees to counseling, testing, and everything that the counselor recommends. And even then, trust is a fickle thing. Never give it blindly. He's lost that particular luxury.
And along with protecting yourself, that means you need to be looking into options. Look into attorneys, find out what debts you have, and most of all, get proof of what he has done. It can help you in the event of a rainy day.
I know this doesn't sound very positive. Many, MANY marriages DO work out after infidelity. I'm not saying leave him, and I'm not telling you to give up on him. I'm telling you to protect yourself and be prepared for whatever he might throw your way, ever again.
Remember: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
Good luck,
S.
If he cheated on you long ago with your ex friend, and he never confessed to it, why now? He says he has already hurt you enough, but he didn't want to hurt you more, so he told you now. Okay. Where's the logic in that? Why is his conscience suddenly wearing on him?
I would wonder if he's being faithful right now.
Secondly, get tested. Get yourself tested, and mention to your doctor about having your baby tested. Now. TODAY. Pick up the phone right this second and make an appointment with your local clinic. Explain the situation and get yourself in there now. You have a child there who is at risk over something that someone else was foolish enough to do. Get the tests NOW.
And yes, I agree with Bobmi...sex with a condom, only. But personally, I wouldn't have sex with him, period. Not until he agrees to marriage counseling, and not until you have the tests in your hand that say he's clean. THEN make him use condoms. Because as harsh as this sounds, here it is: If he did it once, and you never knew, he could have done it a dozen times.
Now is the time to protect yourself. I had a husband who cheated, and at first I thought it was just one fling. When we went into counseling, I discovered that there had been eighteen. He was a smooth talker, and covered his tracks well. The moral of that little nightmare: Do NOT trust him until he agrees to counseling, testing, and everything that the counselor recommends. And even then, trust is a fickle thing. Never give it blindly. He's lost that particular luxury.
And along with protecting yourself, that means you need to be looking into options. Look into attorneys, find out what debts you have, and most of all, get proof of what he has done. It can help you in the event of a rainy day.
I know this doesn't sound very positive. Many, MANY marriages DO work out after infidelity. I'm not saying leave him, and I'm not telling you to give up on him. I'm telling you to protect yourself and be prepared for whatever he might throw your way, ever again.
Remember: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
Good luck,
S.
no he didn't use a condom but i had a baby almost 6 months ago and thru out the pregnancy they tested me. so i know that i don't have anything. and i brought up the threesome thing because i am always trying new things for him. i am happy doing it missionary every time, but i know that that gets boring after a while and you need to do new things to keep the fire alive in the bedroom. and i didn't think the threesome would be a problem with a nother male, there fore i wouldn't get jealous, but like he said that would be unfair on his part because he really wouldn't have any part in it and the same if it were another female iwouldn't have any part in it, but another female is now defitnly out of the question. and we were dating at the time we had already been married 2 years when all this started, so we were still kinda newly weds, so if this could happen so soon in the marriage how will i know that it wouldn't happen again later on, and because this happened with my best friend at the time i no longer have any friends because i have such a hard time trust them to come over or anything, and i found out they can be the biggest back stabbers.
by the way i don't know what you mean by saying there is something else i knew i just get into it, do you think there might be more or something
this is helping, just talking to someone else about is helping THANK YOU
by the way i don't know what you mean by saying there is something else i knew i just get into it, do you think there might be more or something
this is helping, just talking to someone else about is helping THANK YOU
Bobmi357 said:
I'm curious...what does her mentioning a fantasy of a threesome, whether she could do it or not, have anything to do with him cheating on her years before?
I would think they are two very, very different issues. It seems to me that she mentioned that in her post to explain how she found out about the cheating.
