Challenge: How Can I Punish Her Over The Phone??

[InvisibleMind]

Hi everyone, really looking for some generous advice from your community (seeing as this is my first post)..would really appreciate it since I'm pretty new to this stuff

So, my girlfriend (fairly recent) and I are currently long distance at the moment and like to have phone sex along with keep our thoughts flowing.. anyway we tend to get into a lot of the, 'yes daddy, good girl' kind of stuff.. recently she's been misbehaving (seeking a punishment)..tbh I'm finding it sort of hard to punish over the phone.. and she doesn't have any toys, so I need to be creative with household stuff!

I was thinking today maybe don't let her masturbate until I say she can, but make her touch herself and stay aroused at the same time.

pick out what she wears today (no panties for wanting to be a bad little slut).

then maybe make her go buy some of those clothes clamps for part of her punishment later (to place on her tits). I was thinking maybe I could have her tie her ankles (with a long sleeve shirt) and spank her self with a hanger (since it's long enough)..while I control her punishing herself.

I guess my main goal is to get her to beg for me to let her cum.. so any ideas/creative things would be really great!! Thanks everyone!

 

[john415]

Tell her in excuriating detail all about your work dreams

 

[InvisibleMind]

Work dreams? Like explain a detailed fantasy I imagine her in, right? I think that's a good idea!

 

[CutieMouse]

You do realize that my "punishing" [rewarding her with what she wants], you're just encouraging her to continue acting out and misbehaving, right?

 

[MeekMe]

Sounds like someone needs to write an essay about why they're behaving badly and what they should do to correct it.

 

[InvisibleMind]

You do realize that my "punishing" [rewarding her with what she wants], you're just encouraging her to continue acting out and misbehaving, right?

Err isn't that the point? I sort of thought that was the dynamic so I get more opportunities to punish her..or is it the other way around?..

Also I like the writing out what she did wrong idea, it actually would work great for us since she actually writes me letters/notes sometimes..Maybe I could have her write the same sentence repetitively.

 

[CutieMouse]

Err isn't that the point? I sort of thought that was the dynamic so I get more opportunities to punish her..or is it the other way around?..

Also I like the writing out what she did wrong idea, it actually would work great for us since she actually writes me letters/notes sometimes..Maybe I could have her write the same sentence repetitively.

Um, no. For quite a few people that isn't the point. Some of us [raises hand] do everything possible to avoid punishment like the plague, and simply ask for what we want/ need. The whole point of submitting, is to submit; not control the situation by forcing a partner to give you what you want.

I'm sure Stella will be along with her Top/ bottom essay at some point.

You're looking for kinky excuses to do kinky things. Which is fine, as long as it works for you and you're both on the same page. What do YOU want to do? What "punishment" ideas turn YOU on? What reaction do YOU want to create?

 

[InvisibleMind]

Ahhh that makes sense! Plus I'm sure the punishments you have in line are far worse than my petty ideas of punishment (i.e. not letting her orgasm until I say so). However, I think since I do like controlling the situation and she doesn't really have an idea of what she wants/likes (she says everything :/ ). I can tell she enjoys 'pushing' me into punishing/controlling her.

I definitely think getting her to beg/crave me is a big turn on for me, so evoking that is a great thing! I can see it happening, I just need help finding ways to tease her and really drive her wild for me...I actually just got off the phone with her and had her put on what I wanted today and masturbate a bit and not finish.. I did enjoy that.

 

[Collar_N_Cuffs]

If you want to truly punish her you could always have her edge herself for a set amount of time - 2 hours, 2 days, whatever time frame is good for you both. Build the expectation that you will let her orgasm at the end of this time period but without actually saying she will be able to orgasm. This is not to hard if you just think it through.

At the end of the time period she will be expecting a sweet payoff, and that is when you remind her that she is yours and that she misbehaved, then let her know when she will really be allowed to orgasm, preferably not until the next day, or some suitable time in which she can reflect upon the error of her ways. You can even reverse this effect by telling her she won't be allowed to orgasm for two more days, and then "give in" the very next day and allow it.

This type of punishment works really well for me, reminds me who is in charge, and - as CM commented - makes me want to behave and avoid punishment like the plague... I do love it, but I respect it all the same.

 

[InvisibleMind]

If you want to truly punish her you could always have her edge herself for a set amount of time - 2 hours, 2 days, whatever time frame is good for you both. Build the expectation that you will let her orgasm at the end of this time period but without actually saying she will be able to orgasm. This is not to hard if you just think it through.

At the end of the time period she will be expecting a sweet payoff, and that is when you remind her that she is yours and that she misbehaved, then let her know when she will really be allowed to orgasm, preferably not until the next day, or some suitable time in which she can reflect upon the error of her ways. You can even reverse this effect by telling her she won't be allowed to orgasm for two more days, and then "give in" the very next day and allow it.

