Change Your Life

[Etoile]

Have any of you made dramatic life changes that altered your path through the world? I'm talking voluntary here - where you just decided "this is what I'm going to do with my life, come what may."

If you haven't, what one thing would you most like to change about your life?

 

[FurryFury]

Have any of you made dramatic life changes that altered your path through the world? I'm talking voluntary here - where you just decided "this is what I'm going to do with my life, come what may."

If you haven't, what one thing would you most like to change about your life?

Yes, in fifth grade I decided I was done with our religion but would not start eating meat. I was able to study and learn so much more about the world because of that, then make decisions based on what I thought was right.

In sixth grade I insisted on having my surname pronouce the correct way resulting in being pick on less at a new school for the part of the year I went there. I also did not reveal the things that made me "odd."

In ninth grade I stood up to my Dad and refusing to continue doing certain illegal things for him or let him do them around me ever again removing a nice amount of fear from my life when I prevailed.

In tenth grade I decided I was done with being painfully shy and miserably lonely starting a long difficult baby step by baby step process that has made a huge difference in my life.

In eleventh grade I insisted my Dad set up his own business which resulted in the healthiest and happiest ten years of his life and allowed us to become friends instead of enemies.

Sixteen years ago I started divorce proceedings after being with my ex for 10 years, letting him get me preganant because he wanted it and then refusing to have an abortion after which he walked out.

At the same time I accepted a man into my life that totally showed me a different way to love, a healthier way that to me was a revelation.

Fifteen years ago I put emotional distance and barriers between my mom and myself so I wouldn't become so depressed I too tried to kill myself, in order to be a mom and wife.

Seven years ago I began to work flextime while the kids were in school making me feel much happier about me.

Five years ago I started my own business at a time when most said I was nuts and would never have enough business. This resulted in my spending less time away from home, making more money and being pretty freakin' happy about what I was doing.

Four years ago I decided the best thing for my kids at that time was to home school as they begged me to do against all other advice.

What would I do differently? A lot of things.

I wouldn't date or marry my first husband.

I would have accepted my nasty side consciously sooner.

I might have been more focused on education and training if I knew then what I do now.

I might have tried harder to develop and promote my talents.

I wouldn't try teach my girl how to drive. That really fucked me up recently.

*grr*

Fury

 

[myinnerslut]

this may sound obvious since im on a BDSM forum, but ive accepted the fact that this is the type of relationship i want to be in, not just now, but in the future. when i think about who i am, i include submissive in my list of descriptions. its become part of my self identity. despite the fact that i am (only, in some peoples opinions) in my late teens, i have figured out that this is what i want and who i am, accepted it, and embraced it.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

*grins*
Like inner, when I was introduced to this lifestyle and had that epiphany that this was who and what I am, my life changed. That was in 1997, and there's no going back. Thank my Higher Power.

Like Fury, there were moments in my life where I made life-course changing decisions. Along the way I made mistakes with some of them, more right than wrong thankfully. I am me, where I am and who I am now because of them, and I'm pretty content with my life as it is now.

So it's all good.

 

[Netzach]

I think for me the moment when I read "It's not how good you are, it's how good you want to be" by Paul Arden, ex Saatchi and Saatchi and realized that I will sooner go hungry than work 40 a week for anyone other than ME ever again was really definitive. I won't be so hokey as to say the book changed my life, but the book was the perfect visual and literary soundtrack to change my life to.

 

[satindesire]

When I told my ex that I was leaving, and that he'd never lay a hand on me again.

The end.

 

[Jourden37]

I think I'm kinda in one of those moments right now, leaving everything that everyone has ever wanted me to do and starting on my way to make something of myself on my own, to start making my life something meaningfull, as well as something that is successful.

 

[submissiveknight]

There is quite a few! One that really changed me though, was when I was wondering Europe about 8 months before the fall of the Berlin Wall. It's was strange, I looked over that wall at East Berlin it was dark, gray, and gloomy. Looking back over my shoulder, it was bright and vibrant with life. Like looking at night and day. First time in my life I actually realized how good I really had it.

 

[ammre]

Uh well there's been a buch of stuff that has impacted and changed my life. I do a lot of things that can be considered extreme and they are all moving to me but i guess for this quesion, to pick one thing, that's easy. Probably when i tried to kill myself. Then i scared myself and so just as i started to succeed, i stopped and well, that has a habit of changing your personal paradigm.

 

[Mamid]

16 years ago, I took back my name. I was forced to use my mother's maiden name - not my legal name or the name on my birth certificate - for everything. That was the start of the battle for self sovereignty.