S.
the reason he told me now is because about two months ago i called her up and asked her to finally tell me the truth, she still didn't but he was running scared that whole day and he said that ever since and even before more after i called it has been eating him alive and we had been talking about the 3some and i had said that there could never be another woman involved because i would always question myself on much better she might have been and my jealous. so then he told me "look this happend and it was two years ago and that is how i am sure i would never leave you, because if i did it would have been then".
i don't think he has done it since then, because he is a stay at home father to the two boys and right now we don't have a car, so he couldn't get any where to do it. and i am always reading his emails and stuff on his computer. but still how will i know if he does and how can i know that he is telling me the truth now by saying he could never do it again?
i am sorry if my post are to long or i am rabbling but i am trying to deal with this all over again and am looking to guys for help. thank you so much for listening
i don't think he has done it since then, because he is a stay at home father to the two boys and right now we don't have a car, so he couldn't get any where to do it. and i am always reading his emails and stuff on his computer. but still how will i know if he does and how can i know that he is telling me the truth now by saying he could never do it again?
i am sorry if my post are to long or i am rabbling but i am trying to deal with this all over again and am looking to guys for help. thank you so much for listening
Bobmi357
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burrish said:
From your own word Burrish.
A man likes a woman that is willing to experiement in and out of the bedroom. But never lower yourself into doing something which you don't feel you're going to be comfortable with.
Sheath is correct about getting yourself tested again. Some STD's can take months before they can be detected. Get yourself and the baby tested. And until he's had at least 3 clean tests, make him wear a condom.
In regard to Sheath's advice about not having sex at all. Well thats a surefire way to kill the relationship. If you hope to have it live through this crisis, it must re-enter the relationship sometime. Cut him off for the foreseeable future sure. Make him aware that he's allowed back into your bed under your terms or not at all.
Sheath also brought up a good point about repeat cheaters. Is this the first and only straying he has done? Or is this just the one you know about?
I used to believe that a spouse cheated because there was something lacking in the marriage that they felt they needed. And in a lot of cases this is probably still true, but there are some guys out there that seem to think its the "thrill of the hunt" macho crap. Where your husband falls, is something you need to find out and find out fast.
You can save your marriage. But only if both partners are committed to saving it. Check out the local marriage counselors and keep checking them out til you find one that works for you.
Bobmi357
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sheath said:
They are two different issues Sheath. I was just curious why anyone would suggest something they didn't really think they could enjoy doing. That her suggestion revealed hubby cheating was mere happenstance. It probably would have come out sooner or later.
I may be somewhat old fashioned, but I don't think anyone should do something they aren't comfortable with. And clearly she's not really comfortable with the idea of a threesome, but suggested it anyway.
A considerate lover, IMHO, wouldn't ask someone to do something, or pressure them into something they won't enjoy. Its just my opinion, but there it is.
Quite frankly, I'm having a little bit of difficulty understanding your posts. I understand that you are probably upset, but you might want to review them to make certain what you are writing makes sense to others.
That said....
You have had a deep breach of trust by the one who you trusted the most. Neither you nor he can expect that trust to suddenly be mended and whole. It just don't work that way. Frankly, I think Sheath gives the best advice - as well as having walked somewhat in your shoes. (Not discounting Bobmi's advice and direction, either!)
You need to get yourselves in counseling as soon as possible. Both of you, if possible. You may not need counseling long, but I think you need a third party to help you both understand the magnitude of what has occurred. You cannot have your trust destroyed on one hand and then turn around and want to do things sexually to spice things up. It doesn't always work that way.
I also agree with getting tested. Yeah, I know they test for "everything" when you are pregnant, but if you've been saying that you and your husband have been monogamous, there might have been a few things they didn't bother testing for. Be upfront with your doctor and insist on full testing for you and ask his/her opinion regarding your baby. Also, insist your husband get tested - that is a big one! I would also lay off the sex for a while. Why? Sex in a marital relationship without trust is what? Nothing. I'm almost certain a counselor would tell you that until your trust begins to be restored in your husband, sex is probably not going to be on the menu.
I hate to bring this up, but Sheath is correct. Typically, once a person had cheated in a relationship they have or will do it again. Unless they can deal with any underlying issues they might have. I've met men who have cheated on their wives, and while their wives might have been aware of only one affair, usually there were several others. This is where a rebuilding of trust is needed, and it means you both have your work cut out for you.