This type of punishment works really well for me, reminds me who is in charge, and - as CM commented - makes me want to behave and avoid punishment like the plague... I do love it, but I respect it all the same.

Mmmm yes!! I like this a lot, it definitely sounds along the lines of what I'd wanna do to her. Okay so I get the part of getting her to that point, but how can I really make it seem like she's going to get the reward with still making it a punishment? Like how can I ensure her it'll happen and make her beg me for it instead of expect it? Should I just ask her to beg, or do you think waiting it out will inevitably cause her to do that any way? I'm thinking I'll tell her later tonight, then make her wait longer like you said, then maybe cave if she behaves the next day.

 

[Collar_N_Cuffs]

Mmmm yes!! I like this a lot, it definitely sounds along the lines of what I'd wanna do to her. Okay so I get the part of getting her to that point, but how can I really make it seem like she's going to get the reward with still making it a punishment? Like how can I ensure her it'll happen and make her beg me for it instead of expect it? Should I just ask her to beg, or do you think waiting it out will inevitably cause her to do that any way? I'm thinking I'll tell her later tonight, then make her wait longer like you said, then maybe cave if she behaves the next day.

Just lay down a law that she has to ask your permission before she can orgasm? Or, make plans to end her edging session together on the phone, and when she expects you to allow her to orgasm, you just say no? I'm sure you will figure it out, and welcome to the beautiful world of mind fuck..

 

[InvisibleMind]

It's such a tantalizing world! I just texted her that she needs to start asking me for permission any time she's tempted to touch herself. Love the idea! Thanks for the suggestions so for everyone

 

[Sweetdaisymae]

I had an online sub a while.
I made him edge every time he went to the men's room for a week, then put on a pair of frilly panties and only then allow him his pleasure.

That wasn't punishment!

 

[LWulf]

It's been years since I did any playing via the internet or over phone, so I may be a "little" rusty.

If it is via the internet, and if they have a scanner, then I used to tell them to do lines.

If it's via phone, I'd get creative and tell her to swallow a teaspoon of Tabasco, or toothpaste, but the trouble with toothpaste is, it can't be any with peroxide!!
**you have to be VERY careful about knowing any sensitivities they have though, if you go this route. be like a doctor and ask what adverse sensitivities they have to various stuffs and DO NOT allow them to get creative without telling you exactly what they are using in place of what you tell them to.
With all the junk they put in toothpaste nowadays, either read the label very carefully or don't go that route.

Most women hate the cold, so unless it's snowing outside for them to put a bathing suit and walk outside for a few minutes, you can always do thermal play with ice cubes.

Inherent issues with frost bite and go with going outside, and ice cubes can have sharp edges that can cut soft internal tissue, so great care need be taken that you are "trusting" them to look for what you can't.
Sorry, I guess that's not helping.
**it doesn't have to be below freezing to get frostbite. You just have to have exposed skin and the proper wind chill.


Frankly I find the whole concept of anything via phone or the internet to be distancing more than bridging. I felt more hollow and alone while she gets all the tactile fun. Then again I'm a "hands on" kind of guy and find being a spectator to be grossly boring. We didn't have camera phones when I did phone back then, maybe that's a difference but I doubt it.

 

[Collar_N_Cuffs]

I had an online sub a while.
I made him edge every time he went to the men's room for a week, then put on a pair of frilly panties and only then allow him his pleasure.

That wasn't punishment!

I hope you let him pee before you had him edge

 

[Collar_N_Cuffs]

It's such a tantalizing world! I just texted her that she needs to start asking me for permission any time she's tempted to touch herself. Love the idea! Thanks for the suggestions so for everyone

Make sure she asks VERY respectfully If she doesn't this could easily lead down a path where you have her begging, which it sounds like you enjoy.

 

[Mockingjay]

Hi everyone, really looking for some generous advice from your community (seeing as this is my first post)..would really appreciate it since I'm pretty new to this stuff

So, my girlfriend (fairly recent) and I are currently long distance at the moment and like to have phone sex along with keep our thoughts flowing.. anyway we tend to get into a lot of the, 'yes daddy, good girl' kind of stuff.. recently she's been misbehaving (seeking a punishment)..tbh I'm finding it sort of hard to punish over the phone.. and she doesn't have any toys, so I need to be creative with household stuff!

I was thinking today maybe don't let her masturbate until I say she can, but make her touch herself and stay aroused at the same time.

pick out what she wears today (no panties for wanting to be a bad little slut).

then maybe make her go buy some of those clothes clamps for part of her punishment later (to place on her tits). I was thinking maybe I could have her tie her ankles (with a long sleeve shirt) and spank her self with a hanger (since it's long enough)..while I control her punishing herself.

I guess my main goal is to get her to beg for me to let her cum.. so any ideas/creative things would be really great!! Thanks everyone!

