cheating girlfreind/mixed feelings?

[loco13]

i have recently been told by my girlfreind that about a year and a half ago,she cheated on me. there is a whole lot of lil details(like the fact they didn't use protection) and only knew the guy for a few hours...so on and so on. it really hurts,especially when i remember how,a year and a half ago i recieved a phone call from some guy,calling for her, and i guess thats the guy i talked to.she was cheating on me while i was back taking care of our son. we were and are still both young (20 and 21). she actually told me then! but then immediatly told me she was lying(just to see what i would do i.e admit something of my own). truth is,i never cheated on her! anyways...it really does hurt,and depress me..makes me break down all the sudden if something reminds me of it..worst PAIN in a long time!...
.BUT...every once in a while..when i think of it..it starts to turn me on. Is something wrong with me? belive me i've wanted to chop it off when i would get aroused by these thoughts. how do i deal with this?? thank you!

 

[LAdymorrgian]

i have recently been told by my girlfreind that about a year and a half ago,she cheated on me. there is a whole lot of lil details(like the fact they didn't use protection) and only knew the guy for a few hours...so on and so on. it really hurts,especially when i remember how,a year and a half ago i recieved a phone call from some guy,calling for her, and i guess thats the guy i talked to.she was cheating on me while i was back taking care of our son. we were and are still both young (20 and 21). she actually told me then! but then immediatly told me she was lying(just to see what i would do i.e admit something of my own). truth is,i never cheated on her! anyways...it really does hurt,and depress me..makes me break down all the sudden if something reminds me of it..worst PAIN in a long time!...
.BUT...every once in a while..when i think of it..it starts to turn me on. Is something wrong with me? belive me i've wanted to chop it off when i would get aroused by these thoughts. how do i deal with this?? thank you!

Oh hun you have every right to be hurt...the Lord and Lady know I have had it happen to me, but that aint what we are taling about. Have th two of you talked about adding another player into your sex life? Cause it sounds like you may have some hidden desires there. talk to her....its the best way to cope...

 

[zogboy]

year and a half?

So it has been over a year and she has remorse.
You need to stop beating the dead horse of doubt.
You don't own her and she is with you now, so
unless you are trying to drive her away
LET IT GO for your own peace of mind.

peace brother

zb

 

[TBKahuna123]

Before you start talking about adding a third person to your sex life, find out WHY she cheated on you in the first place. You need to find out if this was a mistake of youth, if something caused her to stray, etc., basically find out if this was a one time deal or something she is predisposed to. I don't believe that infidelity is an immediate cause for divorce/breakup, but it's certainly something to take seriously. If she shows genuine remorse and her reasons are comprehendable to you, then you should make sure that any cause of her straying is worked out before you start brigning other people into your bedroom.

If this seems like something she's predisposed to, run, because it won't be the last time she cheats on you. I've been on the recieving end of this debacle, and believe me it hurts worse the second time.

Whatever you do, don't let her pin the blame on you! If she accepts some responsibility and says this is why it happened because I was feeling this because you did this or something, that's one thing. If she tried to pin it on some failing of yours, accepting no responsibility herself, than she's gonna screw you over again.

As for being aroused by these thoughts, you aren't wierd. I personally don't understand those feelings, but it seems normal enough. You certainly aren't the first.

 

[Scepter]

every once in a while..when i think of it..it starts to turn me on. Is something wrong with me? belive me i've wanted to chop it off when i would get aroused by these thoughts. how do i deal with this?? thank you!

As far as getting turned on by the thought of her having sex with someone else, I believe that's a pretty common feeling. I know my GF had other guys before we got together, and sometimes thinking about that turns me on, so I don't think your getting turned on by the thought of her being with another man is anything to worry about.

As to the other problem, no one can tell you what to do, we don't have enough information.
You have to ask yourself if you love her enough to come to terms with this, and you have to ask yourself what you would do if she does this again.
And above all I believe you should try to communicate.
That is of paramount importance in any good relationship.