It sounds, to me, as if the threesome idea went along the lines of: you wanted a threesome with another man but hubby felt he would be left out. He wanted a threesome with another woman but you felt you would be left out or feelings of jealousy would arise. He then stated that your fears of having a threesome with another woman was unfounded, as he had cheated before and he still came back to you. If this is true then re-read this paragraph! Something is really, really wrong here. Can't put my finger on it, but something is twisted.
And yeah, it might seem as though 2 years into a marriage should still qualify as the "infatuation" period, I've known men who have been cheating on their wives 6 months after the wedding. Time is not a factor for some people. If they cheat (and this goes for both men and women), they will cheat, period.
I wish you all the best. Especially for your child. You've a tough road to walk and I hope you and your husband will make it through together.
That said....
You have had a deep breach of trust by the one who you trusted the most. Neither you nor he can expect that trust to suddenly be mended and whole. It just don't work that way. Frankly, I think Sheath gives the best advice - as well as having walked somewhat in your shoes. (Not discounting Bobmi's advice and direction, either!)
You need to get yourselves in counseling as soon as possible. Both of you, if possible. You may not need counseling long, but I think you need a third party to help you both understand the magnitude of what has occurred. You cannot have your trust destroyed on one hand and then turn around and want to do things sexually to spice things up. It doesn't always work that way.
I also agree with getting tested. Yeah, I know they test for "everything" when you are pregnant, but if you've been saying that you and your husband have been monogamous, there might have been a few things they didn't bother testing for. Be upfront with your doctor and insist on full testing for you and ask his/her opinion regarding your baby. Also, insist your husband get tested - that is a big one! I would also lay off the sex for a while. Why? Sex in a marital relationship without trust is what? Nothing. I'm almost certain a counselor would tell you that until your trust begins to be restored in your husband, sex is probably not going to be on the menu.
I hate to bring this up, but Sheath is correct. Typically, once a person had cheated in a relationship they have or will do it again. Unless they can deal with any underlying issues they might have. I've met men who have cheated on their wives, and while their wives might have been aware of only one affair, usually there were several others. This is where a rebuilding of trust is needed, and it means you both have your work cut out for you.
It sounds, to me, as if the threesome idea went along the lines of: you wanted a threesome with another man but hubby felt he would be left out. He wanted a threesome with another woman but you felt you would be left out or feelings of jealousy would arise. He then stated that your fears of having a threesome with another woman was unfounded, as he had cheated before and he still came back to you. If this is true then re-read this paragraph! Something is really, really wrong here. Can't put my finger on it, but something is twisted.
And yeah, it might seem as though 2 years into a marriage should still qualify as the "infatuation" period, I've known men who have been cheating on their wives 6 months after the wedding. Time is not a factor for some people. If they cheat (and this goes for both men and women), they will cheat, period.
I wish you all the best. Especially for your child. You've a tough road to walk and I hope you and your husband will make it through together.
i am sorry if i am confusing anyone. i don't mean to but i am still trying to put things toghether myself. he says that it was the only time it has ever happened since we have been together. about the 3some, we have been trying new things here lately and i mentioned this to see how he felt about it, i also at the same time told him how i couldn't have another female there, i think it was more talk than anything to see what each other thought about it. but yes i would get jealous if there was another woman involved and i would always ask him or myself who was the better one. like i am doing now with my ex friend, i know am asking myself all kinds of questions and have terrible mental pictures. if he did do it again i don't know how it would come about, he is a stay at home father of two with no car and i am always look on his computer besides we have no other friends to hang out with.
neither one of us brought up the fact that we wanted to try a 3some we just started talking about hings we haven't tryed and that was one of them and when i said i couldn't have another female involved because....he proceded to tell me no matter how good she might be he would never leave me because if he was going to he would have done it 2 years ago
neither one of us brought up the fact that we wanted to try a 3some we just started talking about hings we haven't tryed and that was one of them and when i said i couldn't have another female involved because....he proceded to tell me no matter how good she might be he would never leave me because if he was going to he would have done it 2 years ago
Noor
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I think he either wanted to tell you and used this 3 some discussion to do it, or he wanted to hurt you. Even if he wanted to tell you, this was a very irresponsible way to do it, and you would also have to wonder why he feels the need to tell you now rather than before.
