Caution to Lit Mothers

someplace

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A few have inquired about why I've not seemed my usual chipper self the last few weeks.

Tuesday evening I had the pleasure of being interviewed by Children's Protective Services about the most intimate details of my sexual habits. This was because of charges brought by my 17yr old daughter supposedly on behalf of her 14 yr old sister. The 17yr old went to live with her father several months ago at my request. Her temper, attitude and refusal to repect the rules of my house made life unbearably stressful. The 14 yr old and I had settled into a comfortable and peaceful routine.

Two weeks ago my S/O relayed to the 17yr old my previously discussed instructions: that because the 14yr old was grounded, she'd not be accompanying the older one wherever it was she wanted to take her. I was on my way home from work at the time and missed the ensuing "discussion." The older daughter's "warm & fuzzy temperament", plus her "kind" words to my S/O centered prominently. I later reinforced to her that his instructions were specifically at my request. Obviously this did not sit well with her. She doesn't deal well with not getting her own way.

After stewing over this a few days, my 'sweet' daughter filed bogus misdemeanor charges against my S/O for threatening her and she filed charges against me with CPS for "inappropriate things happening in the house."

I was told by the girls' father that the younger one was not allowed to come home until the investigation was complete. My younger daughter has been gone nearly 2 weeks now. I later found out that was not necessary -- my daughter could have been with me all this time. I suspect my older daughter is working in concert with her father in this latest attempt to ruin me in any way possible. This attempt is a doozie, let me tell you. I am now listed on a registry with the state as one being investigated for child molestation. I'm pretty sure I'll never volunteer for a children's organization or run for public office again as a result. It has been interesting to see how my friends and family have treated me (after receiving phone calls from my older daughter) -- people are so willing to believe the worst about someone. I've found myself guilty until proven innocent.

I am now fairly confident it will all work out in the end, and I hope my daughter will be back home early next week, when the investigation is completed.

I've considered about whether to post about this or not for several days, but I know there are many Moms here and you might be interested in what I was asked, and consider it's application to your own lives.

(Before the smarties start wondering, my answers to all of these questions was "No.")

- Did I frequently parade around the house nude in front of mixed company?
- Did I engage in sexual acts in front of my children?
- Had I discussed ever having a 3-some with my children as participants?
- Did I masterbate with my bedroom door open?
- Did I engage in phone sex?
- Did I leave sex toys around where they could be easily accessible to my children -- such as on the kitchen table?
- Did I have nude photographs of myself where the children could see them?
- If I had any nude photographs of myself, why were they taken?
- Had I ever talked with other women about having sex with them?
- How many sexual partners did I have?
- Had my children ever witnessed sex acts between me and my partners?
- I can't remember the exact question, but there was some discussion about how loud I am while having sex. *shakes head*

It went on and on. I didn't realize it at the time that my S/O had been interviewed for 45 min before I was, and in all cases but one, our answered corrobrated each others'.

The watchword of the week is "Discretion."
 
sorry your going through this dear, in these times familys just dont understand fighting is not family.
 
Darlin,

I can not imagine how tough this has been on you. I am ALWAYS here for you to lean on. I also KNOW what a wonderful Mom you are and that this will all work out soon. You are in my thoughts.



~k~
 
Whoa

*shakes head*

This is so sad.
I'm at a loss for words.
 
when it comes to tha kids its not a laughing matter... now matter how sick you are.
 
I've been busy answering PMs and I appreciate your support. I can tell you I've received more here than from my own family, but that's not really why I posted about this.

I meant to warn you Lit Moms that society (at least in America) truly holds women to a different standard than men.
 
that is true a big different standard but where im from its tha womens side... all my boys have babies... they cant see there fucking kid unless there either forkin out money so tha mom can blow it on her bf's or either tha guy has 2 be in a relationship wit tha girl or he cant see her. an thats fucked up just as well. tha GOV is bull shit people.
 