 

[loco13]

yes...

i hear all of you..you know, theres a few underlying lil facts that keep messing with my head here...like, i feel like i don't know her now..she is the type , the complete opposite of this kind of thing. AND she wouldn't be with me sexually for months after we first dated,and then WITH protection..but this guy comes along? AND, her friend who was with her and got the guys numbers,always told her i was a cheater..she always disliked me..most likely cause i turned her down before i got with my girl. i think she had something to do with pushing her into cheating on me. ALSO i once kissed a girl..well made out/groped..but nothing happend and her freind was there to tell my girl what happend..and my girlfreind told EVERYONE! But i'm supposed to keep my mouth shut about THIS! you guys here all the only ones i can tell. i know i messed up 2.but she went out on me first/and worse! i know i need to get over all of this. but it all eats me up.

as far as adding someone to our sex life..i dunno..i do get turned on when i think of her cheating on me,but if i think 2 hard,like of her face or,her being the mother of my child and her name..it starts to hurt. so i dunnoo..i have talked to her. she told me something,i'll save for next reply. ^2 many word as it is

 

[Eilan]

Sorry to hear about this, loco13. I've been cheated on, and it hurts like hell. You have every right to be upset, even though this happened some time ago. It's all new for you because you just found out (for sure) about it. It'll definitely make you wonder how well you really knew your partner.

I also have to question your GF's "friend's" motives in all this. It sounds like she's stirring up shit.

Have th two of you talked about adding another player into your sex life?

That's something that only people in the most stable relationships can get away with, and even then there aren't any guarantees that things will go exactly as planned. Right now, this couple is nowhere near ready for that, even if the thought of what his GF did occasionally turns him on.

You don't own her and she is with you now

It's not about ownership. It's not necessarily about the sex. It's about being lied to and not truly knowing someone you thought you could trust.

 

[UKJake]

One of my ex girlfriends did thevsame old trick by joking that she cheated on me and then denied it, only for me to find out when we split that she did kiss a guy about a day after we officially got together.

I think the being turned on bit is because you are attracted to her. Think about it, if you fancy her and she was say in a porn movie (and you didn't know her), you'd be turned on because of the sexy things that she was doing on screen.

Now you are thinking about a girl who you are very attracted to having sex in what is pretty much a porn movie in your head.

It does seem like her friend may have had something against you. She's a loser. At the end of the day, your girlfriend is with you and no other guy gets to do everything with her like you do.

 

[LadyJeanne]

i have recently been told by my girlfreind that about a year and a half ago,she cheated on me. there is a whole lot of lil details(like the fact they didn't use protection) and only knew the guy for a few hours...so on and so on. it really hurts,especially when i remember how,a year and a half ago i recieved a phone call from some guy,calling for her, and i guess thats the guy i talked to.she was cheating on me while i was back taking care of our son. we were and are still both young (20 and 21). she actually told me then! but then immediatly told me she was lying(just to see what i would do i.e admit something of my own). truth is,i never cheated on her! anyways...it really does hurt,and depress me..makes me break down all the sudden if something reminds me of it..worst PAIN in a long time!...
.BUT...every once in a while..when i think of it..it starts to turn me on. Is something wrong with me? belive me i've wanted to chop it off when i would get aroused by these thoughts. how do i deal with this?? thank you!

If this board is any indication, there are lots and lots of guys who get turned on imaginging their SOs with another guy. Some of them actually want to watch it happen, and they come here asking how to get their wives/girlfriends to fuck somebody else. So, you're not unusal in that sense.

But I'd say that's the least of your concerns right now. You also feel betrayed, hurt, and pissed off because of the cheating, and you have every right to be. She had unprotected sex with a guy she just met, and she did it behind your back a year and a half ago, and now she told you, why? Did she need to clear her conscience? Does she want to have sex with more guys?

The first thing you should do is go and get tested for STD's. There are lots of them that don't show any symptoms, so it's possible she could have passed something on to you. Then you need to figure out what you want out of this relaitonship and whether both of you are willing to do the work that it takes to rebuild trust. Personally, at your age, I probably would walk away if I were you, but you have a child with her, so I'm not suggesting that's the best option for you. I am, however, suggesting you discuss this with her and see if both of you want the same things out of this relationship.

Good luck.

 

[Pleasure911]

I actually get turned on by that idea myself. My girl fucking somebody else, cheating on me behind my back, telling me someone else turned her on so much, that she HAD to do it, etc.