Make her sing a song no matter how rough or soft her voice is... Besides you're sure it's hers and you know she's not going to cheat.

 

[MidnightDesire]

Reverse the phone charges. Make her pay

 

[InvisibleMind]

Reverse the phone charges. Make her pay

haha yeaaahhhh funny story about that.. I accidentally already did that..pretty significant charge too

@HeiressR
Who is the one being punished here? jk I like that idea..I'll make sure to get something with a really high note..star spangled banner?

@Collar_N_Cuffs
That's a good point..so basically get her to behave by asking politely, right?..I've been sort of working on that by having her say full sentences or address me properly.

@LWulf
Hmm the swallowing random things sound a bit risky, but I do like the walking outside idea..wish it was actually cold here and not 100+ degrees haha. I totally get what you mean though about wanting it to be hands on, however this does sort of make me long for her until I have her in person again.

@Sweetdaisymae
That's so cruel!! Yet so brilliant lol...btw is that really you singing in your sig? That was marvelous! Your writing is very nice too..it was quite a turn on.

 

[wicked woman]

I agree with CutieMouse.

These aren't punishments. You're both engaging in activities that you enjoy. I've never understood people who purposely misbehave to get a sexual 'treat' as a punishment. To me, submission is doing everything I can to please him. If he decides he needs to punish me that means I've failed and it's not going to be fun. I'm going to feel terrible and figure out a way not to repeat it.

We don't need the excuse of punishment to play the games you're talking about. If he wishes to have me do any of those things, he just tells me to. I much prefer the honesty of that.

Punishment, to me, isn't a good thing. It's to be avoided at all cost. Play is something else. Don't confuse the two, otherwise you might end up with a sub that purposely misbehaves to manipulate the situation so she can get what she wants. Rather you give her permission to respectfully ask for what she wants, knowing that you will consider it. And if you want to have her do these 'punishments' just tell her to do them without bothering with the trappings of punishment. You don't need it.

 

[Netzach]

I don't do punishment as a relationship dynamic. I can theoretically understand how a grown up can get catharsis and relief et al. for their mistakes from a punishment session and I think that's the problem I have with it - why should I be responsible for letting the other person off the hook and making them feel better about screwing up because they're submissive and I'm not? I started off doing D/s this way and I always found that I felt drained and exhausted and they felt terrific.

Being Queen I suspected something was ass backwards about that. REAL DOMINANTS always rise to the occasion and mete out the punishment even though it's really very unpleasant because the "little one" needs it to grow - well sorry, this road map of "proper D/'s" was never written by people like me for people like me and it's so man-centric I can only laugh now years later.

Maybe I have to surrender my ALPHA card or something, because I don't get off on that. I'm there to be served and serviced and not to babysit how meaningful mistakes get processed. If the mistake isn't meaningful and the punishment is, well whatever's working for you is pretty strange to others on the outside then.

I view anyone I "have to punish" as seriously lacking the focus to serve me properly in the first place. Calling attention to how I'd like the thing to be in the future, giving full information needs to be enough.

They screwed up, they should correct it, live with the consequences, and process their guilt just like I do when I fuck up or wrong someone - on my own.

Hopefully they realize that if I'm having less fun rather than more from interacting with them I will choose not to, so they'll want to keep the deck stacked in their favor. That's not my job to micromanage - I'm hardly secretive about what I expect and want (just a few things, and they're not negotiable and fucking up on them is a huge thing)

So while I'm not turned on by the "ha ha" fun punishment dynamic per se, I certainly have more of an appreciation for it. I don't like the "ur doing it wrong" constantly applied to this kind of interaction from the more serious kink world. It can easily be turned back on you by someone who views "real punishment" as I do.

OP, I try to keep the "funishment" just a notch above what immediately seems "fair" when I've been enlisted in this kind of exchange. It's memorable that way.

 

[midwestyankee]

Drop me your email address and I'll send you recording of me singing the entire libretto of The H.M.S. Pinafore.

 

[Que]

Hang up?

 

[Sir_Winston54]

I have to come down on Netz's side of this discussion. If I want to beat/flog/cane/etc. some ass, I want it to be because I get pleasure from that, and so does my pyl. I want my relationship to be with an adult who recognizes an error and corrects it, not someone who *creates* an error and turns something that should be desirable for both of us into a task for me and a "bad consequence" for her.

 

[gretchenmilliner]

To return to the point. Tell your girl friend that for a day or so she may only use the toilet when stark naked (let her wear shoes if it is public and really yucky you want to be mean not nasty, I hope). She'll certainly think of you every time she goes to the toilet. If you are really kind, or really mean, I'm not sure which, point out that she can always squat somewhere as an alternative.

I don't think it matters what you call what you are doing, call it play, punishment or even substantive-gorbondalising. So long as both of you understand the same term to mean the same thing the primary function of language, unambiguous communication, is fulfilled.