Either way, I would not trust him.
You say you have been tested during your pregnancy but what about afterwards? Also do they test pregnant mothers and newborns for HIV?
I think counseling would be best, anytime there is cheating or one person is feeling their trust has been abused at this level, counseling is pretty much a must.
Either way, I would not trust him.
You say you have been tested during your pregnancy but what about afterwards? Also do they test pregnant mothers and newborns for HIV?
I think counseling would be best, anytime there is cheating or one person is feeling their trust has been abused at this level, counseling is pretty much a must.
i hate to ask this but is there anyone who would be willing to talk to me more one on one with this, i can't afford a counsler right now with a baby in the house, he is taking any extra money that i have. i would really appriate it
i have a msn account under burrish
thank you
i have a msn account under burrish
thank you
Burrish, you are certainly in a tough situation. You've gotten a lot of good advice here so far, and I hope you find some of it useful and implement it.
As for counseling, someone professional will be a MUCH better option for you than a random Litster, no matter how well-intentioned or experienced. Consult your local social service agency for referral to a low-cost counselor, or talk to a member of your clergy (priest, rabbi, imam, etc). It's certainly best for both you and your husband to go together, but even if he won't, you should go yourself. Doing so will help you process through your feelings. Also, check on your insurance and your employer's health plan-- often they will cover counseling. (Ask about the EAP, the Employee Assistance Program.)
I was also disturbed to read that you "have no other friends to hang out with." Even without marital problems, I'm sure you're aware that lacking a social circle is unhelpful. I urge you to develop some friends of your own, even if you never bring them to the house/apt. Having friends to socialize with will be fun and they can be supportive throughout this process, no matter where it goes.
Good luck.
As for counseling, someone professional will be a MUCH better option for you than a random Litster, no matter how well-intentioned or experienced. Consult your local social service agency for referral to a low-cost counselor, or talk to a member of your clergy (priest, rabbi, imam, etc). It's certainly best for both you and your husband to go together, but even if he won't, you should go yourself. Doing so will help you process through your feelings. Also, check on your insurance and your employer's health plan-- often they will cover counseling. (Ask about the EAP, the Employee Assistance Program.)
I was also disturbed to read that you "have no other friends to hang out with." Even without marital problems, I'm sure you're aware that lacking a social circle is unhelpful. I urge you to develop some friends of your own, even if you never bring them to the house/apt. Having friends to socialize with will be fun and they can be supportive throughout this process, no matter where it goes.
Good luck.
DuckLover said:
Took almost all the words out of my mouth! Burrish, don't feel badly that some of us (okay, me!) have more difficulty figuring out what others say!
If you live in the United States, there is a county agency that has a mental health unit attached to it. It might be under Social Service or Human Services or some other name. But it's there. They have qualified counselors to talk with you and they either work with insurance companies (if one is available) or they have a sliding scale for payment. I work for our county and I know that many of our clients receive counseling either for free or for a very low cost. It's worth looking into.
I would be happy to talk to anyone here, but as DuckLover states: I am only a random poster and really have no qualifications to counsel another person. I can listen, yes, but you need some one who can help you, possibly give you some guidance. There are many great people here, but I think most would tell you that counseling is not their speciality.
If you do have a religious affiliation, that might be a good place to start. Even if you do not, sometimes going to a church and asking for a place to start and lead to resources. Many of our clients come from other community organizations.
You need a support network. That means friends, whether couple friends or girlfriends. I know it's difficult to suddenly have friends, but counselors can sometimes offer ways to build those relationships. Also, are you near family members? Do you have family members that you can talk to? I don't mean cousin Eloise who hears the first 2 sentences and tells you to leave your husband. I'm talking mother, aunt, cousin, etc who will listen to you and offer support. Even if they live a distance away, perhaps you can utilize email or telephone? You certainly don't want some one in your life to tear your relationship apart, but you do need people who are willing to listen and support you.
