Challenge her?

[Ambrosious]

The other day my wife made a comment that I didn't challenge her to grow as a person. The thing is, I think she is perfect the way she is. She was a dance major in college and I have repeatedly asked her to find a position teaching. She always has excuses. I know that she would love to teach as dance is her passion. I just am lost and confused in how to get her to "change". I really don't want her to change.

Now in the same time frame, she has managed to get me off of drugs (not a habit, just recreational), alcohol (man I used to drink!), and we are now working on starting a family (which means cigaretts are now taboo). I'm working on the smoking thing (down to two or three a day, from two packs a day).

Why is it that women want to change the men they love while men hope that she never changes?

 

[Juliangel]

Because we are perfect to start with and ya'll need work.

 

[CreamyLady]

If dance is her passion, how does that necessarily translate to a love of teaching? How about just loving to dance?

Maybe she wants something more, and is looking for you to help her define it. Instead, you are telling her she is a dance teacher.

I don't think she's really changed you, just helped you live a more healthy lifestyle.

 

[Ambrosious]

Well that sounds plausible, but it isn't the lifestyle thats changed. I used to truly enjoy the afore mentioned activities, but due to my love for her I HAVE changed. If I could go back now, I probably wouldn't. I also would not have started living a healthier life style if not for her.

Also, I should have been more clear. She loved teaching in the past and watching little ones explore the world of dance. She mentions it a lot. Sorry about the confusion.

 

[CreamyLady]

Thank you for clarifying, but again -- she loved teaching dance in the past, and was good at it, and mentions it often.

However, perhaps it was TOO comfortable, and she was TOO good at it, and it missed helping her grow and stretch. Sometimes we think about what we were good at so that we can find what it was, that spark, that will help us be good at something else.

It doesn't mean we want to really do it again.

 

[Cheyenne]

Why is it that women want to change the men they love while men hope that she never changes?

Because men make better choices in the first place? This is an area where I think we women could improve. We make a bad choice thinking we can "change" the guy and then get upset when he likes himself just the way he is. I think men have a better approach- don't marry her if she isn't what you want in the first place. Hmmm... maybe another clue why I'm not married.

 

[Guest]

Ambrosious,

A woman's three favorite words are: It's his fault.

As long as your wife remains focused on blaming you she won't have to take a good look at herself. Which is where the real problem lies.

It is always easier to blame someone else instead of fixing the problem. So don't play the blame game and let her put a guilt trip on you.

Wetdreams

 

[Skibum]

I saw this somewhere and it seems appropriate here:

Women marry a man, hoping to change him.
Men marry a woman, hoping she never changes.
Both are usually disappointed.

I don't know how true that is, but it seemed apropos to this thread.

 

[FlamingoBlue]

Did you ever hear of projection???

In my very,very humble opinion, your wife was not talking about you. She sounds disappointed in her own choices, or lack of them.

Insofar as change is concerned, others are only the incentive or the spark. Change, to be real, must come from within.

If you love her, you will be supportive of whatever she chooses, unless it is destructive in nature.

blue