A lot of my girls have ASKED me why that turns me on, and it's hard to say. Because on the ONE hand, I know I'm very well-endowed, many would say goodlooking, and I'm pretty good in bed. But the IDEA of someone being BETTER than me, and me playing "second" to him in her eyes, EVEN though I'M HER BOYFRIEND, turns me on. But the REALITY of it HURTS me.

And like U said, she did it unprotected. That could ALSO be a turn on in ITSELF because, she basically had no regard for herself OR you because THATS how bad she needed to fuck him, and ONLY after a few hours. It's not SMART, but it IS a TURN-on.

 

[Eilan]

A lot of my girls have ASKED me why that turns me on, and it's hard to say.

I think the reasons will vary depending on the individual.

My husband's ex-wife cheated on him several times throughout their marriage. There was one incident, which he doesn't really consider cheating, in which he caught his ex fucking her best friend's husband. Both of them were pretty drunk, because normally, she hates the guy. Though he did physically separate them, my husband was more turned on than upset by the whole episode.

However, what bothered him about the other incidents was the level of emotional involvement between his ex and the men she was seeing. He could deal with the fact that she'd had sex with other men, but he had a hard time dealing with the fact that she fell in love with them.

And like U said, she did it unprotected. That could ALSO be a turn on in ITSELF because, she basically had no regard for herself OR you because THATS how bad she needed to fuck him, and ONLY after a few hours. It's not SMART, but it IS a TURN-on.

I'm not sure I agree. Not only did she not respect herself by engaging in unprotected sex, but she also disrespected her BF by potentially exposing him to STDs. That's not remotely erotic, in my opinion.

 

[Leviluv]

To feel hurt and turned on at the same time, this must be very confusing for you. I wouldn't want to be in you position. And speaking of STD's, I hope you were tested. She was wrong, but we all have to live and learn from our experiences.

 

[Halo_n_horns]

i have recently been told by my girlfreind that about a year and a half ago,she cheated on me. there is a whole lot of lil details(like the fact they didn't use protection) and only knew the guy for a few hours...so on and so on. it really hurts,especially when i remember how,a year and a half ago i recieved a phone call from some guy,calling for her, and i guess thats the guy i talked to.she was cheating on me while i was back taking care of our son. we were and are still both young (20 and 21). she actually told me then! but then immediatly told me she was lying(just to see what i would do i.e admit something of my own). truth is,i never cheated on her! anyways...it really does hurt,and depress me..makes me break down all the sudden if something reminds me of it..worst PAIN in a long time!...
.BUT...every once in a while..when i think of it..it starts to turn me on. Is something wrong with me? belive me i've wanted to chop it off when i would get aroused by these thoughts. how do i deal with this?? thank you!

If it turns you on then find a woman who is capable of being totally truthful with you and would like to explore further the things that turn you on. As for the woman who cheated on you, kept it a secret, then played head games with you over it because she obviously thinks that you're so pussy-whipped that you'll just lie there and take it; DUMP THAT BITCH!!!

Just deal with the child-support and whatever vagina-mony she successfully shreds from your wallet for the rest of your life, and move on. People like her aren't worth sticking with.

 

[Noor]

Okay you guys are both young and you have a child.

Since you have a child together there is a good possibility that you guys didn't use protection either

If you were her first, I can sort of understand her wanting to see what someone else is like, esp if she is feeling tied down with a child and all. It doesn't make it right but it does make it understandable. I have heard guys tell me about doing this time of thing, where since they are parents or tied down they wonder if they are still attractve to other men, so I imagine woman do it too. Most of my friends didn't get attached and become parents until they were in at least their mid 20's so they had more time to explore.

If figure if she's sorry, you guys have been tested and you have an agreement for the future then let it go.

 

[Pleasure911]

I think the reasons will vary depending on the individual.

However, what bothered him about the other incidents was the level of emotional involvement between his ex and the men she was seeing. He could deal with the fact that she'd had sex with other men, but he had a hard time dealing with the fact that she fell in love with them.

I agree with that. The hard part would be her having an emotional attachment to the guy, OR him having some sort of hold or "pull" over her.