Yes, I understand that your husband is a stay at home dad. But where are you during the day? Are you with him 24/7? Trust me, I know this. When I was involved with a married man, we used to meet in his home when his wife was away. As far as kids? Well, babies don't know/see/remember much, and older children can be told to go to a friend's home. Don't think that staying at home and lack of car means he simply has to be faithful. There are women out there who do not mind driving. Also, you may check his email, but how many email addresses does he have? I have 4, and I don't even have a spouse. Plus, no one would know about the others unless I chose to give that information to them.
I know that, as his wife, you might feel a need to defend him against those of us who do not know him. That's natural. And I certainly don't mean to paint him as if he were a terrible man. But I hear a woman crying for help. Do yourself and your family a favor and get the help you need. It's out there and it's available.
i understand what every has said and i am taking all of this in and taking it to heart, thank you so much for listenting. but between work and kids i don't have time or energy to meet new people or friends. as for having family to talk to i can't do that, my dad is an acholoic and we don't talk, and when all this happened to begin with she was saying to leave and then i tried to talk to his mother and she said that i needed to move on and forget about it. but don't worry i will figure something out. i am hoping that me and him can work this out i am just scared of it happening again. we had a really long talk today and i told him if there was someone else now or anyone else in the past to get it out in the open now because later i will not even try to work things out i will just leave. he promised there was and is no one else. i want to believe so badly....if there was something else going on how could i find out short of hiring someone to watch him. i am not defending him i am just trying to understand it and how can i over come it. thank you for all your help, you don't know how much it means to me right now to just have people listening to me and helping me look at it from all different sides.
Thank you
Thank you
ffemtp
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Ok i have looked at all of the information passed down in the thread. Everything stated is great advice and needs to be thought about. The big thing i feel that may need to be done is to look yourself in the miror and ask yourself....
1. Do you love him?
2. Do you want to work it out?
3. And Can you forgive him for making a mistake in his life?
You have to look deep in your heart for these answers. And if you are able to come up with Yes answer it can be worked out provided both people want to. If you have a No answer you know what you need to do.
This is not easy to do and your not the only one in the history to have to deal with this. Some work out and others don't. But its your choice on the path you take.
I have been on both sides of this issue. I thought i was happy in my marriage and it was stable. My ex hooked up with a person on the net and after talking with them for a month she left. I had one week notice and poof she was gone. I was hurt and wondered if this was the first and only or not. But i had the feelings that if she did come back after a week or month or even a few months after, i could forgive but not forget what happened. The trust would have to have been earned again. But i would have tried to work it out right up until the divorce was final. Once it was i wished her the best and moved on. But the catch was after she left i started chatting online with a person that was 800 miles away as friends. She was not so happly married. They were have major problems prior to my every chatting with her. I went down to visit her and we got really close. Heck i even met her husband. I went down with no expecations of having sex, but it happened. Since then i have visited 5 times and have been there for her as a friend 1st and a lover 2nd. All i want to see is her happy in life with or with out me. Since then her husband moved out and they have filed for divorce. I have been talking with her on the phone and hope to visit if she wants me to in the very near future. Now will our relationship develope closer, I'm not sure since we are 800 miles apart. But if it does not i will be thankful that i made a friend.
Sorry for rambling on but Bottom line you need to look in to your own heart for your answers. Councling will help and is a great tool.
I wish you the best in what ever you choice.
1. Do you love him?
2. Do you want to work it out?
3. And Can you forgive him for making a mistake in his life?
You have to look deep in your heart for these answers. And if you are able to come up with Yes answer it can be worked out provided both people want to. If you have a No answer you know what you need to do.
This is not easy to do and your not the only one in the history to have to deal with this. Some work out and others don't. But its your choice on the path you take.