16 years ago, I met my father for the first time and found out that my life had been a lie.

16 years ago, I gave up the religion I had been raised in.

10 years ago, I decided to stand up to my mother. This took two years and was emotionally destroying to my life because she had CPS wrapped around her little finger and believing her story, not mine. It took me, my other daughter, and the foster mother to just possibly show the social worker there was something wrong with my mother. It also took her doing a suicide attempt - which she denies - for them to get a fucking clue! Some social workers still believe her side.

8 years ago, I "lost" said child to the system. But in doing so, won.

Just under 8 years ago, she spent the 5 minutes I last saw her screaming at the top of her lungs at me about how she hated me and was going to destroy me, especially if I had any more kids. Thankfully, social workers were there to watch her go ballistic.

7 years ago was the last time I talked to my mother's mother and had to hang up the phone with her. I found out that she believed my mother's version of events and wasn't interested in my side. She demanded to know when I was going to pay my mother the money I owe her. My last words to her on that phone was that I loved her but that I'd never be able to talk to her again.

7 years ago, I met Penalt. It was another 6 months before he noticed me. Two months after that, we were spending a lot of time together.

7 years ago, I decided to be lenient with her because she didn't show up at a small claims court action I had against her. I could have been vindictive and had her arrested for failure to appear. Instead, I won.

7 ish years ago, a woman I know and I decided that since our natural mother/daughter relationship was so crappy, we were going to make ourselves mother/daughter. She has been the best source of inspiration and mentorship I could have ever given myself.

6 years ago, I went with Penalt to meet his mother. 4 months later, I was at his side when we buried her. 4 months after her death, I was given all her crafting supplies because I was the only one they knew that crafted.

6 years ago, I went with Penalt to meet his father and the rest of his family. Now, I'm a part of them.

5 years ago, I sat at my computer and fielded names of friends' friends to a resource that could tell them if their names were on the missing or presumed dead list. I was thankful I never had to pass on any bad news.

5 years ago, I took up knitting. My mother's mother would have been proud since she had tried teaching me all those years ago when I was a child.

5 years ago, Penalt decided to pay for a drug that would/could induce ovulation. It was my choice to take.

4 years ago, DS came into our life, and once again, I was a mother.

2 years ago, DD came into our life.

A year ago, we decided to move from one place to another just on the off chance there was a job available for Penalt. There was.

Two months ago, I called the hospital when I found out my mother's mother was dying. We found out later just how much hate my mother had spewed to her siblings as well and how disinterested they were in hearing about my side of the story. M's M died and I was actually happy when I didn't attend the funeral for then I wouldn't have to deal with the "pit of vipers" that were there. I did, however, send a message via the online guestbook telling them off in the most diplomatic way I could for denying me the right to send even flowers. Then again, I did save money.

On that same day she died, I emailed my other child's foster, now adoptive, mother and warned her that the shit could hit the fan. Instead, I got pictures of her back and found out that every decision that I made to keep her safe from my dysfunction mother was the right decision. She's not just living, she's thriving!

7 weeks ago, D2 came into our life.

Now, we're looking to move again if Penalt can find a better job elsewhere.

Each life change above, I've had others, especially the ones that dealt with my mother have been painful but worth it in the end. I might have lost my maternal family, but gained something even more valuable. A family of my own.

 

[SweetErika]

Great question, Etoile.

In 1998, I decided to get to know a new friend in a romantic way, even though I didn't feel all of those butterflies or that lust I'd had with everyone else. For quite some time I fought thoughts that our relationship wasn't right because I didn't have those feelings, and against the desire to get out and go back to my pattern of dating womanizers and hurting.

The new guy was kind, gentle, chivalrous and just damn good to me, even when I didn't deserve it. Forcing myself to stay in a new, uncomfortable place was one of the hardest and best decisions I've ever made because it's led to years--and a lifetime to come--of pure friendship and love; for/from him, others and myself. I've been good to myself when it comes to relationships since I've seen I'm worthy of love and happiness and don't have to hurt myself by settling for any less.

The next one is probably going to sound corny, but I don't care. Deciding to participate in this community a couple of years ago changed my life. It improved my marriage, sex life, self-esteem, social skills, helped me heal and embrace who I truly was, including my bisexuality, polyamorosity (I'm on a roll with the made up words today, folks ), and Switch-y self. Of course each of these changes were made up of big and small decisions as well, but the bottom line is that I'm happier and healthier for deciding to step outside of my comfort zone, into this incredible group, and consciously choosing to use it as a tool for growth.