I'm not sure I agree. Not only did she not respect herself by engaging in unprotected sex, but she also disrespected her BF by potentially exposing him to STDs. That's not remotely erotic, in my opinion.

I'm not SAYING it's GOOD that she did it. I SAID it wasn't SMART. The turn-on factor comes in because this ONE GUY, who she DIDNT even KNOW, had her THAT SPRUNG that she not only CHEATED on her man, but had no regard for whether it was RAW or not. NO its not RIGHT (in fact in REAL life I would be HEATED) but it's a turn on in FANTASY.

 

[Young Knave]

If it turns you on then find a woman who is capable of being totally truthful with you and would like to explore further the things that turn you on. As for the woman who cheated on you, kept it a secret, then played head games with you over it because she obviously thinks that you're so pussy-whipped that you'll just lie there and take it; DUMP THAT BITCH!!!

I have to agree. Its not just that she cheated on you, but she sounds like she's the type of chick who really is into head games. Personally, I wouldn't deal with that. Since you have a kid together, that does complicate things though. Its a tough situation, I imagine. Hope it works out, whatever you do.

 

[loco13]

sorry i ahev been a way for a few days. THANKS to evry single person who replied here, you all make sense in different ways. yea we have a child,and ofcourse it was unprotected..but she knew me for two months before she would have sex with me(we were both drunk and still we didnt have sex,also drunk when we finally did,but she insisted on me wearing a condom) i dunno...she also said she did this with him cause he was nobody to her..and i WAS..we were in the same class and she would have to face me(and my freinds) if she were to just give it up to me. This guy i guess was in town visiting family and she knew she would never see him again. Also guys...what i didnt tell you is..about a year ago she was tested..and we both tested positive for hpv warts. one aspect that hurst to is..she accused ME of giving the hpv to HER! that is a mind game i know. she has crie3d and feels bad i know...The other thing is...she has said she wants me to cheat on her. although, this was a few days after first telling me...and she has not said it since.

I have never had sex with anyone else since we have been together..she has had more sex partners than me,and shes almost 2 years younger. many things have seemed so UNEQUAL? in our relashionship, i dont know if I can CHEAT..or IF i can go on with US without cheating and making things EVEN. im really confused. its just not fair.....

(
edit: although she is 16 months younger than I,we both attended community school with mixed grades,just didnt want to confuse anyone)

 

[LadyJeanne]

sorry i ahev been a way for a few days. THANKS to evry single person who replied here, you all make sense in different ways. yea we have a child,and ofcourse it was unprotected..but she knew me for two months before she would have sex with me(we were both drunk and still we didnt have sex,also drunk when we finally did,but she insisted on me wearing a condom) i dunno...she also said she did this with him cause he was nobody to her..and i WAS..we were in the same class and she would have to face me(and my freinds) if she were to just give it up to me. This guy i guess was in town visiting family and she knew she would never see him again. Also guys...what i didnt tell you is..about a year ago she was tested..and we both tested positive for hpv warts. one aspect that hurst to is..she accused ME of giving the hpv to HER! that is a mind game i know. she has crie3d and feels bad i know...The other thing is...she has said she wants me to cheat on her. although, this was a few days after first telling me...and she has not said it since.

I have never had sex with anyone else since we have been together..she has had more sex partners than me,and shes almost 2 years younger. many things have seemed so UNEQUAL? in our relashionship, i dont know if I can CHEAT..or IF i can go on with US without cheating and making things EVEN. im really confused. its just not fair.....

(
edit: although she is 16 months younger than I,we both attended community school with mixed grades,just didnt want to confuse anyone)

Please get out of this relationship.

 

[Mary Hall]

Congratulations on creating a fucked up adult, way to raise your daughter.

 

[loco13]

daughter???? this is my girlfreind buddy. ????