I have been on both sides of this issue. I thought i was happy in my marriage and it was stable. My ex hooked up with a person on the net and after talking with them for a month she left. I had one week notice and poof she was gone. I was hurt and wondered if this was the first and only or not. But i had the feelings that if she did come back after a week or month or even a few months after, i could forgive but not forget what happened. The trust would have to have been earned again. But i would have tried to work it out right up until the divorce was final. Once it was i wished her the best and moved on. But the catch was after she left i started chatting online with a person that was 800 miles away as friends. She was not so happly married. They were have major problems prior to my every chatting with her. I went down to visit her and we got really close. Heck i even met her husband. I went down with no expecations of having sex, but it happened. Since then i have visited 5 times and have been there for her as a friend 1st and a lover 2nd. All i want to see is her happy in life with or with out me. Since then her husband moved out and they have filed for divorce. I have been talking with her on the phone and hope to visit if she wants me to in the very near future. Now will our relationship develope closer, I'm not sure since we are 800 miles apart. But if it does not i will be thankful that i made a friend.
Sorry for rambling on but Bottom line you need to look in to your own heart for your answers. Councling will help and is a great tool.
I wish you the best in what ever you choice.
Burrish, for what it's worth, you are welcome. I do strongly encourage you to seek out some one to talk to, some one you can trust. Hopefully, some one tonight will see this and offer other wisdom that will connect.
You will continue to be in my thoughts. May you fare well in whatever you do.
You will continue to be in my thoughts. May you fare well in whatever you do.
Another piece of advice?
You seem quite desperate to "overcome" this. I don't blame you. Your world has been turned upside down, and you just want to turn it right-side-up again.
You just found out all this. So...take a deep breath. Slow down. Searching for answers is what you need to do, but the FIRST thing you have to do it take care of yourself and that child. It's okay to take some time out and not talk with your husband about this for a while. A day, maybe more. You need time to come to grips with it yourself, without dealing with the 'I'm sorry' and 'It won't happen again'.
Maybe get in the car and go for a drive. Go somewhere secluded, and cry until you can't cry anymore. If you have to take a day off work, then do it. It is worth it for your peace of mind.
Then come back and deal with things. Make a list to make your life feel more under your control. Testing, then counselor, then...whatever. Clean the house. Walk the dog. Keep things simple, and let this earthquake settle in. You don't have to be strong all the time.
Good luck to you...
S.
You seem quite desperate to "overcome" this. I don't blame you. Your world has been turned upside down, and you just want to turn it right-side-up again.
You just found out all this. So...take a deep breath. Slow down. Searching for answers is what you need to do, but the FIRST thing you have to do it take care of yourself and that child. It's okay to take some time out and not talk with your husband about this for a while. A day, maybe more. You need time to come to grips with it yourself, without dealing with the 'I'm sorry' and 'It won't happen again'.
Maybe get in the car and go for a drive. Go somewhere secluded, and cry until you can't cry anymore. If you have to take a day off work, then do it. It is worth it for your peace of mind.
Then come back and deal with things. Make a list to make your life feel more under your control. Testing, then counselor, then...whatever. Clean the house. Walk the dog. Keep things simple, and let this earthquake settle in. You don't have to be strong all the time.
Good luck to you...
S.
i just wanted to let everyone know that i made a appointment with a shrink but it isn't untill the 12th of sept. untill then i will have to bury it inside myself. i told hubby about it and he said he will stand by me with whatever i decide and support me that he justs wants to put this all in the past and move on.
so thank you all very much for listening to me and supporting me
THANK YOU
Heather
so thank you all very much for listening to me and supporting me
THANK YOU
Heather
what did she have?
Yes get tested so you can relax about your health and your baby's
Yes there is a better than even chance he will cheat again unless you find out why he cheated in the first place and correct the problem.
Yes you need to ask the hard question and get the honest answer of what your husband found in this woman that he did not find in you.
No I am not saying it is your problem but if you want to fix the situation for good then find out what he was looking for in this other woman and then see if you can fufill this need.
Good Luck,
Yes get tested so you can relax about your health and your baby's
Yes there is a better than even chance he will cheat again unless you find out why he cheated in the first place and correct the problem.
Yes you need to ask the hard question and get the honest answer of what your husband found in this woman that he did not find in you.
No I am not saying it is your problem but if you want to fix the situation for good then find out what he was looking for in this other woman and then see if you can fufill this need.
Good Luck,