Who'da thunk it from "just a porn board "?

 

[catalina_francisco]

I have made major life changing decisions a few times in my life, though the current one which meant turning my life com,pletely upside down in all ways has possibly been the biggest. My life now and my life then are like chalk and cheese with very few commonalities tying them together.

Catalina

 

[His_pita]

Have any of you made dramatic life changes that altered your path through the world? I'm talking voluntary here - where you just decided "this is what I'm going to do with my life, come what may."

If you haven't, what one thing would you most like to change about your life?

Almost a year ago I told my husband of 18 years that I wanted a divorce. The marriage had been slowly killing my soul for years and I found a way out and I grabbed it. I got divorced and my Dom that I met online *yeah yeah* came and brought me to the home he prepared for us.

I am now enrolled in a local technical college and doing very well. I just went to my first big time conference where I did very well.

I am for at 40, in love, going to school, and have a real chance at a happy future.

I'm still amazed that I did it. That I'm free and happy living as a submissive.

 

[nymphee]

The day I learned that my intellect was nothing to be ashamed of, and that being intellient was not something to hide. That knowledge changed my life, more than anyone telling me I was pretty or clever or witty. It was working it out for myself that changed my life the most.

Saying that, it's still nice to have it reaffirmed.

 

[submissiveknight]

Ten years ago I decided to visit an old aquaitance of five years prior. I knocked on the door and an essence of rememberd beauty was standing before my eyes! A wonderful family was started on a mere chance of wondering if She was still around. She was the one who changed Her entire life for us to be together.

 

[Cheshire D]

This summer, I decided that working in corporate in any form would destroy my soul, just as I saw it destroy the managers' souls. I decided that despite the fact I would sure as hell be struggling, I would work for a nonprofit organization in order to better the world I live in. I'm now in university and will begin building my resume likely this upcoming summer.

*counts* It's been one month plus 2 days since I was given a figurative boot to the backside into the BDSM community. It's been a little under a month since my first munch, where I enjoyed every minute of it. I felt like I was at home and loved being totally accepted, despite the fact I was new and the youngest there.

My roommate says that college is where you find out who you are, instead of who you aren't like in high school. I agree wholeheartedly.

 

[boese_ami]

The day I learned that my intellect was nothing to be ashamed of, and that being intellient was not something to hide. That knowledge changed my life, more than anyone telling me I was pretty or clever or witty. It was working it out for myself that changed my life the most.

Saying that, it's still nice to have it reaffirmed.

ach mensch, nymphee...intelligence is, in and of itself, a thing of beauty. the most sexual of all organs is the mind. and a strong intelligent one is an amazingly sensuous and delightful treat.

keep on being brilliant!!

 

[BeachGurl2]

Great question, Etoile.

I'm a risk taker by nature. There have been many, many times in my life where I made a monumental decision. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't. I could list them all, but I won't bore you with the sappy details. I tend to be very spontaneous with my monumental decisions. I might think about something in the back of my mind for a bit, but once I make the decision to do something, I don't waste time on it. I just do it. Usually, it works out well for me. But no always.

I'm still trying to make my most recent decision work. Since I left my marriage 3 1/2 years ago, not too much has worked out for me. I've lost 2 jobs and been forced into court by my ex. The last hearing is still not done, as the judge only gave temporary orders. We have to go back in the spring. But I know in my heart I'm on the right path. I just have to make sure that I take the right fork when it comes.

 

[neonflux]

Love this question Etoile. Among my biggest:

1. AGE 16: Coming out as bi, in Texas, in 1972
2. AGE 18: Leaving Texas for college in No. California
3. AGE 20: Going to Japan to study Noh Theatre for a year
4. AGE 22: Going into children's theatre as a profession
5. AGE 27: Moving to San Francisco and switching occupations
6. AGES 26, 36 and 49: trusting someone enough to truly fall in love
7. AGE 42: Coming out as bi again in the women's community
8. AGE 45: Leaving the health department to strike out on my own as a grantwriter, web/graphic designer
9. AGE 48: Leaving my ex-GF for good and starting to date again
10. AGE 49: Beginning to write again with the goal of making at least a significant portion of my living with it by age 55
11: AGE 49.5: Following my being by formally exploring BDSM

Looking back, except for handling my finances better (I am terrible with money), there is nothing I would change, including those things that are most painful because I wouldn't be who I am now - also they continue to provide me with lots of writing material

While this hasn't always been the case, I love my life now.
I value the people in it.
I know that I have been very, very blessed.
Neon