 

[SweetErika]

sorry i ahev been a way for a few days. THANKS to evry single person who replied here, you all make sense in different ways. yea we have a child,and ofcourse it was unprotected..but she knew me for two months before she would have sex with me(we were both drunk and still we didnt have sex,also drunk when we finally did,but she insisted on me wearing a condom) i dunno...she also said she did this with him cause he was nobody to her..and i WAS..we were in the same class and she would have to face me(and my freinds) if she were to just give it up to me. This guy i guess was in town visiting family and she knew she would never see him again. Also guys...what i didnt tell you is..about a year ago she was tested..and we both tested positive for hpv warts. one aspect that hurst to is..she accused ME of giving the hpv to HER! that is a mind game i know. she has crie3d and feels bad i know...The other thing is...she has said she wants me to cheat on her. although, this was a few days after first telling me...and she has not said it since.

I have never had sex with anyone else since we have been together..she has had more sex partners than me,and shes almost 2 years younger. many things have seemed so UNEQUAL? in our relashionship, i dont know if I can CHEAT..or IF i can go on with US without cheating and making things EVEN. im really confused. its just not fair.....

(
edit: although she is 16 months younger than I,we both attended community school with mixed grades,just didnt want to confuse anyone)

So, the facts are:
-She cheated on you
-She had unprotected sex, exposing herself to pregnancy, and both of you to STIs
-She likely gave you HPV
-She hid it for a year and a half
-You two were irresponsible and got pregnant
-You don't have a good relationship (which includes honesty, trust, and communication)
-She wants you to cheat so she can feel better about hurting you
-You want to cheat to hurt her back, though it probably won't make you feel better
-You're imposing this dysfunction on your innocent child (it's important for kids to grow up seeing a healthy, loving, trusting relationship model)

Cheating on her to "get even" isn't going to make anything better, buddy. You're not going to feel better, it'll just give her something else to use against you, and it's not consistent with good character. If you're actually considering it, and won't go to counseling to try to turn the relationship around, you're far better off just leaving her. Your kid deserves better than to grow up seeing his/her parents hurt each other. S/he deserves stability and good role models.

End the relationship, keep a good working relationship and friendship for the sake of your kid, use condoms AND another form of BC at all times (to protect yourself from STIs and pregnancy...god knows the last thing you need is another disease or kid), and move on with your life.

 

[Mary Hall]

-You're imposing this dysfunction on your innocent child

I feel sorry for that kid having fucked up parents

 

[Eilan]

So, the facts are:
-She cheated on you
-She had unprotected sex, exposing herself to pregnancy, and both of you to STIs
-She likely gave you HPV
-She hid it for a year and a half
-You two were irresponsible and got pregnant
-You don't have a good relationship (which includes honesty, trust, and communication)
-She wants you to cheat so she can feel better about hurting you
-You want to cheat to hurt her back, though it probably won't make you feel better
-You're imposing this dysfunction on your innocent child (it's important for kids to grow up seeing a healthy, loving, trusting relationship model)

Cheating on her to "get even" isn't going to make anything better, buddy. You're not going to feel better, it'll just give her something else to use against you, and it's not consistent with good character. If you're actually considering it, and won't go to counseling to try to turn the relationship around, you're far better off just leaving her. Your kid deserves better than to grow up seeing his/her parents hurt each other. S/he deserves stability and good role models.

End the relationship, keep a good working relationship and friendship for the sake of your kid, use condoms AND another form of BC at all times (to protect yourself from STIs and pregnancy...god knows the last thing you need is another disease or kid), and move on with your life.

Um, Erika? Is that you?

I'm not SAYING it's GOOD that she did it. I SAID it wasn't SMART. The turn-on factor comes in because this ONE GUY, who she DIDNT even KNOW, had her THAT SPRUNG that she not only CHEATED on her man, but had no regard for whether it was RAW or not. NO its not RIGHT (in fact in REAL life I would be HEATED) but it's a turn on in FANTASY.

You don't have to yell, nor do you have to use all caps to make me understand. I can read what you posted just fine.

I was disagreeing with you, not attacking you. There's no need to get defensive.

 

[SweetErika]

Um, Erika? Is that you?

Maybe the GB's having an effect on me. Or, your snarkiness turned out to be contagious after all. At any rate, sometimes the unadulterated truth can be helpful.

 

[LadyJeanne]

Maybe the GB's having an effect on me. Or, your snarkiness turned out to be contagious after all. At any rate, sometimes the unadulterated truth can be helpful.

You're just as smart when you're fiesty as when you're sweet.