That is just not right, ub6ibfine. I am not allowed to deny my daughters' father access to them, even though he decided to quit paying me any support. I could be jailed for contempt of court if I kept the younger one from visiting him.
 
ub6ibfine said:
that is true a big different standard but where im from its tha womens side... all my boys have babies... they cant see there fucking kid unless there either forkin out money so tha mom can blow it on her bf's or either tha guy has 2 be in a relationship wit tha girl or he cant see her. an thats fucked up just as well. tha GOV is bull shit people.

holy illiterate, batman

all ma boys have babies - did you teach them about birth control at all or do you know what that is?
 
ok to tha person that posted as unregistered to talk shit. let me edumacate ya my boyz means my homeboys my friends
 
I usally keep my mouth shut about these things but please, take this inane insult fest out of Someplace's thread.
 
yes please do... im sure there is a way for lit to not allow unregisterd posts an i think it should make it so...
 
fuck off kitte and bluespoke. i can comment if i want

oh and Someplace sorry to hear about your problems hope they all work out well for you
 
ub6ibfine said:
yes please do... im sure there is a way for lit to not allow unregisterd posts an i think it should make it so...

why did i hit the nail on the head, ghettobarbie?
 
I am so sorry to hear you are going through something like this. And I know it doesn't help to know you aren't alone.

The laws created to help children in truly horrible situations can turn on us any time we make a neighbor or family member angry. And the fact that children are "instructed" in the classrooms as to what is considered abuse, and then encouraged to report to CPS is also a double-edged sword.

I have a family member who has worked for CPS for close to 30 yrs. I've seen her completely frustrated by having to "investigate" situations she knew without a doubt were only the result of vindictiveness on someone's part. (no she never speaks of details to me or anyone else, just vague venting on her part with no details whatsoever) Yet, legally she has an obligation to investigate or be prosecuted. And she does acknowledge she has co-workers whose skills are less than sympathetic to the parents, even when they suspicion the true reasons behind the reports.

In any event, I wish I knew the answer. I know there are children out there desperately in need of intervention. Yet the state places such a high priority on reuniting these dysfunctional families, I have to wonder why they bother with the initial investigations.

I'm sorry for all this unsolicited information, but your story really struck a nerve with me. I have a close friend whose teenage stepchild plainly told her if she didn't get her way she would call CPS and all hell would break loose. That got her a permenant trip to her mother's who has since asked her daughter be able to return to her father's home. She was part of the problem, but oddly enough she finds she can't handle her daughter... imagine that! The answer was and will be no.

Just do your best to keep your chin up Someplace. If nothing else good comes of this situation, you'll find out who your truest friends are. They'll be the ones standing beside you no matter what is said.

:rose: :rose:
 
I am still new to lit and this world lit, but thank you so much for the information. As a mom you always feel someone is watching you for physical or verbal abuse, but now this puts a nother spin on life and not in a good way :(
 
I've responded to many of you privately and don't intend to clutter this thread with greetings.

*goddess*emi* makes some excellent points. When I once believed myself totally justified and wanted to slap my older daughter for an extended use of inappropriate profanity, she told me she'd file assualt charges against me if I did. I've never seen someone so deserving of a strap taken to her hinney in my life. That was the event that precipated her permanent departure from my house.

I know that teachers are required to make out reports to CPS and face being fired if they don't, no matter the extenuating circumstances. The kids know this. I wouldn't be surprised to find a dramatic increase in "nuisance" charges similar to the one I'm currently involved in.

After the case worker left, my SO and I agreed that neither of us would want his job for all the tea in China.
 
I guess I'm a rebel because when my 17 year old son got in my face and called me a cunt not only did I slap him I pinned him up against the wall and called for his father to throw his ass out of my house before I beat the living shit out of him. Now do bare in mind that I had talked to the police pior asking them my rights, and the police told me that it was my right to punish my children as long as it was not abuse and that at 17 (the gray area) that I could kick them out of my house, the officer that I spoke with told me that he had kicked both of his 17 year old twin daughters out only weeks before( I was sure to get his name btw). After my son lived like a homeless person for well over 3 months he came home with his tale between his legs with a pregnant girl, married her and joined the Army. On a happier note but one that sucks to, after joining the Army he received a letter inviting him to join "West Point", he can't because he is married and has a daughter (is that payback?).

I have a 13 year old daughter to go.....oh the joy!

Teenagers...gotta love em :rolleyes:
 
Oh Marksgirl, thanks for your support on these issues. As you know, both the police and CPS have warned me and my S/O to not let the older daughter in the front door. Period. We're to call the police if she shows up and tell them "We expect trouble."

I'm just so amazed this kind of thing is happening in my life. It's pretty wild. I'm sad to think that my daughter is setting herself up for one helluva fall. It's not going to be pretty.


Oh, and I'm having a pretty hard time "feeling the love" regarding that daughter. I think it may be a long time coming.
 
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